When Loyalty Dies, So Does Love

by Dorothy Brown-Newton

  “What the fuck does she want? Didn’t the bitch get the fucking memo?”

  “Tash, the kids are in the car. We can discuss this later,” I snapped.

  I didn’t mean to snap, but she was being reckless with her mouth in front of the kids—another first for her. I was mad at myself for wearing my feelings on my sleeve when it came to the person who had texted me. It wasn’t Rena who had texted, and I hoped Tasha didn’t say anything to Kane. I didn’t want it to start some bullshit in their home behind my lie.

  “I’m sorry, Tash. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

  “It’s okay. I’m sorry too. I forgot that the kids were in the car with us. We can discuss it later,” she said as she stared out the window.

  I pulled into the drive-through at McDonald’s to get the kids something to eat. Thanks to our sudden departure, they hadn’t had a chance to eat the dinner that Ms. Marcia had cooked. Tasha didn’t like for the kids to eat this processed food, as she called it, but it was late and they needed to eat. I asked her if she wanted something, but she just shook her head no. I ordered myself a Quarter Pounder with cheese and two apple pies, along with the kids’ meals.

  When we got to Tasha’s house, Tasha went to shower, while the kids and I sat at the kitchen table and ate our food. I pulled out my phone to reply to the text message I had got earlier. You would think that when a female knew you had had a weak moment, well, several weak moments, she would understand that the bottom line was that, that was all there was to it. But she would say, “No, I want to be with you” or “I want to continue sexing you.” Once again, a bitch was all caught up in her feelings. Not once had I led her on. She knew, just like everyone else, that I loved Tasha.

  I swear, my intentions were never to fuck this bitch, but the night that my world came crashing down, I went down to the hotel bar and I drowned myself in, like, six or seven straight shots of Hennessy. So when ole girl approached me, whispered in my ear, with her hand on my manhood, I was game. I took her back to my hotel room and fucked the shit out of her, but when I woke up the next morning, with a banging headache, and saw her ass knocked out, nude in my bed, I knew I had fucked up. I didn’t want to blame it on the alcohol, but if a nigga was sober, I would never have gone there. I remembered tapping her on her shoulder to wake her, and she woke up with lust in her eyes, like I was waking her up to go at it again. She was highly disappointed when I apologized, told her that I had never meant to be intimate with her and that my judgment was off. She agreed that we had fucked up, but the disappointment and shock were written all over her face.

  Then, a few months later, she showed up at my club. Lecia and I had been arguing that night, and once again I was intoxicated, so I ended up letting her suck my dick. In my head, that was all I was going to allow her to do, but remembering how good the pussy was, I ended up bending her over my desk and beating up the pussy. I was not going to lie. I had got addicted to the pussy and started fucking her on the regular for about a month, before coming to my senses when she began to get possessive on my ass. Now the bitch was doing the same petty shit Rena used to do, popping off at the mouth, talking about if I didn’t come see her, she was going to holla at Tasha. These bitches always wanted to release the inner beast within me; the dick always had these bitches talking and acting crazy. I wished I could bottle my shit and sell it. I would make a fortune.

  Once all the kids were washed and put to bed, I sent that bitch a text and then powered off my phone. Tasha came down and sat on the couch next to me.

  “Hey, how you feeling?” I asked her.

  “I feel a little better. I just took some Tylenol to try to get rid of this stress headache.”

  “Well, I know you’ve been going through a lot, so I didn’t have the time to tell you what’s been going on with me.”

  “I hope it’s nothing bad. Rellz, I don’t know how much more I can take right now.”

  “It’s not bad. Remember when I told you the story about my brother and what happened to him?”

  Tasha nodded.

  “Well, I told you both my parents were dead, but that wasn’t the truth.”

  “Okay, but why would you lie about your parents being dead, Rellz?”

  “When my brother died, my mom blamed me and turned her back on me. I didn’t have nobody. I didn’t even know who my father was.”

  “Didn’t you tell me he died when you both were, like, thirteen years old? Who cared for you?”

