Broken Survivor

by Jennifer Labelle

  “So how exactly does this help me?” She bit her lip anxiously, waiting to see where he was heading with this.

  “Well, they’ve expanded into subsidized housing. I talked to one of my contacts there, and they have an apartment available in two months. Normally, there’s a waiting list, but you’re a special circumstance, and I think it would be a perfect opportunity for you.”

  Oh my God, oh my God! “Special circumstance?” She tried to compose herself.

  “Do you want the apartment or not?” Jace laughed. “What I’m saying is that I’ve pulled some strings and the place is yours if you want it. I could take you to see it later. Look, Holly, you don’t have to give me an answer today. Think on it and let me know the next time we meet. I’m offering you this opportunity because I think it’ll be good for you. It’s a way to provide you with better mental stability. Okay, staying at Lauren’s isn’t half-bad, as you’ve said, but I have a feeling that by starting over you’ll heal faster.”

  “You really think so?”

  “I wouldn’t have offered you this opportunity if I didn’t think so.” He leaned his head to the side and studied her for a minute, “Look, Holly, you’ve been through a lot in these last couple of years, more than some go through in a lifetime. Your childhood was robbed from you, and you’ve grown up tremendously quick. It’s a subsidy spot, and we could look into getting you on some assistance until you finish school. I think it’ll be a wonderful opportunity for you, but ultimately it’s gotta be what you want to do. I’d also like you to know that it’s okay to decline if you don’t think you’re ready for this.”

  She sighed, looking away. This was a big decision, but she kind of liked the thought of creating a new home and figured that by taking care of herself with no one to depend on, she would probably be more at ease. Most importantly, she’d be forced to make an apartment into a home for herself. A new home, and I wouldn’t need to be anybody’s burden. “When can I see it?”

  Jace patted the top of her shoulder as they walked out of the restaurant and back to his car. “Let me make a call and I’ll get back to you with an answer very shortly.”

  ***

  “Can I talk to you for a minute?” Holly asked Lauren. Was it possible to be excited and nervous at the same time? There was just no way she could pass up this opportunity, yet she was nervous to tell Lauren about it and didn’t know why.

  “Sure, what’s up?” Lauren waved her over to the dining room table for a seat. They hadn’t had very many heart-to-heart conversations, and Lauren always preferred not to be distracted during talks about important things. She seemed concerned, probably because Holly had never asked her for anything before.

  “So I had another session with Jace Yates today, and he mentioned an opportunity that he thought would benefit me.”

  “Okay?” She looked confused now. “If it benefits you, then I’d love to hear about it. I know moving here has been an adjustment for you, and I hope you know I’m here if you need anything.”

  “All right.” She nodded. “Jace spoke to one of his contacts at the Youth Services Bureau. It turns out that they now have subsidy housing and have an apartment available in two months, and its mine if I want it.” Holly shrugged, then looked away to try and hide her excitement. The last thing she wanted was to insult her. Lauren had taken care of her for a year now, and Holly’s baggage had made it a hard enough adjustment for everyone.

  “No!”

  “Excuse me. What do you mean no?” Holly couldn’t believe what she was hearing, and her response was a little frustrated.

  “You heard me, I said no. You’re not ready for this, Holly. Living on your own is tough. How do you expect to support yourself? You need structure, discipline, and guidance in your life, especially now.”

  “Well, the last time I checked, you weren’t my mother.” Holly narrowed her eyes as her temper flared.

  “You’re right, I’m not,” Lauren snapped. “But I’m the closest you’ll ever get to one right now. I would never have made the stupid decisions that she did. Look where it got her, where it’s gotten you. Do you want to go down that same road and end up like her? The world is a cruel place, Holly. My God, when I first went to get you, you barely attended school, hung out with the wrong crowd, and had gotten yourself arrested, for Christ’s sake. Why do you think Charlotte sent you to me? She couldn’t handle you, that’s why.”

