Cruel Mercy (Book 2)

by Lola StVil

  Milo shrugs.

  “Maybe. Maybe not.” He doesn’t sound convinced.

  I sigh. “It doesn’t much matter, does it? Lucas has shit on us both whichever way you look at it.”

  “He’s a total bastard, Summit. All the pretty ones are.”

  Milo says this so matter-of-factly that I almost laugh. Almost, but not quite.

  “I just don’t get it,” I say. “How did they get married without any of the team knowing? And how did either of them convince their parents to let it happen? I mean, they were so young. They’d have needed their parents’ permission, right?”

  Milo looks around us. The hum of chatter in the busy restaurant covers our conversation well enough, and when he’s satisfied that the people nearest to us are all engrossed in their own conversations and paying no attention to us, he explains.

  “Marriage works differently in the Angel world. Forget everything you think you know about weddings. There’s no ceremony. No flowers, no I do’s, and no party. It’s really quite dull.”

  I raise an eyebrow and he carries on.

  “How do I explain it?” he says aloud.

  He thinks for a second as he attacks the feast before us. I think he probably already knows exactly how to explain it and he just wants to add a bit of drama to the situation.

  Like there isn’t enough already.

  “So, humans have this whole soul mate thing, right?”

  I nod.

  “Well, for angels, the soul is their entire being. We can’t just go around giving that away, so instead, they give away their heart. Literally.”

  I feel my face pale as I picture someone ripping their heart out and handing it, bloody and still pulsing a little, to their partner.

  Milo reads my expression and laughs a little.

  “It’s not as gross as it sounds. It’s actually quite a romantic thing. As you know, angels don’t need their heart to survive, and generally, angels keep their hearts in something called a Rah. It’s like a shatterproof glass case. Pryor would have explained all of this to you, but there wasn’t time, so your heart is still inside of you. Anyway, when angels fall in love, they literally give their lover their Rah.”

  “How?” I ask, intrigued.

  I must admit it does sound kind of romantic. I see me and Lucas side by side, exchanging our hearts. The vision sends a pain through me that’s so real I wonder if I put my own heart into a Rah right now would it be in two pieces?

  I think it would be. Maybe more.

  “Once two angels exchange Rahs, they place them together and then put them somewhere safe and special like in the side of a mountain. If the relationship doesn’t work out, and you want your Rah back, you both must agree to open the wall. It will only open if both people agree to the separation or one of them has passed on.”

  “I like that,” I say absently. “It forces a couple to actually talk about their issues.”

  “Yes, because that’s what we’re focusing on here,” Milo says.

  I actually laugh. I didn’t think I had it in me, but typically, Milo can get me laughing again.

  “There’s something else as well. The Rah is like an anti-cheating device. It’s much more effective than any risk of being caught. If a person whose Rah belongs to someone else tries to kiss another person, that person will literally be thrown away from them.”

  “But then how….?” I start before trailing off.

  Milo shrugs.

  “Once the Rahs are together, the married angels’ souls recognize each other when being intimate. Whether as simple as a kiss or all the way, the marriage prevents the angels from being with anyone else. My guess is because Nikki’s soul was so weak, her Rah, like everyone else, assumed she was dead.”

  “Or maybe it was because Lucas stopped loving her,” I say.

  I feel the tiny flicker of hope stir inside of me again.

  “Maybe,” Milo says. “But don’t read too much into it, Summit. It was only a kiss, and Nikki was so weak all of her energy would have been concentrated on just trying to stay alive.”

  I look down at the table.

  “It was more than just a kiss. Last night, we…”

  I stop.

  “You what?” Milo asked.

  “We…” I whisper bashfully.

  “You had sex?” Milo exclaims loudly. Too loudly.

  It’s my turn to glance around us. I cringe as I do, but no one is paying us any attention.

  “What was it like?”

  “Fantastic until his wife showed up,” I say sarcastically.

