The Snark Handbook: Insult Edition (Snark Series)
Page 10
Constable, John
Coolidge, Calvin
Copeland, Aaron
Cops
Corelli, Marie
Costas, Bob
Coward, Noel
Cox, Kenyon
Cozzens, James Gould
Crawford, Joan
cummings, e.e.
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Curran, John Philpot
Darrow, Clarence
David, Larry
Davies, Robertson
Davis, Jr., Sammy
Davis, Bette
Dazed and Confused
de Tocqueville, Alexis
Dean, John
Demaret, Jimmy
Departed, The
Dewey, Thomas
Dickens, Charles
Dickey, James
Diller, Phyllis
Disney, Walt
Disraeli, Benjamin
Ditka, Mike
Donatelli, Augie
Dostoevsky, Fyodor
Drucker, Peter F.
Dryden, John
Duffecy, James
Dunham, Jeff
Duva, Dan
Duva, Lou
Dykstra, Lillian
Earl of Rochester
Eban, Abba
Eden, Dorothy
Ehrlichman, John
Einstein, Albert
Eisenhower, Dwight D.
Eliot, T. S.
Evans, Dame Edith
Facebook
Fadiman, Clifton
Faldo, Nick
Falwell, Jerry
Family Guy
Faulkner, William
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Feherty, David
Ferber, Edna
Fey, Tina
Field, Eugene
Fields, W. C.
Fish Called Wanda, A
Fitzgerald, Edward
Fitzgerald, F. Scott
Ford, Ford Madox
Ford, Gerald
Ford, Henry
Foreman, George
Forster, E. M.
Fosse, Bob
FOX News
France, Anatole
Franny and Zooey
Frazier, Joe
Freedman and Barnouin
Freud, Clement
Freud, Sigmund
Friars Club, The
Friedan, Betty
Frost, Robert
Frosted Flakes
Fudd, Elmer
Furyk, Jim
Gable, Clark
Gabor, Zsa Zsa
Garden State
Gates, Bill
Gauguin, Paul
Gaxton, William
Geffen, David
George, David Lloyd
Gershwin, George
Gibbon, Edward
Gilbert, W. S.
Gilliam, Junior
Glasgow, Ellen
Gleason, Jackie
Glengarry Glen Ross
Goldwater, Barry
Gore, Thomas P.
Graham, Sheila
Grant, Ulysses S.
Gray, Thomas
Greene, A. C.
Griffin, Stewie
Grimson, Stu
Grisham, John
Groundskeeper Willie
Guys and Dolls
Gypsy
Haldeman, H. R.
Halsey, Margaret
Handelsman, J. B.
HarperCollins
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Healy, Dennis
Heimel, Cynthia
Heine, Heinrich
Hemingway, Ernest
Henderson, Thomas
Hepburn, Katharine
Herford, Oliver
Hicks, Bill
High Society
Hightower, Jim
Hillary, Edmund
Hitler, Adolf
Holmes, Sherlock
Honda
Hopper, Hedda
Hotten, On John
Housman, A. E.
Howells, William Dean
Hubbard, Kin
Hughes, Howard
Hugo, Victor
Hunt, Leigh
Hunter, Torii
Huxley, Aldous
Ickes, Harold
Idiot, The
Imhoff, John
Irving, John
Irving, Sir Henry
Ivins, Molly
Jacoby, Joe
James, Henry
Jameson, Jenna
Jefferson, Thomas
Joan of Arc
Jobs, Steve
Joe the Plumber
Johannsen, Jake
Johnson, Lou
Johnson, Samuel
Jonas Brothers
Jones, Henry Arthur
Kael, Pauline
Katz, Jonathan
Kaufman, George S.
Keane, Roy
Keating, Kenneth B.
Keating, Paul
Keillor, Garrison
Kendall, Donald
Kennedy, John F.
Kerouac, Jack
Kerr, Jean
Kerr, Walter
Kilborn, Craig
King, Larry
Kingsley, Charles
Kipling, Rudyard
Kirby, Julie
Kissinger, Henry
Klee, Paul
Knowles, Beyonce
Kournikova, Anna
La Bohéme
Lady Gaga
Lamb, Lady Caroline
Lampanelli, Lisa
Lanchester, Elsa
Landers, Ann
Lang, Andrew
Lasorda, Tommy
Lawrence. H.
Leary, Denis
Lee, Gypsy Rose
Lee, Robert G.
Lemmon, Jack
Lennon, John
Leno, Jay
Leonard, Jack E.
Letterman, David
Levant, Oscar
Leverson, Ada
Levinson, Leonard Louis
Lewis. S.
Lewis, Wyndham
Liberace
Liddy, G. Gordon
Lil Wayne
Lincoln, Abraham
Long Kiss Goodnight
Long, Earl
Love III, David
Lullaby
Luther, Martin
Mabie, Hamilton
Mad Men
Madoff, Bernie
Maher, Bill
Mailer, Norman
Man in Full, A
Mankiewicz, Herman J.