  “Shut up, just shut up,” Holly screamed, placing her hands over her ears. “My mother didn’t have a choice. Clay killed her, and she’d be here if she could. Don’t you ever imply otherwise. It wasn’t her fault. She loved me, you bitch.” She stood and leaned across the table. “And, yes, I was arrested, but I didn’t steal that car, and the charges were dropped. Look, I don’t have to justify myself to you. This was an appealing offer that was presented to me. I can hang out with whomever I please, and in case you haven’t noticed, I’m on the honor roll at school, so my education isn’t suffering all that much.”

  She couldn’t control her emotions. Could not allow Lauren to see how this argument affected her, so she straightened herself, turned her back on Lauren, and headed toward her room.

  “Not so fast.” Lauren grabbed her arm to halt her. “Let’s get one thing straight. While you’re under this roof, it’s my way or the highway. Do I make myself clear?”

  “Let. Go. Of. Me,” Holly said through her clenched jaw. She yanked her arm away. “And just so we’re clear, I won’t be here for much longer. Consider this my notice.”

  She ignored Lauren’s demands to return as she headed straight for the safety of her bedroom. She was finally able to let go of the breath she’d been holding as soon as she slammed the door shut. She stomped to her bed and punched her pillow a few times to let some of the hurt she’d been fighting come to the surface through more tears.

  Damn Lauren for saying those hurtful words and for triggering the emotions Holly fought so hard to control.

  And damn it, she had no right to talk about her mother that way. Nobody did.

  ***

  “Holly?” She reluctantly woke up to the sound of her name and gentle hands slowly shaking her awake.

  “What time is it?” She stretched and turned around to see a guilty-looking Lauren sitting on the edge of her bed. Holly sat up and scooched over to create some distance.

  “It’s late,” Lauren whispered. “But I couldn’t sleep. I feel awful about our fight earlier, and I wanted you to know that I’m sorry. Your mother was a lovely person, and I was having a rotten day. We both said some things we shouldn’t have, and I wanted to apologize for my part in it. Will you forgive me?”

  “Does that mean you’ll support my decision?” Holly exhaled loudly and bit the inside of her cheek while she waited for a response.

  “I still don’t like it, Holly. I don’t think you should be on your own yet. You’re not stable enough, and I want you to stay. Think about it.” Lauren patted her leg and stood to leave.

  “Lauren?” She stopped at the door and turned back to look at Holly. “I want to say thank you, but I also need you to know that my decision stands. I need to start over.”

  “If that’s what you want.” Lauren nodded but didn’t look happy about it. “Good night, Holly.”

  The door softly clicked shut, and it took her a while to get back to sleep. She was starting a new chapter in her life. Now all she needed to do was hope she was making the right decision.

  ***

  The family dinners were much quieter. In the last week Holly had tried to avoid Lauren as much as possible. Their argument was never brought up again and left between them once it was sorted out, but she also knew Lauren disagreed with her decision to move out and didn’t want to chance another argument. Though all was forgiven, she still couldn’t forget the harsh things Lauren had said about her mother, either. They hurt.

  On Monday she’d just gotten back from seeing her apartment and couldn’t wait to tell Zander about it. He was excited for her and
promised to take her out that night to celebrate.

  “So tell me about it,” he said.

  “It’s great and I can’t believe it’s mine. I mean it’s been so long since I’ve felt like this.” She laughed. “I’m sorry I’m rambling here. I should be describing it to you.”

  He smiled at her. They were close to their destination, and she wanted to stall for a few minutes before they made it to her sister’s so she could tell him all about it, and told him so. He got the cab to pull over a few blocks away so that they could enjoy little alone time as she’d asked, and they began to walk.

  “So then tell me about it.” He sat at the curb and gestured for her to join him.

  “Well, the building was constructed two years ago, and the apartment is spacious and everything is new. There’s a small hallway right at the entrance, the bathroom is on the right at the end of it, and the bedroom on the left side of that. Then there is the living room, and a little farther in I’ll have my very own eat-in kitchen.” She smiled brightly and then laughed again. “I won’t even have to buy curtains, it’s all included. I’m so excited; you’ll have to see it.”

