Nobody's Perfect

by Pat Ballard

  The sharp ringing of the phone broke their spell. Sam answered, and Nella could tell it was business, so she got up and headed for the shower.

  Several days later, Sam came from his office, where he’d been on the phone again.

  “Next week is Thanksgiving, and the Adams want us to come spend the holiday with them. Mr. Adams will come and get us on the sleigh, and they want us to stay a few days. What do you think?”

  It would be the first time they’d left the house since their visit to Tommy and Amy’s. The chance to get away briefly was kind of exciting to Nella. The heavy snow had slowed down and now they were only having occasional flurries, but they’d had fourteen inches, altogether, with drifts much deeper.

  “If you think it’s safe to try, I’d enjoy visiting for a few days.” She gave Sam the answer he was hoping for.

  “We’ll be okay if it doesn’t snow any more than it’s doing right now. If it should come a heavier snow between now and then, I don’t think we should try it.”

  Nella had to take his word for it, as she didn’t know how sleighs worked, but she sure felt sorry for the animal who had to pull them through the heavy snow.

  She couldn’t believe they’d been here on the mountain for as long as they had. And she was still in awe of the transformation in Sam. His lovemaking was so gentle at times it made her throat ache just to think of it. Yet at other times there was an urgency that almost frightened her. It was as if he were afraid their time was running out, and it would all be over soon.

  They spent the following week in anticipation of the pending visit. Mrs. Adams had told them not to bring any food, but at Nella’s insistence Sam agreed to let her bake a cake and some pies, “just to help out,” Nella said.

  That actually pleased Sam, because it was a custom of the area to always bring something when visiting someone, and he knew it’d make a good impression on the Adams.

  It was late Tuesday afternoon. Mr. Adams was supposed to pick them up on Wednesday afternoon. Nella was in the kitchen finishing up her last pie. Jake was taking his mid-afternoon nap, and Sam was in his office doing paperwork.

  Nella stepped inside the pantry to put away the things she’d been using to make the pie. As she reached over her head to put away the last ingredient, she felt Sam’s hands slip around her from behind. They skillfully made their way under her loose sweater to capture a breast in each hand.

  He drew her back against him and started kissing the back of her neck. As he kneaded her breasts, he kissed his way slowly toward her mouth, and she turned her head to give him full access to her lips. She could feel his arousal start as she leaned back into him.

  “You have enchanted me, woman. I can’t think about anything except making love to you,” he whispered against her upturned mouth.

  “Is that a bad thing?” she asked, in a weakened voice.

  “Not a bad thing, but a highly unusual thing. I’m not usually this captivated by a woman,” he admitted, tracing her bottom lip with the ball of his thumb.

  “Well, what do we need to do about it?” she asked, slowly drawing his thumb into her mouth.

  “Oh, I do have a temporary solution,” he promised, and proceeded to reveal to her what it was.

  Afterward they stood holding each other, weak from exhaustion. No words were spoken. No words were needed. But both knew that eventually they’d have to discuss what was developing between them.

  That night, as they sat on the couch and watched the evening news, waiting to see the weather report, the announcer said, “Today, charges were filed against the nationally known Samuel L. du Cannon by Miranda Smythe, for child support for her unborn child. According to Ms. Smythe, Sam du Cannon, the food chain mogul, disappeared into thin air after he found out she was pregnant with his child.”

  As she felt the color drain from her face, Nella remembered her walk on the beach back in Hawaii, and the part of Sam and Miranda’s conversation that she didn’t hear before they reached her. Was that the reason Miranda was so upset when Sam refused to continue seeing her? Did he know she was pregnant then, and just didn’t want to acknowledge it?

  The announcer continued, “Miranda Smythe urges Sam du Cannon to take immediate action and contact her so they can come to an agreement about a settlement.”

  The camera flashed a shot of Miranda with John McHill as her escort. There were a few brief shots of old film footage of Sam.

