Must Love Wieners

by Griffin, Casey

  So you’ve got me down kneelin’,

  Beggin’ that you’re feelin’

  What I know is true in my soul.

  So if we’re meant to be together,

  Like cowgirls and leather,

  You’ll give a call to Nicole.”

  By the time Piper finished, the blood had drained from Aiden’s face and he was no longer trying to hide a smile—although everyone around him certainly was. He didn’t appear impressed with receiving the love note, any more than Piper liked giving it.

  His clean-shaven jaw clenched. She had a fleeting moment of pity for poor Nicole, who would probably never hear from him again. But then, it was Nicole’s fault Piper was there embarrassing herself. So really, she didn’t feel too bad.

  “That was very entertaining. Thank you…,” Aiden trailed off, glancing at her left boob where a gold star badge held a false name, “Amber.”

  Old Spice snorted next to him. “‘Entertaining’ is not the word I would use. This”—he waved a derisive hand at Piper—“is not appropriate for the workplace.”

  Piper’s own lip curled in response to Old Spice’s sneer.

  “No. You’re right,” Aiden said. “I’ll have a talk with the admin assistant. This is an animal-free environment, after all. It’s not appropriate to have horses in the building.”

  The tension in the room evaporated, and everyone relaxed in their ergonomic seats, laughing.

  Piper was used to the laughing. People got a kick out of this sort of thing. But this time, it felt different. This time, it felt like it was at her expense. Like she had any choice. This was her job, after all. Not everyone could work for a Fortune 500 company.

  She wondered if they would still laugh at her if they knew why she was doing this, that it wasn’t her lifelong dream to be a slutty singing-telegram girl. She wanted to be a veterinarian. And she was working damned hard for it too.

  But it didn’t matter what they thought. She knew why she was doing this, and nothing else mattered. Who were these people to her, anyway? Who was this Aiden Caldwell? You know, besides an Armani ad come to life.

  Nobody. That was who.

  Shoving the balloons and box of chocolates at him, she swiped her phone off the table, wheeled her horse around, and galloped out of the room. She could hear Aiden call her fake name, but she kept her eyes forward and her head up until she was in the elevator.

  When she saw him round the corner, she punched the button for the ground floor and tapped the close doors button repeatedly until his face disappeared. It wasn’t until the elevator was descending and she stared at her pathetic reflection that she noticed the company logo stenciled on the mirrored doors for the first time.

  It said: Caldwell and Son Investments.

  Piper buried her face against the stuffed horse head and groaned. Aiden must have been the and Son. And she practically just gave him an over-the-pants hand job.

  So much for not being a prostitute.

  And he didn’t even tip.

  2

  The Fur Flies

  Piper half-ran, half-limped all the way back to her taxi where Colin greeted her. Letting him comfort her with kisses, she leaned back in the seat to find her breath. And her dignity.

  She rubbed her throbbing knee and stared out of the windshield where sporadic raindrops began to spatter. That was one of the worst singing-telegram experiences yet. Maybe not as bad as the time some frat boy mistook her for a stripper, but this time left her feeling more humiliated than usual. And that was really saying something.

  The cab’s back door opened and a customer slid in, rocking the vehicle.

  Piper cradled Colin close to hide him from sight. “I’m not in service right now,” she said over her shoulder. “Sorry.”

  “You’re a taxi driver too?”

  She glanced in the rearview mirror to find a pair of dark, minty green eyes smiling in the reflection.

  “You’re a woman of many talents.”

  She spun around. “Mr. Caldwell.”

  “Aiden’s just fine.”

  He looked strange in her cab. Like someone that successful and poised didn’t fit in her awkward world. People like him didn’t stare at her as if, well, as if they were seeing her, Piper, and not giving directions to a cabbie, or paying a pizza delivery girl, or eyeing up a telegram singer.

  He appeared professional and collected in his designer suit and stylish narrow tie—even with the coffee stain—but in a way that she thought they might look even better coming off. Like when you’re tempted to step on the grass that says: Keep off or to scream in a library. Aiden’s composure certainly reminded her of an orderly, self-possessed librarian. A hot one that you wanted to dishevel behind the stacks.

