by Dechari Cole
The Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
—Joshua 1:9
Church was no longer as happy a place for me either. I would imagine Seth and me standing there, singing together, but he was no longer there. I would sometimes leave church service crying. I had also gotten close to his family, but I would no longer be able to see them either. Then to top off all the awfulness, I realized I wouldn’t have Seth as my date for Senior Prom.
Everyone tried their best to comfort me. Jason offered his condolences by offering to date me . . . as always. Carol Ann was a good listener and promised to give that other girl the “evil eye” if she ever saw her. (Carol Ann could seriously stare people down until they were afraid!) But nothing really comforted me until, one day, my mom taped something to my mirror. It was a card she had special ordered with my name and a Bible verse on it. First of all, it is rare for me to have anything with my name on it since my name was made up by my mom and very unique. Under my name it said “Blessed.” The Bible verse was Joshua 1:9: “Haven’t I commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” I cried. This time, though, it was a cry of relief. Had I forgotten that God was still there and loved me? That He could carry me through anything and give me the strength I needed? I cherished the card my mom gave me and read it often. I was blessed. I knew then I could get through this.
What I Learned
God never leaves me; rather, it’s I who tend to stray away.
Haven’t I commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)
Girl Talk
1. Have you ever had your heart broken like I did, whether by a guy, a friend, or even family? Have you reached out to God to give you strength to forgive and move on? Read Matthew 18:21–22 and Ephesians 4:32. Ask God to help you forgive those who have hurt you.
2. Seth broke my heart, but God never will. My heart is safe with God and so is yours. Check out His promises in Psalm 73:26 and Psalm 34:18. What do they tell you about how God cares for the brokenhearted?
3. God says we have to endure trials, but He also gives us hope. Do you trust Him with your future? Take a look at a few of my favorite Bible verses: Proverbs 3:5, John 16:33, 2 Corinthians 4:8–18, Jeremiah 29:11, and Romans 8:28. What do these verses say to you about trusting God?
4. Do you believe a broken heart can be God’s path to something much greater?
5. It’s okay to mourn, but only for a time. List some ways you can get out from under your self-pity. (For example: Tell God “thank You” for as many things as you can possibly list. It’s hard to be sad when you’re being thankful.) What about the music you listen to? People you’re getting advice from?
Chapter 17
Imperfect World, Imperfect People
Since nobody’s perfect, it’s a good thing God is!
Even though I had God to pull me through the break-up with Seth, that didn’t mean I wasn’t still hurting. I’d had high expectations for Seth—more so than the other guys I dated—mostly because he seemed to be such a great Christian guy. So how could this Christian guy hurt me so badly? After I had calmed down a little bit, I realized that, duh, Seth wasn’t perfect. Being a Christian doesn’t make anyone perfect or even better than anyone else. It just means we have a relationship with Jesus who forgives our sins and imperfections and helps us be more like Him.
My problem, though, had been much deeper than just my fallen expectations of Seth. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had let Seth become the center of my world—and I was the one who put him there. I put him at the center of everything I loved most . . . God, friends, and family. Think about it: I started enjoying church, no longer just because of my time with God, but because Seth was there with me. I loved hanging out with Carol Ann because we could double-date. I loved being a part of family events with Seth, because I felt special and part of this beautiful family picture. So when Seth was stripped away, all those aspects of my life were left lacking. Why? Because no guy is meant to be the center of your world or the center of your heart.
No guy is meant to be the center of your world or the center of your heart.
Super-hard lesson to learn . . . and I was only beginning to learn it. I mean, I had been the best girlfriend I could possibly be! Yet, it still wasn’t enough. I couldn’t be enough. No person can be enough. An imperfect girl joined with an imperfect guy cannot have a perfect relationship. So then how do you have a good relationship? Well, God was still working to show me how.
While I was trying to figure out why my own world had fallen apart, I got the news that a friend at school had died in a car accident. The phone call left me completely numb. This was the first time I was faced with a person’s mortality and the thought of life after death. And this was first time I had lost someone I really knew. I didn’t know how to deal with it, and I didn’t know what to think of it except—Why? What was wrong with this world?
We all want our lives to be perfect, right? A perfect relationship, perfect friends, perfect family, perfect job, perfect place to live, and on and on. Well, I have good and bad news about that. First, the bad—life will never be perfect—not on this earth. Nothing is perfect in this world—not people, places, or things. Oh, once it was—in the Garden of Eden. And ever since then, we humans have had this longing for that perfect place and perfect relationship with God. But we can’t be completely fulfilled by this world.