  Sam snapped off the TV with the remote control. His face was dark with anger. “Well, I wondered how and when it would come, but I never expected this.” His voice was low and tinged with fury.

  Nella wanted desperately to ask him if Miranda were pregnant with his child, but instinct told her it was not the time to ask that question.

  Making his decision quickly, Sam turned to Nella. “You know I have to go and fight this thing. Miranda and John have somehow joined forces with my in-laws, and are waging a battle against me. I have to go and fight them. I want you and Jake to go ahead to the Adams’ house for Thanksgiving, but I have to go and get to the bottom of this.”

  “No.” Quiet determination sounded in her voice.

  “No? No, what?” Sam stopped his troubled pacing to look at Nella.

  “I don’t want to go to the Adams’ without you. They’re strangers to me. I know they’re good people, but I don’t want to go alone. I want to go with you.”

  “Nella, that’s not possible. I won’t be able to catch a flight out of here. I’ll have to get Mr. Adams to come up here and get me, and then I’ll have to rent a vehicle and drive. That won’t be safe for you and Jake.”

  “But it is safe for you?”

  “I’ll be able to take care of myself.”

  “Why do you have to go? Why can’t your lawyers just take care of the situation?” She was beginning to wonder if he wanted to go to Miranda.

  As if reading her mind, Sam came over and sat beside her, placing his arm around her shoulders. “Nella, if Miranda is pregnant, and she sure didn’t look it, the child couldn’t possibly be mine. I did go to bed with her once, but that was right after Vanessa died. If Miranda is pregnant with my child, she’s about two months past due.”

  Again Nella had a flashback of the beach, and how upset Miranda was because Sam wouldn’t see her again. Could that have been part of a scheme that was being planned even at that time?

  “You do believe me, don’t you?” Sam’s eyes pleaded for understanding.

  “Yes, I believe you.” She couldn’t let him know she’d overheard them on the beach.

  “So you’ll stay at the Adams’ place?”

  “No. I’ll stay here. Jake and I will be fine.”

  “But I’ll feel a lot better about you if I know you’re with them.”

  “Sam, don’t you know how restless small children get when they aren’t in their own surroundings? Jake will be miserable, and so will I. Having to cope with him, plus having to be with total strangers, and not knowing when you’ll be back—no, I just don’t want to do it.”

  Sam could tell her mind was made up. “Okay,” he gave in reluctantly. He called the Adams and told them the bad news, and made arrangements for Mr. Adams to pick him up the next morning in the sleigh and take him down to Bowling Green.

  He went over every possible detail with Nella, drilling her on things to do in case of an emergency. He showed her how to stoke the furnace. He made sure she knew where the oil lamps and candles were in case the electricity went off, and made her promise again that she’d call the Adams if anything at all went wrong.

  When they finally went to bed, Sam pulled Nella close. He didn’t make love to her, he just held her tightly. Each time she woke up during the night he was still holding onto her, as if he needed all the strength he could draw from her for the upcoming battle.

  As for Nella, she felt a tinge of fear settling in the pit of her stomach. Would this be the end of what they’d shared here? Would he go back to his other world and realize how much he’d missed it, and not want t
o come back to her and what they’d been sharing?

  Her night was filled with unanswered questions and fitful sleep.

  Much as she had feared, upon rising the next morning, Sam had reverted to the man she’d met and married. He was crisp and businesslike, absorbed in his preparations for the trip and mentally gearing up for what lay ahead.

  When Mr. Adams arrived, Sam gathered Jake into his arms and held him tightly against his chest. His eyes glistened with tears as he promised, “Daddy will be back soon, and everything is going to be okay.” He hadn’t wanted Jake to know where he was going. He didn’t want the child to worry about something that he damn well wasn’t going to let happen.

  Turning to Nella, he placed his hands on each side of her face and kissed her gently. “No matter what you hear and see on the news, hang on to what we’ve had here. Nothing else is real. No matter how nasty it gets, don’t believe it. Promise me that.”