  Her eyes unconsciously drifted down to his lap where she’d had her hand not fifteen minutes earlier. The memory jarred her like a bucket of cold ice over her crotch.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “You’ll have to find another taxi.”

  “I wanted to apologize, Amber. I didn’t exactly make that easy on you.”

  “The name’s Piper. And don’t worry about it. I’m used to it.”

  “No, really. That took a lot of courage. Especially after how things started.”

  Piper winced. She laid her forehead against the steering wheel, wishing an out-of-control streetcar would derail and plow into her in the next three seconds.

  Three … two … one …

  But he continued on. “I thought the whole thing was hilarious. But I have to maintain a certain professional attitude in the workplace. I don’t like mixing business with pleasure. You understand.”

  “Then you should probably tell that to Nicole.”

  “Who?”

  Piper snorted. Just your typical privileged playboy. Probably had so many conquests every week that he couldn’t remember their names by Monday morning. She knew his type. And he wasn’t hers.

  Sure, he was rich, but in Piper’s opinion that was more of a con than a pro. Money created a different sort of man, and she wanted no part of it; otherwise she’d be living in Washington with her family rather than living paycheck to paycheck on her own in San Francisco.

  She heard Aiden sniff in the backseat. “Does it smell like pizza in here to you?”

  “Sorry about your shirt, by the way,” she said to change the subject.

  As if he’d forgotten about it, he ran a hand over the dried stain. “No problem. I have two dozen of them that look exactly the same at home. I won’t miss it.” A teasing smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “But I thought you’d be more sorry about falling into my lap.”

  “Oh, I wasn’t sorry about that.” Which was a complete lie. “But I forgot to tell you that I charge extra for lap dances.”

  He was being friendly enough, even flirting a little. Okay, so was she. Shamelessly. But Colin was struggling in her arms to greet the newcomer, she wanted to put some clothes on, and as cute as Aiden was, she planned on blocking the whole experience from her memory. It’s not like he’d be interested in her, anyway. Or if he was, she would just be another girl whose name he couldn’t remember.

  “Look. I have to go,” she said. “I’m on the clock.”

  “Well, if that’s the case, I’ll take a ride.” Laying his briefcase down next to him, he loosened his tie and relaxed into the leather seat. She could see a cocky grin spread across his lips in the rearview mirror, daring her to refuse a customer.

  The clock on the dash informed her she was already late. Her volunteer shift at the Dachshund Rescue Center started soon and she still had to get the taxi back to the depot.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t have time.”

  “Please? You can’t say no to this face.” He batted his eyelashes. “I’ve been told that my eyes glimmer.”

  She couldn’t help but laugh. “I thought you were in the middle of a big meeting.”

  “It got kind of boring once you left.”

  “I do know how to liven things up, don’t I?” sh
e replied coolly, but felt her cheeks flush at the memory. Glancing in the rearview, she saw his eyes crinkle, as though he was remembering it too, but not in the same negative way. Her skin burned hotter.

  Annoyed at being left out of the conversation, Colin barked.

  “Is that a dog?”

  Piper sighed and let the creature wiggle free from her arms. Colin leapt onto the center console to investigate this new man in his cab. He was protective of Piper. Her little hero. In fact, she often imagined he looked like Batman. His short black fur and touch of light brown around his snout formed the same shape as the Caped Crusader’s mask.

  Aiden reached out to let the dog smell him. “Hello, boy. What’s your name?”

  “Colin,” Piper said.

  “Unusual name for a dog.”

  “Colin is an unusual dog.”

  As though in agreement, Colin barked.

  Aiden laughed and scratched him behind the ears. “Actually, I just became a proud owner of a dachshund.”

  “Well, you made a good choice. It’s a great breed.”

  She watched him make friends with her dog, which gave Aiden major bonus points—not that he needed them with that smile, and those eyes, and damn, he really did look good in that suit. “Maybe I’m headed your way,” she conceded. “Where did you want to go?”