  “I will. Will I?” He smiled. “Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are when your face lights up like that? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so excited about anything before. I like it, and I’d be honored to see your apartment. Just tell me when and where, and I’ll be there.” His fingers brushed the side of her face as she looked away and blushed. “Look at me.”

  She smiled, then exhaled as she looked into those deep brown eyes again. “Beautiful,” he whispered and then drew her in closer for a kiss.

  “No,” she whispered, interrupting him just before his lips were about join hers. She could feel his breath against her, and she chuckled at his expression.

  “No, I can’t kiss you again?” He leaned back to look at her and raised a brow as if in disbelief.

  “You asked if anyone has ever called me beautiful, and the answer is no. Yes to the kiss.”

  “Then remind me to tell you as much as possible.” He leaned toward her again, closing the distance between them to give her a peck. He kissed her forehead and then her nose, moving from cheek to cheek before reaching her chin. “You’re beautiful, Holly.”

  So close together, their breath mixed and noses brushed together until she slanted her head for better access. “Zander,” she whispered. Lifting her hand from her lap, she boldly placed it on his shoulder and then trailed it lower to feel his muscular chest and abs. She bunched his shirt in her hand and pulled him the rest of the way. “I love the compliment, but please shut up and kiss me already.”

  “My pleasu—.” She cut him off by taking measures into her own hands, wanting less talking and more of him. She coaxed his lips open with her tongue, sliding it against his as their wet warmth combined. Their tongues worked in synchronization, and their mouths molded to welcome the building inferno they both held inside, waiting for just the right moment to be unleashed. Her chest rose and fell rapidly when they separated, and she needed a minute to focus.

  “Wow!” he said.

  She smirked and then stood before him, holding out her hand. “Are you ready?”

  They were staying at Chrystal’s new apartment. Free for the night, she had brought Zander along as her date. The date had started out with a really nice dinner for just the two of them at a restaurant, and now they stood outside her sister’s apartment ready to really celebrate. Holly hadn’t seen Chrystal in a few weeks and looked forward to it.

  The housewarming party was in full swing. Zander fit right in, and to prove what a small world it was, Chrystal seemed to already know him. They apparently had a few hangout spots in common, and he’d dated one of her friends. Holly shrugged it off when she heard about his ex-girlfriend. After all, everyone had a past, right?

  After a few hours of partying, she stepped outside and sighed, feeling so free for once.

  “Hey, so where’d you two meet?”

  Holly jumped, not expecting her sister to sneak up on her. “Lauren’s.” She smiled. “He’s Tiana’s uncle and Sebastien’s brother.”

  “Who?”

  Holly rolled her eyes and laughed. “In other words, he’s basically Jess’s brother-in-law. Sebastien is her boyfriend, and Tiana is their daughter. Can’t you remember Mom mentioning them? She used to gloat about how cute she thought that little girl was.”

  “Who?”

  “Are you serious?” Okay, now she was annoyed.

  “I was kidding. Relax and take a breath, geez.” Chrystal playfully nudged her shoulder. “It’s my job to get a rise out of you every now and again. What kind of sister would I be if I didn’t?”

  Holly chuckled. “Um, Chrys, I think you have that backward. I’m the younger one, therefore I believe that would be my job to annoy you.”

  “Oh believe me. You’ve got the job down pat and without even trying. You have bugged the shit out of me time and time again. A queen bitch of annoyance, you are, but I love you anyway.”

  “What can I say? I’ve learned from the best, and I’d say I’m more like the princess, actually. You still have the throne when it comes to bitchiness, my dear sister, and I’m probably the only one who could say that to your face without getting punched out.”

  “Feel special?”

  “I sure do.” They both laughed, but then Chrystal turned serious.