  “The streets cared for me, but I’m not trying to bring up those bad memories. I just wanted to tell you that after your parents passed, I wanted to find mine, so I located my mom and I went to see her—”

  “When did you do this?” she asked, interrupting me.

  “Right after your parents passed. I decided to look for my mom to make things right. I thought she would still be mad at me, but she wasn’t, because she has a disease called dissociative identity disorder, so she believes I am my brother, Relly. She also believes we are still little boys and live at home.”

  “Wow. I’ve heard of that before. I’m sorry. Where is she staying? Is she in a facility?”

  “She’s at her home in Shirley, on Long Island, with a caregiver and my father.”

  “Your father? OMG! So both of your parents are living and live on Long Island?”

  “Yes. I was shocked to find out he was my father, so I’ve been dealing with a lot too. I put my shit on the back burner to help you get through what’s been going on with you. I felt you didn’t need any added stress.”

  “Rellz, thanks for being here for me, but you should have let me be there for you too. I know this had to be hard on you.”

  I tried my hardest not to let a tear fall, because she has no idea how hard. I was not going to go into details about it all, because man or no man, the waterworks would come.

  “It was a lot to digest in one day, but my dad and I talked. He explained his absence, and I don’t blame him, so we reconciled that day. He wants to stay in touch. He even asked to meet his grandchildren.”

  “Well, is your mom’s condition dangerous to the children? Because if not, I don’t see any harm in it. They just lost their grandparents on my side, so it will be good for them to meet your parents. And, of course, we will supervise.”

  This woman always amazed me, and that was the reason I had proposed to her. I loved this woman, and I kicked myself every time I thought about my calling off the wedding. This woman’s greatness overrode her flaws, and that was all that should have mattered. We both fell asleep on the pullout couch after talking into the early morning.

  Tasha

  I was sitting across from Lecia. Everything in me wanted to punch that bitch dead in her face, but there was no denying that Jason was the person she was describing. Talk about feeling betrayed. It felt like he had just stabbed me in the heart and had twisted the knife around and around. That was how much it pained me. Nothing, and I meant nothing, was going to save him from taking this bullet to the heart. Nothing! I just sat there with tears running down my face, and my leg was shaking uncontrollably. I wanted blood. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw this bitch smirking at me. I jumped up so fast and grabbed that bitch around her throat.

  “Tash, let her go now!” I heard Rellz shout, but I didn’t care as I tightened my grip.

  I mentally clocked out as I watched the color drain from her face. I was going to jail for murdering her ass, because I wasn’t going to stop until she was dead. However, what Rellz said next stopped me, and I removed my hands from around her neck. He was right. If I killed her, I wouldn’t get Jason, because I didn’t know where he was. Lecia was on the floor, rolling around like a fish out of water, being all dramatic and shit.

  “Smirk again, bitch, and next time I won’t give a fuck about needing your ass,” I yelled.

  “Tash, baby, you got to chill,” Rellz said, holding me and ignoring that stupid bitch on the floor.

  “Rellz, there isn’t shit funny about this, and that bitch was over th
ere smirking. I could have killed that bitch.”

  “She’s nervous, Tash. She was smirking because she’s nervous.”

  I looked at this nigga like “Are you serious?” I saw that they both had got me fucked up, and if what he was saying is true, then every time that bitch got nervous, she had better face the fucking wall.

  “Anyway, what are we going to do with the bitch in the meantime?” I asked.

  “I was going to put her up in a hotel and stay with her until morning so she can make the call.”

  Now I knew he was not my man, but that shit just made me feel some kind of way. Do I agree or voice my opinion? I wondered.

  “Do you think that’s a good idea? Do you think she can be trusted?” I asked, going another route, with jealousy written all over my face.

  “Tash, I know you don’t believe it, but she’s harmless. She would never put us in danger. Try to fight you or do some property damage, yes, but murder, never.”

  Here he was, vouching for this bitch again. And he was about to stay with her in a damn hotel room, so again, I was feeling some kind of way.