  “Inner Mission area,” he said. “Please.”

  She checked the clock again, not sure how she always managed to take on too much. It would be fine, she told herself. Just fine. Besides, that was near the rescue center. She could drop Colin off before heading for the taxi depot. That way, she wouldn’t need to smuggle him out of the taxi in her backpack before someone saw. Plus having a pleasant view in her mirror for the trip didn’t hurt.

  “I think I can manage that. Colin, down, boy.” She pointed to the passenger side mat.

  With a whine of protest, the doxie hopped down.

  Throwing the car into drive, Piper shoulder checked and stepped on the gas. Leather and gold flashed in front of the hood as someone leapt ahead of the taxi. She slammed on the brakes. Everyone lurched forward in the cab.

  “Oh, crap,” she mumbled.

  “What is it?” Aiden asked.

  “Trouble.” She glared out the windshield where Dominic crooked a finger at her. “I’ll just be a second.”

  Nudging the car forward, she tucked it back next to the curb and out of traffic. Dominic crossed his arms to wait while she crawled out. His pompous expression spiked her annoyance level.

  Piper threw the door open, shivering as the rain hit her bare skin. “Do you have a death wish, Dom? Can’t you see I’m working here?”

  He pointed to her outfit. “You certainly look like a working girl to me.”

  “Ha-ha. You’re hilarious.”

  The rear cab door opened and Aiden stepped out onto the sidewalk. He glanced between Dominic and Piper. “Is everything okay?”

  “None of your business, pal.” Dominic jabbed a finger at Aiden before turning back to Piper. “You shoulda moved your cab, sweetheart.”

  “Keep your panties on, Dom. I’m moving it. See? I have my customer now. We’re leaving.”

  “Yeah, see, I don’t think you were here for a customer. You know, I started to think–”

  “And I’m sure it hurt.” Her left boob vibrated, startling her. Reaching into her bra, she pulled out her phone. The rain was picking up, so she stepped onto the sidewalk and under the building’s awning before checking it.

  It was a text from her boss at Tony’s Pizza.

  Got another complaint from a customer. He said you were late, the pizza was cold, and the breadsticks were missing. I warned you, Piper. You’re fired.

  “Dammit.”

  Bringing up a foot, she banged her heel on the pavement in frustration. Snap. Her heel broke. She stumbled back, arms pinwheeling as she tried to regain balance.

  Aiden lunged forward, catching her before she could fall. His hands rubbed hot on her bare stomach, and she took a moment longer than she needed to step away.

  “Thanks.”

  He gave her an apologetic look. “Bad day?”

  “You have no idea.”

  But that expression on his face and the way his hands lingered on her made it a teensy bit better. Like chocolate-covered Brussels sprouts.

  Bending down, she picked up the broken heel and pouted at it. The cowgirl would have to take some time off until she could afford new boots. Sam was a tightwad and didn’t like to spend money on decent costumes. The cheap crap he did provide he made his employees rent at a premium, so Piper liked to buy her own.

  “Like I was saying.” Dominic wedged himself between Piper and Aiden. “See, I think you’ve been moonlighting.”

  “So?” Piper threw her hands up. “What are you going to do about it?”

  “That’s not illegal,” Aiden said. “The California legislation is clear. She’s perfectly within her rights to work more than one job. What infringes on her rights, however, is harassment in the workplace.” He took a step toward Dominic, but that single step held a lot of power. “So I suggest you leave this young woman alone and let her get back to her job.”

  Dominic balked. Piper wished she’d worn her cheerleading costume that day. She wanted to shake her pom-poms and cheer, “Go-o-o, Aiden!”

  “Her job?” Dominic turned back to Piper. “And which one is that? Because the boss doesn’t have a problem with you working more than one job. He has a problem with you working all of them at the exact same time.”

  “The boss? You told Dave?”

  Aiden raised his hands and backed off. “Sorry,” he said to her. “I can’t help you there.”

  She cringed. “Bad timing. I couldn’t get anyone to cover the shifts.” Well, she supposed she might have if she’d asked for help for once. But she didn’t need help. She would have been fine if it hadn’t been for Dominic. Just fine, fine, fine.