  “I promise,” Nella whispered, and the tinge of fear she had felt all night became a knot in the pit of her stomach.

  Chapter 11

  As Nella watched Sam disappear around the bend, a loneliness settled over her that she had never experienced before, not even when she walked away from her beloved father’s grave on the day he was buried.

  She knew Sam would be back. He had to come back for Jake, and for her.

  Yes, he’d come back for her—but would he come back to her? Again the nagging questions came. Had he only made love to her because he needed a woman, and she was the only one around?

  Without conscious thought of doing so, she wound up on the couch with Jake clutched closely in her arms.

  Why was she so upset? She knew she wasn’t afraid to stay here alone. That wasn’t the reason for this crushing pain in her chest, the feeling someone was ripping her heart out.

  “I love my daddy,” Jake whispered, sensing that Nella was upset, but not knowing how to comfort her.

  “I love your daddy, too, Jake,” Nella whispered against his soft, little-boy hair.

  And then she knew.

  The realization came like an explosion. She was caught in her own trap! She’d known it was a dangerous game when she first set out to make Sam love her in spite of his statements that it would never happen. She’d known the attraction she felt for him could backfire on her, and now she knew she was in love with him. Not with the Sam du Cannon she’d met and married, but the Sam du Cannon she’d come to know up here on this mountaintop. The Sam du Cannon who was warm and gentle and loving.

  She knew her life would never be the same. But instead of the despondency she should have felt for making such a mess of her life, she suddenly felt exhilarated.

  “I love him!” she repeated, but this time more loudly.

  Jake raised his head from her shoulder and looked at her with wide, inquiring eyes.

  It felt so good to admit it. It felt so good to say it. A thrill of excitement filled her being. How good it felt to be in love.

  Sam would win the battle for the custody of Jake. She had no doubts about that. And he’d come back for them. And if he didn’t love her now, she’d make sure he did before she was finished. She would see to it.

  “Mommy, you’re silly,” giggled Jake.

  “No, Darling, Mommy’s giddy!” she answered, squeezing him tightly.

  As Mr. Adams laboriously guided the old mule and sleigh back down the winding road toward Bowling Green, Sam sat quietly trying to sort out his feelings.

  He wasn’t aware of the beauty of the winter wonderland around them, nor did he seem to notice when, occasionally, the mule would slightly slip on the ice and fight to regain his footing, or when the sleigh would get precariously close to the edge of one of the deep ravines that dropped away from each side of the road.

  He only grunted halfheartedly to the occasional comments the older man made, so Mr. Adams finally gave up trying to talk to him and concentrated on getting them to their destination safely.

  Sam reflected over his good-bye to Nella. He’d been surprised at his automatic urge to tell her he loved her. He’d been dumbfounded when the unexpected words had leaped to his tongue. But he’d held back and hadn’t said them.

  What was going on here? Was his subconscious trying to tell him something? Did he love her? Or was it just the trauma of leaving her and Jake alone during conditions like this? Would he get back into his other world and be bombarded with the same old routine and reactions as before?

  Did he love her? The nagging question kept popping up.

  Yes, a quiet voice answered, unsummoned, from the innermost depth of his being.

  Suddenly his laughter rang out into the quietness of the snow-covered world around them, causing the old mule’s ears to twitch and the old man to jump.

  “Yes!” he said aloud. “Yes, yes, yes!”

  Mr. Adams looked at him as if he’d taken leave of his senses.

  “Mr. Adams, I’ve just made a discovery that will change my life.” He didn’t go into detail, and the other man didn’t ask.

  Two nights later, Sam called Nella. He told her briefly about his trip and that he’d had no problems getting back to Charleston. But Nella could hear the concern in his voice when he asked how she and Jake were coping. Were they warm? Had the furnace given them any problems? Was the electricity still on?

  “Sam,” Nella finally interrupted him, “we’re fine. Really, we are.”

  “You know you can call the Adams anytime,” Sam repeated the obvious.

