Cold Feet: The Lost Years

by Carmel Harrington

  ‘What?’ She asked.

  ‘I was going to tell you tomorrow darling. Adam and Matthew are coming home. And Karen is making Sunday lunch for all the gang . . .’ David’s voice stopped, as he saw the look of disappointment on Robyn’s face.

  ‘And I’m not invited, as I’m not one of the gang,’ Robyn said.

  David thought she might cry, but then her face and voice hardened when she said, ‘I’m not quite sure how I’ll ever become part of your precious gang, when I am constantly excluded.’

  ‘It’s not like that, it’s just, Adam has been through so much,’ David said. ‘Say you understand.’

  Robyn couldn’t bring herself to say any such thing. She replied, ‘Goodnight. I’ll see you all at the park tomorrow.’ Then she walked out the door, turning back one last time to look at them. David blew her a kiss and Josh stuck his tongue out at her.

  Poor little darling.

  CHAPTER TEN

  The asparagus starter and the slimy scum sucker

  Karen’s house, Didsbury, Manchester

  ‘Is he here yet?’ Jenny said, looking over Karen’s shoulder as she walked into her house.

  ‘No, not yet. Adam insisted he’d make his own way here from the airport,’ Karen answered. ‘David has arrived though.’

  ‘With the Rottweiler?’ Jenny whispered.

  Karen giggled and shushed her friend. ‘He’s on his own.’

  Little Adam ran around Jenny’s legs, shouting, ‘Josh! Josh!’

  ‘Everyone’s out the back, go on through,’ Karen said. Little Adam had already worked that out and by the time they’d got to the garden, Josh was pulling him up on to his trampoline. They bounced up and down, arms and legs flailing, big grins on their faces. Ellie and Olivia were in the shade, in their playpen, Ramona close by. She glanced up from her book, and took her sunglasses off to take a look at the new arrivals.

  ‘Ramona,’ Jenny said curtly, nodding at her. She would always be wary of her, since she had that brief fling with Pete.

  ‘Bonjour,’ Ramona replied, equally cool.

  The sound of a French greeting, with Ramona’s Spanish accent made Jenny snigger. But the snigger stopped abruptly when Pete walked over towards her and she jumped up to kiss him, once on each cheek.

  ‘Very continental,’ Pete remarked. ‘I likey!’

  ‘Je suis speaky la français now,’ Ramona said.

  ‘I think roughly translated that means she only speaks French now,’ Jenny threw her eyes up to the skies. Silly cow.

  ‘Petit pois, bonjour, bonjour,’ Pete replied, in his best Del Boy accent.

  ‘Ha!’ Jenny snorted out loud. She gave Pete a double thumbs up. ‘Lovely jubbly!’

  Pete laughed back. Jenny always got his jokes. He moved a little closer to her.

  Karen and David looked lost at the exchange.

  ‘Not fans of Only Fools and Horses, I take it,’ Pete said.

  ‘Must have missed that episode,’ David replied.

  ‘Oh of course! Now I get it. Sorry, I’m running a bit slow today!’ Karen added.

  Karen looked at Jenny’s arms, still holding on to a bunch of flowers. ‘Shall I take them for you?’

  Jenny exclaimed. ‘What am I like! Should have given these to you when I walked in! Baby brain in full force here.’

  ‘You shouldn’t have,’ Karen said, walking back into the kitchen with the flowers to find a vase. The house was beginning to look like a bloody florist’s. If Adam arrived with another bunch, she might scream.

  When you throw a dinner party as a recovering alcoholic, no one knows what to bring you. They don’t want to bring booze, so flowers become the norm. A business opportunity there, she reckoned. A shop with thoughtful gifts for the alcoholic in your life.

  Speaking of, Karen fretted for the tenth time that day about wine. She’d gone to an AA meeting yesterday. And she’d brought up the issue of the lunch she’d offered to throw, in honour of Adam’s return to Manchester. Everyone decided she should forgo offering alcohol, after all it was a lunch, with children present. Better not to tempt fate and buy a few bottles, even if they were for others.

  Now she fretted, thinking that it wasn’t fair that everyone else suffered because of her frailties.

  ‘Oh. You’ve got flowers already,’ Jenny said, when she followed her into the dining room. The sideboard was covered in colourful blooms.