  “Okay, Rellz. If you say so,” I said with an attitude present in my voice.

  When Rellz dropped me off, I was tight that he was going to be spending the night with her at a hotel. I called Shea up and told her, and she seemed more upset about it than I did. She told me to call that nigga and tell him that if he trusted that bitch like that, she could stay at the hotel by her damn self. I told her it was also for protection purposes. I got off the phone with her because she was blowing me. I had needed her to help me feel better about the situation, and instead, she had put more doubt in my head about them being alone.

  I guessed she would have understood if I had told her the whole truth, but I hadn’t. Just like Rellz hadn’t told Kane what we were doing. He had said the fewer witnesses to a crime we had, the better. He had also said that he knew that Lecia wouldn’t say anything, because, according to Perkins, she hadn’t told the officers anything, and she had confided in Perkins only because Perkins had told her that Rellz had sent him.

  Rellz

  “Lecia, why would you get involved with some random nigga on some get-back bullshit? Do you realize you’re facing a fucking murder charge?” I asked as we sat across from each other in the chairs in the hotel room.

  “Rellz, I wasn’t thinking. All I cared about was hurting you the way you had hurt me.”

  “Lecia, that’s some bullshit. How the fuck did I hurt you? It was you who was on some insecure little girl shit.”

  “How did you expect me to feel? You upgrade me from just being a booty call to being your girlfriend, only to make me feel like I am still the side chick and Tasha is your girlfriend,” she cried.

  “Now, you know, just like I know, that you’re spitting bullshit again. Tasha is the mother of my children, so she is always going to be a part of my life. Real women do real things, like accepting that I support my children and respect their mother. They do not cry and cause unnecessary bullshit.”

  “I didn’t mean to cause unnecessary bullshit. My feelings were hurt, and that’s the only way I knew how to react. When I tried to talk to you about how I was feeling, all you did was brush it off, but if the tables were turned, and I was always in my ex’s face, you wouldn’t like it, either.”

  “Of course I wouldn’t, because you have nothing that ties you to that man, so damn right I would have a problem with it.”

  “Let’s keep it real, Rellz. You know, just like I know, that you’re still in love with her, because Rena is your baby’s mother, and I don’t see you jumping through hoops for her.”

  “Rena doesn’t get that treatment, because she destroyed the relationship with the same unnecessary bullshit, and when it ended, she continued with the unnecessary bullshit, so the less interactions with her, the better.”

  “Can I ask you a question without you getting upset and avoiding the question?” she asked.

  “You can ask, and if I have the answer to the question, I will answer it.”

  “How could you be in a relationship with me, knowing that you were still in love with Tasha? And if you loved me, why was it so easy for you to walk away?”

  “You said a question. That was two questions,” I said, stalling for time.

  “See? This is another reason our relationship didn’t work. You never communicated with me. It was always a brush-off, kind of what you’re doing now.”

  “I’m not brushing you off. The truth of the matter is, I never stopped loving Tasha. At the time, I just couldn’t be with her anymore. I know I shouldn’t have started over, knowing how I still felt about her. What I should have done was postpone the wedding and work on our relationship, but I didn’t. I do apologize to you, because I knew that I couldn’t give you my heart, because it belonged to someone else.”

  “Wow. I don’t even know what to say. I can’t really just blame you, because I knew, but I thought in time you would learn to love me the way I loved you. Don’t get all nervous. You don’t have to say any more. If it’s Tasha who you want to be with, I will respect it. I was caught up in my feelings, but I’m good now. Going to jail makes you realize how some things aren’t even worth fighting for. Not to say that you’re not worth fighting for, but it just wouldn’t be a fight I would win.”

  I sat there, deep in thought, after she went into the bathroom to take a shower. Then I called Tasha and talked to her for a while, before I got on the second bed in the room, grabbed the remote, and watched television until I dozed off.

