Unintentionally Yours

by Terry Fowler

  She didn’t speak.

  “You know it’s time, don’t you, Mom?”

  Cecily took a sip of water. “It’s hard, Josiah. We were together for so long. I feel so alone.”

  He wanted to say she wasn’t alone, that she had him. But that wouldn’t be fair. He knew his mother loved him. She’d proven that love so many times in her lifetime. But the love she held for his father had been different, the type of love he had yet to experience, the intimacy of man and wife.

  Josiah traded the thought for something he’d told Leah. “You have the memories, Mom. No one can take those away. Do you really need the clutter?”

  She fiddled with the silverware. “After Joseph died I used to stand in his closet and breathe in his scent. Gradually it went away. Then I’d touch his clothes and remember how he looked in them. How it felt to make sure he left the house perfectly dressed every day. You know how he was about that. I was so proud of him. He was a very handsome man.”

  “You have the photos.”

  “Too many. Leah has suggested I gather them all into one place so I can get them organized for storage.”

  “Aren’t they in photo albums?”

  “Some are. Others are in drawers and boxes. Don’t forget, I have both sets of grandparents’ photos as well as ours. Leah said I might want to take up scrapbooking as a hobby. I might consider that. Though I’d need a library for all the books.”

  He took another hush puppy. “Back to the closet.”

  “The clothes will serve a better purpose helping those in need.”

  “You could put them in a consignment shop. They were expensive.”

  She waved off the idea. “I’d rather donate them. I thought about Hank at the office. He and your father were about the same size.”

  Josiah frowned. “I don’t know, Mom. He might not be comfortable wearing Dad’s clothes.”

  “And you wouldn’t be comfortable seeing him and knowing they were your father’s?”

  She’d hit the bull’s-eye with that one. Josiah shook his head.

  “We’ll give them to the men’s shelter. They have men looking for work who need clothes.”

  “Have you removed your must-keeps?”

  She nodded. “A few things. You will remember to check his pockets? He was the worst for cramming things in his pockets.”

  At the sight of her misty gaze, Josiah reached over to squeeze her hand. “We will.”

  “And keep something for yourself.” Her sad eyes pleaded with him. “You may think you don’t want anything now but one day you’ll wish you had kept something.”

  “I’ll take care of it. Here comes our food. This restaurant has the best broiled shrimp.”

  They ate in silence for a few minutes before his mother said, “Oh, I forgot to tell you. Leah’s father is Ben Wright. Isn’t that amazing? He lives right here in Wilmington and has a dental practice. Can you believe it? All these years he’s been right here in the same city. I wish your father had known.”

  Josiah thought he probably had but had kept the information to himself. Had he avoided them because the temptation to get back with Martha Wright would have been too strong? He knew what it felt like to be cheated on and was thankful his mother hadn’t experienced the same.

  “Leah said her parents are on a second honeymoon. I told her we’d have to get together when they returned. I can’t wait to see Ben again. It’s been ages.”

  Not long enough, Josiah thought.

  Chapter 5

  Leah glanced up when Josiah walked into the bedroom. “Your mom left a few minutes ago.”

  “I had an appointment. I tried to get here before she left.” He shed his suit coat and unbuttoned the sleeves of his light blue dress shirt. When his efforts to roll them failed, Josiah extended his arms toward Leah. “Give me a hand, here. I should have brought a change of clothes.”

  She smoothed the sleeves back in neat folds. “There. You’ll be fine. It’s not hot or dusty in this house.”

  Leah had the doors of his father’s closet open and Josiah pushed at the familiar suits arrayed before him. “Seems so impersonal to see them en masse like this. More like a clothing store.”

  “I’m sure you have memories of him wearing them.”

  He nodded and fingered the rich fabric of the black wool suit closest to him. “Dad was a stickler for being well dressed. Everything in the most current style, clean and pressed, with snow-white shirts and shined shoes. He believed clothes made the man.”

  Leah glanced over her shoulder at him. “Is that what you believe?”

  “Appearance does play a major role in the way we’re perceived by others but there are other aspects. Dad said people rarely got to know the real man, but they did business with those who impressed them. But I believe a man’s reputation is more important. If he’s not trustworthy, no one is going to bother with the outward show.”

  Leah admired his confidence. He spoke as though he could care less what others thought. She pulled at her top. “Guess he wouldn’t be impressed by me.”

  She blushed when Josiah gave her the once-over. The denim capris and white T-shirt had seemed the perfect outfit that morning.

  “You’re dressed appropriately for your work. And you were impressive that first day you came here for the appointment.”

  Leah chuckled. “This is the real me. I’m a casual kind of person.”

  He raised one dark eyebrow. “As opposed to a stuffed shirt like me?”

  She surprised him by bursting into a fit of giggles. “Sorry. I couldn’t help myself. Every time I hear that phrase I get this image of a turkey in a button-down shirt. Truly, you wear your clothes well.” Then she blushed and grimaced as she looked away and muttered, “Awkward.” Where had that come from? No one had said anything about his appearance.

  “Not at all. I’m glad you appreciate the GQ aspect of my wardrobe. But for the record, I have plenty of grunge wear at home.”

