Divergent Parody: Avirgent
Page 10
search the world. Read, write, learn more than just what you accept at face value kid. Quit waiting around for the next huge movie or the next huge book and do something with your life. All in all...get out from under that rock ya lazy bum.” He chuckled.
I nodded. “That's fair. Maybe my Avirgent powers will help.”
“What powers?”
“My Avirgent powers. I could hear people whispering from twenty stories high, and I levitated Joey Two-Tone's crew in mid-air.”
“No you didn't. I did all of that stuff.”
“What?”
“Yeah. I put this...” He took out a small microphone from behind my ear, and I gasped, astonished. “...behind your ear. And as for that Houdini trick, I did that too. That whole Avirgent thing...it's bullshit. It's just a random result Jeanine has...or used to have to weed out several thousand kids so the economy doesn't become cluttered.”
“Oh...” I said with fascination and wonder. “Well...why did you save me?”
He smiled slyly. “I am the ghost in the machine. I save all, and I help all.”
He put his glasses back on. “You know, people also call me an 'Ass-pull,' but I tend to ignore them. Anyway, you have a great night kid.”
He took out an umbrella and opened it up. He floated out of the cart and into the night-sky, waving away at me. I waved goodbye back, crying.
“Bye Dues Ex Machina! I'm going to miss you!”
He shouted, “As long as there is a problem, I will always be there for you Mika Ock! Just call my name and-”
An airplane buffeted him just before he finished, and I thought he died, but there he was, standing on top of the plane, giving me a thumbs up and smiling his bright smile.
“I'm okay! Really! Sayonara!”
The plane, along with him disappeared into the night, and I sat there on the Ferris Wheel enjoying the music and the cool wind.
I, I live among the freaks of the night
I haven't got the will to try and fight
Before a new tomorrow, so I guess I'll just believe it
That tomorrow never comes
A safe night, I'm living in the forest of my dream
I know the night is not as it would seem
I must believe in something, so I'll make myself believe it
That this night will never die
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
That wonderful song continued to play, and was fitting to listen to at night, but the Ferris Wheel stopped with a metal groan, as if something hit it's side.
“Um!” I shouted. “Dues Ex Machina! Dues Ex...” I sensed that the first time I called for him, he wouldn't answer.
And he didn't. I stayed there on top of the Ferris Wheel for what seemed like forever, until I fell asleep...and awoke in their arms.
---
Dreams are but visions of our troubles come to life.
Said no one ever.
I found myself awake in the Tricker facility, in the old dormitory bed I was in before.
“Is she awake?” I heard a familiar voice say.
“What do you think? Her eyes are open.”
I didn't see their faces, they were blurs of white and brown, but they came clearer and clearer into focus, as if adjusting a magnifying glass.
“Christine? Hailey?” They were sitting up on my bed.
Christine smiled brightly and hugged me. “Oh! You're back! We thought you were gone forever tumbleweed!”
Hailey nibbled on a carrot and said, “I love you Mika Ock. In fact, I would love some big fat and veiny versions of Mika Ock. Wouldn't you Christine?”
Christine and I shared a look, and she said, “Honey, I think one Mika Ock is enough. No one else deserves such a terrible name.”
I just blinked back and forth, sitting up in my seat, and I looked toward the door to where Al died. “Was it a dream?”
Christine and Hailey answer me by looking at the door and frowning.
“Afraid not tumbleweed,” said Christine in a sad tone. “Bugs Bunny over here had to clean up her own brother. Total wreck.”
Hailey looked down, smiling, unlike the sad, sobbing wretch I saw her as before.
“I gave him a proper burial. He was the love of my life.” She shed not one tear, I would guess she had already shed them all before.
“How did you guys find me?”
“Joey Two-Tone's crew and Jeanine's waged war after you supposedly died. It was all on the news until the war just disappeared into thin air, and we saw you and some guy in shades on a Ferries Wheel.”
Christine bit her lip. “I thought I was in some hallucinogenic induced dream when he floated in the sky with the umbrella. What was he, Mary Poppin's son?”
“No. He called himself, 'Dues Ex Machina.'”
“What?” said Christine, baffled.
“Yeah. He said it meant, 'The ghost in the-”
“No. I know what it means. It's just...wow. That's so funny. His name was Dues freakin' Machina.”
“You know of him?”
“Not the guy, but the term.” Christine brushed her hair away, positioned herself steadier on the bed.
“It's a phrase used for when something saves the main character or their world all of a sudden. It's literally like God interfering in the action and saving you. Or you just gaining new powers out of the blue, powers that weren't built up or foreshadowed and it saves you. It's usually used when a lazy author doesn't have the patience to think of a logical way out, or to just end their story cause they're sick of it.”
“Oh...” I said. “Well, that makes much more sense. I guess he was a Dues Ex Machina.”
“Guess? He was.” She shared a look with Hailey and they frowned.
“What?”
“No it's just...you're so lucky we got to you when we did.”
“Why?”
Hailey stopped nibbling her carrot and said, “Chicago is dead and gone.”
CHAPTER 8: REMNANTS
The world was gone, and left in remnants of what we once knew and loved. Everything we grew up with, and everything we had were no more, and just memories left within our minds.
Black masked the sky and soot swam with it. Buildings were charred and burned to the ground, melted like old men.
Somehow, our Tricker facility wasn't completely far gone like the other buildings. There was some damage, but it was still standing tall like the two story building it was.
