Needing to get away from him, I threw my knee up close to his balls, and when he buckled, I shoved him as hard as I could to the side, making him fall with a thud. Wiping my face, I stood up and walked out of the cage and past Cam, who quickly looked in the opposite direction. I didn’t care he’d been watching us. His clever plan failed. I risked a glance back to Jamie through the metal, and he was sitting, pinching the bridge of his nose like he had a headache. Part of me hated seeing him like that. It wasn’t who he was. He was a strong, confident guy. And a user….
I grabbed my things from my locker, catching sight of the locker door Jamie had plunged his fist into. It was now sporting a huge dent.
Good luck explaining that one to Kal.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
When I got home, I went straight upstairs, closed my curtains, and did what I needed to. I cried. I’d held most of my tears back all day, and now I needed to release it all, privately.
I must have cried myself to sleep, because when I woke up, it was dark out. My eyes felt heavy and were no doubt puffy, and the weight of Jamie was still very much on my mind. I knew it would take more than a few sleepless nights and bawling sessions for the hurt to go completely away, and I prayed it happened sometime soon. Wondering what time it was, I leaned over to my nightstand and switched on my lamp so I could find my cell. Seeing that it was 6 p.m, I knew I needed to drag my sorry butt out of bed because I needed to get some studying done. Doing just that, I made my bed, gathered my books together, and put them in a pile on the bed while I went down to fix dinner.
Stirring the soup, I couldn’t get Jamie out of my mind, replaying his somewhat heartfelt apology to me. I couldn’t work out whether he was being sincere or not. Remembering the broken look on his face certainly made me believe he was being honest with me, but a niggling doubt made me wonder whether he was trying to make peace so I didn’t tell Kal. I needed Taylor’s help right now. I’d helped her countless times with her boy trouble, and now I was the one who needed the help, only I couldn’t breathe a word to her because she hated Jamie.
I didn’t know what to do. Should I accept his apology and try to salvage what was left of our friendship? I certainly couldn’t give him another chance to be more than friends, and I certainly couldn’t continue avoiding him—not while I still worked at the club anyway. The soup began spluttering and boiling over, bringing my thoughts back to my dinner. Turning the stove off, I prepared two bowls with spoons. I served one to Dad and handed him a few bread rolls to go with it before I settled down at the table to eat mine.
After tea, I showered and changed into my pajamas, ready to study for finals, which were getting closer. Sitting back on my bed, I crossed my legs and picked up my first book, and a big sigh escaped. I really wasn’t in the mood for studying. A sudden thud at the window had me jumping out of my skin. Eyes wide, I stared over and wondered what the hell it was. Putting the book down, I cautiously walked over to it and moved the curtain aside. I peered out, but it was so dark that I couldn’t see anything.
Damn bats. It wasn’t the first time I’d had one fly straight into my window. Sitting back on my bed, another one hit the window, but this time, I chose to ignore it and opened my book to the page I needed. Grabbing my pen, I started jotting down notes in my notebook, and the thud came at my window again, this time with a little more force. I sprang from my bed, teeth clenched, cursing them. Yanking my curtains open, I shoved up my window with a little more force than necessary and looked down to the ground, expecting to see a small dead family of bats on the grass. Did they all have a suicide pact or something? Then a freaky thought popped into my mind. What if another one flew straight at me while I had the window open? I shuddered. Looking down at the ground, I froze when I saw a figure standing beside the tree below my window. Instantly, my blood ran cold and my heart rose into my chest. Who the hell was that?
“Lauren?” his voice whispered loudly.
I recognized it instantly. “Jamie, what the hell?” I whispered back, furious that he had the nerve to show up at this time of night at my house, with Dad only yards away.
“Can I come up?”
Was he serious? “No. You need to go now. I told you I don’t want to see or talk to you. I’m done.”
“I’m not going until I speak to you, or I’ll just knock on your door,” he threatened. “Can I please come up?” Without waiting for my reply, he began to scramble up the tree in my garden.
