A Distant Heart: A Contemporary Western

by Steedly, Arabella

  The smell of sweat and bleach were familiar ones. She hadn’t been inside a barracks yet that smelled any differently, and Sarah was surprised when James lead her to a small area off to the side on the main floor. The room was separated by a white cloth that hung on a rod like a shower curtain across the door. James watched her every move while she stowed her gear and made-up her rack before saying, “Very well, Conners.” The clipboard snapped when he pulled off the schedule and handed it to her. Without giving her time for even a brief glance, he asked, “Any questions?”

  “No, sir!”

  ***

  An hour later, James had finished his report for the commander. He had serious doubts, though, about his ability to carry out the assignment. Not that he was a quitter. It was Sarah that worried him. After a partial review of her records, he was satisfied she was up to the task, at least physically. It was her mental abilities, he questioned.

  Cmdr. Jones was seated behind his desk when he entered. “Sir, Chief Petty Officer Sarah Connors has arrived. I showed her to her rack.” His shoulders drooped a bit, and he rubbed the back of his neck before he continued, “Sir, I’m not confident that I am the right person to support Connor’s through this. I’m no babysitter, sir.”

  Cmdr. Jones stood, looked James straight in the eyes, and said, “On the contrary son. I believe you are the perfect man for the job. Her father is a well-respected officer. Does General George Connors ring a bell?”

  James looked away and sucked in a deep breath. “I know the family. Jesus, she is little Sarah Connors? I can’t believe it. I used to hang out with her brother.” He shook his head. “Last time I saw her she was just a kid.” He looked back at the commander, and asked, “Are you positive?”

  “Of course I am Conway. Didn’t you look at her records? Hell, it’s all right there in her file.” He pointed down at his copy stacked on top of several others.

  “Honestly, all I did was take a glance at her test scores. Now I know why she gave me a weird look. I had no idea.”

  “Now you know the other reason I picked you. You’re familiar with her father. And guess what? Her daddy is damned determined that she gets a fair shake. I’m leaving it in your hands to ensure he gets what he wants. Just know, if she fails it can’t be the Navy’s fault. It’ll be because she quit on her own accord. Do you understand me, son?”

  James shook his head. “I understand perfectly, Sir. I won’t let you down.” He began to walk away, then turned back to face the commander. “Can I ask you a question, sir.”

  “Go ahead.”

  “Just between the two of us. What are your true feelings about a female being on a SEAL team?”

  Cmdr. Jones sat down and began rearranging the stacks of paperwork on his desk before he looked up, and said, “I’d rather leave my personal feelings out of this. It’s not fair to say. The program is difficult and tests the best of men, yet the government demands a change. We are going to give her a fair shake. I’m going to see to it.”

  “Yes, sir.” Outside, the smell of the salty surf reminded him of the days he had spent vacationing in Redondo Beach with the Connors family. He shook his head and whispered to himself, “Little Sarah Connors…she was a scrapper alright.”

  ***

  That evening in the mess hall, James took a bite of roast beef while surreptitiously glancing at Connors. Wow, he searched to find some resemblance of the girl he once knew and only noticed one. He watched to see when she was about finished with her meal and decided it was only right to acknowledge he had put two and two together and pay his respects for her brother’s death. He moseyed toward her table and sat down next to her on the bench. “So you finally got your braces off, I see?”

  Sarah put her hand over her mouth full of mashed potatoes, and said, “Yes, finally, when I was sixteen. So you didn’t recognize me did you?”

  He shook his head. “No. Look I’m very sorry I didn’t make it back for Junior’s funeral. I was on assignment and—“

  “We all understood. The flowers were lovely.”

  He folded his arms over the table and faced her. “How’s your father doing?”

  “Daddy is well. At first, Junior’s death was tough on him—losing his only son. But he still had me.”

  “Yeah, and you haven’t let him down. Still, carrying on the family’s Navy tradition. As the saying goes, ‘Honor, Courage, Commitment.”

  “He prefers, ‘Non Sibi Sed Patriae!” He’s from the old guard you know.” She wiped her mouth with the paper napkin, wadded it up and threw it on her tray.

  James leaned a bit closer. “I’m not going to lie, not going to tell you this will be a piece of cake because it won’t. I’m sure you are aware of the stats. Only twenty-five percent of the recruits who start make it to graduation.” He waited for her reply or at least show a reaction. She sat stone still and listened, so he continued, “Cmdr. Jones has asked me to be your mentor, for the lack of a better word, but in the long run it will come down to you…how much you want to succeed.”

  He saw her jaw tighten, but her voice remained in a monotone when she said, “I have no doubt becoming a SEAL will be the toughest accomplishment of my life. You are well aware Daddy didn’t raise quitters. I’m doing it not only for him but Junior too. Did you know he was set to start training here one week before he was killed?”

