Christmas in White Oak

by Aileen Fish

  Nick cleared his throat. “Sorry.” His voice was raw, about like his nerves felt at the moment.

  “It’s okay. That must have been hard on you, to find her like that.”

  “I guess. It’s all kind of hazy from that point. The EMTs coming and going, our parents arriving. Mom taking care of Holly while our dads tried to calm Mrs. Winslow. It was all so surreal. Who has a stroke at nineteen? It had something to do with the preeclampsia, they said, but I never really understood.”

  He hadn’t tried very hard to understand. He was too busy dealing with not letting anyone see that he wasn’t sad she was dead, not really. “What kind of person am I? I should have been mourning my wife, but I was no sadder than I would have been over the death of anyone we went to school with.”

  Sofia scooted closer and draped her arm around his shoulder. “You’ve been beating yourself up for something you couldn’t control.”

  “I should have felt something.”

  “Why? Did you love her?”

  “That was part of why I felt so guilty. Why I eventually left White Oak. Everywhere I go here, I see things that make me think of Morgan. And when I think of her, I think about what a lousy husband I was.”

  For a while, he’d wondered if he was incapable of loving someone, but Holly quickly proved that to be wrong. He knew now there were so many ways to fall in love, but an accidental pregnancy and a hurried marriage weren’t among them. At least for him.

  “So you drop Holly off with either set of grandparents for her visits and leave before you have to confront those feelings.”

  He drew in a deep breath and glanced over his shoulder at Sofia. “Jeez, did you major in psychology? You sound like a shrink.”

  “My roomie in the dorm did. Sorry.”

  Nick smiled, feeling the release of a ton of contrition. He wished he could have talked to someone, even Mom, years ago. He leaned into the pressure of Sofia at his side. “I’ve missed having you to talk to.”

  She squeezed his shoulders. “Me, too.”

  With all the emotion he’d just gone through, he suddenly felt like an overcooked noodle. He forced himself to stand. “I should get home. Holly wakes up early, running at full tilt.”

  Sofia followed him to where he’d left his coat. “I’m glad you came over.”

  “Yeah. I think I can face Christmas a little more easily, now.” He pulled Sofia into a hug, then turned and left.

  The moon shone down from a star-filled sky. His breath clouded with each exhale. The sting of the freezing air on his cheeks as he walked to his car was a sharp reminder that he was alive.

  He whispered a prayer of thanks for life and good friends.

  Chapter Eight

  “Don’t you dare!” Sofia snatched a paintbrush from the hand of young Tommy McCallum before he could give Holly a green makeover, and sent him to help Pauly with chair setup.

  Smoothing her hair away from her face, Sofia looked at the activity around her. There was no way they would finish on time. So much needed to be done. This was her first attempt at running the production of the children’s play, and she didn’t understand how Mrs. Brown had done it year after year.

  She and Barb had finished the costumes that morning. The sets still needed touchup paint where they’d either faded or gotten scratched up in storage since last year. The kids would arrive in a few hours expecting to run through dress rehearsals, and Sofia was afraid the props and sets wouldn’t be finished—meaning the paint was dry so no one would go home with stained clothing—in time.

  Nick and Mike, Tommy’s dad, were repairing the pulley system that was supposed to lower the backdrop for their city scene. Without it, they only had interiors.

  Katie walked up with the green paint can in one hand and reached for Tommy’s brush, which Sofia still held. “That boy is a delinquent.”

  “Only half the time,” Sofia said.

  Mike snuck up behind them. “Yeah, the other half he’s asleep.”

  Sofia cringed at the thought he’d overheard them bad-mouthing his son. She looked over her shoulder. “He isn’t always bad.”

  Glaring at her for the longest moment with his expression unchanged, Mike finally smirked and said, “Yes, he is. He’s a challenge, to be sure. I keep hoping those rebellious parts of him are the qualities that will help him in adult life.”

  Nick joined their circle and took on a gruff demeanor. “Just keep him away from my daughter.” He chuckled.

