Cruel Mercy (Book 2)
Page 7
“No need to battle today; it’s your birthday. I’m here to make you an offer. Consider it a gift from your big brother.”
“No, thanks.”
“You should hear me out; it’s a good deal.”
“Does it involve your head on a pole?” she asks sweetly.
“Maybe next year.”
“I’m bored,” she informs him.
“Then let’s move on to my offer. I have been told that there is a good chance you know where the Blue Rose heir is. After I find the last vial, I will need the Blue Rose to drink half of it in order to gather the power I need. If you tell me who the Blue Rose heir is, I will allow you to pick which of your friends gets to live.”
“I have a counterproposal. You stop trying to gather more power and I'll allow you a peaceful death,” she says, not letting up.
Not pleased with her answer, he starts to leave, assuring her there is no protection from him. She angrily calls out to him. “You might look like my father, but you are nothing like him. I can see why he didn’t want you.”
He pauses for just a moment as her words reach him, and he makes a hand gesture. They hear the remaining humans scream out in terror as they stab themselves with random objects.
I know in that moment I will do whatever is necessary to stop a new evil being inflicted on this world. I won’t stand by and allow my friends, my family, to be the next wave of slaughtered innocents. I will risk my life to stop it. Whatever Amelie asks of me, I will do it.
I blink, and the scene before me is gone and I’m back in the dusty cupboard. I feel as though I can still smell the carnage, still taste it on the tip of my tongue. I feel as though it’s permeated every pore of my body, and no amount of scrubbing will ever make me feel clean again.
I fumble blindly for the door handle and stumble out into the room where Amelie waits for me. She waits a moment until I compose myself.
“If someone told you you could go back in time and kill Malakaro before that happened, would you do it, Nix?” she asks calmly.
“If you have a way to do that, I’ll do it right now. Let’s go,” I answer anxiously.
“Would you want to prevent a massacre like that at any cost?”
“Yes,” I say with a stern resolve.
“We can’t change the past, Nix, but we can change the future. The evil that will be unleashed on our world if Summit finds out the truth will make Malakaro look like, well, a normal angel with normal teenage problems. Can you imagine that?”
I can’t. I can’t imagine a scene worse than what I just saw, but I nod anyway. I get her point.
“We need to be sure that such a thing doesn’t happen. We let you try it your way, and it didn’t work. Now you need to end this thing our way.”
I nod again. The memory of what I just saw is fresh and so is the vow I made to myself. I’m sure whatever Amelie has in mind is a suicide mission, but I’ll do it.
“We need you to help us kill Summit,” Amelie says.
I shake my head, confused.
“No, I won’t do that.”
“You said you were willing to do whatever it took to protect the innocent, Nix,” Amelie reminds me.
“I did and I am,” I tell her. “But Summit is just as innocent as those we are trying to protect. She doesn’t know any of this. Killing her is wrong.”
“The blood of the one for the lives of the many,” Amelie says.
She says it with such conviction; I can almost believe it’s right. Almost, but not quite. “At what point do you cross from good to evil? When you make the choice to kill an innocent person because they are an inconvenience to you?”
“I…know. It’s not right, Amelie,” I tell her. “I’m sorry. I won’t resort to murder. I can’t. That would make me no better than Malakaro.”
“Take twenty-four hours to think about it, Nix,” she says to me. “And if your answer is still no, then we will find someone else. Someone who sees that we have to nip this thing in the bud now.”
With that, she turns and walks away from me.
I’m left with no choice but to leave, and I’m glad I took note of where I was going.
I burst out of the crypt, glad to feel the cold night air wash over me.
I can’t kill Summit. I can’t. She’s not a part of this. She doesn’t know who or what she is. Why should she have to die?
I head home, walking this time to try and clear my head. It doesn’t work. The same thoughts spin through my head over and over again.
Why should she have to die? She doesn’t know who she is.
It plays like a mantra inside of my head.
I reach home and head for the stairs. I’m halfway up when Lucas appears below me.
“I wanted…hey, are you okay?” he asks.
I want to tell him no. His actions have brought me to this. But I don’t. I just nod.
He doesn’t look convinced. I make an effort to look and sound normal.
“I’m fine,” I tell him. “I went for a quick run and now I need a shower. That’s all.”
Lucas frowns slightly, but he doesn’t press it.
I go to the bathroom and strip off. I stand beneath the hot stream of water, letting it pummel me, trying to block out my thoughts, but I can’t.
Suddenly, Amelie’s words come back to me. If I won’t do it, they’ll find someone who will.
“The blood of Summit, for the lives of many” keeps playing over and over in my head. I know that’s not their actual motto, but that's how I see it. And who’s to say it stops at Summit? What happens after she’s dead? Do they disperse or move on to their next inconvenience?
Now what do I do? I want to go to my father. I can admit what I’ve done. Explain how I got mixed up in this thing. He’ll understand. But I’d have to tell him everything. Including how this all started because Lucas can’t stay away from Summit, and I can’t do that to him.