  They stared at each other a few seconds longer before Leah turned to the closet. “Let’s get started. Cecily will be back in a couple of hours.”

  “She cautioned me at least a half-dozen times to check all his pockets. He was always tucking bits and pieces in them.”

  Leah nodded. “She said the same to me. I bought these suit boxes but forgot to get hangers.”

  He shrugged and took a suit from the closet rail, leaving it on the wood hanger. “Use these. Mom can buy more if she needs them.”

  They made good progress, removing change and the occasional receipt from the pockets. Josiah studied one that was more than a year old. “This drove our office manager crazy. She’d call Mom and ask her to check his pockets for receipts. He wouldn’t stop no matter how many times Liz told him he had to turn them in. I guess she let this one slide after he died. Probably didn’t want to upset Mom.”

  Leah pushed her hand into a pants pocket and pulled out a pocketknife.

  “You might want this.”

  He put down the suit he held and took the knife, turning it over in his hands a couple of times. “Dad always carried this.”

  She left Josiah to his private moment and opened a dresser drawer. Starched white shirts, neatly folded, were stacked there. Leah noted that Josiah pocketed the knife and reached for the suit.

  “What’s the plan for these clothes?”

  “Mom mentioned the men’s shelter.”

  “That’s good. She can get a tax donation receipt. Church clothes closets are good, too. So many people come in looking for clothes.”

  “I’m sure she’d be okay with you taking some to your church.”

  Leah shook her head. “Cecily doesn’t need to rethink this. She’s having a hard enough time as it is.”

  He nodded, his expression grim. “Mom insists I keep
something of Dad’s but his clothes and shoes don’t fit, not that I’d feel comfortable wearing them if they did. They would be a constant reminder of him.”

  Leah wondered why he didn’t want to be reminded of his father. “What about some of the ties you gave him?”

  He glanced at her. “How do you know I gave him ties?”

  “While there are kids who never had the privilege, you strike me as the kind of son who gave the man who already had everything special ties.”

  Josiah sniffed at that. “Bet you can’t tell which ones.”

  She met his challenge. “Oh ye of little faith. Watch and learn.”

  Leah walked over to the tie holder. “Ooh, nice gadget. You should keep this for your ties.”

  “I have one. Christmas gift from Mom.”

  She hit the button that moved the ties around. “I’ll have to find one for my dad. He’d like it.”

  “Take that one.”

  She looked at him and frowned. Why was he being so offhand with his father’s possessions? “I couldn’t.”

  “Mom wouldn’t care. I certainly wouldn’t.”

  Leah busied herself with the ties. “You’re trying to sidetrack me.”

  Josiah moved to sit in an armchair and waved his hand for her to continue.

  “Definitely this one.” She held up a cartoon character tie.

  “Too easy.”

  “I’m just getting started.”

  He watched closely as she fingered them, slipping the occasional tie from the rack and placing it on the bed. When she finished, Leah waved an arm over the bed. “Am I right?”

  Josiah stood and reviewed her choices. His eyes narrowed, squinting at her. “How did you do it?”

  Satisfied that she’d achieved her goal, Leah said, “Easy. Your dad leaned toward a specific style. These newer styles, colors, patterns, et cetera, are ties that appeal to a younger man.”

  “I chose ties I thought he’d like.” She heard the defensiveness in his tone.

  Leah nodded, her ponytail flipping from over her shoulder. “And I’m sure he did, though like most men he had his favorites and far more than he could wear. Cecily’s choices have a more masculine yet feminine appeal.”

  “She was always telling him to change his tie because it had a stain. Same reason I keep a replacement tie in my desk drawer. They’re stain magnets.”

  Leah looked at him expectantly. “So what do you think? Do you want to keep any of them?”

  He walked over to the closet and removed another tie from the rack. “I’ll take this one. I always liked it.” He moved back to the bed and picked up three more. “And these.”

  Leah nodded approval. “Now you can tell your mom you chose something.”

  “Let’s keep going.”

  By the time Cecily returned, his father’s closet and dresser drawers were empty. They had discarded a few pieces but had a large collection of items to be donated.

  Cecily beamed. “Thanks, Leah.”

  She waved a hand at Josiah. “Thank your son.”

  Cecily took Josiah’s hand and looked up at him. “I’m sure she made the task as easy for you as she has for me.”

  “She did. Plus she picked out the ties I gave Dad. I still don’t know how.”

  Cecily laughed. “Well, son, your dad always picked the same style ties.”

  “He had more style than me. I kept one of his ties. And his pocketknife, if you don’t mind. Leah found it in a pants pocket.”

  Cecily sighed in relief. “Yes, that’s good. I can’t tell you how glad I am that this is done. I’ve dreaded it for so long and you two have lifted the burden from my shoulders. And Josiah, your dad would be thrilled to know you have his knife. It was your grandfather’s.”

  Leah saw the sadness that overwhelmed Josiah.

  “Don’t do this, Mom.”

  “Your father loved you, Josiah.”

  He glanced at Leah and she saw something in his eyes she couldn’t quite make out.