  ‘I adore fresh flowers,’ Karen replied. ‘You can never have too many, can you?’

  She checked on the roast, taking it out to baste the beef with its own juices. Then placed the par-boiled potatoes into the oven to roast. Her creamy parsnip and carrot mash was ready to serve, as were the Puy lentils. Assuming Adam arrived in the next half hour, her timings should be perfect.

  She turned around to chat to Jenny again, but she’d moved out to the garden. Things felt strange between them still. A distance that never used to be there. Maybe she was imagining it, but she didn’t think so.

  The doorbell rang and she smiled in anticipation of seeing Adam and Matthew. She’d only made it halfway down the hall to open it when Pete overtook her.

  ‘Someone’s eager,’ Karen remarked. She understood how he felt. And judging by the crowd that had gathered behind her, they all felt exactly the same.

  Pete opened the door, his face as excited as a child on Christmas morning. Standing there, with Matthew in a car seat, was Adam.

  ‘What about you?’ Adam asked, raising one dark eyebrow, with a big smile on his face. ‘Have you missed me?’

  ‘Mate. Come here,’ Pete said, pulling Adam in for a hug. Karen grabbed Matthew and quickly extracted him from his seat to give him a big cuddle.

  ‘He’s so big,’ Karen said to Adam, as she squeezed him tight. Her throat contracted with emotion, because when Matthew looked at her, all she could see was Rachel’s eyes. ‘He’s so like her,’ she whispered and pulled him in closer, breathing in his scent, wishing it was Rachel standing here with him, not Adam. Then she felt shame that she would have that thought. She loved Adam. She wanted both her friends, alive and present, not one or the other.

  They all took turns hugging Adam and Matthew, the air full of excited chatter as they bounced dozens of questions at each other.

  Karen had set up a coffee table for the children to eat at, and Josh and little Adam sat cross-legged in front of it, munching their pasta.The girls were in their high chairs, bashing the tables in front of them with their two little bunnies, delighted with the captivated audience they had. And Matthew, well, he was happily being passed from adult to adult as they all wanted turns holding him.

  ‘Adam I made your favourite starter, in honour of your homecoming,’ Karen said. She placed a plate in front of each of them, with a warm roasted asparagus salad nestled on top. ‘It’s served with a balsamic shallot dressing and parmesan, exactly as you love it.’

  Adam grinned as he took the dish in. ‘I’ve not had one of these . . . well not since . . . it’s been a while.’ He didn’t want to finish the sentence, because he knew if he did, they’d all have to talk about how he was coping since Rachel’s death and, for now, he just wanted to enjoy being back with his friends, catching up on their news.

  Before anyone had a chance to speak, Adam took a bite. ‘Karen, you’d give Nigella a run for her money any day of the week.’

  She smiled as she replied, ‘I hope I made it the right way. I was working off memory from how Rachel said she used to make it for you.’

  ‘She made this for me every single time we were celebrating something special,’ Adam said. He looked at Karen and asked, ‘Out of interest, what did Rach tell you about this wee starter here?’

  Karen replied, ‘Oh, gosh, it was years ago, way back when you first met. Rachel was cooking for you. She was all in a dither, worried about what to make. I can remember her saying she’d never cooked for an Irishman before.’

  ‘Give him bacon and cabbage!’ Pete said, in his best Irish accent.

  ‘With po
tatoes!’ Jenny added in hers.

  ‘Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman had nothing on you two,’ Adam joked, referring to the actors’ awful accents in the movie Far and Away. ‘Go on, Karen, ignore these two eejits.’

  ‘Well, she really was stumped on the starter. She looked online at lots of different Irish celebrity chefs. And that’s where she spotted this dish,’ Karen said.

  Adam remembered that first dinner like it was yesterday. They’d both been nervous, realising that her cooking dinner for him was a shift in their relationship. Things were getting serious. Her hand shook as she placed the starter in front of him.

  ‘She’d not really done much cooking for anybody before that,’ Karen said. ‘I can remember telling David that I thought you might be “the one”. ’

  David smiled as the memory came back to him too. ‘I’d forgotten about that day. I came home from work and the kitchen was full of cookbooks.’

  ‘She was so chuffed when you loved it. She came over the next day and stood over there . . .’ Karen pointed to the kitchen worktop, and her eyes glistened as she continued ‘. . . she told us all about the meal and . . .’