Manning, Bernard
Mansfield, Katherine
Mansfield, Richard
Marshall, Bob
Martin, Demetri
Martin, Steve
Marx, Groucho
Marx, Simon
Masefield, John
Massa, Eric
Mattel
Matthau, Walter
Mauclair, Camille
Mayer, Louis B.
McCain, John
McCarthy, Charlie
McCarthy, Mary
McClellan, General George
McDonald’s
McEnroe, John
McLaughlin, Mignon
McManus, Seamus
Mead, Margaret
Melville, Herman
Merman, Ethel
Metcalf, Shelby
Michaelangelo
Midler, Bette
Milk Duds
Miller, Arthur
Miller, Dennis
Millen, Matt
Milton, John
Minnesota Twins
Mitford, Nancy
Mizner, Wilson
Moby-Dick
Molière
Monkey Wrench Gang, The
Monroe, Marilyn
Moore, Patrick
Moorer, Michael
Moorhouse, Justin
Morgan, J. P.
Morris, Robert T.
Morris, William
Mother Teresa
Munro, H. H.
Muppet Show, The
&
nbsp; Mussolini, Benito
Nabokov, Vladimir
Nathan, George Jean
National Hockey League (NHL)
Navratilova, Martina
New York Giants
Newman, Ernest
Nielsen, Leslie
Nietzsche, Friedrich Wilhelm
Nintendo Wii
Nixon, Richard
Noah
Norton, Ken
Novak, Ralph
Oakland Raiders
O’Brien, Conan
O’Brien, Kate Cruise
O’Connor, Flannery
O’Hara, Catherine
O’Neil, Shaquille
O’Neill, Eugene
Ono, Yoko
Oprah
Otero, Reggie
Palahniuk, Chuck
Palin, Sarah
Panzram, Carl
Paradise Lost
Parker, Dorothy
Patterson, James T.
Pep, Willie
Peter Pan
Pez
Picasso, Pablo
Poe, Edgar Allan
Polk, Torrin
Pope, Alexander
Pound, Ezra
Pride and Prejudice
Proust, Marcel
Pythagoras
Raphael, Frederic
Ratoff, Gregory
Reagan, Ronald
Redford, Robert
Reed, Rex
Reed, Thomas Brackett
Ref, The
Renoir, Auguste
Richard III,
Richards, Ann
Rickles, Don
Rinehart, Mary Roberts
Rivers, Joan
Rodgers, James W.
Rodman, Dennis
Rolling Stones, The
Romeo and Juliet
Ronstadt, Linda
Roosevelt, Theodore
Roseanne
Ross, Jeffrey
Rossini, Giovanni
Rowling, J. K.
Roxanne
Ruskin, John
Russell, Bill
Saint-Saens, Camille
Salinger, J. D.
Sarte, Jean-Paul
Saturday Night Live
Sayers, Dorothy L.
Sayle, Alexei,
Schrute, Dwight
Scott, George C.
Scott, Sir Walter
Shakespeare, William
Sharapova, Maria
Shaw, George Bernard
Sheen, Charlie
Simon, Carly
Simon, John
Simon, Neil
Simpson, Jessica
Simpsons, The
Sinatra, Frank
Sitwell, Edith
Skinny Bitch
Slave Ship, The
Smart, Christopher
Smigel, Robert
Smith, Harvey
Smith, Juliana
Smith, Margaret
Smith, Sydney
Smollett, Tobias George
Smyth, Dame Ethel
Snead, Sam
Snoop Dogg
Solzhenitsyn, Alexander
Stallone, Sylvester
Stanwyck, Barbara
Star Wars
Statler and Waldorf
Stein, Gertrude
Steinbeck, John
Steinem, Gloria
Stevenson, Robert Louis
Stewart, Jon
Stewart, Rod
Stilwell, Joseph
Stone, Irving
Stone, Sharon
Stooges, The Three
Stowe, Harriet Beecher
Stravinsky, Igor
Superman
Swift, Jonathan
Talleyrand, Charles Count
Taylor, Elizabeth
Tennyson, Lord Alfred
Terence
Texas A&M
Thatcher, Margaret
The Edge
The Office
Theismann, Joe
Thomas, Dylan
Thompson, Hunter S.
Three Lives
Thurber, James
Tiny Tim
Titanic
Tolstoy, Leo
Tomlin, Lily
Tracy, Spencer
Tree, Herbert Beerbohm
Trevino, Lee
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog
Truman, Harry S.
Trump, Donald
Turner, J. M. W.
Turner. Ted
Twain, Mark
Twitter
Tynan, Kenneth
Tyson, Mike
U2
Uncle Tom’s Cabin
University of Houston
University of Pittsburgh
Updike, John
Van Doren, Mamie
Vidal, Gore
Village People, The
Vonnegut, Kurt
Waits, Tom
Wall Street Journal, The
Warhol, Andy
Warner Brothers
Waugh, Evelyn
Webster, Jean
Webster, Noah
Wells, H. G.
