Sacrifice (Fashionably Impure Book 3)

by Natasha Blackthorne

  She wanted to seduce him this time.

  She wanted him helpless to her in desire.

  She moved to mount him.

  He held her arms, preventing her.

  “Adrian…” The intensity of her need, both physical and emotional made her voice breathy.

  “No.”

  “But Adrian—”

  “No, not like that.”

  “I am good at it,” she said, urgency creeping into her tone. “You would love it. I know you would.”

  His whole body had gone rigid against hers a second before he turned away.

  Her heart beat hard against her chest wall. She wanted to do that with him.

  She wanted it so badly.

  He would never let it happen.

  No, this time she would persuade him. She would seduce him.

  She rolled towards him and pressed her breasts into his back, knowing that her nipples were rigid and that he would feel that.

  Knowing that it normally drove him wild.

  “I really am good at it.” She gave her best husky, woman-of-the-world whisper.

  “I don’t doubt it, love.” His tone was cold. “You were trained for it.” There was a touch of almost sardonic amusement in his voice.

  She chewed her lip, uncertain what to do next. This was a need for her. She wanted to be able to drive him insane with pleasure, the same way he always did her.

  Hot tears pricked the corners of her eyes. She blinked them back.

  He took complete charge of her in their bed. He gave her incredible pleasure when he did so. And she was grateful to have such a sensually appealing and sexually skilled man to love her.

  Was that really so wrong of her to want a little sexual power over him in return?

  “There’s no time,” he said, in a stern voice, the one he used when Davey refused to eat all of his serving of carrots.

  Shame burnt into her.

  Adrian rolled from the bed and stood.

  Her eyes riveted to his huge erection. She bounded from the bed and stepped sprightly into his path.

  He looked annoyed.

  She offered her best, brightest smile.

  “What?” he asked.

  “Maybe I could…” But already her throat choked off the words.

  “You could what?”

  “You know…” She let her eyes drift down to his cock. It jerked under her gaze.

  “No.”

  “But—”

  “Do not remember what happened the last time we attempted to do that?”

  She sucked in her breath and swallowed back a lurch of hot bile. A mix of shame and self-disgust washed over her, more hotly than before.

  “I don’t expect that from you.” His tone held finality.

  Yes, he knew her past. He knew what she’d witnessed Winterton forcing upon her mother.

  “But don’t all men—”

  “I am not all men, Miranda, I am your husband. I would never place such a demand upon you.”

  His sharp tone made her flinch.

  His expression softened. “My love.” He took her by the shoulders then leaned closer and placed a kiss on her forehead. A soft kiss full of affection. “I don’t need that from you.”

  “Yes, Carrville had others for—”

  “Miranda, stop. I don’t expect or need a full demonstration of courtesan’s tricks from you and I certainly have no taste for any other woman.”

  He drew her into the circle of his embrace. “I just want to give you pleasure. I just want to possess and subdue your body. It is enough for me.”

  But it wasn’t enough for her.

  Yet, she held her tongue as he kissed her, long, lingering and tender. Then she watched him move away from her and pull on his trousers. Then he laid his shaving gear out on the washstand. “I should have mentioned this before, but I didn’t want to spoil last night.”

  Something in his tone sent currents of dread through her belly.

  “I must leave for the coast tonight,” he finished.

  Chapter Three

  Miranda gaped at Adrian. “You’re going to the coast? Today?”

  The powerful muscles in his arms flexed as he leaned to pull the bell cord. “This evening.”

  He didn’t meet her eyes but instead had returned to the mirror, his attention fixed on inspecting his heavy stubble. He rubbed his cheeks. “I am leaving on a Plymouth ship for America.”

  “But you said that your cousin was going to see you trained in the details of shipbuilding. You said that would take a month or two.”

  “I have found an expert who will travel with me and tutor me whilst we are at sea.”

  Her mouth dropped open. Her legs went weak. She sat on the bed. “I don’t understand the haste… Ruel is pressuring you to hurry?”

  He turned and came to sit beside her. He took her hands. “Miranda, the sooner I leave, the sooner I shall return and we shall begin our life together without this necessary trip hanging over our heads.”

  “This necessary trip?” She shook her head. “I have never been convinced it was a particularly necessary thing.”

  “Don’t you want us to have some wealth?”

  “Not at this price.”

  “We mustn’t be short-sighted, love. Think, what if we have daughters—several daughters? How would we dower them properly?”

  She didn’t have an answer for that.

  “If I am to be a proper husband to you and father to our children, I cannot be haunting gaming hells to all hours, earning our way.”

  “No, I know that.” Her shoulders sagged.

  There was a knock on the door. She drew the sheet over herself as he pulled his dressing gown over his naked torso then he answered the door. She remained downcast as she listened to him requesting hot water, enough for her bath and his shaving and a hearty breakfast.

  Then when he closed the door and returned to her, she brightened. “But surely if your cousin has a job for you in America, there must be other jobs for you here that you could take to earn the money?”

