“Friendship?” It was the first time she’d used that word. It frustrated him.
“Yes,” she sighed. “It’s what people have when they’re connected spiritually but not romantically.”
“So this is no longer a romance?” He stretched out across his bed and was silent. “I’m coming to see you,” he announced after she didn’t respond. “Tell me to my face that we’re only friends.”
“Chaz, the dreams have stopped,” she quietly told him. “I don’t know what that means, but our link obviously isn’t what it was. And I don’t want you to be angry because I’m trying to make sense of what’s left.” Then, she took a deep breath and added, “I’m trying to stay in your life without feeling devastated every day. Maybe I should stop trying. Maybe our destiny has already been fulfilled.”
He could hear her pain: he didn’t want her to hurt.
“Don’t give up, Stephanie. We can work this out.” Another long silence passed. “I’ll come to you.”
“You can’t take the risk.”
“I’ll find a motel on the southwest edge of town and will call you when I get there. If I come that far, will you come to me?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then, there’s only one way to find out. I’ll see you on Friday night.”
That next day, Chaz kept an eye out for his supervisor to finish with morning phone conferences. He wanted to catch Roy as soon as possible to ask about taking a personal day off work and to follow up on the request he’d made two weeks earlier to be switched to a different task force. At the time, the matter wasn’t urgent, but now that Chaz knew how Stephanie felt, he wanted to move that discussion along as quickly as possible. Overnight, he’d been unable to sleep because his brain kept going over and over all of the reasons he couldn’t let Stephanie get away with downgrading their relationship. He wasn’t about to sit back and lose her.
He sat in his cubicle tapping the tip of the ink pen on the door frame while he looked in the direction of Roy’s office and willed the door to open. There was the possibility that his boss wouldn’t be able to find another role for him and that he might have to look for other opportunities within The Bureau on his own. He hoped not; however, the idea was worth considering.
Finally, the office door opened and Chaz’s supervisor headed his way.
“Good. You’re here,” the man said, glancing at his watch. “I need to see you. Give me a chance to grab a candy bar and then come into my office.”
“Great. I wanted to see you, too.”
“You might change your mind when you hear what’s going on.” He frowned and headed down the hall in the opposite direction. Fifteen minutes later, Chaz was seated in front of Roy while he ate and explained that the case from Erie was far from being over.
“With Evan Moseley keeping a low profile until his court date, he has some of his minions busy trying to figure out what went wrong. They’ve been checking a little deeper into the identities of anyone not part of their inner circle—which means, they’re looking for you and some of the other officers.” He shook his head to stop Chaz from interrupting him. “I know, I know; the Erie office is on top of it. Steve McDaniels isn’t about to have his case compromised. As far as anyone knows, you had outstanding warrants in Arizona, or wherever your fictitious uncle retired to, and have been extradited on those charges until your gambling case proceeds. What we need you to do is go over everything in your head and make a list of every person you were in contact with. We need to find out who, if anyone, might be able to determine which of you were cops.”
“Does that mean we still have guys undercover? Who’s checking on these people who are checking on us?” Chaz shifted angrily in his seat. Having loose ends was not what he wanted to hear about.
“No idea.” Roy wiped his hands on a napkin and reached for his cup of coffee. “I need that list by tomorrow.”
“Fine.” He let out a frustrated breath before asking, “What about my transfer to another team? Any progress?”
“I’m working on it. As you know, the Division is about to restructure. No one knows who will be heading which team yet, but most of it will be settled within the next week or so. I’ll keep you posted.”
“Thanks.” That was one more answer he didn’t want to hear. He shifted in his seat and asked, “Is it possible for me to take Friday off?”
“Sure. Just shoot me an email so I’ll have it in writing.”
Chaz nodded and stood. He was tempted to ask more about who the minions were, but those names probably hadn’t been passed along to his supervisor. The information was going to be a one-way flow back to McDaniels. Even before his hand touched the doorknob, his mind was moving through those months of being undercover in search of every face he’d encountered, even casually. The Erie case needed to be firmly put into place.
