“Yeah, thanks,” I croaked, trying to suppress the overwhelming feeling in my chest to break down and cry. I quickly finished my beer while he fetched me another one. He returned and handed one out for me, and I took it, thanking him. He leaned back against the wall behind him, staring straight ahead, biting at his bottom lip. The tension between us was clear.
I thought he might have taken this time while we were alone to apologize. But he didn’t. He’d tried previously, and I’d ignored his attempts, so he probably didn’t think it was worth it again. Part of me wanted to ask him why he did what he did, but I figured we both knew tonight wasn’t the time nor the place. We stood there in silence, and it felt sad. I didn’t have it in me to move away from him, and he didn’t attempt to move either. I quietly drank my beer as I silently grieved our relationship and the person that I’d fallen in love with.
Suddenly, Taylor was upon us and grabbed me by the elbow. “Let’s go grab some food.” She cast a glance to Jamie, and he looked away from her, catching Cam’s eye, who then began walking back over to him. We left them and headed to the buffet, filling our plates with the lovely food Kal had provided, and sat down on two of the folding chairs. I mindlessly picked at my food, not really in the mood to eat, unlike Taylor, who stuffed pasta into her mouth.
Swallowing her mouthful, she turned to look at me. “What were you talking to Jamie about?” she asked, as she wiped remnants of pasta sauce from the corner of her lips.
I frowned at her wanting to know that. Why would she care? She didn’t even like him. “Nothing.” I shook my head and shrugged. It wasn’t an altogether lie. Her frown deepened. “What?” I asked, irritated at her probing.
“What happened with him?” She pinned me with a weighted stare.
My heart stopped and I stared at her in disbelief. “Nothing. What are you talking about?” I stumbled over my words.
“Tell me. Don’t lie!” she demanded. A mixture of hurt and betrayal crossed her face, and I knew she knew about us, only I didn’t know how. Jamie certainly wouldn’t have said anything to her; their hate for each other was mutual. Swallowing the massive lump lodged in my throat, I looked away from her while I tried to find the words. I happened to land upon Marc, who was watching our conversation intently, and I knew it was him. My blood boiled. How dare he! Did he know the full story between Jamie and me now, and just decided he would inform my best friend behind my back? I couldn’t believe I was being outed at my own party.
“Before I say anything, who told you?” I glared at her, and she looked down at the floor, but I wasn’t letting this go. “Who?” I snapped.
She clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes at me. “Oh, come on, spill. I want to know. You’ve had a fight with him. Why?” She tried to turn the conversation around on me.
“Who told you?” my voice rose. Thankfully, the music was quite loud and drowned me out.
She held her hands up defenselessly in front of her. “Don’t yell.” Taking a deep breath, a loud sigh escaped from her. “It was Marc,” she admitted quietly.
I clenched my teeth and glared at her again. “What gave him the right—”
She cut me off, “That doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re having boy problems, and you haven’t said a word.”
I cooled down a fraction when I saw the hurt look that was still on her face because I’d kept it from her, but I wasn’t ready to talk about him yet. I still found it too painful. I needed some space. “I’m going to get some air.” I set my plate down on the floor, stood from my chair, and walked toward the door. She called out after me, but I just needed to be alone for a few minutes.
I sat down on the wall at the side of the club, away from the windows, where nobody could see me. Taking deep breaths in and out, I tried to calm myself down and keep in control of my emotions, which were threatening to explode from my eyes. It felt like everything was just crashing around me.
Hearing footsteps, I looked toward the corner of the building and Taylor appeared. She took a seat beside me. “Does he mean that much to you?”
I turned to look at her, and as I nodded, tears ran down my cheeks. “Yeah,” I said quietly. She rarely saw me cry—nobody did. Jamie had opened up emotions in me that I’d buried years ago when I decided the best way to get through life was to be numb to everything.
“What happened?” she asked softly, folding her arms.