  He sat on the bed again. “No one else will pay me as well for such time-limited work. No one else will want to train me. And I would just as soon the work be done abroad. Aside from a military commission or clergy, society doesn’t look favorably upon those who work for their keep. I would shield my sons from that kind of shadow on the Sutherland reputation if I could.”

  “Nothing is going to shield them from the scandal of our marriage.”

  He frowned. “Then having a father who works would only make that stigma worse, can’t you see that? We need to build wealth in order to provide a cushion for this scandal of our marriage. If we gain wealth, I will be able to use the power of my ancient name and title all the better.” He drew her hand to his cheek and pressed it. “It is part of how I would protect you.”

  “I suppose you must do this for Davey and Brentwood.”

  “And for you.” He leaned forwards and gave her a quick kiss. “Let us dress, my love. We must make a day of it with Davey to soften the blow of my leaving.”

  She hadn’t even thought of that. Davey would have to be told. With a heavy heart, she pulled herself from the bed and began the hard task of preparing herself mentally for this to be the last day with her love.

  ****

  Propped against the heavy wood headboard of Miranda’s bed, Adrian watched the firelight play in wavering orange and red tones upon her hair and her lush ivory curves as she lay with her head on the pillow. God, she was the loveliest thing that he had ever seen and he couldn’t help but run a caressing hand over her pink-tipped breasts. Though her eyes were closed and bore purple shadows, her lovely berry-pink mouth curved into a smile.

  She turned and curled into him.

  It had been a long day, spent with Davey. Bundled against the chill in the air, they had taken a ride to the park then played several children’s games with him then enjoyed a meal of cold roasted duck, apples, bread and cheese spread on a blanket.

&nb
sp; “You said that you had to leave this afternoon,” she said, sleepily.

  “I will have to travel without stopping on the morrow.” He had delayed. He hadn’t been able to find the will to shorten the day or to spoil Davey’s obvious happiness by breaking the news of his leaving.

  He had also wanted just one more night with Miranda. The thought of leaving her was becoming unbearable.

  Tomorrow morning would be soon enough.

  Unbearable or not, he would have to leave her and Davey and go and do what must be done for both of their sakes. His own happiness or discomfort was not important. He must keep Miranda safe. Also, now Davey’s happiness and well-being depended on having her in his life. There were so many reasons why this parting must happen.

  But Adrian grieved the necessity to the very depths of his soul.

  He eased himself down to lie beside Miranda and gathered her into his arms. He put his lips to her cheek. “I know you are tired.”

  “I don’t really want to sleep.” Her voice slurred the words, telling of her deep fatigue. “I don’t want to lose our last hours together.”

  At the sadness that entered her voice, his heart contracted. How painful this would be to her. How straining for she must face any scandal alone. For now.

  It must be this way.

  It was so unfair.

  He hated Winterton all the more for this parting.

  “I know that you should sleep.” He paused to bend and brush his lips against her forehead. “But there are things we must discuss.”

  She made a soft sound of acquiescence.

  “I do not trust Winterton.”

  “I don’t trust him either,” she said, stifling a yawn.

  “I want you to take Davey and go to live with Jon and Anne.”

  She went rigid. He sensed her coming fully alert. “Adrian, you can’t mean that.”

  “It is the best thing.”

  “But your cousin does not approve of me.”

  “No, he does not.” Adrian couldn’t lie to her. “But he knows family duty. He lives and breathes it. He will protect you and Davey in whatever way is needed. He will be kind and generous with you both. It is the best situation since I cannot be here for you.”

  “Oh goodness, Adrian. How can I possibly live with strangers?”

  “They are not strangers to me. Please Miranda, do this for me.” He tightened his hold on her. “For my peace of mind.”

  “Oh, I don’t know… the disdainful way he looked at me today…” She shuddered slightly against him.

  “It is not disdain.” Adrian said, knowing his cousin was displaying distrust for Miranda’s reputation as a cold, unfeeling, greedy young woman. Not knowing how to say that without hurting her, he struggled for words. “It is your previous reputation catching up with you. He does not know you like I do.”

  No one else knew her as he did.

  It would go against her. There was nothing he could do about that now.

  Damn Jon for his near parental concern. Damn the man for allowing Miranda to see it. But that was done. Now Adrian needed her cooperation. He decided to try a different tact.

  “I am leaving my son to your sole responsibility.”

  “I know.”

  “I would not do that if I didn’t hold you in the highest possible regard or trust. I know that you would do anything needed to assure his safety and well-being.”

  “Of course I would.” Her voice rang with conviction.

  “Miranda, I believe this is necessary for his safety and yours.” He continued more stridently. “You are a parent to him now. You do not live only for yourself. You must think of your own safety more closely for you must be there for him.”

  She had caught her breath.

  He continued, “I know that you have this kind of selfless responsibility within you. I saw you give it to your mother. Such selfless giving is part of what makes me love you so dearly.”

  She pulled away from him and slid from the bed and go to pour herself a glass of claret. He watched her with such a heavy heart that he could take no pleasure in her nakedness bathed in firelight. She stood staring into the flames slowly draining the glass. Then she bent her head.