  He wanted to put his hand over hers but knew better. Instead, he lowered his voice, and said, “Yes, he had written me about the good news.” James saw her eyes flood as she batted her lashes, an immediate red flag in his book. If she got emotional, she would never last through ‘Hell Week.’ That week they had lost almost the whole unit during his training. The lack of sleep clouded their decision-making abilities. He gave her a moment before he said, “Sarah, you have to be tough mentally as well as physically.”

  She sniffed. “I’m tougher than you could ever imagine.”

  “We’ll find out in the next few weeks.” James turned to stand.

  “You don’t have faith in me, do you? You’re like all the rest of the guys who don’t believe women have what it takes to be a SEAL.” She stood up, grabbed her tray, and started to walk away.

  “Just so that you know. I just got word tomorrow you’ll have your hair buzzed, just like the others.”

  She swung her legs over the bench and stood tall. “I’ll do whatever it takes.”

  CHAPTER TWO

  The next morning at 04:00 the recruits were roused from their beds. Sarah rolled out bleary-eyed. She had been too excited to sleep and knew she was not the only one. All night she heard the latrine flushing again and again. She hurried to dress and pulled her hair into a ponytail. Outside, she fell in line with the men just before Lieut. Simms stalked to the front of the column. Using a megaphone, he announced. “Welcome to the first day of the hardest weeks of your life. I’m Lieut. Simms and this is Lieut. Conway. We are responsible for the everyday training here.” He turned to Cmdr. Jones, and said, “As you know, Cmdr. Jones here is in command of the entire BUD/S training. Now, the first item on our list of accomplishments today is haircuts. The line will start over there.” He pointed at building number four that had a red, white and blue barber pole out in front.

  Some rushed ahead, ready and eager to be buzzed, the first milestone of the program. Sarah chuckled to herself. Her turn would come soon enough, so she was in no hurry. Daddy had warned her long ago, never be the first to volunteer for anything in the military unless you wanted to be humiliated. Standing in line, she heard the buzzing of voices, snippets of conversations here and there. “Can you believe they let a female in…Is she dumb enough to think she’ll last?”

  After about the tenth remark, they became louder and more brazen as time wore on, her tolerance was pushed to the breaking point, so she announced, “I know I can get through this because my father prepared me well. Maybe you’ve heard of him, General George Connors!”

  She wasn’t surprised when the men laughed, one of them approached her. The idiot
was four inches shorter and had to look up at her when he said, “I don’t care who your daddy is. What’s he going to do? Show up here and save your broad ass. Besides, he’s an old man.”

  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw James hustle toward them. “Is there a problem here?” He looked first at Ensign Barnes and then at her.

  “No, Sir,” Sarah answered. The last thing she needed was James fighting her battles. James walked away after calling the ensign aside. She could not hear what was said word-for-word, but from the tone, she could tell James was giving him an ear full.

  After James had left, Ensign Barnes fell back in line. Chuckling under his breath, he tried to intimidate her again saying, “You’ll never make it. Just wait and see.” She didn’t want to take the man’s comments as a threat, but she couldn’t help but feel the underlying tension like the rumblings of thunder before the storm. She felt it coming from James too, though, her intuition told her his tension stemmed from his need to protect her. She pushed it out of her mind and wondered what their next task would be. By that time, it was her turn in the barber’s chair. She chanted to herself during the process, “Show no weakness…show no weakness,” as locks of her flaxen hair fell to the floor.

  Just as she was leaving the barber shop, Lieut. Simms’ voice boomed over the loudspeaker system. “Attention all recruits. Meet me at the flagpole at 08:00 sharp prepared for a run along the beach.” Within five minutes Sarah and all the others were lined up as ordered. Falling behind Simms, the column moved as one up one dune and down another. When the beach came into sight, the column had thinned into a line as they make their way forward. Suddenly, Sarah was struck from behind. As she hit the ground, she noticed her assailant hurried away to the back of the line. Not making a sound, she stood up and brushed herself off then trudged forward. She was not sure who it was or whether or not it had been an accident, but her gut told her it was the latter.

  The sand was thick and kept her off balance making her progress difficult. Sarah pressed on. Some rushed past her at first, faces red as beets straining against their bodies. No doubt the run was strenuous, but she remembered what Daddy had advised. After finding her stride, she set her body on autopilot, measured her breath, and kept her eyes straight ahead. As time wore on, fewer and fewer challenged her. She was pleased to see she finished well ahead of most of the others, but she didn’t enjoy the dirty looks from those turning their backs to vomit. And James had made matters worse when he hollered at the last few stragglers, “Pitiful, just pitiful, you bunch of slackers letting a woman whip your asses!” She wondered what his motivation was for egging the men on that way. Maybe he didn’t want her to survive the program either, and he had lied to her about what Cmdr. Jones had told him.

  The next thing she heard was Simms saying, “Don’t get too comfy. You’re not done for the day. Get in line. I’m gonna issue your fins!”

  ***

  That evening as she trudged toward the mess hall exhausted she wiggled her toes inside her shoes. She was thankful, no blisters so far. From behind, a recruit came up and tapped her on the shoulder. Extending his hand, he said, “I’m Ensign Jackson. Nice to meet ya.”

