Kitty's Countryside Dream

by Christie Barlow

  ‘I very much doubt I’ll wake anyone at 11 a.m. Your neighbours should have left for work hours ago, unlike you,’ he replied, tapping his watch.

  We exchanged looks.

  ‘11 a.m.? There’s no way it’s that time,’ I responded, beginning to panic.

  ‘I think you’ll find it is!’

  ‘Oh no, I am so sorry! I must have overslept.’

  ‘Well, are you going to invite me in? And, more to the point, are you thinking of coming into work anytime today? Nice PJs by the way.’ Tom grinned.

  As I looked down at my love-heart pyjamas, I suddenly felt embarrassed.

  ‘Now let me in and you go and get ready for work. Unfortunately Jeannie’s still under the weather and hasn’t made it in again today.’

  I stared at Tom, suddenly remembering what I had witnessed yesterday between Jeannie and the guy in the park.

  ‘What’s the matter now? Go and grab a shower and wake yourself up and I’ll switch the kettle on, if that’s OK with you?’

  ‘Go ahead,’ I replied, leaving him standing in the hallway while I headed back into the bedroom to get ready.

  Once I’d showered and dressed I walked back into the kitchen. Tom was leaning against the worktop reading the newspaper. I hesitated in the doorway for a moment, watching him.

  Sensing I was there, he swung round and smiled. ‘Tea,’ he said, pouring boiling water from the kettle into two mugs and placing them down on the table.

  ‘Forgive me for saying, but you look like you haven’t slept?’

  I paused. ‘I must have slept because I’m late for work, but honestly I’m OK,’ I said hesitantly.

  ‘Honestly?’ he said, raising his eyebrows. ‘I don’t think you are. I’m no Sherlock Holmes but the amount of used soggy tissues thrown on your worktop suggests to me you’ve been crying,’ he continued, sliding a mug of tea over the table in my direction. I sighed. Maybe this was the time to confide in him about the diary, Violet and Jeannie, oh and not forgetting my feelings. However, once Tom was in possession of all the facts, things could change; his friendship was important to me and it was possible I could lose that. What’s more, I couldn’t bear to hear his response when he rejected me. There were no ifs, buts or maybes about it.

  Tom sat down next to me and slid his arm along the back of my chair. I glanced nervously into his eyes and took a deep breath. My heart was clattering and I could barely breathe. He moved his face towards mine; I moved closer to his.

  My head was fighting my heart. I’d never felt this feeling before. My mind whirled; his touch, his smell, the spark was explosive. Surely he felt it too? My pulse was racing and my skin was tingling. This is it, Kitty Lewis, the voice inside my head was saying; I’d made up my mind to hold back but all my best intentions had suddenly gone out of the window. I thought I might just kiss him. I was so glad I was sitting down because my legs would’ve collapsed underneath me by now.

  He brushed the tip of his finger against my lips and tilted my chin; I could feel his breath on my face. He moved closer.

  The moment was interrupted by the phone in the hall ringing.

  ‘You’d best answer that, it might be important,’ Tom said and smiled.

  I felt a surge of disappointment run through my blood. Reluctantly, I got up and walked over to the phone. ‘Hello?’

  ‘Hi, Kitty, it’s Robin, Tom wouldn’t be with you by any chance, would he?’

  ‘Yes, he is, I’ll just get him.’

  Placing the receiver on the table, I shouted Tom.

  ‘It’s for you – it’s Robin.’

  I watched as Tom made his way towards me. He placed the telephone to his ear.

  ‘Hi, Robin. What’s up, mate?’

  I was just making my way back to the kitchen when I heard the tone of Tom’s voice change.

  ‘Yes, of course, I’ll be there straightaway. No problem. Bye.’

  I could only hear one side of the conversation yet instantly I knew something was wrong.

  ‘Is everything OK?’ I asked.

  He didn’t answer me.

  ‘What is it, Tom?’

  ‘It’s Jeannie; she’s been taken to hospital.’

  I shivered.

  ‘I have to go.’ He paused. ‘Shall we catch up later?’

  I took a deep breath.