West Side Story
West, Mae
Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?
Whistler, James McNeil
Whitehorn, Katharine
Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
Wilde, Oscar
Wilde, Percival
Wilder, Billy
Wilhelmina Modeling Agency
Wilkes, John
Williams, Ralph Vaughan
Wilson, Edmund
Winchell, Walter
Wodehouse, P. G.
Wolfe, Tom
Wolfgang Von Goethe, Johann
Wonder, Stevie
Woods, Tiger
Woolf, Virginia
Yeats, William Butler
Young, Andrew
Youngman, Henny
YouTube
Zola, Emile
1 Who are you, Sherlock Holmes?
2 See example A, The Snark Handbook, for subtle snark.
3 It can even cut the chase.
4 By no means complete, like a hundred politicians at the bottom of the ocean, it’s a good start.
5 Groucho’s father, Simon, worked as a tailor, but since he refused to use a measuring tape, his customers were seldom satisfied. True story.
6 Yeah, there’s two masters ... what about it?
7 Hey Kurt, relax. If Attila the Hun were alive today he’d be a critic.
8 1. C., 2. B., 3. F., 4. A., 5. D., 6. E.
9 Christopher Smart on Thomas Gray
10 Ezra Pound on T. S. Eliot
11 e.e. cummings on Ezra Pound
12 T. S. Eliot on Henry James
13 W. H. Auden on Robert Browning
14 Samuel Taylor Coleridge on Edward Gibbon
15 W. H. Auden on Edgar Allan Poe
16 Juliana Smith on Noah Webster
17 This is ridiculous. Everyone knows you can’t type on toilet paper.
18 Truman Capote on William Faulkner
19 Theodore Roosevelt on Henry James
20 Gore Vidal on Truman Capote
21 Virginia Woolf on Henry James
22 Gore Vidal on Gertrude Stein
23 F. Scott Fitzgerald about Ernest Hemingway
24 Noël Coward on Edith Sitwell
25 1. E., 2. B., 3. D., 4. A., 5. F., 6. C.
26 This from the guy who wrote Peter Pan?
27 Nowadays having “only” two faces would make him a paragon of nobility.
28 Henry James on Edgar Allen Poe
29 Dylan Thomas on Edith Sitwell
30 Evelyn Waugh on Marcel Proust
31 Mark Twain on Jane Austen
32 Katherine Mansfield on E. M. Forster
33 James Gould Cozzens on John Steinbeck
34 Anatole France on Émile Zola
35 James Dickey on Robert Frost
36 Just remember that I’m a razor in comparison.
37 You may not understand them, but they certainly sound insulting.
38 1. E.,
2. C., 3. A., 4. D., 5. F., 6. B.
39 Edward Abbey on Anton Bruckner
40 Gore Vidal talking about Andy Warhol
41 Joan Rivers on Yoko Ono
42 Camille Mauclair on Paul Cézanne
43 George S. Kaufman to actor William Gaxton
44 Camille Saint-Saens on Dame Ethel Smyth
45 Aaron Copland on Ralph Vaughan Williams
46 Mark Twain on J. M. W. Turner’s The Slave Ship
47 1. E., 2. C., 3. D., 4. A., 5. F., 6. B.
48 [If I were reincarnated ...] I’d come back as my wife and leave me the hell alone.—Jeff Dunham
49 Mamie Van Doren about Warren Beatty
50 Johnny Carson about Chevy Chase
51 John Simon on Walter Matthau
52 Howard Hughes about Clark Gable
53 Rex Reed on Sylvester Stallone
54 Barbara Stanwyck about Marilyn Monroe
55 That’s not to say he wouldn’t touch you if you were a thirteenyear-old girl.
56 1. F., 2. E., 3. D., 4. A., 5. B., 6. C.
57 Even though the shiny part had actually peeled off.
58 James T. Patterson on Thomas Dewey
59 Gore Vidal on Ronald Reagan
60 Clement Freud on Margaret Thatcher
61 Bette Midler on a member of the Royal Family
62 Alice Roosevelt Longworth on Calvin Coolidge
63 Ann Richards on George Bush
64 Irving Stone on William Jennings Bryan
65 Harry S. Truman about Dwight D. Eisenhower
66 Aneurin Bevan about Neville Chamberlain
67 No, this isn’t a compliment meant for politicians!
68 1. D., 2. E., 3. B., 4. F., 5. A., 6. C.
69 Yeah, that’s right. Sometimes dogs are smarter than you.
70 1. C., 2. E., 3. A., 4. F., 5. D., 6. B.
71 Clearly a man with a death wish but the newer, gentler Mike would at least do it fast.
72 Muhammad Ali to a young boxer
73 Joe Frazier to Ken Norton
74 David Feherty, the Irish former golfer, on Jim Furyk’s swing
75 Willie Pep, the American featherweight boxer, when asked by an old opponent if he remembered him
76 Bob Costas about Dennis Rodman