  Tasha

  After I ended the call with Rellz, I thought about some of the things he had said, and I felt a little better about him having to stay at the hotel with Lecia. I trusted him. I took a shower, and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out. I had not realized how tired I really was.

  Madi crying on the baby monitor woke me up, just as she did every morning. I got up to give her a bottle, and while she was quietly drinking her bottle, I started getting the kids’ clothes ready. Once all the kids were fed and dressed, I packed them in the car, and we were on our way.

  I dropped the kids off at Kane’s house, and even though I was anxious to get to the hotel to meet up with Rellz and Lecia, I couldn’t until I went back to the house to pick up my black case. I didn’t want to risk carrying it when I had my children with me, as the job of being a parent entailed always protecting your kids. I had called Shea to see if she could come over and watch the kids at my house, because I’d rather they had stayed home, but she had said that she had something to do out of town, so I’d had to take them to Kane’s place. He had said that he didn’t mind watching them, but that I would have to bring them to his house because he couldn’t leave Rena, who was on bed rest.

  I made it back to my house in no time. I ran up the stairs to get my black case, and just as I was going to make a quick bathroom run, I heard the doorbell ring. I wondered who the fuck it could be, since no one should be showing up over here, unless it was Kane or Shea. I figured it was probably the mailman delivering something, and I opened the door without looking to see who it was. I was confident that it was a delivery, but who I saw standing at my door, pointing a gun in my face, shook me up. I thought about running, but then I would risk getting shot in my back. I didn’t know why this bitch was at my fucking door, pointing a gun in my face, and just as I was about to pop off with the mouth, I was hit from behind. The blow knocked me to the floor. The person standing over me put a handkerchief that had been drenched in chloroform to my nose, making me pass out.

  I didn’t know how long I was out, but I now had a terrible headache. I tried to move, but my hands and feet were tied. I was also uncomfortable because my cell phone was in my back pocket, and it was pressing into me and hurting my butt. All I remembered was opening my front door and finding Rellz’s caretaker, Ms. Marcia, standing there, with a gun pointed in my face. I also remembered being scared, because I didn’t know the bitch and what she was capable of.
>
  I still had no idea why the fuck she would come after me and kidnap me. I had no idea where I was. I knew I was in an old building. They had me sitting up, leaning against a wall. I heard the faint sound of someone moaning in pain just a few feet away. I couldn’t see who that person was, because it was fairly dark. I was really starting to worry, and just like that person, I began to moan, as my heart hurt more and I was beginning to think that I would never see my kids again.

  Rellz

  Lecia has been calling Jason all day, and he had yet to answer his phone or return the call. Tasha was supposed to be here hours ago, and she wasn’t answering her phone or returning calls, either. I called Kane, and he said that he still had the kids. He said that Tasha hadn’t called to check on them yet, so I really started to worry. Tasha couldn’t go an hour without checking on the kids—no matter who had them. I decided not to say anything to Kane just yet, because I didn’t want to alarm him if it was nothing. I told Lecia to grab her stuff so that we could head over to Tasha’s house to see if she was there.

  I tried not to worry as I drove to her house, but I was worried. It was not like her not to answer the phone and not to check on the kids. I pulled up to the house, and my heart dropped when I saw that the front door was open. I reached over into the glove compartment and grabbed my. 380 and told Lecia not to leave the car, no matter what the situation was. I walked inside, and nothing seemed out of place, so I walked through the whole house. She wasn’t here, but her black case, with the gun I had given her for protection, was sitting on the bed. There were no signs of a struggle, which led me to believe that she had been forced out of the house at gunpoint.

  I took out my phone and called Perkins. I had had him put a tracking device on Tasha’s phone a few months ago, when we weren’t on the best of terms. If she ever decided to run with my kids, I wanted to know where to find her. I told him to track the phone and hit me back with an address. I could have done it myself, but I wanted to take another look around the house before I went back out to the car. Perkins hit me up about ten minutes later and gave me an address located in Queens. I told Lecia that I had to drop her off somewhere, but she refused. I didn’t have time to argue with her, so I just let her tag along.