I closed my eyes at the memory. “He decided he’d had enough of me, so he took a girl home from the bar in front of me and slept with her.” I sighed. Saying those words out loud hurt, and the pain I felt was raw. I still didn’t understand why he did it. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, and she put a tender arm around me. I leaned into her; I needed the comfort and for her to tell me it would be okay and I’d get over it.
“Was that the reason you went home early from the bar?” she asked, tightening her arm around me. I nodded. “Oh, God.” She began shaking her head. “How did I not realize something was wrong? I’m so sorry.”
I lifted my head to her, and she was looking at me like she’d failed me somehow. “It’s okay, you didn’t know. I kept it from you. Besides, it doesn’t matter anymore. We’re done.”
“Has he spoken to you about it?”
“Yeah. He tried apologizing, but I didn’t want to hear it.”
“Are you still not speaking then?”
I shook my head. “Not really. He’s moved on. That’s all there is to it.”
A few moments of silence passed, and then I felt her turn her head toward me. “Did you know Jamie and Marc got into a fight?”
I sat up straight. “What?” I said, shocked. “A fight?” Those two had never exchanged angry words, let alone ever had a fight. That I knew of. I knew they’d both been quiet this week. They all had.
“Apparently, Jamie laid into him. The others had to pull them apart.” She winced.
Visions of them both fighting filled me with horror. “Why did they fight?” I asked, not quite understanding why Jamie would have done that. What on earth had Marc done? He was his friend.
Her brows creased and she looked deep in thought. “Marc said it was something to do with you, but he didn’t say what. I always knew there was something between you and Jamie.” She turned to me with a small smile.
Suddenly, Jamie came walking around the corner, and we both stopped talking immediately. “What’s wrong?” He looked at me and then Taylor, alarmed.
“Nothing,” I said evenly, hoping he would go back inside. I didn’t want him seeing me upset over him.
Taylor stood from the wall. “I’ll just go and get us a drink.” She jutted her thumb toward the club, and before I could tell her to stay, she took off.
“Have you been crying?” he asked softly. His eyes darted around my face, and a slight look of guilt washed over him, like he knew it was because of him.
“I just needed some fresh air.” I looked away from him and stared at the wall.
With a heavy sigh, he came closer and took a seat next to me. Surprised, I looked over at him, and when our eyes met, the stab of hurt came back and I felt the tears trying to return. He swallowed deeply and let out another rush of air then angled his body toward me. I could tell he wanted to talk. “That girl from the club….”
Before he could finish his sentence, I jumped down from the wall. We were not talking about her. “I don’t want to know.” My voice cracked.
He jumped from the wall too and grabbed my arm, pulling me back. “Please?” he pleaded desperately. “I just need you to listen. Hear me out.”
I didn’t want to stay and listen to him. I hadn’t prepared myself for it.
He continued to stare at me in misery.
Deep down, I knew I couldn’t avoid talking about it this time. So, anxiously, I stayed. Panic rose in my chest. I didn’t know what he was going to tell me. He nodded his head at me, indicating he wanted the answer that I was staying, and he released his hand from me. Silently, I sat back on the wall
, bracing myself.
He stood close in front of me, and our eyes were level with each other’s. “I never slept with her. At all, Lauren. I swear.” He started shaking his head. “I’m sorry that I made it look like that. I really am. I just… it wasn’t me. It was… I just… Believe me, please?”
What? I stared at him in utter disbelief.
Silence fell around us. I was in shock. I couldn’t speak.
He clasped his hands together, pressing his knuckles to his mouth. I frowned at him, trying to work out if he was lying to me. Trying to cover up what he did. But he never blinked once. He just continued to look at me. Waiting for an answer.
I couldn’t work out how I felt. Happy? Relieved? Hurt? Angry?
He took a desperate step toward me. “I promise, I didn’t.”
“Then why have you put me through days of hell?” I yelled suddenly, making him flinch.
He thrust out his hands. “I tried to tell you. You wouldn’t listen.”