  ‘And about the night that followed?’ Adam asked, eyebrow raised again.

  ‘Yes, I do believe she did!’ Karen laughed.

  ‘Say no more. There’s children present,’ Adam replied, winking. ‘Suffice to say, it was a memorable night.’

  ‘Hang on a minute,’ Pete said. ‘If I remember this story correctly, you called over to us the next day too.’

  ‘He did,’ Jenny said to the table. ‘And you told us you hated that starter!’

  ‘No!’ Karen said.

  Adam started to laugh, ‘Yes! But I couldn’t tell her that. I’ve always hated asparagus. Besides, I would have said anything to her that night. It was the third date and . . .’

  ‘Say no more,’ Pete said, mimicking Adam’s earlier statement.

  ‘You took one for the team,’ David added. ‘Admirable.’

  ‘All these years you’ve pretended it’s your favourite,’ Karen said.

  ‘Rach was forever making it for me. Birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas. If it was a special occasion, I’d know one thing for sure, I’d be peeing green the next day,’ Adam said, grinning.

  Laughter filled the dining room and Pete added, ‘The smell of an asparagus pee. That’s nasty.’

  ‘Er, hate to break this to you,’ Karen said, a big grin on her face, ‘Rachel grew to hate asparagus too. She only made it because she thought it was your favourite. I can remember her saying to me that if she never saw another green tip again, it would be too soon!’

  Adam put his head back and roared. You old fraud Rach! Once the laughter in the room petered out, silence descended. They were all lost in thought of Rachel.

  Adam looked around, wondering if she would come.

  Sensing a mood shift, David asked, ‘So, come on, what’s it like being back in Ireland with your dad?’

  ‘Good,’ Adam replied, grateful for the change in conversation.

  ‘ “Good”, that’s all you have to say?’ Jenny said. ‘You can do better than that! We want details!’

  ‘Well, Dad’s been great with Matthew. He kitted out the spare room for him, transforming it into a very cool nursery. You know, he marched into Mothercare and told them to box up the window display for him,’ Adam said.

  ‘He did not,’ Pete chuckled.

  ‘He did. He took one look at it and figured he’d not be able to recreate a better one, so he told them he wanted it. Down to the last soft toy. They saw him coming; by the time he’d left, he’d half the shop with him. High chair, stroller, which I already had, not to mention half a dozen outfits.’

  ‘I bet he has him spoiled rotten,’ David said.

  ‘Proper order,’ Karen added, looking at her godson with adoration. ‘He deserves all that love and more.’ She leaned in to Adam and touched his hand lightly, ‘Stay here with me. I’ve got a spare room. I could have it ready for you both in minutes.’

  ‘He’s staying with us!’ Jenny snapped. ‘Hands off.’

  ‘No need to shout,’ David jumped in to Karen’s defence. ‘She was only offering.’

  ‘I just thought we’d have more room here and you being pregnant, you might not want—’ Karen apologised.

  ‘He’s our oldest friend and we’ll never be too busy or full to have him stay,’ Jenny said, an edge to her voice now. ‘No. We want Adam and Matthew at our house and that’s the end of it.’

  ‘Ladies, ladies, there’s more than enough of me to go around,’ Adam joked, trying his best to deflect the tension that had filled the table and they both half-heartedly laughed. ‘Look, I’m going to stay with Pete and Jenny first of all, because it’s all arranged. But how about we come over here for a few nights too? I bet they’ll get sick of me soon enough and be grateful for a break.’

  ‘Yeah, two or three nights of your farts and we’ll be pushing you out the door,’ Pete said.

  ‘You said farts!’ Josh shrieked with delight, and squealed loudly when Pete pretended to do one, placing his hand under his arm.

  ‘Perfect,’ Karen said. ‘I really wasn’t trying to cause any trouble.’ She jumped up to get the main courses so nobody could see her disappointment. She felt foolish now. Of course, he’d prefer to stay with his oldest friends. It was just that seeing him and Matthew made her feel a little closer to Rachel.

  Jenny walked up behind her, watching Karen lay the finished starter plates on the counter top. ‘I was a bit snappy back there. Out of order.’

  ‘It’s okay,’ Karen said, but she didn’t disagree. ‘It makes perfect sense that he’d stay with you guys. Best friends and all that.’