  ‘Yes, of course.’

  Tom kissed my cheek.

  Suddenly the guilt swept through my body. What had I done? I’d let Jeannie down, I’d let myself down – whatever was I thinking? She needed Tom and when she needed him most, he was with me and she was all alone in the hospital.

  Chapter Thirty

  I spent the rest of the day in a blind panic, feeling guilty about my selfish actions. There was nothing else for it except to throw myself into work, and I had never worked so hard in my life. Every muscle in my body ached, including my heart, and that wasn’t so much from the work but the emotional strain of the day.

  Both Jeannie and Tom were on my mind all day. I prayed that she and the baby were safe and well. All I could do was wait to hear from someone. No news was good news.

  Throughout the day I sporadically broke down in tears. Luckily for me the only witnesses were Conker the Shetland pony and hundreds of chickens, who were more interested in foraging on the ground searching out worms, so I think my secret was safe.

  I scrubbed all the coops clean until there was not one ounce of dirt left on them; they were spotless, all laid out with fresh bedding. Egg orders were boxed and completed and the invoices were all up to date.

  Once all the chickens were locked up and Conker was safely back in his stable, I grabbed my bike and began to cycle home. I’d had my share of bad days in the past, but this had to be the worst one in a while.

  Halfway up the road I recognised Lucinda’s van parked up, and there she was, standing on the pavement, talking to a woman I didn’t recognise. Lucinda turned round and spotted me cycling towards her; she waved in my direction then patted the woman’s arm and I heard her say, ‘That’s not a problem, if you pop into the shop tomorrow I’ll take the order for the wedding cake.’ The woman smiled and walked off in the opposite direction.

  ‘Good evening, Kitty, you OK? Business is booming! I’ve just been stopped on the street and asked to make a wedding cake. You can’t get better than that, can you?’ She laughed.

  Pulling my brakes on, I placed both feet on the ground and halted straight in front of her.

  I forced a smile. ‘Well you are the best cake maker I know.’

  ‘How’s the Lodge today? You look exhausted, have you been working hard?’

  I nodded. ‘Yes, I’ve been on my own all day.’

  ‘Why, where is everyone?’

  Panic hit me as I realised that Lucinda might not even know Jeannie was expecting a baby, never mind the fact that she was currently in hospital.

  Lucinda placed her hand on my arm. ‘You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.’

  ‘I’m just having a bad day.’

  ‘Do you want to talk about it?’

  Lucinda always made time for everyone, even though she was one of the busiest people I knew. I could see from her face she was genuinely concerned and not just prying.

  ‘I’ll be OK, honestly, but thanks. I just need to go home and run myself a warm bath and climb into my PJs.’

  ‘If you’re sure?’

  ‘Yes, I’m sure, but we definitely need a girly catch-up soon.’

  ‘I promise.’

  And with that I put my feet back on the pedals and rode home as fast as I could.

  I was more than flustered arriving at the steps to the flat. Fiddling inside my pocket for the front-door key, I finally let myself in and heaved a huge sigh of relief.

  What a day.

  If I hadn’t ridden off at that particular moment I would have spilled all my problems to Lucinda in the street. What would she think of me? What would Jeannie think of me? The only decent thing I could do now was to
step back and let them become a family.

  After a long hot soak in the bath and a huge bowl of pasta, I was beginning to feel a little better. Wrapped up in my dressing gown on the settee with Alfie curled up next to me, I reached for Violet’s diary and opened it up. I was about to read why she’d had the worst day of her life.

  * * *

  12 December 1960

  * * *

  I’ve been too distressed to write for a few days. Why me? Why does everything have to happen to me? I was enjoying myself spending time with Alice and now it’s gone awfully wrong. Alice is so mad at me. I thought she would be on my side. It was only a mistake, I didn’t do it on purpose, but I have been sent home disgraced. She has promised not to tell Mum, which is a relief and a blessing, and hopefully in time Alice will forgive me.