“What are you doing?” I squeaked quietly, as I watched him make his way up to the top of the tree. He seriously wasn’t going to sit in the tree and talk to me, was he? He reached the top of it, and the branches started to wilt under his weight.
“Open your window.”
“It is,” I hissed.
“Wider.” He sounded breathless. I opened it as far as I could. Surely he could hear me from there? I then watched in horror as he stood up to test how sturdy the branch was beneath his feet, and I was terrified he was about to fall and break his neck. Skillfully, he launched himself from the tree, onto the drainpipe, and scrambled up it Spiderman style. I hoped none of the neighbors could see him.
He reached my window and hauled himself in. I helped him, fearful he was going to fall to his death. Landing quietly on my bedroom floor, he lay on his back panting before bursting out into a hearty chuckle. Only I didn’t find it funny. I didn’t want him here. “I’ve never, ever done that.” He lifted his head up from the floor to look at me, still laughing to himself.
“You’re crazy.” I shook my head at him. I wasn’t happy he was here, and I didn’t bother to hide it.
“Yeah, well, you’re starting to make me do crazy things.” He sat up and took in his surroundings of my pale pink bedroom. I suddenly felt vulnerable with him seeing something so personal of mine.
Then I remembered Dad. “If my dad knows you’re in here, he’ll kill you,” I warned him.
“Trust me, your dad doesn’t want to meet me now that I know what he does to you,” he said icily.
I glared at the way he was trying to be somewhat protective of me, which was a contradiction, considering he didn’t give a damn about me on Sunday morning. “Maybe I’ll go tell him what you did to me, and he can kick your ass for it.”
“Bring it on, can’t wait to teach him a lesson.” He glared back at me with fierceness.
This was getting exhausting. I wanted him and his attitude gone. “What are you doing here?” I asked him again.
“Finishing off my apology.” He stood up and looked around my walls. Spotting my collage picture frame, he walked over to where it was hung to get a closer look. “You’ve got a picture of me in your room?” He grinned, looking at the photo I had recently put in of him and the boys from a cage fighting promo pamphlet.
“Actually, it’s a picture of all of you,” I corrected him.
He opened the door to my bathroom and looked inside. I prayed my dirty laundry wasn’t lying on the floor. Closing the door, his head jerked toward the dresser across my bedroom door. “Why’s that there?” He pointed, narrowing his eyes.
My patience was wearing seriously thin. “God, Jamie, I feel like you’ve come to interrogate me.”
“Sorry.” He shrugged, turning to my bed that was covered in books, notepads, and stationary.
“Look, Jamie, say what you need to and go. I have stuff to do.”
From the look he gave me, I said that too harshly. “I just want to say sorry.”
“You did,” I replied, remembering his apology to me in the cage during our training.
“I want to do it properly.”
“To save you from wasting your time, I’m not going to tell Kal, so don’t worry about getting into trouble, golden boy,” I said the last bit sarcastically; I couldn’t help it.
“Don’t call me that.” He narrowed his eyes at me. I’d clearly hit a sore spot. Then, almost like he knew there was no point being mad at me, his annoyance slid off his face as quickly as it came. “Can you clear some stuff
?” He gestured to my bed.
I rolled my eyes and sighed loudly while I began to stack the books and notepads, making some room for him to sit, all the while wondering why I was giving him this opportunity. He didn’t deserve it, but I had to acknowledge the fact that he had made the effort to apologize to me again. I looked at his feet. “Take your sneakers off.” He wasn’t sitting on my clean bed with those dirty things. He raised an eyebrow suggestively. “You know what I mean.” I shook my head at him.
“Yeah, I know how persuasive you can be.” He winked then dropped his devilish grin.
There was the flirting again. But I was on my guard with him; I didn’t trust him. He’d let me down too many times. He kicked off his sneakers and lay down on my bed, folding his arms behind his head while his legs stretched out toward my pillows.
Don’t get too comfy, Jamie….