  Milo snorts.

  “Yeah, that would kill the mood alright.”

  We sit in silence for a second as Milo digests my news.

  “You know,” he says, looking up at me, “the last thing I want to do is defend Lucas. In fact, I want to tear him limb from limb for hurting you this way, but I will say this. The fact he could do that means he definitely thought Nikki was dead and gone.”

  “So that makes it okay to not mention the fact he was married?” I ask.

  Milo shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

  “Well no, not okay exactly,” he says.

  “So, what are you saying?

  “Sunny, her heart literally thought she was dead as well. Maybe he just thought it didn’t matter anymore.”

  Maybe Milo is right. Maybe I’m being too hard on Lucas. He thought Nikki was dead. Maybe he didn’t want to drag up the past and risk losing me. But the lie still hurts.

  My head is spinning again. I don’t know what to think about any of this. I decide the best thing to do is just to stop thinking about any of it.

  Lucas is not mine. He’s Nikki’s. That’s a fact, and it’s a fact I’m just going to have to deal with.

  “Maybe it didn’t matter. I don’t know anymore,” I say. “I’m done talking about this. I’m done thinking about this. Tell me something. Anything. Just distract me.”

  “Well, there is something I wanted to talk to you about actually, but I’m not sure this is the right time,” Milo says.

  “It’s the perfect time,” I tell him.

  Hearing about his latest man of the moment might be exactly what I need to take my mind off things.

  “Have you heard of CP?” Milo asks.

  I shake my head.

  “No. Who is he? Is he your new guy crush?” I say with a suggestive smile.

  “My whole life doesn’t revolve around dating, you know,” he says.

  “Uhh-huh.” I nod, wriggling my eyebrows.

  “Okay, you got me. It’s a big part of my life. But CP isn’t a person. It’s a drug.”

  Well, I didn’t see that coming.

  “I don’t want to add to your stress,” Milo says.

  I am suddenly on edge. My back straightens, and my protective mode is on high alert.

  “Maybe we should just talk about this later.”

  I wave my hand, dismissing his concerns.

  “Just tell me,” I say. “What’s CP?”

  “It’s a paste made from pretty much the same stuff that goes into Coy. CP is Coy Paste. But it’s much stronger than regular Coy. It gives any angel who smears it on their wings an intense high. It’s highly addictive and expensive. It depletes an angel’s third coat of feathers. And you know what happens if an angel uses too many of those, right?”

  I nod. “Yeah, you lose the ability to fly.”

  “And you are sort of halfway between an angel and a demon. The light no longer controls you, and many a CP addict has gone over to the dark side in search of their next high.”

  “So, this stuff messes you up pretty good,” I say.

  “That’s an understatement,” Milo agrees.

  “And yet you’re taking this risk. Let me guess. It encourages weight loss too? I’ve told you before, it’s only a few pounds. No one but you even thinks of it as an issue. No one wants a bag of bones.”

  “Huh?” Milo says. “I’m perfectly happy with who I am. Well, most of the time.”


  I can see the confusion on his face.

  “So why are you taking CP? Is it the high you want?”

  I can’t believe he would be so stupid.

  “You’ve misunderstood, Summit. It’s not me who’s taking it.”

  He pauses.

  “Spit it out then. Who is it?” I demand impatiently.

  He looks at me.

  ‘MILO, WHO IS TAKING THE DRUG!” I yell, no longer waiting for his answer.

  “Dylann.”

  I feel my stomach lurch again. I thought I’d had my fill of bad news for one day. I really thought nothing more could go wrong right now, but apparently, the universe took that thought as a challenge and now it is proving me wrong.

  Dylann? On drugs? No. It’s too…too what? Well, ridiculous.

  Milo must be mistaken.

  “Summit? Say something,” Milo says, peering at me with a look of concern.

  “What makes you think Dylann’s on drugs?” I snap.