  “You don’t know the half of it,” Sofia said, exchanging a grin with Katie, who still held the green paint. She explained what almost happened, so the men could share the laugh.

  Nick’s entire bearing seemed relaxed today, and it struck Sofia just how tense he’d been the past few days. He smiled more quickly now, and his voice was a tad higher and richer.

  “If Holly were anything like you,” Nick said to Sofia, “she would have liked having green hair.”

  The others laughed with them.

  Katie took her phone from her pocket and glanced at it. “I have to get to work. The prep cook will have everything under control, I’m sure, but hungry customers will start arriving soon for dinner.”

  Sofia looked at Nick. “Did you get the backdrop working?”

  “Yeah. Well, Mike did. I kind of supervised.” He took his phone from his pocket and started typing with his thumbs.

  She wondered if it was work or a friend pulling him away. Before Barb had convinced him to stay in White Oak, he’d claimed to have work to do this week. Sofia had assumed when he’d agreed to stay he wouldn’t be squeezing work in when he was with Holly. Was he more like Dad than she thought? So focused on making a living that he couldn’t take time off?

  For Holly’s sake, she hoped not.

  At that moment, Holly ran over and wrapped herself around her daddy’s leg. He continued to type with one hand while patting the girl’s head.

  “What’s wrong, sweetie?” Sofia asked.

  Holly turned her head to peer at Sofia. “Jayden said I don’t have a mom.”

  To Sofia’s surprise, Nick lowered his phone and bent down. “He said that?”

  Holly nodded.

  “Well, that’s not right, is it? We talked about it before. Your mom’s name is Morgan, and she’s in heaven.”

  The girl nodded again, then stepped back. “But if she’s my mom, why isn’t she here?”

  Sofia’s heart nearly stopped in sympathy for both of them.

  Nick dropped to one knee, pulling Holly into his arms. “That’s a good question. I think her job was to give you to me. She did that, and did it really well. Now her job is to watch over you and keep you safe.”

  He cleared his throat and tugged at one of her braids. “I think she’s doing a pretty good job of that, too. Don’t you?”

  “Uh-huh.” Holly looked over at Sofia. “How come you’re crying, ‘Fia?”

  Sofia carefully wiped her eyes, hoping she wasn’t smudging her mascara in the process. “My heart hurt for a minute. But I’m fine now. How ‘bout you?”

  “Can I try on my angel costume now?”

  Nick stood. “Soon. We need to get the sets ready first. Do you want to help me?”

  He led her backstage and Sofia let out a big sigh, hoping the lump in her throat would go away.

  And wishing she could deny that the more time she spent with Nick, the more she was sure she’d never stopped loving him. Thank goodness he’d be going home at the end of the week and her life could get back to normal.

  With about fifteen minutes to spare, she and the other adults were able to get the backdrop and set décor in place for dress rehearsal. Pauly played the chords that told the children they were ready to begin, and a hush settled in the room. Mike dimmed the auditorium lights while raising the curtain.

  Holding the worn notebook containing the script and Mrs. Brown’s handwritten notes, Sofia watched from the front row on a hard metal folding chair. There were a few long pauses here and there, but things were flowing
smoothly for the most part.

  Nick sat beside her. “By George, I think they’ve got it.”

  “It’s a miracle. But I agree, they will do their parents proud. And I don’t think Mrs. Brown will go home in tears that her precious tale was destroyed.”

  The moms and dads who had stayed to watch applauded when the final curtain dropped. Sofia set her notebook in her chair as she got up to go backstage and praise her actors. In the chaos that usually came when it was time to go home, she wanted to be sure no one went home thinking they hadn’t done well.

  Cindy, one of the single moms, came up to Sofia before she left. “Nick has agreed to go caroling with us tonight, isn’t that great?”

  “Yes, great.” While she was glad he was coming, she was a bit hurt at who had convinced him to go.