I started to get angry. He’d went out of his way to show me his intentions and left the club with her. And now he was telling me he didn’t sleep with her? It didn’t make sense.
“I’m so sorry for doing what I did in front of you. I was out of order.” He shook his head slowly again; the remorse on his face was evident.
Remembering the images of them haunted me. I turned away from him. “It’s up to you who you want to be with, Jamie.” I wasn’t his girlfriend; he could do what he wanted. He made that very clear.
“You. It’s you I want to be with,” he said firmly.
I just couldn’t believe him. “Maybe it’s just because I’m the only girl you see regularly. That’s why you feel like that.” I was probably just a convenient release for him that he could get on tap when he wanted.
His expression darkened. “Maybe it’s because my feelings for you are genuine.” His tone lowered in temper.
“You forgot your feelings for me when you were all over her.” My voice rose at him.
“It was my feelings for you that stopped me doing something stupid.” He glared angrily at me. I could tell his mood was deteriorating.
Silence surrounded us again.
“Why won’t you believe me?” His voice was almost a whisper.
All the things I’d witnessed him doing that night was the very reason I doubted him. Did he think he could tell me the truth and I would forgive him, just like that? “Maybe because you’ve hurt me, Jamie. A lot.” Broken my heart, actually.
His head tilted back, and he let out a long sigh before looking at me again. “Please forgive me, Lauren.” His voice trailed off.
Even though I was relieved he hadn’t slept with her, the heartache he’d put me through making me think that wouldn’t just disappear. I wanted to know what he did do with her. “Did you kiss her?” I asked, and waited with baited breath, silently begging him to tell me that he didn’t.
Almost immediately, he shook his head. “I didn’t do anything with her. She tried to kiss me, but I pushed her away.”
I pressed my fingers to the side of my forehead; I was getting a headache. I was emotionally drained.
“I haven’t kissed or slept with anybody since I started… seeing you,” he admitted.
I looked at him, surprised. It was the first time he’d said anything like that, and again, I found a small amount of relief hearing it, but it didn’t excuse his behavior. I wanted to know what I’d done to him to make him do something like that, to purposely hurt me. “Why did you do it then?”
“It was Marc. He started asking me earlier that week why I wasn’t interested in hooking up with any girls. Told me I was losing my touch. It started to mess with my head. I didn’t know what you and me were doing, especially after that night, you know, with your head, and it was slow….” He was referring to the night he’d freaked out. “I think I panicked, and I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t… that into you, despite what I kind of felt. Then, he said it to me again that night at the bar. He was baiting me all night to hook up. I wanted to prove myself, so I did.”
He frowned, clearly disappointed in his bad decision. “I just got hammered so I could numb myself from what I was gonna do with her.” He shook his head. “When I went outside with her, it made me feel sick. I couldn’t do it. She wasn’t you. She tried to kiss me, but I pushed her away, told her to go home. She whacked me across the head.” He rubbed at where she must have hit him, and at the stupidity of the situation, I let out a small laugh. “That’s when I sat and waited for you.” His eyes met mine and the remorse in them was evident again.
Listening to him tell me Marc had started all of this was difficult. Not only had he told Taylor about it, he was behind the whole thing. Now I knew what the high-five he tried to give Jamie at the bar signified. Jamie had broken my heart, just to prove to his stupid friend he could still hook up?
He ran his hands roughly over his face. “I’m so sorry, Lauren.”
“Did Marc know you were seeing me?” I asked curiously.
He nodded slowly. “Kind of.”
I shook my head, angry at the nasty piece of work Marc was. He’d really gone down in my estimations. I thought I knew who he was—clearly not. I wanted to question him on why he decided to do that to Jamie. To me. I couldn’t really say anything if he didn’t know about Jamie and me. He probably would wonder why Jamie wasn’t getting any action. But the truth was he did know. What was his goal, to hurt me? What had I ever done to him? “Some friend he is,” I spat.
“Don’t be angry at him,” he said plainly.