  “So do you like him? Has he been nice to you? Have you been seeing him long? Come on, I want details.”

  “Yes, yes, and no.”

  “I asked for details, Hol, not one-word answers.”

  “Fine, we’ve been hanging out for a little while now. He’s really great and a lot of fun to be with, so yes, I like him. I actually like him a lot.” She was afraid to admit that out loud as she looked up at her sister again. Although she was still unsure about having the whole meaningful-relationship thing with him, she was tempted to try. Hell, who was she kidding? Whether she should or wanted to were two different matters. Should she? That was still up in the air. Did she want to? Hell, yes.

  “Then go for it. He does seem like a nice guy, and I’m happy if you are.” Chrystal looked past her and smiled big. “Oh hey, Alex, we were just talking about you.”

  “All good things, I hope.”

  “Very good.” Her sister winked, Holly tensed, and Zander chuckled as he rubbed Holly’s nape and over her shoulders to relax her. His heat enveloped her senses while he brought her closer. Lips at her ear, his breath tickled her lobe. “I like you too, babe.”

  “And that’s my cue to leave.” Chrystal smiled and left to give them privacy.

  She blushed when he brushed her hair aside for better access. His tongue flicked out to catch her earlobe between his teeth. He lightly nipped it and then suckled it to soothe the sting. Holly moaned and leaned into him, tilting her head so he could continue his sweet torture. His lips moved down, and his tongue flicked out to taste her. She reached back and threaded her fingers through his thick, dark hair and moaned again while he worked his way back up. He flipped her around so he could have access to her mouth, and their tongues finally met with an equal hunger for each other.

  She’d been too preoccupied to notice the people they passed by while he carried her inside and into a vacant room for more privacy. She came back to her senses when he kicked the door shut behind them. He slowly slid her down his body to the ground again and purposely took his time to give her a chance to back out in case she wasn’t comfortable.

  She wouldn’t.

  Instead she looked around to make sure they were alone. Smiling when she was satisfied that they were, she took his hands to guide him toward the bed.

  He sat down and pulled her forward. His hands moved to her hips, and he stroked his thumbs back and forth across them. She leaned forward and straddled him before getting another kiss. He left her breathless again, and it took her another minute to gather enough courage to speak. “Stay with me tonight,” she whispered and
bit the bottom of her lip.

  Oh, she wanted him right then and wanted him to know it. Her hands rubbed the length of his arms, traveling lower across his abs until they reached for the hem of his shirt to pull it off. She then did the same to herself, tossing her shirt in the same direction she’d thrown his. Her nipples pebbled, and she loved the hungry look he gave her while perusing her body. That night was not about taking things slow. It was about getting to know him better as they explored their attraction and compatibility for each other in the most intimate way possible.

  ***

  “S-so cold.” It was pitch-black but for the tiny light that shone through the crack in the door. “Hello, can anyone hear me?” Holly shivered in the silence that greeted her. “Can somebody please just tell me where I am?”

  Her heart rate sped up, her breaths came out in pants, and she could feel another panic attack coming on. “Please—” she gasped, crawling forward. “Please don’t leave me here alone.”

  The space was so small that she could almost reach out and touch each wall surrounding her. She banged on the door and began to cry, hoping she’d be found soon or pass out. Anything would have been better than being confined.

  Another door slammed in the distance, and the sound of footsteps came closer. Holly tried turning the knob, but it wouldn’t open.

  “Help!” She pounded again and again to gather the attention of whoever was on the other side. The door slowly creaked open, revealing a silhouette standing there.

  “Holly?” Emma came into view, looking concerned. “What are you doing in here, baby?”

  She’d become transparent and her mother reached through her to something in the corner. “Shush, baby, it’s all right. Mommy’s here. I’ve got you.”

  What the…?

  Holly slowly crept through the open door, still feeling cold, upset, and confused. When Emma had opened it, her panic attack began to evaporate, but when Holly had reached out for her she’d gone transparent. “Mom?”