  Josiah took a step toward the door. “I have to get back to work.”

  Cecily reached out to him. “Please stay, Josiah. We need to talk.”

  He shook his head, refusing to look at her. “Not now.”

  As he all but ran from the room, Leah felt guilty. She knew everyone had to deal with their grief in their own way and the idea that she might have caused him even more suffering hit her hard. Before she could think, Leah said, “I’ll talk to him.”

  She paused long enough to grab his coat and hurried after Josiah. She caught his elbow. “Don’t be like this.”

  He shook her hand off. “You don’t understand, Leah.”

  “Then help me. What’s going on?”

  “He wouldn’t care.”

  “You mean about the things you kept?”

  He crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah, Dad never really cared about anything I did. Mom said he didn’t know how to love but he obviously knew how to love your mom.”

  Angry, Leah snapped, “You don’t know that. And since they didn’t get together, I’d say it wasn’t a love match.”

  “I read the letter. You didn’t.”

  She was sick of hearing about that stupid letter. “You read a young woman’s angry comments. You only know a little bit of one side of the story.”

  He shoved his hands over his head as if trying to brush the memory away. “I know they would be together if not for me.”

  “Really, Josiah?” Her sarcastic tone spoke volumes. “Aren’t you giving yourself a lot of credit?”

  Confused, he stared at her. “Why would you ask that?”

  “You weren’t even born. Just how did you change your father’s life?”

  He wouldn’t look at her. “I was conceived.”

  Leah shook her head. “You didn’t make his decisions. If he’d been serious about Mom, do you really think he’d have risked losing her?”

  He didn’t respond. “Let me answer that for you. No, Josiah, he wouldn’t have. No matter how tempted he might have been, he would have made a different choice. And while his decisions hurt more people than him it is not your fault, not your mom’s or my mom’s, either. Life is about choices and he was wrong to hurt you.

  “And if you let these crazy thoughts ruin your life, you’re even more wrong than he was. Don’t carry on that legacy.”

  “Isn’t that what started this? Mom’s desire for me to keep something of his?”

  Leah understood the underlying problem hadn’t just started today. Josiah had carried this burden for a long time. “I don’t know what kind of relationship you had with your dad but he was the only father you’ll ever have and you really should push past the negatives and embrace the positives.”

  His look was incredulous. “Positives? Oh, yeah, I’ll be sure to embrace them. Just as soon as I think of one.” His sarcasm ripped into her as he all but shouted the words. “Is this part of your job, Leah?”

  “Stop it, Josiah. It’s just friendly advice. Look around you.” She turned and waved her arm about. “I’d say your parents did right by you. They provided this gorgeous home...”

  “I never lived here. I’d already left home and moved into my condo when they built this house. The only family home I ever knew was my grandparents’ home downtown and dad couldn’t get rid of it fast enough after my grandfather died. This house was more prestigious. More fitting for a wealthy businessman like him.”

  The distaste in his tone unsettled her. “Well, he made sure you got an education and provided for your future with the business. If he hadn’t loved you, do you truly believe he would have done all that? You think he couldn’t have walked away just as so many other men have done?”

  Josiah shook his head, a stubborn frown setting his mouth. “I wish he
had but my grandparents wouldn’t have let him. They believed in doing the right thing.”

  “What would they have done? Dragged him back and held him at gunpoint until he married your mom? I don’t believe for a second that Cecily would have wanted him that way. Your dad loved your mom and accepted his responsibilities. And she loved him.”

  He stepped away from her. “Just stop, Leah. I’m not one of your projects. You can’t compartmentalize my life.”

  “That’s not what I’m trying to do.”

  “Yes, you are. Ever since we met you have been stirring things up and I don’t like it. Not one bit.”

  He grabbed the coat she held and the door slammed shut behind him, leaving her glad he hadn’t shattered the beautiful glass inset in his anger.

  Leah turned to find Cecily coming down the stairs. Her hopeful look evaporated with the shake of Leah’s head. “I’m sorry to pull you into our drama.”

  “I signed on for the job.”

  Cecily shook her head. “Not playing referee between us, you didn’t.”

  “I asked him to help with the closet. I don’t understand. What set him off like that?”

  She looked sad. “I’m pretty sure it was my comment about his father being happy that pushed him over the edge. Josiah gets touchy when I say his dad loved him.”

  Leah recognized that to be a fact. “Why?”

  “Let’s get a glass of iced tea and I’ll tell you.”

  She followed Cecily into the kitchen and leaned against the island as the woman filled crystal goblets with ice from the fridge door and removed a matching pitcher from inside. She poured the golden brew into both glasses. “It’s sweet. Is that okay?”

  Cecily added lemon slices and Leah grinned as she accepted the glass. “Is there any other way?”

  “Let’s sit on the deck. It’s nice out today.”

  They settled on comfortable loungers and looked out over the waterway as they sipped in silence.

  Cecily’s voice was low as she spoke. “To help you understand Josiah’s problems, I need to share the past. I suppose most people would say Joseph was a very self-centered man. He worked hard for the things he wanted and that made him appear selfish.