  I see Milo recoil slightly. I didn’t mean to make it sound like an accusation, but I’m tired and overwhelmed and that’s how it came out.

  I have to remind myself that although it feels like the whole universe is against me right now, Milo is on my side. He always has been and I know deep down he always will be.

  I also know he won’t take anything I say right now personally, but that’s no excuse for me to take my frustration out on him.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, forcing my voice to sound normal.

  Normal. What even is normal anymore?

  “Seriously though, why do you think she’s on something? I mean it must be a mistake,” I add. “Dylann’s so grounded. So…so not someone who would take drugs.”

  “I saw her with it, Summit. CP is gold, the way the shimmer catches the light and sparkles, it’s hard to miss, and once you’ve seen it, you would recognize it anywhere.”

  “Maybe she found it. Or maybe she was holding onto it for someone else,” I say.

  I know I’m clutching at straws, but they’re all I have right now, and I’m rapidly running out of them.

  Milo shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

  “It was hers,” he says with finality.

  “How do you know?” I counter.

  “Well, CP addiction does kind of run in your family,” he admits.

  I raise an eyebrow. That’s news to me.

  “Your grandfather, Marcus Cane? Yes, he was a brilliant leader and all of that. I’m sure you’ve heard all of the stories of his glory days.”

  I nod. I have.

  “The thing is, people only focus on the good bits. The history books don’t mention the fact he was hooked on CP for more than three months. He almost died. And if Dylann has found that out, well maybe she equates CP usage with greatness. And I’d be willing to bet she thinks she won’t get hooked. That she can stop any time she wants to. Don’t all drug users think like that?”

  I shrug. I wouldn’t know. It’s not like I’ve ever had to deal with something like this before. And I really don’t want to start now.

  I want to tell Milo he’s wrong, that Dylann would never think taking any sort of drug was a good idea, or could make her better at anything, but his words have a certain sort of logic to them.

  Dylann is younger than the rest of us. Maybe she feels like she needs an extra boost to keep up with us. Or maybe she tried it once at a party and liked it and now she’s addicted.

  Maybe, maybe, maybe. It’s all I have.

  I just don’t know.

  I can safely add this to the list of things I don’t understand and don’t know how to deal with that I need a solution for.

  I jump slightly as my cell phone bursts into life. I pull it out of my pocket and glance at the screen.

  Lucas.

  My heart does a little flip, and then I remember that he’s not mine anymore. I feel a wave of nausea run through me. I send him to voicemail. I can’t deal with him now. He doesn’t leave a message, and I figure whatever excuse he thought up will have to wait until another time.

  Milo looks at me questioningly.

  “Lucas,” I say, waving his next question away before he even asks.

  “Sunny, you have to talk to him sometime,” he says softly.

  “I can’t think about that now, Milo. I have to deal with Dylann first, find out what the hell she was thinking. How could she be so damn stupid?”

  Milo smiles a little.

  “Maybe don’t open with that,” he says.

  “That’s the thing, Milo. I have no idea how to approach her. I don’t know how to be a sister.”

  “You just have to talk to her,” Milo says.

  “We talk all the time, I thought we were getting close. But this is different. It’s a lot more serious than having a crush on a guy, or talking about a great date. You know? God, if I get this wrong, I could make the whole thing worse.”

  “Find out what’s going on with her. Get her to open up to you, you’ll know what to say when the moment comes. You always do,” he urges gently.

  “You make it sound so easy,” I say.

  “What would you say if it was me?” he asks.

  “I’d kick your ass,” I say, half smiling, half serious.

  “But you’d talk to me. Find out what pushed me down that path.”

  I nod.

  “Of course I would. But I know you. I don’t feel like Dylann and I are anywhere near close enough for that conversation.”

  My cell phone buzzes again. This time a text. I consider ignoring it. I can’t deal with Lucas right now, but I know if I don’t even look at it, I’ll be even more distracted by wondering what he’s saying.