“Don’t forget we have a brief team meeting in half an hour,” Roy reminded to a retreating back. His employee mumbled an acknowledgement before disappearing into the hallway.
CHAPTER TWELVE
She couldn’t let Chaz come to her.
Stephanie logged onto her computer and checked airfares from Erie to Cincinnati. They were outrageous for flights not scheduled in advance. So she figured out the best driving route, sent her boss an email requesting three days of emergency personal leave, and packed a suitcase. She’d leave after the morning rush hour.
The drive across I-90, around I-271, and down I-71 took just over five hours. It would have taken longer had Stephanie stopped to eat instead of occasionally munching on junk food she’d grabbed while paying to fill up her gas tank. By the time she parked in the garage for the FBI offices on Wednesday afternoon, it was nearly two o’clock. She hoped Chaz was there. She gave her name and showed identification at the information desk and waited. After twenty minutes had passed, she pulled out her cell phone and called him.
“You can’t go to Erie,” was how she started the conversation.
“I’m not going to let you give up on us.”
“I know.” She laughed very quietly and Chaz was relieved to hear the confidence in that sound. “Are you at work?
“Yes, I just got out of a meeting.”
“Well, I’m in the waiting area.” Silence. “Chaz, did you hear me?”
“I’ll be right there. Give me five minutes.”
He looked so different in a dark suit and pale shirt that it took a minute for Stephanie to realize who was walking toward her. He smiled and gave her a cordial hug that didn’t begin to express the tenderness and happiness in his eyes.
“You said you wouldn’t come,” he reminded her, his hands resting heavily on her shoulders to keep from caressing them.
“You’re supposed to stay safe, Chaz. So, here I am.”
“Come with me.” He took one of her hands and led her out of the building.
As they walked to her car, Chaz learned that Stephanie had driven straight to him off the freeway. He gave her directions to his townhouse and made sure that her phone’s GPS matched. She followed him and pulled into an assigned guest spot less than twenty minutes later.
His arms slid around her the moment she stepped out of the car and he kissed her the way he’d wanted to the second he’d seen her in the lobby of the FBI’s headquarters. In return, she ran her hands along the lapels of his suit jacket and pulled him closer.
“Don’t you think we should go inside?” Stephanie laughed when he placed his hands on either side of her face and looked at her as though he hadn’t seen her in years.
“I’m still having trouble believing you’re here.”
“Well, I’m here.”
His hands slid across shoulders and down arms to link with hers. Gratitude and affection showed in his eyes and he was silent for a long time. Only a neighbor pulling into a parking space near them made him pay attention to something other than Stephanie. He smiled at the woman emerging from the other car, wrapped an arm around Stephanie’s shoulders, and introduced her as someone ver
y special.
She shook Stephanie’s hand and gave her a curious smile. “I’m very happy to meet you. We’ve been telling Chaz for years that his life needed to include more than just being an agent. Man cannot live by a badge and a gun alone.”
“That’s enough, Ms. Big Mouth.” Chaz laughed and pulled their hands apart. “I should know better than to expect you not to tell my secrets two seconds after meeting her. You make it sound like I was some sort of social hermit. Maybe we’ll throw some burgers on the grill tomorrow and you can tell her all about me, but not right now.”
Stephanie could only smile and imagine what stories she might hear.
“Burgers sound good, and I’ve got lots to tell, buddy.” She swung a gym bag over her shoulder and headed toward her apartment with a laugh and a wave.
“Both Sylvia and her husband are FBI,” Chaz explained as he led the way to his front door. “We’ve all been friends since before they were married, so we know a lot of each other’s personal business. I should probably be a little afraid for you to spend time with her. Anyway, they’ve settled into the whole family life and have a three-year-old son and think I should follow in their footsteps.”