Walking to the window, I closed the curtains so nobody could see he was in my room. I didn’t want talk from nosey neighbors tomorrow. I caught him grinning at me again as he watched me. “Stop it!” I warned. He sighed, straightening his face, then patted the space beside him, but I remained where I was standing. He’d said sorry again, so why did he feel the need to stay? When I didn’t move, he patted the bed again. Annoyed at his insistence, I reluctantly sat down facing him and lay against the headboard. He shuffled forward and reached out, twiddling with the fairy lights that hung over it, almost deep in thought. Releasing them from his fingers, he looked up at me, and I braced myself, ready for what he was about to say.
“Look, I’m sorry I treated you the way I did. I was a dick.” His voice was soft and laced with regret again. I nodded in total agreement. “I didn’t mean to do that to you.” His eyes lifted to mine and he swallowed deeply.
“Which part exactly?” I asked curiously, wondering what he was actually apologizing for. There was a lot to say about how he treated me that morning and how he’d behaved toward me at the club. Dread lay heavy in my gut as I silently hoped he wasn’t going to apologize for sleeping with me. I couldn’t bear the thought. Again, I steeled myself for rejection as he opened his mouth to reply.
“When you left my house. What I said. How I was. Guess I was freaked out. When I woke up with you in my arms.… I panicked. I never do that, ever. I enjoyed what we did… a lot. And I really like you, but I can’t do the whole boyfriend or dating stuff. I need to keep my head in the game. I can’t do that if I don’t give it my all, and if Kal knew….” He started to shake his head as his words came out in a big tumble. I was sick of hearing Kal’s name, but I bit my lip from saying anything disrespectful toward him. “He would end my career. You know how he can be. I didn’t even think about your feelings. I’m sorry.”
He lay watching me, and I realized I probably hadn’t talked in minutes while I took in what he said. He just admitted he liked me, which made me feel better about the situation, but knowing we both liked each other and couldn’t do anything about it was going to kill me. I needed to know we were both on the same page. “So are we back to being just friends then?” I asked although I knew how difficult it would be now that we’d crossed the friend line.
His eyes didn’t leave mine while he toyed with his answer. Then, letting out a big sigh, he shrugged. “I guess.”
“I’d rather us be friends,” I lied.
He frowned at me then quickly tried to look nonchalant. I wasn’t going to tell him I liked him back, and I certainly wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of saying I enjoyed that night too. We both sat silently, not knowing where to go from that conversation, and eventually, he picked up the schoolbooks on my bed. “What’s your major?” he asked, flipping one of my books to look at the back cover.
“Education.”
“You want to be a teacher?” He pursed his lips and nodded, seemingly impressed with my choice of vocation.
“Yeah, elementary.”
“Cool, you’ll get to play all day.”
“I think there’s more to it than that, Jamie.” I laughed quietly, taking the book from his hand and setting it back down with the others. “Did you go to college?” I asked him curiously, wanting to know a little more about him.
“Nah. I was a bit of a bad boy growing up,” he said with that gorgeous grin on his face like he was proud of that fact. I wasn’t the least bit surprised. Normal kids just don’t grow up to be cage fighters. “I got into fights a lot, short temper and all. I couldn’t deal with the jackasses at school. So one day when I was sixteen, I quit, went to my local club, and signed up with Kal. Never looked back. My parents had enough and kicked me out. Kal took me in when I started winning local fights, and he knew I was too good to let go.” He grinned again.
I laughed at his modesty. “I’m not surprised by any of that.”
“What are you trying to say?” He tried to look offended.
How wrong Jake was. Jamie never went to juvie. “You don’t strike me as a white coat and stethoscope kind of person,” I joked.
“Ha! My parents would have loved that. They’re both doctors.”
I couldn’t hide how shocked I was hearing that.
“Bet you didn’t expect that.”
“No,” I agreed.
“My sister just trained as a psychologist too.”
“No pressure there then,” I mocked, and remembered my awkward interaction with her at the fight.