  Had her shoulders begun to shake?

  With his heart contracting all over again, he sprang from the bed and went to her. He put his hands on her shoulders. “Miranda.” He heard all his own pain resound in his voice as he pulled her into his embrace.

  But she raised her face to his, her eyes were dry.

  “All right, if you think it is truly necessary, I will go and live with your cousin and his countess.”

  He could feel her trembling. She was frightened by the prospect. Had he ever thought her cold and invulnerable? How could he have ever been so insensitive to have not seen her clearly? He could have loved her all the sooner and they might have had more time together had he not been so blinded by his prejudices. He stroked her hair and she trembled all the harder. His heart contracted with another twinge of pain for her.

  “I’ll do it for Davey. I’d do anything for him.” Her soft voice was barely audible.

  “Yes, I know.” He put his cheek to hers. “My brave girl.”

  She laughed the sound shaky and full of nervousness.

  “I shall return before you know.”

  “How long?”

  “Three—four months at most.”

  “Promise?”

  Christ, how girlish and hopeful she sounded. Renewed pain— more than a twinge, this time it sliced through him like a knife. He took a ragged breath. “Yes, I will make certain of it. Do you think I can bear to be parted from you longer than that?” He heard his voice going hoarse. How would he ever bear being parted from her?

  He tightened his hold even more and put his face into the crook of her neck, inhaling her unique spicy, floral scent, loving it as much— no, more than he had that night at the courtesans’ ball.

  “Remember when we danced at the Courtesans’ Ball?” he said against her neck, still hearing the hoarseness in his own voice.

  She tensed.

  “You were so cold to me, my love. I thought to myself that you could surely freeze a man’s stones off.”

  She laughed, softly, her body gently shaking against his. “Goodness.”

  “Goodness?” He kissed her neck. “There was nothing of goodness in my motives.”

  “Wasn’t there?” Amusement sounded in her voice.

  “I wanted to confront you about Carrville and all the sins I imagined you to be guilty of.”

  “Ha!” She gave him a slight shove against his chest, pulling away from him to look him in the eye. “You wanted an excuse to touch me.”

  Now it was his turn to tense.

  “You found any excuse to touch me.”

  Caught, he had to laugh.

  She pulled him closer and touched his face with both hands. “Now you need not find any excuses. I would beg and plead for your touch. I have no haughty pride now, just love for you.”

  “You need never beg me.” He took her hands from his face and closed his fingers about hers and drew her into the proper position for a waltz, albeit too close for propriety.

  He led her around the dance steps, whilst humming the notes to a remembered and beloved waltz.

  “Have you ever danced in the nude?” he asked, as the dance steps brought them together.

  “No,” she said, laughter in her voice. She leaned up, brushing her tightened nipples against his chest. She put her mouth to his, briefly then backed away, amusement glowing in her pale green eyes. “Have you, my lord?”

  He shook his head.

  She smiled and gracefully moved though the next steps, with the fire playing upon her hair and her gorgeous breasts bouncing softly.

  She was so young, so vulnerable, so lovely.

  Yet so brave and strong.

  God help him, he loved her so…

  How would he ever simply walk away from her and into his carriage and leave her?
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br />   He must.

  His heart contracted, harder than ever. He reached for her and with one move, jerked her to his body and pressed his face into the curve of her shoulder. “God, Miranda, how I love you.”

  Her body began to tremble. He firmed his hold and placed his cheek against hers. He felt the wetness of her tears.

  His own eyes began to burn. The urge to bury his face in her hair, to hide his weakness rose hotly within him.

  However, he knew the cost to her be so vulnerable with any man.

  Even him.

  He had hurt her before, through his insensitivity. He had vowed to be more sensitive to her. And so he lifted his head and pulled away from her just enough that she could see his face. See the evidence of his vulnerability to her that equaled or perhaps rivaled hers to him.

  She touched his cheek.

  He pressed his hand over hers.

  “Couldn’t we just be poor?” She sniffed softly, the whites of her eyes, the tracks on her cheeks glistening.

  “No, my love, we can’t.”

  “Surely being poor together is better than this.”

  He couldn’t tell her of his plans to pursue and challenge Winterton. If he did, he’d have to justify it by telling her all the evil things her father had plotted against her.

  This he would not do.

  He would not frighten her.

  He would not hurt her with the ultimate knowledge of the depths her father would sink to in order to plunge her into devastation and oblivion.

  “I’ll be home to you before you know it.” He took her hand and kissed it.

  Her throat worked up and down then she nodded slowly. But a fresh torrent of tears washed down her cheeks.

  God, he could not take this.

  She sniffled, hard, for tears were flooding down her face. She pulled away from him and watched as she ran to the washstand.

  Maybe she wouldn’t forgive him for putting her through this.

  He watched, feeling helpless as she washed her tears away. She dried her face with a towel and he went and poured them both a glass of wine.

  He had made her a promise that he would never drink to excess again but now surely they both could use one. They stood near the fire and silently quaffed their drinks.