I raised my eyebrows, shocked. Was he really going to stick up for him? “Why?”
“Hey, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have listened to him. He just proved what I told you: I’d hurt you. It’s just something I manage to do. If you hadn’t already noticed on the countless times.” He cocked his head slightly. “A few days later, I got Marc in the cage and beat the shit out of him. I was so pissed at him.” His eyes blazed and he flexed his knuckles. “Never seen Kal move so quick.” He laughed.
I wanted to beat the shit out of Marc too. And Jamie, a little bit….
“He apologized, though. I don’t think he knew….” His sentence trailed off. “Anyway, it’s done now.” He shrugged.
I was angry that he would just let Marc get away with doing something so cruel. He didn’t deserve to be forgiven, and it would take a while before I could.
He fell silent before asking, “Are you leaving because of me?”
My heart sank. “No, Jamie—”
Our attention was suddenly turned to footsteps approaching us. Kal came into view and stopped a few yards away. My stomach tensed. “There you are. Whatcha doin’ out here?” he asked softly.
“Give us a minute.” Jamie lifted his chin to him, but he kept his tone even.
Kal looked between us both, nodded, and then went back toward the club, no questions asked. I wondered what he thought of us both being out here. He always tried to keep Jamie away from me.
“He’ll probably be pissed at you talking to me out here alone,” I mused.
“He knows.” He turned his gaze from the back of Kal to me.
“What do you mean?” I jerked. Kal was the last person I ever wanted to know.
“After that night, I wasn’t… nice.” His eyes drifted over to the parking lot at the side of us. “I didn’t turn up for training, so Kal came over to my house. Things got heated and I told him where to go. Not my finest hour.” He chuckled quietly. “He went straight to Cam’s and demanded he tell him what was wrong with me, so he did.”
I was shocked this whole thing affected him so much he didn’t turn up for training. The last thing I ever wanted was to come in between him and his training. I could imagine Kal being furious, and I wondered if he was angry at me too. If it wasn’t for me, Jamie would probably still be his ‘golden boy’, as Cam jokingly called him.
“Think he knew something was going on before it all came out anyway.” He shrug
ged.
I wondered what Kal had seen for him to become suspicious. We were always careful
when we were at the club.
“What did he say to you?” I asked curiously hoping they both hadn’t fell out because of it.
“The usual. Was I serious, or just messing around with you. He was quite pissed at first because it was you. Then I think he realized. He didn’t want to know the details, obviously. It was one of the most difficult conversations I’ve ever had with him.”
I nodded. I could understand that. Kal’s relationship with Jamie was different than the ones he had with Leon, Cam, and Marc. They were more like father and son.
“He kept telling me that my head should be on training, my focus should be on fighting.”
“It always was, until this happened,” I said to him. He always put his training and fighting first, and I was always happy to let him. I never stood in the way of that, and never would.
“Until you happened. I’ve never been so damn distracted.” A grin tugged at one side of his mouth, and my heart surged seeing it. I missed that grin.
“So are you and Kal not good?” I asked warily.
“Nah, we’re fine now.” His eyes fixed on mine and he looked at me in that way he did, which made me want to melt into a puddle. His eyes lowered to my mouth before he looked away and drank the rest of his beer. “Best get back inside. You can’t miss your own party.” He smiled, standing.
We must have been out here for at least an hour, or so it felt. Not wanting to be rude to my party guests, I stood up, and his hand gently caught my wrist. I turned back to him. “Do you forgive me?”
Even though what he did to me was horrible, he hadn’t kissed or slept with her, and I knew he was genuinely sorry for what he’d done. I nodded my answer, and a sigh of relief escaped him. He closed the distance between us, and my world began to spin at his closeness. His familiar scent filled my nostrils, and I yearned to touch him, kiss him, and make up for the lost time. He ran his thumb down my cheek, and my breath faltered. Our lips practically called out for each other.
Reckless Retribution (West Warriors Book 1) Page 25