  Somehow, being the person beside him when he broke through the pain and self-reproach that had burdened him, she thought his happy mood had something to do with her. Apparently his joy was toward the world in general.

  What a witch she was being. Some friend she was. Nick deserved all the happiness he could find. If he was finally ready to start dating after four years, more power to him. Even though he claimed to have had a crush on her in high school, nothing in his actions had ever hinted he wanted her as more than a friend.

  Nothing had changed between them. She tried hard to be grateful for that as she walked backstage to make certain nothing had been left behind. As she hit the light and stepped back into the main room, she saw Nick and Holly waiting for her. “Oh, hi. I thought everyone had gone.”

  “Daddy wants to walk you to your car,” Holly informed her.

  “Well, then. We’d better start walking, hadn’t we?”

  Nick held the door for them. As they stepped into the cold evening air, Sofia waved at the janitor who would lock up the building. She tugged her coat closed and fumbled with the buttons. “It’s certainly beginning to feel like Christmas, even if we won’t have snow.”

  Holly pulled at her dad’s hand. “I want it to snow.”

  “The weatherman says it won’t get cloudy enough, sorry punkin’.”

  “Can Santa and his reindeer still come if it doesn’t snow?” Her voice held all the worry a four-year-old could muster.

  “Of course,” Nick answered. “There are lots of places where it never snows.”

  “Maybe I should ask Santa to make it snow.”

  “Wouldn’t you rather ask for something you really want?” Sofia asked.

  “Well…I want him to make you my mama.”

  Sofia felt sucker-punched. She looked at Nick, wanting to make sure he knew she wasn’t fishing for that response. He didn’t meet her gaze.

  With his focus fixed on Holly, Nick said, “I thought you wanted a bicycle with training wheels.”

  “Yes!” Holly bounced up and down. “And a princess backpack, and a red bow like Ellie’s and—” She ran off to Nick’s car and the rest of her list was lost.

  Exhaling the breath she’d been holding, Sofia gave a nervous laugh. “You’re pretty good at this.”

  Nick shoved his hands in his coat pockets. “It gets easier every day. Dad says that’ll only last another nine years or so.”

  “Ah yes, teenage girls. I was one, once.”

  “A very pretty one.”

  They’d reached her car, which was two spots over from Nick’s. He’d unlocked his already and Holly was buckling herself into her seat. Sofia hesitated before opening her door, sensing Nick was about to say something.

  “Cindy said something about caroling tonight. Are you going?”

  “Yes, I am.”

  He nodded. “Shall I pick you up?”

  “Okay, sure. Sounds good.” She closed her eyes as her heart raced in embarrassment. Why did she regress to being a thirteen-year-old around Nick every time he mentioned seeing her again?

  “Great.” He headed to his car where Holly was pounding on the window.

  Sofia started her engine to get the heater going, even though it wouldn’t have warmed the car by the time she got home.

  Where did Holly come up with such a thing, to ask Santa for Sofia to be her mom? As much as she worked with kids, she seemed to know nothing about them.

  For a moment she considered writing her own last-minute letter to Santa, asking him for a family of her own. But Santa had stopped leaving gifts under her tree the Christmas after some bratty second-grader told the younger kids that Santa didn’t exist.

  Chapter Nine

  Nick recognized all but three of the carolers who piled out of their cars at the Shady Acres nursing home and stood shivering outside the entrance while they confirmed the series of songs they would sing. He waved off the songbook his former science teacher offered, and wondered if anyone really didn’t know all the words to any of the songs they sang year after year.

  The residents were dressed in gaudy Christmas sweaters of red and green, sitting in wheelchairs or standing in the doorways of their rooms. Some sang along; every one of them glowed with the joy of the season.

  Nick hung back in their group. He’d gone caroling once in high school with the youth group, but it wasn’t his thing. That might have something to do with how hard he had to search to find his pitch. But wandering the sterile, cold halls that smelled of industrial cleaner gave him another chance to see the kind of person Sofia had grown up to be.