I feel the blood drain from my face as it hits me. What if they do find someone else? What if they find someone who also sees that Summit is an innocent in all of this? What if they find someone who sees that, really, Lucas is the problem?
Would I have as many reservations about killing Lucas as I do about killing Summit if he wasn’t my brother? What if I was told he’d been given a chance to stop, but he wouldn’t? Could I do it?
I don’t know, but I know logically, he’s the best option. And whoever they find to replace me might see the same thing.
I stumble out of the shower, and still dripping wet, I call Amelie.
She answers the phone.
“I’ll do it.”
It’s as though I blinked and went back in time for a moment, but now I’m back. I almost wish I wasn’t. That I could stay lost in my memories a little longer. But I can’t. I’m back in front of Lucas, and while the past was hard, standing in front of him in the present is even harder.
I can feel Lucas’s eyes on me, his hot anger seeming to burn a hole through my chest. Only seconds have passed and Lucas is still glaring at me, his face twisted with rage.
How can I even begin to explain? How can I admit that everything I did was a huge mistake? How can I admit that I was so determined to prove I’m not like my father that I almost became him? I don’t know, but I know I have to say something.
“You don’t understand,” I start.
“You’re damn right I don’t,” Lucas fires back.
His barely controlled rage makes it hard for him to get the words out.
“How could you…? Why would you…?”
He trails off, but not because his temper is calming down. It’s because he’s so mad he can no longer speak.
“I thought it was the right thing to do, Lucas,” I say, trying to make him see that I really thought I had no choice.
Lucas snorts out a bitter laugh that is more of a snarl.
“Right,” he says. “You thought it was the right thing to do. Are you out of your mind, Nix?”
“No,” I say. “But maybe I was th
en.”
I don’t even begin to try and tell him how I got involved in something bigger than me. Something I believed to be doing good but was actually doing anything but good. He wouldn’t be able to hear me. Not now. But I will tell him. Assuming he lets me at some point.
“There’s no maybe about it, you still haven’t told me why you did it,” he accuses.
“I was backed into a corner. I got mixed up in something I shouldn’t have,” I tell him.
He shakes his head.
“Is that supposed to make me feel bad for you?”
“It’s supposed to make you understand,” I snap back.
I’m trying to keep cool, but it’s hard. Everything Lucas says to me drips with contempt, and it’s getting under my skin.
What would he have done if the roles were reversed? Would he have backed away and just hoped someone else took care of the situation and didn’t come for me?
“Do you know what you did? Who made you Omnis, Nix? Who gave you the right to choose death for someone?”
“I had to make the call. But I need you to know that it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I felt so torn. So, I don’t know, broken I guess. It was never meant to go down this way, Lucas. I ended up being in over my head and I felt like this was my only way out.”
“Why were you even mixed up in it all in the first place?” Lucas demands.
“I wanted to prove I wasn’t like my father. That I would protect the innocent at all costs,” I finally admit.
Lucas’s face softens for a moment, but then he remembers what I did and it hardens back up again.
“Well you screwed that up, didn’t you?” he says quietly.
I nod. He got that right.
“I thought I could talk you out of seeing her and it would all be over. But that didn’t work.”
I try and fail to keep the accusation out of my voice. I don’t want to turn this around to be Lucas’s fault, but I can’t help but think it is at least partly on him. He stares at me, openmouthed.
“So you’re saying this is my fault?” he asks.
“Not exactly, but let’s face it, if you’d just done what you were supposed to do and kept away from Summit, none of this would have happened.”
My temper is fast rising to match the anger on Lucas’s face. As I say the words, I know they’re true. If Lucas hadn’t been so selfish, so intent on watching Summit at all costs, I wouldn’t have ordered the assassination of an innocent girl.
Oh God. I ordered the assassination of an innocent girl.
Nothing can condone that, and we both know it.
“What would have happened if I hadn’t gotten to her in time?” Lucas demands.
I expected more of a comeback about this being on him. Is he just ignoring that part because he thinks it’s bullshit, or because it will push him over the edge and we’ll never get back to where we were?
Who am I kidding? We’ll never be the same again. Not after this. Whatever happens.
“She would have been dead and none of this would be happening,” I say.
It’s out before I can stop it.
“So you did it because you thought you wouldn’t get caught?”
Lucas’s eyes open so wide I’m afraid they might drop out of his head. In any other situation, it would have been comical, but not now. Not today.
“I did it because if I didn’t, someone else would have. And that someone else might have decided Summit was the innocent party in all of this, and that you were the one causing the risk by refusing to obey orders.”
There. It’s out.
Lucas takes a moment to process what I’ve said.
“So you had a choice of killing her or me?” he asks.
His voice is still dangerously low, but I think I’m getting through to him. I nod.
“And at no point did it occur to you to just tell me what was going on?”
“I was ashamed, Lucas. Ashamed of my father and his past, ashamed of Mom and how I got here. I was ashamed that I had gotten myself into such a mess. Okay?” I shout.
I am beyond reason now. He’s pulled my darkest secret out of me. The part of me that I didn’t even want to acknowledge myself. The part of me that decided to order Summit’s death rather than admit to my own vulnerability.