  ‘So are you,’ Jenny said, feeling awful now. She could see how upset Karen was. ‘He loves you. We all do.’

  Karen smiled, but somehow or other, right now, she wasn’t sure she believed that. Jenny’s words felt flat and insincere.

  As she placed the roast beef in the centre of a large oval dish, she asked, ‘How is Pete? You said you were a bit worried about him the other day.’

  ‘To be honest, that’s why I want Adam to stay over. I am worried about him. He’s stressed. Muttering in his sleep all the time. That’s when he does sleep in our room. He’s never at home. I’m not sure if it’s me, or work, or the prospect of a new baby, but he’s definitely not happy,’ Jenny admitted.

  ‘Maybe you need to find a way to alleviate his stress,’ Karen said.

  ‘Oh, I’ve tried that, but he’s not interested in sex whatsoever,’ Jenny replied. ‘Probably just as well, cos my lady bits are in bits!’

  Karen giggled, and said, ‘I wasn’t talking about that, but ouch on that score. I meant how about suggesting he try something, like say, Pilates? It’s a great way to get some calm back into your life. I go every week and it’s a godsend.’

  Jenny took a look at Karen, who right now looked the very opposite of relaxed. She shrugged non-committally. ‘I’m not sure it would be Pete’s cup of tea, a bit too way out for him.’

  ‘In my class, there are all sorts who go. And I’m pretty sure there’s a male-only class over in the community centre each week. You could surprise him by booking a session for him. And if you get Adam and David to go too, he might be less reluctant to give it a go,’ Karen said.

  ‘That’s not a bad idea. I might just do that.’

  Karen placed the crispy golden roast potatoes around the beef, pleased with how the dish had turned out. She scattered some chopped parsley on top of the parsnip and carrot mash and Puy lentils. A final stir of gravy, then she was ready to bring it through.

  ‘Now this meal is my favourite,’ Adam said. ‘I miss a good roast. Dad and I, well we’re not exactly Jamie Oliver.’

  ‘Do you think you’ll stay in Belfast?’ Karen asked as she carved the meat.

  Adam shrugged. ‘I really don’t know. It’s been good getting to know Dad properly. But it’s not without its . . . issues.’
r />   They all looked at him expectantly.

  ‘Well, he’s only been double-dating. He’s got this lovely boyfriend – a chap called George – and a friend with benefits,’ Adam said.

  ‘Good for him!’ Karen said. She’d always liked Bill.

  ‘I hope I have as active a love life when I’m his age,’ David said.

  ‘Well, you won’t believe who his “friend” is,’ Adam said.

  They all paused eating and looked at him in anticipation.

  ‘Remember Jane?’

  ‘The bunny boiler?’ Jenny asked.

  ‘The very one,’ Adam replied.

  The gasps from all made him chuckle and he filled them all in on the past weeks’ drama.

  ‘No wonder you were delighted to get the hell out of Dodge!’ Pete laughed.

  ‘Ah, Jane is all right, I suppose. She just needs to move on. I feel bad because I gave her a right mouthful last time we spoke. I’ll talk to her when I go back. If I go back,’ Adam said.

  ‘Sounds like your dad might be disappointed if you don’t. He must have spent a pretty penny putting in the nursery and all that,’ David said.

  Adam nodded. ‘He has. But ah, I don’t know. I’ll just have to see. Not sure I want to be there in the middle of all his romantic triangles, for the foreseeable. I love Belfast, it’s a cool city, but it doesn’t feel like home to me.’

  Adam wanted to change the subject, always feeling jittery when he had to think about a future that right now was hazy and unplanned. He turned to David and thumped him on his arm. ‘How’s Robyn?’

  David beamed. ‘She’s lovely. I mean, she’s good, thanks.’

  ‘I think you’re blushing,’ Adam teased. ‘I’m glad it’s going well.’

  ‘What’s the difference between a divorce lawyer and a catfish?’ Jenny asked the room. She paused for a beat, then said, ‘One’s a slimy, scum sucker and the other one’s a fish.’

  They all giggled, except David.

  Jenny, catching the look on his face, said, ‘Sorry. Couldn’t resist it. It’s just, well, normally in a divorce case, the lawyer gets what, one third of the assets in fees? It doesn’t usually include the husband in the settlement too.’