Yes, the day is coming when we, as believers in Jesus, will have a perfect paradise once again. But what do we do until then? That’s the good news! There is a way to fill that longing in our heart to be perfectly loved and to know that our life matters. It all comes down to God. We have a God-shaped hole inside of us that only He can fill. We may try to fill it with other things or with other relationships, but ultimately only God will do. I had given Seth my heart, and he had left it broken. But when I gave my heart back to God, I was overcome with peace and joy. I could trust God completely with my heart because He is perfect and promises to never leave me—no matter how imperfect I am.
And one more thing, this imperfect world is not our home. God says we’re like foreigners living in another land. So when I feel like I don’t fit in or life seems unfair or unjust, I can know this is only temporary. I am really a princess disguised as a normal girl, and I actually belong in the palace with my King. Not because I did anything to deserve it—oh no—but because Jesus laid down His life to purchase a place in paradise for me. So when the tough days come, I can whisper, “This world is not my home. The best is yet to come.”
“For I know the plans I have for you”—this is the Lord’s declaration—“plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”—Jeremiah 29:11
Just because Christians are foreigners in this world, doesn’t mean we just sit back and wait for the world to end, though. Of course not! God wants us to have a fulfilling life no matter where He has us right now—whether it’s being single, in a broken family, at a new school, or in a tough job. God doesn’t promise that a life following Him will be easy. This world was cruel to His own Son, so we shouldn’t expect any different.
What’s amazing is how God uses both the good and the bad. Jesus’ disciples had amazing days with thousands being saved, people being healed, and food being multiplied for everyone to eat. Then, there were days of being run out of town, beaten, thrown into prison, and, yes, even news of their friend’s death. But God used both their good days and their bad to show the people His love and power. Stephen’s death (Acts 6–7) pushed Christians to run and scatter for fear of losing their lives. But God used this awful event to take the good news of Jesus to other parts of the world. God even used Paul’s time in prison to witness to a guard and lead his whole family to believe in Jesus. Yep, God will use your life too—the good and the bad—to impact t
he world . . . if you let Him.
Once I broke free from my pit of despair, God revealed a truth to me about myself. God showed me that I always ran to Him, pleading for help when I was having a hard time or bad day. Yet, I didn’t run to Him or pray to Him nearly as much when things were going great. So I got out a piece of paper and my watercolor pencils. I drew a beach with a beautiful sunset going into the water, a palm tree, and birds flying in the sky. Then on it I wrote: “Dechari—be as close to God in the good times as the bad, and He will see you through both.” I hung it on my mirror as a constant reminder that I was going to have the bad with the good, but I could always count on God to see me through it all.
What I Learned
Don’t let the imperfectness of this world get you down, because this world wasn’t meant to fill your soul . . . only God makes you whole.
Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16–18)
Girl Talk
1. What is the center of your world right now? Is it God? Or is it a boy, a friend, a hobby? If God isn’t the One holding your heart and holding you together, then how will you handle the difficult times in life?
2. Why are we, as girls, so quick to give our heart away? Are there ways you can better protect your heart? (Take a look at Proverbs 4:23.)
3. Do you ever feel dissatisfied with your life? Might it be that closeness with God that you are missing?
4. In looking at Jesus and His disciples’ time here on earth—both the amazing days and the difficult ones—what new perspectives do you have about your time here? What do you think about this world not being your real home? Does it excite you, scare you, or make you happy or sad?
5. Read James 1:17. Don’t forget about God when things are going great; instead, give God the credit and thanks for the blessings in your life. What are a couple of your favorite memories or moments that you are thankful for?
Chapter 18
Finish Strong: Senior Year
When one adventure ends, another begins.
I had been waiting for my senior year for so long, but now that it was here, I had a lot of mixed emotions. At first, I couldn’t wait for it to be over, but then as the time drew nearer, I wasn’t sure I wanted it to end. I had some good—no, some fantastic—memories! It all started my freshman year with an extended group of friends, going to youth rallies, Jason and Kristy getting saved, joining a dynamic youth group, being mentored by college students who loved Jesus, witnessing our faith on tours, learning responsibility, being adventurous, surviving embarrassing moments, being humbled, and learning to heal from broken hearts. There were dresses and dances, halls full of fun conversations, notes passed in class, crazy projects I stayed up all night to finish, relationships I grew from, and friendships that would last forever. Why had I ever wished for it to go by any faster? High school was a roller coaster, but it made me a lot of who I am—and who God was molding me to be. I was going to treasure these last moments I had. And no matter how the year had begun, I was hoping for a great ending. And why wouldn’t it be great? It was my senior year!!!
Though my heartache over Seth was still looming, I did have a lot of other things to take my mind off it. First, I had some big senior projects to focus on. The kind where if you failed, you wouldn’t graduate!