“And, what do you think?” She stepped through the door ahead of him before turning back and saying, “Never mind. I don’t want to know.”
Chaz pulled her into his arms the moment the door closed. He dropped kisses all over her face and neck and heard the contented sigh that he’d missed. And he realized that she’d been right—there was no way occasional visits would make him miss her less. In fact, he might never get used to being away from her. What did he really want? It was a question that had been at the front of his mind for weeks.
“We need to talk.” He led her to the sofa and pulled her onto his lap. One of her hands immediately slid behind his neck while the fingers of the other traced the familiar edge of his jaw. She kissed it lightly. His arms tightened around her.
“This isn’t a friendship, Stephanie; let’s not pretend that it is, okay?” He watched her nod. “Regardless of what you said last night, I don’t believe our connection is less strong just because we’re in different cities. You rely a lot on your dreams, but isn’t it possible they’ve stopped because I’m not in any danger?”
“Yes, it’s possible; but not all of my dreams were about you getting hurt, Chaz. Some of them were just about us being together.” She gave a resigned shrug. “I’m not having those, either.”
“That’s because you’re afraid.” He’d given the idea a lot of thought.
Stephanie considered it. Maybe he was right. Maybe she wasn’t dreaming at all because it was too hard to accept how helpless she had felt sitting at home wondering whether he would be alive when the night ended. She’d never been afraid of her gift and still wasn’t, but she’d never been linked to anyone the way she was with Chaz. Even sitting there safely in his arms, she could relive every horrible moment of waiting for him to tell her that everything was all right.
“I don’t want you to be afraid of my career,” he was saying. Fingers absently stroked the center of her back. “I asked to be reassigned to a different task force, one that won’t require me to go undercover. Apparently, that’s not unusual for an agent who’s been injured. I can probably start on the new team in a couple of weeks.” He was being optimistic that the restructuring at the office would be settled by then.
“But you love being undercover,” Stephanie protested. She leaned back to study his face.
“I love you more.”
She stared at him. There was no mistaking the seriousness and certainty in his expression. She’d suspected his feelings but hadn’t expected to hear the words so early in their relationship.
“I love you, too, Chaz.” Saying the words felt good. Stephanie smiled before giving that lighthearted laugh he’d missed.
He held her tightly and leaned back against the cushions. The silence between them was comfortable, intimate. Stephanie closed her eyes and thought of that week they’d spent together. She’d gone to work early every day so she could spend as much time as possible in his arms each evening. Once the case was over, he had spent his days in meetings with task force supervisors, prosecutors, and FBI Special Agents. But the nights were theirs. The nights had been beautiful.
Stephanie wondered what Karen would have said about her auras at that moment. She was feeling happy, confident, content. What colors represented those? Yellows, bright blues, oranges? She kissed the side of Chaz’s face and rested her forehead against his. This was where she belonged. She felt connected and at peace again. And she could stay in his arms forever.
Eventually, he brought her luggage inside and set it at the base of the stairs. How long was she staying? Was she hungry? Did she want a snack? Later, they could go out for dinner, but he also didn’t mind cooking. Whatever she wanted.
“I want you to make love to me,” was how she responded. “I’ve missed you.” It caught him off guard even though he didn’t know why it should have. He’d missed her too. Besides, Stephanie was usually clear about how she felt.
“Now? Or later?” He took a couple of steps toward her, grinned, and put his hands on her waist.
“Both.” Her eyes didn’t leave his as her hands slid across his chest and she started unbuttoning his shirt. But then, she had to giggle when he started kissing her neck—deep, hungry kisses—and her hands began to tremble.
Their clothes were in the way: she desperately wanted to feel his body against hers. That’s all she could think about as he trailed hot kisses all over her face and neck and shoulders. Finally, his shirt was off and she pulled her tee shirt over her head. He fumbled with her bra; his hands were shaking, too. Adrenaline. He laughed against the side of her neck.