We were outside, observing the wreckage from the war. We stood on the front steps of the building and I noticed a smart-phone on the floor. It reminded me of the one I was so attached to at home, the one my brother pretended to text girls on.
The battery level was low, and I checked the notice next to it stating,
“No service,” I said.
Christine chuckled. “No surprise there. Just look at this place. It's so ravaged. All because of some bullshit.”
I gulped, and turned around. “I'm Avirgent guys.”
Christine and Hailey looked at me in surprise and Christine responded with, “So now that you're out of the closet, should we protest your rights at city hall and tell them you were born that way?”
We laughed, and I looked around at the barren wasteland again. “So ravaged, so empty. If only we did something. I mean, everything was fine, Dues Ex Machina stopped the fighting.”
“Yeah, but he sure couldn't stop a missile launch.”
“So that's it.”
Hailey finished off her carrot and said, “Methinks it's Jeanine's. I can imagine anyone else setting up something like that unless they lost. Smart. Unfortunately for her though, the faction buildings are missile proof. So we were lucky.”
“How convenient,” said Christine. “But I love that. I really do.”
I dropped the phone to the floor. It obviously had no more use, so I let it go.
That's when I thought about a couple of things. “I wonder what happened to Limp.”
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“Fuck Limp. I hope he's baked and crispy...like a biscuit.”
“Like a Limp bizket!” yelled Hailey.
Christine took her head back in laughter at yet another reference I didn't get.
“Hey...” I said confused. “What happened to Lisa?”
“Lisa who?” asked Christine.
“You know, Lisa. The girl who talked with Al.
Christine looked at Hailey. “Do you remember a girl named Lisa?”
Hailey shook her head. “Nope. If she ever was here, she must have not made much of an impression. I don't remember her at all.”
Christine shrugged. “So what do you think we'll do now guys? I'm bored.”
I had no response to her except, “Why didn't you guys ask me about TB4?”
“I figured it'd be too traumatizing for you. No one likes talking about being kidnapped. Hey, screw that douche. What are we going to do now?”
I shrugged and looked around the area. All the shops were caved in by tress or burned to the ground. All the activities using the technology we had were gone. Everything man-made in general was decimated. I looked down at the ground and noticed a small shrub of grass poking out of a crack near us in front of the steps.
I bent down and smiled. I never noticed something like this before. I was so wrapped up in my little world, I had never stopped to take notice of the little things that mattered. They were the things we've always taken for granted or advantage of.
“A miracle if you ask me,” said Christine.
“Beautiful.” said Hailey.
I looked up at the charred, smoky and black sky and said, “Well Christine, if that little shrub of green can survive, I guess we can too. We move on, and we rebuild for a better tomorrow.”
Hailey giggled.
“What are you laughing about Hailey?”
I narrowed my eyebrows. “Yeah, that would have made the perfect final line. What is it?”
Hailey smiled and said, “No it's just...it's so funny thinking about it. Thinking about...all the sex we're gonna have to have with the other surviving factions.”
Christine and I looked at her blankly. “I never thought of that,” said Christine.
I saw Dues Ex Machina floating in the sky, holding his umbrella in his left hand...and carrying Limp tight in his left arm like a baby. Limp was sucking his own thumb.
“What the Hell?” I pointed to the sky and they both looked up with me.
Dues Ex Machina waved at us and said, “There are no other survivors. You're screwed. Have a nice day!” Limp continued sucking his thumb as they both went higher and higher into space.
“Well that's underwhelming,” said Christine.
“Yeah.” Hailey sighed.
I looked up at the sky one more time and back down at the shrub of grass blowing in the wind just like our hair.
“Well...whatever time we have left girls...” I went over and opened my arms wide. They gave me a big hug. It was so nice and wonderful how close we had become in just one day. I never knew a group of people so fascinating and screwed up at the same time. Al, TB4, even Joey Two-Tone for as little as I knew him. And of course Juniper. Christine and Hailey were all I had left, and I couldn't ask for more.
“Let's spend whatever time we have left together.”
“You're so cheesy Mika.”
I giggled, backed away from the group and tagged Christine. “You're it!”
“What? We're gonna spend the apocalypse playing tag? Are you serious?”
“Yeah, why not? Come on Hailey, run before Christine gets us with her angry blackness!”
Christine laughed as Hailey and I ran away. “Oh, you're gonna get it now you little tumbleweed! I've been waiting to knock some sense into ya! Come here, you two!”
Hailey and I ran as Christine followed us, into the night and the world we once knew burned to the ground. I kept thinking of that little grass shrub I saw. It was hanging on to whatever life it had left, and so were we. Jeanine, whoever she was, had a plan to give it all up once she lost her crown, but we weren't. No matter how bad things had gotten, no matter how much of the Earth was crumbled and our past lives were but a memory, we'd still hang on to that last thread of hope...and survive.
-THE END-
Table of Contents
Copyright
OPENING STATEMENTS
CHAPTER 1: HOW I STOPPED BEING VAIN AND LEARNED TO BE AVIRGENT
CHAPTER 2: GO JUMP OFF A ROOF
CHAPTER 3: F# CK!
CHAPTER 4: “LIKE A LION AND A WOLF”
CHAPTER 5: PLEDGE
CHAPTER 6: ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING
CHAPTER 7: THE FREAKS COME OUT AT NIGHT
CHAPTER 8: THE FOREST OF MY DREAM
CHAPTER 8: REMNANTS