I also moved up in the work world. Yep, from grocery store cashier to retail cashier at the Walmart right next to my house. I enjoyed the interaction with people. Plus, our town was small, so if you wanted to bump into anyone, Walmart was the happening place.
I still had “the wagon” and was still driving people to church. There were youth rallies, cool Christian concerts, church basketball games, and tons of baseball games after school. Jason was the lead pitcher. I usually laid out a blanket behind home plate to watch the game, so he could always see me cheering him on. Okay, so I was sometimes working on my tan, but I was still watching . . . for the most part. Even our church had a softball league, and Kristy, Carol Ann, and I tried to make it to every game. Now that I think about it, when did I ever work?
Yep, I was staying busy. I didn’t really even have time for a boyfriend anymore, which was probably for the best. Knowing me, I would have made my future decisions based on a guy over anything else. That would have been scary. All my friends were putting in college applications. Jason wanted to be a baseball player for Appalachian State, which was the university in our hometown. Carol Ann wanted to go to Appalachian too. Kristy was off to Wilmington, and Jessica was applying for Asbury. But me? I had no plans. This is where Carol Ann stepped in with a little push. She said I should at least apply somewhere so that I had the option. So I filled out my application to Appalachian, and . . . I was accepted!
It was both scary and exciting as I prepared to take this next big step into the unknown world of college. Was I ready for this? I had only seen TV shows and movies about college life, and it looked crazy. So how would this Christian girl make it in the college world?
I wrote this poem for my dad who supported me in everything I set my mind to. It seemed very fitting for what I was going through my senior year. It’s about a young girl who realizes she has to grow up, but also knows she will always need both her father and her heavenly Father as she learns to live out the Fruits of the Spirit.
My Little Girl
How wonderful it is being a little girl
with ponytails, frills, and not a care in the world.
Can’t I stay a little girl and just always have fun,
with endless days of toys, running, and playing in the sun?
Must I go off to school and be all alone?
Do I have to make choices all on my own?
What if I mess up? What if I fall?
“Well, my little girl, with Patience you will grow tall.”
What do I do when my circumstances get too tough?
“You’ll have to grow in Faith and know you’ll have enough.”
The world can seem so cruel. It may be hard to keep up the fight.
“That’s why you’ll grow in Goodness and show them some light.”
What if the world tries to influence me in the wrong way?
“You will have to be able to use Self-Control each and every day.”
What if people are mean and begin to make fun?
“You will learn to Love through the love of God’s Son.”
So many choices—what if it’s only my desires I’m trying to fill?
“By growing in Meekness, you will learn to follow God’s perfect will.”
Will I be like the people who moan, complain, and always seem sad?
“No. As you learn to ask for Joy, in everything you can be glad.”
So how should I show my faith and let people see who I really am?
“With the boldness of a lion, but most of all the Gentleness of a lamb.”
So growing up shouldn’t be too hard, because I have a Dad like you.
“At times it will be tough, but learn to receive God’s Peace and He will see you through.”
“Remember, with every step I will hold your hand and
be by your side until you can walk well on your own.
Even then I will not leave you, because to me
you are still my little girl, even though you have grown.”
—from Galatians 5:22–23
Well, I finished my senior year strong with good grades, good relationships, a good outlook on life, and a hope for the future. I even got to go to my senior prom. (I asked Coleson to go, purely as a friend.) It was nice to get dressed up one last time. I had asked Jason to save me a dance . . . bu
t you know he never did. So I playfully scolded him and said he still owed me that dance.
At last, it was graduation day. Light blue caps and gowns filled the auditorium. Name after name was called. When finally it was my turn to walk across the stage, I couldn’t help but smile. I had done it! We had done it! Caps flew through the air in celebration. Four years were coming to a close and a new chapter in our lives was about to start.
What I Learned
Don’t sell yourself short. Give it all you have, and then give God all the glory for what He does with it.
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. There is reserved for me in the future the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on that day, and not only to me, but to all those who have loved His appearing. (2 Timothy 4:7–8)
Girl Talk
1. Read Ecclesiastes 3:1–13. For everything there is a season. High school was definitely a season for me! What season are you going through right now? What is God teaching you in it? Does knowing that this is only a season give you hope for the future?
2. Read 1 Corinthians 9:24–27. Paul compares life to running a race. What does it take to be a good, long-distance runner? How would this race analogy apply to the things you need to be doing in your life? Paul talks about two different types of rewards—earthly and heavenly. What might these be?
3. A wise person seeks to learn (Proverbs 18:15). Unfortunately, I didn’t realize how much of a gift a free education was until I was out of high school. How do you view your education?
4. Read James 1:5 and Psalm 25:4–10. Have you asked God’s guidance in that next step in your life? Where to go? What classes to take?