  Every so often during the time he spent with her that week, he caught a glimpse of the girl he knew. She was still in there, hiding behind the coordinated clothes and sensible shoes. He would have liked to have been there, be part of the decision-making process that had her setting aside her spiked cuff bracelets for a simple bangle.

  As if she felt him studying her, Sofia let the others pass until she walked with Nick. She whispered, “You’re not singing.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  She smacked his sleeve with her songbook. “You aren’t that bad.”

  “Well, I guess most of the residents here are hard of hearing, so they wouldn’t notice.”

  Sofia rolled her eyes and continued to sing.

  Nick mouthed the words, exaggerating each one.

  The science teacher glanced back at them and lowered his brows. It took all the strength Nick could muster not to burst out laughing. He felt practically giddy tonight, like the weight of the world was off his shoulders.

  In a way, it was. He would always have regrets for the way he acted that morning before he realized Morgan had died. Or maybe not his actions, but the thoughts going through his head. Even if she’d tricked him into getting her pregnant, he could have said no to having sex in the first place. He could have offered financial assistance without marrying her. No one would have thought badly of him.

  When the carolers completed the circle of the nursing home, they piled back into their cars and drove to the community hospital. There were a few children who would be spending the holidays there, in addition to a handful of adults. Seeing the smiles of those who heard them gave Nick a warm feeling. He hadn’t realized how good it made him feel to offer cheer to others.

  As he and Sofia walked back to his car, he asked, “Would you be disappointed if we don’t go with the others for coffee and fruitcake?”

  “No. I’m not a fan of fruitcake.”

  “Maybe we could go to the Royal Oak. I’m not ready for the night to be over.”

  She caught his eye when he opened her door. “Or, we could go to my place. For coffee,” she added quickly.

  “Sounds good.”

  Sofia went straight to the kitchen when they entered her apartment. “What’s your poison? Vanilla Hazelnut? Maple Nut Fudge? Pumpkin Spice?”

  He grimaced at the thought of those. “Do have any coffee-flavored coffee?”

  “One coffee coffee coming up.”

  Nick sat in the same spot on her couch as the last time he was over. Luckily, this time he wasn’t fighting the ghost of his past self and the choices he’d made. Still, as he watched S
ofia during their casual conversation, he realized how far spread the effects of his actions had been. “It’s crazy how doing the right thing isn’t cut and dried.”

  Sofia shifted to face him. “What do you mean?”

  “I dunno. What do they say about us not living in a vacuum? My one choice, or the lack of making the smart choice a few weeks before, didn’t just change the lives of me and Morgan. It affected our friends, too.”

  “You mean, by marrying her?”

  “Yes. I lost a few friends because of it, I think.”

  “Like who?”

  “Well, Brandon and I drifted apart. And you and I talked almost daily before then.”

  She tugged a strand of her hair and draped it across her face as if in thought. Or hiding what she was thinking. “You got really busy. When you weren’t working, you were with Morgan.”

  “I know. You stopped coming over to my mom and dad’s for dinner on Sunday.”

  “It felt weird with you not there. It wasn’t the same.” She reached for her coffee mug. “Did you and Morgan eventually start going over there for dinner?”

  He shook his head. “I was usually working, and Morgan’s hours changed a lot. I think she probably just ate at our apartment when I was at work.”

  “Don’t blame everything on marrying Morgan. It’s normal for friends to grow apart when we go off to college and take on real jobs. I think you’re looking for more reasons to be mad at yourself. Let it go.”

  Wiping his hand over his mouth, he swallowed down the bitter tang that had nothing to do with coffee. “I don’t know if I can let it go. Maybe it’ll help if I work harder reconnecting with old friends.”

  “You can do that, and you can look to make new ones.”

  “There’s one new friendship I’m very happy for. Yours.” The smile he gave her came from deep inside.

  “Renewed.”

  “I’m hoping it’s a new level to our friendship. Now that I know what’s important to me. You know.”