  Dominic shrugged. “I may have mentioned to Dave that I saw you here.” He placed a hand over his heart, his expression the epitome of angelic innocence. “I was concerned, is all. After seeing you dressed like this, I was worried this was our new uniform.” Laughing, he fiddled with the tassels dangling beneath her boobs.

  She slapped his hand away. “What did Dave say?”

  “Is that a dog?” Dominic asked.

  “What?” Piper followed his stare to the open back door of her cab.

  Colin dropped down from the seat and scampered across the sidewalk to join them under the awning. He sat down next to Piper’s cowboy boots and stared up at her. Barrel chest protruding, he wagged his tail like he was such a good boy for behaving. His expression said, Do I get a treat now?

  Dominic gaped at her like she’d lost her marbles. “You can’t keep your pet in the taxis.”

  “He’s not a pet. He’s a copilot,” she said. When Dom didn’t look convinced, she tried again. “Seeing Eye dog?”

  Colin gave an angry bark at Dominic, deep and intimidating for such a small thing. Duh-na-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh, Batman!

  “Sic ’em, Colin,” she said, half-hoping he’d understand.

  Dominic took a step back. Instead of Colin attacking, his tongue lolled out of his mouth, dripping slobber on his paw. He didn’t make the best guard dog, since he didn’t know any commands beyond your basic roll over and sit. And it wasn’t like he could roll someone over to death. His head swiveled between the two of them, flinging dribble onto Dominic’s shoe. That will show him, she thought.

  Aiden’s focus bounced between Piper and Dominic but mostly remained on the latter, mouth in a hard line, cool eyes watching, waiting, maybe for him to step out of line. But Piper was grateful he kept to the sidelines. She didn’t need any guy stepping in on her behalf, far less one she barely knew. She was a big girl and she could handle a lowlife like Dominic on her own.

  “It doesn’t matter, anyway,” Dominic said. “It can’t be any worse for you. Dave said he wants the cab back to the depot. Now.
And, oh yeah, he said something else.” Dominic tapped his chin as though thinking, enjoying every minute of it. “He said something about wanting to see you in his office. If I were you, I’d wear that outfit. You might have a better chance of keeping your job.”

  Piper glared at the little weasel. “You think you’re so goddamned clever, don’t you?”

  He scowled and opened his mouth to speak, but something brought him up short. He chuckled to himself.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Oh, nothing. Nothing.” His snickering went on a little longer, drawing out his pleasure in her demise. “By the way, did you need a ride to the depot? I’m on my way there right now. I wouldn’t want to miss the show.”

  She placed a hand on her hip. “I think I’ve spent enough quality time with you this afternoon. I’ve got my own cab, thank you very much.”

  “Oh, you mean that one?” Dominic pointed a meaty finger toward the street. To the empty taxi lane.

  Piper’s cab burned rubber as it whipped into traffic. It took off down Montgomery Street, smoke coming from the tires.

  “Hey!” Piper yelled.

  She hobbled away from the building and out onto the street with her one good boot. Winding her arm up, she threw the broken boot heel at the cab. It clattered into the middle of the street where a delivery truck ran it over. The taxi squealed around the next corner, the back door swinging closed, and it disappeared.

  Slipping off her red cowboy hat, she stared after the taxi in disbelief, oblivious to the traffic honking behind her. Rain soaked through her skimpy costume in seconds. That couldn’t have happened, she told herself. Right under their noses, thirty feet away. The thief only took it for a spin around the block, right? He’d bring it back. It would be fine. Just fine, fine, fine. Right?

  But it didn’t come back. It was so not fine.

  “Did that just happen?” she asked no one in particular.

  The weight of the whole day crashed down on her, and she sank to her knees on the wet pavement. Where was that streetcar when she needed it?

  “My cab.”

  “My briefcase,” Aiden said.

  Colin peed on the tire of Dominic’s taxi. My treat?

  Dominic crouched down to leer in Piper’s face. “Your job.”