  It was all going well until Alice’s friend came to visit with the baby and her young son. The baby was gorgeous, gurgling away, lying in her pram, kicking her feet in the air. Alice was smitten. Bea had named her Jeannie. I thought it was an unusual yet pretty name. It’s only a little over a week to the christening and both Alice and her friend Bea were excited, chattering about the gathering and the outfits they were going to wear. Alice had prepared afternoon tea; that too was delicious. She’d cut the sandwiches into small triangles and had baked scones, which we all enjoyed with butter and strawberry jam.

  Jeannie had drifted off to sleep. Once she awoke and was fed she was even more adorable. Alice went into the kitchen to make a pot of tea and Bea was cuddling Jeannie. I asked if I could have a hold of the baby. We joked that if Alice was godmother that would make me a godaunty and we were all giggling. Bea handed me the baby, but she made sure I was sitting propped up against the arm of the settee before she placed Jeannie in my arms. She was so cute. I thought she smiled at me, but both Alice and Bea laughed and said it was only wind. Her fingers and toes were so tiny; I’d never seen anyone so small. I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

  Then there was a knock at the door and Bea said that would be her husband; he was coming to collect them all. As the door to the living room opened, I froze when I recognised the voice, and then I found T standing in my sister’s living room staring straight at me. His face was one of utter shock. I began to shake with fear, and I didn’t mean to but I dropped the baby. She hit the floor and let out a horrific cry and everyone rushed towards her. T started to shout at me, calling me a stupid little girl and yelling that if his daughter was hurt he wouldn’t be held responsible for his actions. I was crying. I was just surprised to find him standing in my sister’s living room, not to mention that I’d spent the afternoon with his wife and family. I didn’t even know he had a son. It was all so heartbreaking.

  He cradled his daughter in his arms and his son was hanging off his leg. Bea was shaking, and once they knew the baby was OK, they all promptly left, but not before T muttered in my direction, ‘I hope I never lay eyes on you again.’

  I fell to my knees, the tears rolling down my cheeks. He meant those words; they were uttered with such venom.

  All I could hear was Alice continuously apologising to them – she was so sorry and hoped Jeannie would be OK. Then the front door shut and all was quiet. I knew I would never see or hear from T ever again.

  When Alice returned to the living room she ordered me to gather my belongings and I was on the next train home.

  * * *

  Staring at the words on the page, I couldn’t believe what I was reading; my mind was in a whirl and the cogs were beginning to turn. I was racking my brains trying to remember a conversation that had taken place between Tom and I a while back. I couldn’t even remember when and where we’d had the conversation, but I was sure he’d told me that Jeannie’s mother was called Bea. Surely this wasn’t a coincidence? Was it?

  My mind was in overdrive; my hands were sweating. Fumbling, I began to quickly flick back through the previous diary entries. I knew what I was looking for, but I just couldn’t remember the date. Scanning the pages, my eyes rapidly flitted up and down, and there it was, the entry for 6 November, the day Violet had visited Alice in hospital after her miscarriage.

  My pulse was racing and my heart was thumping as I reread the entry.

  As Violet had made her way across the maternity wing towards the exit, she had identified T’s voice and found herself standing within a few metres of him, his wife and his newborn baby girl.

  My mouth fell open as the penny dropped; this surely was no coincidence? I knew immediately if Jeannie’s birthday was 6 November then my young Aunt Violet was more than likely having an affair with Jeannie’s father, Ted. In fact there was no question about it, my aunt Violet had had an affair with Jeannie and Robin’s father.

  Right then there was a knock on the front door. Maybe it was Tom, I thought. Ever since he’d left this morning there had been no further communication whatsoever, even though he’d promised we would catch up later.

  Opening the door, I found Robin standing on the other side.

  ‘Can I come in?’

  He looked pale and tired.

  ‘Of course you can,’ I answered, opening the door wider so he could squeeze past me. I wasn’t expecting to find him on the other side of the door and my heart was racing. I had no idea why he was here. He must have brought news of Jeannie. How was she? What had happened? Then the guilt hit me again. Robin wouldn’t be thrilled to find out I had nearly kissed Tom, and even less thrilled to find out it had happened when his sister had been admitted to hospital. Maybe he already knew; maybe that was why he was here.