  I’m relieved and upset at the same time when I see Parker’s name on the text.

  We’re back at the house. Meet us there. Hope you’re okay.

  At least I won’t have to have the most awkward conversation of my life in the hospital.

  It shows how bad a day it’s been when that’s about the best thing that’s happened.

  Milo waits until I tap a quick reply to Parker.

  I’m fine, be there soon.

  My phone buzzes again. I roll my eyes in irritation. It’s a text from Dylann, and I perk up a little when I read what she said.

  “Winnie, I know things suck right now, but could really use your help, call me!”

  I show Milo the text that just came through. He finishes reading it and looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

  “See, maybe she really does look up to you and want your opinion,” he says with one of those I told you so smiles.

  “Or maybe it’s completely unrelated,” I say, rolling my eyes.

  “Sunny, believe me when I say I know this hasn’t been easy. Any of it. I know that things keep getting crazier, but I also know that you are one of the strongest people in my life and I will always be here to remind you of that. If you had half as much faith in yourself as I have in you, you’d never doubt yourself again.”

  I smile despite everything that’s going on. He places my hands in his across the table.

  I’m not sure I believe I’m as strong as he thinks I am, but the fact he believes it makes me feel stronger somehow. More confident.

  And as awful as it sounds, at least while I’m dealing with Dylann, I don’t have to think about Lucas anymore.

  Ha. As if I could stop thinking about Lucas.

  But I have to. I have Dylann to think about. With Mom and Dad gone, it’s my job to step up and be the rock she needs to get through this. What could she be going through that I don’t know about that could make her resort to drugs?

  I come up blank, which doesn’t help me plan the conversation we’re going to have. I just have to hope Milo is right and when the time comes, the right words just come to me.

  I need a little time to think of what I will say to Dylann before I can talk to her though. I at least need to know how I’m going to start the conversation.

  Somehow, I don’t think “Hey, how’s your dr
ug habit?” will be productive.

  I decide I won’t be calling her back. I really think that this is a conversation best had in person rather than over a phone.

  “Well, I guess I best go find Dylann then,” I say.

  I have resigned myself to the fact that this is on me now.

  “Maybe this will be what brings you closer together,” Milo says.

  I smile. He always finds the silver lining.

  “Maybe,” I say.

  I stand up but don’t move away from our table.

  “One way to find out,” I add, sounding a lot more confident than I feel.

  “You’re going back to the hospital?” Milo asks.

  I shake my head.

  “Parker texted me. They’re back at the house.”

  “Want some moral support?” Milo asks.

  I nod. “Yes! I thought you would never offer.”

  “Is everyone at the house?” Milo asks.

  His tone is casual, but I know him well enough to know it’s forced. I shrug.

  “Will RJ be there?” he asks.

  “Probably,” I say.

  “Wait here,” Milo says and hurries away from me.

  I stand where he left me, frowning, nibbling on a churro. I’m not really hungry but my nerves are all over the place. What does he have that he wants to give to RJ?

  Ten minutes later, Milo is back. He’s changed into designer jeans and a T-shirt. His hair is styled. He looks more like he’s heading out on a date than coming with me to talk to Dylann.

  As we head outside and towards the house, I nod towards his new outfit.

  “Want to tell me what this is all about?” I ask, although it’s now pretty obvious what he wants to give RJ.

  “What? Can’t I care about my appearance without there being an ulterior motive?” Milo asks.

  “You have a thing for RJ, don’t you?” I say.

  “Noooo,” Milo says with a laugh that’s clearly fake.

  I raise an eyebrow.

  “I just think about him when I’m awake and dream about him when I’m asleep. That doesn’t mean I have a thing for him.”

  Really? Now I have this to deal with as well?

  “Milo...” I start.

  He waves his hand at me.

  “I’m trying not to crush on him. I really am but…it’s hard to stay away sometimes. You know, it’s kind of his fault really.”