“I can’t think straight,” he mumbled.
“Then, don’t think.” She had unzipped his pants and was rubbing him. Feeling his firmness only made her more eager to have him inside her. She missed the way he felt, the way they moved together. “Chaz—”
“I know.” He took her hand and led her to his bedroom.
Stephanie couldn’t get enough of kissing him: long, deep, soul-searching kisses. Kisses she had thought about too often. Her hands moved over his back and hips and held him against her, her body pressing against his. Their bodies moved together, ground against each other; hungry, familiar. Stephanie loved the weight of him on top of her when they fell onto the bed. Finally, he was inside her where he belonged. He filled her and she squeezed around him. Her thighs gripped his hips, pulling him closer.
There was no slow, tender lovemaking this time. It wasn’t what she wanted. Her body had been starved, and she needed to be satisfied. Now. Her hands clutched his back as she pushed her hips upwards, taking him deeper with each thrust.
Chaz’s greed matched hers. He worried that he might be too rough, but Stephanie urged him harder and deeper and faster. And the way she said she loved him and moaned his name nearly drove him insane. If there was any way to be physically blended, they would definitely find it. That’s what he needed—for them to be so entwined that they couldn’t tell one body from the other, for her to be so much a part of him that they could never be separate again.
And then they both stopped thinking as ecstasy crashed through them. Everything was right. Perfect.
Stephanie kept a leg wrapped around Chaz’s thigh to keep him from shifting away. She wanted him inside her for as long as possible. He kissed the side of her face and whispered that he would always love her.
“Déjà vu,” she whispered back. Then she pulled his arm tighter around her and drifted to sleep.
Chaz wasn’t in the bed when she awoke. She could hear him moving around in the kitchen and jazz playing softly from the livingroom.
She had to admit that he was right. Even if they couldn’t see each other often, and even if their time apart made them miss each other more, moments like this afternoon could make everything okay. She simply needed to accept whatever each da
y would bring. After all, she was the one who always said that life played out the way it needed to.
Chaz had brought her luggage into the bedroom, so she pulled out a sundress and went to take a quick shower. Then, she pulled her hair into a ponytail and went to investigate the delicious smells coming from downstairs.
“Hi.” Chaz gave her a smile and removed the shrimp from the wok.
“Hi back.” She leaned against the counter and watched him.
“I assumed you’d be hungry. Actually, I was going to bring dinner to you, but if you don’t want to eat yet, I can wait to cook the vegetables.”
“Honestly, I’m pretty hungry. I haven’t eaten since about ten o’clock this morning.”
“That’s a long time,” he frowned. “I should have fed you earlier.”
“You did.” She laughed and added that she had been pretty hungry then too.
Chaz shook his head in amusement and tossed a double handful of vegetables into the wok. He’d already set the plates on the counter and now spooned some cooked rice onto them before adding the shrimp back into the wok to mix with the vegetables. While he finished cooking the stir fry, Stephanie retrieved a bottle of wine from the refrigerator and poured two glasses.
“I did a lot of thinking while you were asleep.” He kissed her before sliding onto the stool next to hers. “I was trying to figure out how we could have more moments like this. We need to be together.”
“I’m listening.” She speared a chunk of bamboo and put it in her mouth.
“Since I can’t go to Erie, maybe we could meet in Cleveland every other weekend. It’ll be about a two-hour drive for you and not much longer for me. And when there’s a three-day holiday weekend, you could come here.”
Chaz watched her swallow and then take a sip of wine. Her eyes studied his as she asked the only question that mattered.
“Will it be safe, Chaz?”
“As safe as we can make it. Only a few people actually met me when I was in Erie; no one will be looking for me as Charles Lawson or in Cleveland. But if you’ll feel better, we can stay in different motels each time.” He paused. “Will you at least think about it?”
Premonitions: Dream Catcher Series ~ Book 1 Page 7