He laughed quietly. “I just liked to fight. It was all I was good at.” He shrugged. Surely he must have been good at something? I wondered what it must have been like for him to grow up in a normal family with love and security. He kind of threw it away for a bit, but they looked close when I saw them all together at the fight.
“What about your family?” he asked tentatively, turning to lie on his side.
“Not much to tell, really.” I didn’t want to go into it. He looked at me, waiting for me to divulge more information. “Just me and my dad. Mom left us years ago. I have no siblings and no other family,” I said bluntly.
“Do you want to talk about your mom?” He picked at his nails and looked at me.
“Not really. I think we’ve had enough heart-to-heart for now.” I felt myself shutting down. I wasn’t ready to discuss her, not yet. All of this sudden opening up from him was more than enough information overload. I watched him warily as he came and sat beside me at the top end of the bed, leaving a small gap between us. He brooded over something for a minute, and I wondered what was on his mind. When he didn’t open up about it, I let it go and changed the subject. “Look it’s getting late you should go.” I stood up from my bed.
He didn’t resist, just nodded and shuffled off the bed and put his sneakers back on. “Look, I’m so sorry for hurting you,” he apologized again. “I’ve felt ashamed of myself since it happened.”
What was with him apologizing so much? The look of sincerity that was on his face made my heart long for him. I believed he regretted what he did; he’d gone to a lot of effort to make me aware of it. Circumstances aside, I liked seeing the softer side of him, and I liked to believe I was one of the few people who got to see it.
“And for the record, I did enjoy it. A lot.” He raised one eyebrow seductively. I felt my cheeks redden, and a small grin crept up on one side of his face. “Especially you begging me—”
I playfully smacked his arm and pushed him toward the window. “Stop it, Jamie.”
He halted on his feet, looking at me mischievously. “So… would you do it again?”
Was he seriously asking me that after hurting me? Was he saying that he wanted to do it again? “Are you trying to proposition me?” I asked suspiciously, folding my arms across my chest.
“Maybe?” He chuckled.
“Getting hurt by you once was enough, thanks.”
“Ouch.” He clutched his heart in mock pain. I put my hands on my hips and looked at the floor, waiting for him to finish making a joke out of the fact he hurt me. He reached out, tilted my chin up with his hand, and tucked a strand of
hair behind my ear. “So you wouldn’t do this again?” he whispered before he leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips. He gently pulled away, looking at me tentatively, like he wanted my permission to carry on.
The familiar yearning for him pooled in my belly. He ran his thumb across my bottom lip and moved in to kiss me again. My head was screaming at me to pull away from him and tell him to leave because that’s what I should be doing. I shouldn’t be giving him a second chance. But I couldn’t tell him no, so I didn’t. I was risking the consequences yet again. Placing my hand on the back of his head, I pressed my lips to his and he moaned, kissing me harder. His hand made its way through my hair before he slid his fingers down the side of my neck, making me quiver. I pulled away from him, and he frowned at me.
“What?”
“Don’t ever treat me like that ever again, Jamie.” I looked deep into his eyes, wanting him to see how badly he’d hurt me.
He closed his eyes tight for a few seconds, and when he opened them, I could see the remorse again, and I knew that if he didn’t give a damn about me, he wouldn’t be here. “Lauren, I swear. I want to show you how sorry I am.” His mouth came back to mine in that intense way that made all my thoughts disappear. I felt him pulling me with him as he walked backward, his mouth never leaving mine. When his feet hit the edge of the bed, he lay back on it, pulling me on top of him.
Grabbing a fistful of my hair, he pinned it to the back of my head and pushed me farther into his mouth as one of his hands traveled up my back. Straddling him, I could feel he wanted what I did, and I couldn’t help but move my body rhythmically over him. He groaned deeply as I did it. I knew where this was heading, and part of me was anxious to be taking this risk with him again, but I was incapable of staying away from him. I pulled my mouth from his and looked down at him, as I held my weight on my hands on either side of his head.
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