  “I know. Mrs. Adams called and tried to get us to come down and made me promise I’d call if I had any trouble. I promised her I would, and I promise you I’ll call them if anything at all comes up. Okay?”

  He seemed a little more relaxed now, and after talking a little longer to her, then to Jake, he reluctantly hung up the phone.

  He’d sounded different to Nella. She couldn’t quite put her finger on the reason. He was abrupt and businesslike as he used to be, but his voice definitely had a different sound to it. Was someone there with him? Had he gotten back and changed his mind about Miranda?

  “Stop it!” she reprimanded herself aloud. But she couldn’t shake the feeling Sam had wanted to say more. That he was about to say something, but had held himself back. The feeling stayed with her long after she put Jake to bed and sat staring at the muted TV, her heart full and hurting from missing Sam.

  Sam slowly hung the receiver up. He ached with longing to be back in Kentucky with Nella and Jake.

  He had come so close to telling her of his newly discovered love, but for some reason he couldn’t say the words. Why? Why couldn’t he say, “I love you?”

  Had he ever said those words to anyone?

  The question came out of nowhere. But the more he tried to remember, the more he realized he didn’t know the last time, or the last person, he had said those three little words to. Of course he said it to Jake, because Nella had taught Jake to say, “I love you,” and naturally Sam’s response was, “I love you, too, Son.”

  He’d never told Vanessa he loved her, because he didn’t see any need to lie to her. They both knew why they’d gotten married, and love was not the reason.

  He knew his grandparents loved him, but he couldn’t remember them saying it. They just didn’t verbally express their love—to each other or to him. But he never doubted they loved each other, or him.

  His parents? Suddenly he had a dim memory of a shadowy figure leaning over him each night, kissing him and telling him that she loved him.

  “I love you too, Mama,” he whispered, as tears unexpectedly filled his eyes. And he knew that his mother, whom he had lost at such an early age, had been the last woman to whom he’d confessed his love.

  Was that why it was so hard for him to love someone? Was he afraid he’d lose them like he’d lost his mother?

  He was reaching for the phone to call Nella back when someone knocked on the door.

  “Damn!” he muttered, as he went to see who could possibly know he was alre
ady in town. He would call Nella later, he promised himself as he answered the door.

  “Hello, Sam.” Miranda’s voice dripped honey.

  The fight was on.

  Back on the mountain in Kentucky, Nella glanced at the phone number Sam had given her. Maybe she should call him.

  She reached for the phone, and glanced at the clock. Eleven o’clock. He was probably already asleep, and she shouldn’t disturb him.

  With a heavy heart, she got up and went to bed.

  A few days later as Nella sat and watched the weather report, she was delighted to hear that it was warming up. The snow and ice should start melting by the following day. Relief flooded through her. She had loved being snowbound with Sam, but being up here alone had caused her to feel more vulnerable than she’d admitted to Sam.

  If the warmer weather held for a few days, she could drive Sam’s Jeep down to Bowling Green and spend a few hours. The thought of being able to get out of the house thrilled her.

  Jake looked up from his coloring book and asked, “Why are you happy, Mommy?” She hadn’t realized until then that she was smiling.

  “The snow is going to melt, and we can go to town in a couple of days,” she explained to him.

  “Can we see a movie?”

  “Yes, that’s a good idea, Jake. We’ll shop a little, eat lunch, and then see a movie.”

  “Goodie!” Jake exclaimed, clapping his hands. Apparently he needed to get out of the house, too.

  In Charleston, Sam was caught up in meetings with lawyers and the hearings he had to attend to fight the lawsuit Miranda had filed against him and his business. As he suspected, his in-laws were involved with her, and so was John McHill.

  As Sam was thrown together with Miranda in the hearings and watched her lie under oath about their love affair, saying it had continued even after his marriage to Nella, he wondered how he’d ever had the stomach to be intimate with her even once. He wondered how much his in-laws were paying her to follow through with this scheme.