  Surprised, she stopped. Shaking his hand, she said, “Nice to meet ya, Jackson.”

  “That was a fantastic swim. I’m impressed,” he said as they walked on.

  “Thanks, my father used to make my brother, and I do that swim as kids.”

  “I wish I had a father like that. Mine’s a drunk.” Jackson shook his head and moved along.

  It started inside the mess hall when she fell in line behind the ensign, and three recruits surrounded them. One cut in front of her, and asked, “Is Jackson trying to bother you…trying to get into your pants?” She shook her head, ‘no’ and could see the side of William’s face turning red.

  All of the sudden out of nowhere she heard James’ voice boom. “There will be no fraternization among recruits. Do you understand me?”

  “Sir, yes, sir!” Their collective response rang out, including Sarah’s.

  She found a table of her own, swung her leg over the bench and eased down, her back a bit stiff. Maybe it was because she was tired, but when she saw James sitting with Simms and Cmdr. Jones, she wished she could talk with him and share old memories. Sarah felt a bit wistful remembering how she used to try to impress him and how good she felt inside when he complimented her on her hair, or how she was a tough scrapper. Sometimes she would give his muscular arm a playful swat when he gave her a hard time—her way of touching him, without touching him. He always threatened to hit her back, but she knew he never would. Even at fourteen, Sarah sensed he liked her too, but that was the past and the idea he would use his compliments to manipulate the others left her feeling cold inside. She let out a long breath and poked in another bite of mixed vegetables. When she reached up to scratch her sunburned scalp, she noticed James was watching her. Their eyes had locked for a brief moment before he looked away.

  ***

  After dinner, James and Simms decided to visit the Officer’s Club for a few brews. Seated at the bar, James reviewed the day with Simms and asked about his new baby girl—Simms had wanted a boy, but after a month was proud of ‘Daddy’s little girl.’ That night James chuckled to himself as Simms blabbered ad nauseam about his daughter. After gulping down a Bud, Simms excused himself and left for home for a few hours before he had to return to the barracks. He and his wife had an apartment off base in San Diego, but during the first few weeks of training, either he or James or both had to be in the barracks overnight. James ordered another beer and pondered the source of his dilemma. Reconciling the teenage Sarah with recruit Sarah was challenging.

  As kids, many times the three of them, Junior, Sarah and him, had played war together. She loved to be in command when they would let her, but there were times she would get hurt trying to jump off a limb that was too high, or step in a hole and sprain her ankle. When she did, he and Junior would coddle her, then tell her to get her scrawny ass inside. The problem was, she would be in pain in the coming months, both physical and mental and his natural reaction would be to act as a buffer between her and the men—protect her as Junior would have. He knew though, protecting her would make him guilty of favoritism, and that was against regulations. And besides, even if he could protect her, she probably would reject him knowing she had to learn her personal limits.

  He laid a few bills on the bar, Shorty always took good care of him and started walking toward the barracks. He mused how even with her hair cut short she was a striking woman—high cheekbones, azure blue eyes, smooth skin a tribute to her Irish heritage. He knew she was Irish because the Connors family spoke of if often. She had been raised right, and it showed. She was respectful and wanted to succeed for all the right reasons. He saw it in her eyes. The complete truth was, the Connors family had been his surrogate family, and General Connors a father figure. James’ parents were killed in a motorcycle accident when he was four, and he was raised by his elderly grandparents. They had tried their best, but by the time he was in high school and his grandfather had passed away from a heart blockage, and his grandmother was too feeble to take care of herself. He worked at McDonald’s after school as soon as he hit sixteen to help out and made it through college at UCLA on a ROTC scholarship. The military was his life. Of course, he had no problems attracting a girlfriend, or a fuck buddy. He had tried both many a times, but in the end, that scene had left him more lonely than before.

  Up ahead he noticed a woman leaving the BX walking toward the barracks. As he got closer, he realized it was Sarah, and hollered, “Lieut. Connors.”

  When she turned, he could see the surprise on her face. Her eyes were wide when she said, “Yes, sir!”

  He quickened his stride to close the distance, and said, “You did well today, keep it up!”

  Quick as could be she came back with, “I noticed you rubbed it in everyone’s face when I outperformed ‘em. Not that I’m questioning you, sir.”

>   “I need to motivate them somehow Sarah—Lieut. Connors.”

  “Of course, sir. You know better than I.”

  By then they had both stopped walking and were only a few feet apart. James leaned closer and lowered his voice when he said, “I want you to tell me if any of those men make sexual comments toward you or any threats of any kind. Do you understand me?”

  She nodded. “Like you said, I should be treated the same as everyone else. I’m sure comments will be made. But I can’t be worried about it. So neither should you.”

  He stepped even closer. Close enough to smell Sarah’s breath, sweet and clean. “There are issues considered out of line. That’s what I am talking about. I think both of us will agree you are a beautiful woman. You know how men are, they will see you as fresh meat and want to ask you out on a date, or some may simply proposition you for sex. As you know, neither are allowed in this program.”