“You were ashamed?” Lucas repeats, almost stunned.
“Yes,” I say in a whisper.
“You did this because you were ashamed? I don’t even know what to say to that.”
“Nothing you can say can make me feel any worse about this than I already do,” I say.
“Stop making out that you’re the victim in all of this. You’re just like your father,” Lucas says, not holding back.
That does it. I launch myself at him. He’s tensed and ready for me.
He goes down with me on top of him, but it barely affects him. I pull my fist back and bring it down hard on his face.
How can he say I’m like my father? How can he say the one thing that he knows will break me?
“I’m nothing like my father,” I scream as I rain punches down on Lucas’s face.
With a roar, Lucas flips me over so he’s on top of me now. I feel his fist connect with my lip and my tooth penetrates it. I feel the warm blood run down my chin and I taste the coppery taste, but it does nothing except spur me on.
I throw myself, trying to dislodge Lucas as he yells at me, but I can’t shift him. He’s strong, and his self-righteous temper is making him even stronger. Maybe I deserve this. I do. I deserve this and worse. I should just let it happen, but I can’t just lie here and take it.
“How can I call you family after this? I almost lost Summit, and after today I have no brother!” Lucas shouts angrily.
My rage explodes out of me at his comment. That’s what this is about. It’s not even about Summit. It’s about me making such a terrible decision and him knowing nothing about it. It’s about his guilt at ignoring my pleas for him to stay away from Summit and backing me into this corner.
It’s about the fact that when I needed help the most, I didn’t go to him with it. Not the full story. And the bit I did go to him about, he let me down on.
“You haven’t lost your brother, Lucas,” I yell, flipping us over and pinning him down.
It was the wrong thing to say. He flips us back over and pins me down. His anger flares back up again, and I wonder if I misjudged him. Maybe I just wanted him to feel partly responsible so I don’t feel so bad, so alone. Lucas places his hand flat on my chest. Fear and sadness consume me—I know he’s going to use his power on me. A direct hit will kill me, of that, I am certain.
I writhe, trying desperately to thrown him off, knock him down, something, anything, but I can’t.
He looks at me, really looks at me, and he hesitates. He still sees me as his brother, but now I am the outcast. We lock eyes, and I see the anger creeping back into his body.
I try desperately to think of something to say to stop him from doing this. I’m past caring whether I live or die, but even though I am so mad at him right now, I don’t want him to have to live with the guilt of ending my life.
Suddenly, Lucas is wrenched up into the air, dragged away from me. I jump to my feet, momentarily disorientated.
I spin in Lucas’s direction, my own hand raised now, ready to blast whatever is dragging him away. I’m not letting some demon take him. This is going to end today, but not like this.
“Woah there. Easy,” Ryder says, his palms raised in surrender.
I drop my hand. I almost blasted Ryder to smithereens.
He stands to one side of Lucas, ready to grab him again if he moves towards me. Lucas still looks angry, but he makes no move to come at me again. Dylann stands between us, eyeing each of us carefully. She looks at us suspiciously. Once she finds out what I did she will probably help Lucas to kill me. Everyone knows Dylann is quick to anger.
I reach up and wipe the blood from my face. Lucas does the same. I spit, and a wad of blood comes out
.
We stand, Lucas and I, facing each other, each of us waiting for the other one to back down.
“What’s going on?” Dylann asks.
“Why don’t you ask him?” Lucas says, never taking his eyes off me.
“Whatever it is, you have to let it go. Right now,” Dylann says.
Something in her tone pulls my eyes from Lucas and makes me focus on her. Her face is set. Determined. But something else too. Nervous maybe?
“Screw that. He needs the shit kicked out of him. Right now.”
“You looked like you were going to do more than kick the hell out of him,” Ryder says, his tone serious.
“That was a mistake that won’t happen again,” Lucas says. “But nothing and no one is going to stop me from knocking him out.”
“Fine. Whatever,” Ryder says. “But first, we should probably get back inside, because the girlfriend you thought was dead…”
He trails off for a moment. Lucas finally looks away from me, all his attention on Ryder.
“What about her?” Lucas snaps.
Ryder doesn’t say anything, and Lucas shifts his focus to Dylann. She meets his gaze and speaks softly.
“Nikki is awake.”
“She was broken, I think it’s because she loved too much
and she was always blind to the fact that love too is sometimes broken.”
— Robert M. Drake
Somehow, I end up first in line as we enter Nikki’s room in single file. No one says a word. It feels like I’m intruding. I look down at the floor as I walk in.
I finally look up as I reach Nikki’s bedside. She is sitting on the bed, on top of the covers. She looks very pale. Her skin is almost ashen, making the bright, vivid red of wounds stand out on her skin. They should make her look like a victim, but they don’t. Somehow, this tiny frail girl wears those wounds like a warrior.
As everyone crowds around Nikki’s bed, the silence breaks and everyone starts talking at once. Everyone is trying to explain at once how happy they are that Nikki is alive and back with us.
The relief in the air is real, almost physical. I feel like I can taste it. No one expected Nikki to look this good. This alive.