  I followed Robin down the hallway and he sank down onto the settee.

  ‘It’s been a very long day. I hope you don’t mind me dropping in on you like this?’ He looked weary.

  ‘Of course not,’ I replied

  ‘Can I trouble you for a glass of water?’ he asked.

  I nodded and quickly hurried to the kitchen to fill up a glass of cold water from the tap.

  On my return he was still sat on the settee with his head in his hands. Looking up, he said, ‘Sorry, I’ve forgotten to take my boots off.’

  ‘Don’t be daft – it’s OK. How is everything? How’s Jeannie?’

  ‘I’ve never been so scared in all my life. I found her collapsed on the bedroom floor, her pulse was weak, her eyes were shut and there was vomit next to her. I rang for an ambulance immediately. I didn’t leave her side until they arrived. My dad was down in the bottom field attending to the cows. He only knew something was wrong when he heard the ambulance speeding up the drive with the sirens blaring.’

  Robin paused again and looked at me. ‘I was so scared, Kitty. I thought we’d lost her. I’ve never felt so helpless in all of my life.’

  Robin buried his head in his hands and began to sob. Tears pricked my eyes and I blinked them away. I sat down next to him and put my arm around his shoulder. He turned and faced me and we hugged. I could feel his whole body shaking.

  ‘Thanks, Kitty – I needed that hug. I didn’t know where else to go.’

  I smiled at him. I was touched he’d come to me; it was a relief to know after everything he still considered me a friend – a good friend.

  ‘How is Jeannie now?’

  ‘She’s dehydrated. It’s the constant sickness, they said; it’s caused the rapid loss of fluids and electrolytes from her body. She’s currently hooked up to a drip and has to stay in hospital for a few more days to be monitored.’

  ‘So she’s going to be all right? What about the baby?’ I added.

  ‘They’re both going to be just fine.’ The look of relief on Robin’s face said it all.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  I stared at Jeannie in her hospital bed; she looked so pale and weak. I sat with her for about half an hour and just watched her sleep – I didn’t want to wake her. She was hooked up to all sorts of machines; the wires dangled and the monitors were bleeping away consistently.

  A nurse walked in pushing a trolley. She examined the numbers of the
display on the machine that was bleeping. All seemed to be in order. After refilling Jeannie’s water jug and checking the chart that was hanging from the bottom of her bed, she took a pen out of her pocket and placed a tick on the paper. She smiled in my direction then left the room.

  ‘Hey, how long have you been sitting there?’ Jeannie opened her eyes.

  ‘Hello, you, how are you feeling?’ I said softly. ‘You’ve given us all a bit of a scare.’

  ‘I feel like a pincushion.’ Jeannie smiled, holding out her arm for me to see. She was covered in plasters and bruises, and there was a cannula in her arm.

  ‘But you’re smiling – that’s a good start. Do you want a drink of water? The nurse has refilled your jug.’

  ‘I want a damn good wash and need to clean my teeth. The last time I felt this manky I’d spent four days at a festival.’

  ‘Are you able to sit up? I could pour some of the water into the cup and you can dip your toothbrush in it.’

  ‘I’ll try in a moment but my blood pressure is so low that even the slightest movement makes me feel dizzy and faint. If I stay in this position it’s not too bad, but I keep drifting in and out of sleep.’

  I patted her arm soothingly. ‘You don’t need to move, just stay where you are.’

  ‘It’s awful. You hear about women who don’t even know they’re pregnant until they’re in labour, but not me; I’ve never felt so ill.’

  ‘You poor thing, it must be awful.’

  ‘I feel so damn useless and stupid being in here. I’m so sorry I’m not at work.’

  ‘Sorry? Did you really just say you were sorry? Don’t be daft. Don’t worry about work; Tom and I have it all under control.’

  I didn’t actually know whether Tom had anything under control. I hadn’t seen or heard from him since we’d nearly kissed in the kitchen. I wanted to telephone him last night after Robin had left my flat, but I didn’t know what to say. I was half expecting him to be sitting next to Jeannie’s bed when I arrived, but he wasn’t there.