Her Lawful Master (Pleasure Island Book 4)

by Anya Summers

  For all her bravado, fear controlled her life when it came to relationships. Even though Theo had said he wanted to continue their relationship, the disruption she’d felt when he didn’t do a mini-scene with her in the restaurant had added fuel to the doubts which had plagued her throughout the day.

  So when they’d waltzed into the club, she’d already been on a razor’s edge. The two glasses of wine she’d imbibed at dinner had removed the rest of her defenses, and voila: a recipe for disaster. As Theo led her to the alcove, the club had morphed before her eyes and become too bright, too loud, with far too many people. Her anxiety, already near panic levels, had skyrocketed. She’d felt like the walls were closing in on her. Then the grunts from some of the Doms in sessions, combined with the frivolity and laughter all around them, had undermined her ability to fight through her panic. Before she had a chance to stop it, she was in the midst of her nightmare.

  She’d call her therapist in the morning. Maybe she needed her meds checked, or maybe she really was destined to live a lonely life. Both of her attacks had come because of her relationship with Theo, which meant she was being foolhardy and obstinate in her desire to continue seeing him.

  Because, as much as she had tried not to, she’d fallen for Theo. Even now, a part of her wished she hadn’t sent him away so that she could go curl up in his arms and let him help carry her burdens. She was so pathetic and desperate for someone to love that she forgot the most important lesson out of everything she’d learned in life.

  Choices had consequences.

  How could she have been so foolish, falling for him and imagining building a life with him? All she’d done was erect castles in the air. That dream life wasn’t real. And with her handicap, it wasn’t sustainable. Deep down, she’d known that truth and had ignored the warnings sounding in her mind. She couldn’t be a normal submissive and hope that a Dom would forgive her her shortcomings. That wasn’t how the real world worked.

  In her heart, she knew Theo hadn’t meant to push her toward an attack. He’d been wonderful in his attempts to heal her. She wasn’t angry with him in the slightest. It was her fault. She’d hidden how bad her sexual assault had been from him until it was too late. As their relationship had progressed this week, she should have told him, trusted him with the truth. Given him the entire story so that he understood the severity of her assault, and then allowed him the chance to digest the breadth and scope of what he had to contend with in having her as his submissive. Piper knew she wasn’t easy. Maybe, if she had been more honest and open with him, tonight never would have happened.

  If she was angry with anyone, it was herself. But he knew now. She wasn’t certain what that meant for them or their relationship. Maybe eventually, when she felt sure enough of them, if they were going to see each other past this week, they could try again. Perhaps when she felt their relationship was on solid footing, she would agree to a public scene as she became more confident in their relationship.

  There were parts of her rape her psyche had shielded her from, for which she was glad, because those blank areas allowed her to function like a normal human being. But having lots of people around during a scene brought that night back in full surround sound. The pain, the multitude of hands grabbing at her, holding her down as she struggled to escape. She’d barely fled with her life.

  Piper felt hollowed out when she finally emerged from the bathroom into the lonely expanse of her villa. Chilled to the bone, she bundled up in her most comfortable pajamas and curled up in bed under a mound of covers. It might be eighty something degrees outside but she was freezing. For Piper, it felt like it was twenty degrees and she couldn’t seem to get warm enough. Then she smelled him—Theo—on the pillow beside her. The one he’d used the last few nights. She tugged it over and sniffed it. The cotton linen carried the barest hint of his scent, amber and cedar, and just him. She buried her face in the pillow and inhaled. Her body relaxed by degrees as she laid her head upon his pillow, allowing his essence to surround her.

  Strange that it took his scent to calm her. Eventually she drifted asleep. She’d have to remember to tell him… in the morning.

  * * *

  After ten hours of uninterrupted sleep, Piper awoke marginally refreshed and with a new sense of purpose. First of all, she had to apologize to Theo. Last night had been a disaster. They had each played their parts in the mess and she had handled her end poorly. She realized that now; it was just that when she had an episode, it tended to skew her emotions so they were all out of whack. It meant her reactions to stimuli tended to get overblown. Only by talking about last night, and where each of them had bungled things, could she and Theo venture on to the topic—or even consider the possibility—of continuing their relationship past the week on the island. Piper steeled her heart for disappointment. He might have changed his mind last night after learning the truth of her nightmare. She’d be a fool not to prepare herself for the possibility.

  Then, that afternoon, she had a meeting with Jared to review the brochure mock-ups she’d created with all the images she’d photographed. Piper was confident that the finished product would exceed his expectations. There was an overabundance of material on the island, what with its natural beauty and what Jared had created with the resort. She’d hoped for material to add to her gallery in Santa Barbara, but with all the shots she’d gotten, it was likely going to be an entire show. This job had been an absolute gold mine, which thrilled her. She always strived for excellence in her business, and it appeared she would end up with so much more than she had bargained for.

  Before she left the villa, she called her therapist. Her office wasn’t open but Piper went ahead and left a message. Dr. Caroline Winter’s schedule was on west coast time. It was barely six in the morning there and would be hours before she made it into the office. Caroline tended to make exceptions for Piper’s travel schedule, so if Piper needed a phone session, she made herself available. With two attacks in such a short time span, if her previous pattern held, Piper knew that a third would be on its way.

  She hated the weakness, always feeling like there was this giant anvil swinging on a rope above her head, ready to snap at a moment’s notice to crush her life into smithereens. The problem was that anything could set it off. There wasn’t just one trigger. Years ago, during a shoot in Rocky Mountain National Park, there had been campers innocuously roasting marshmallows a few campsites down, and whammy, just the scent of a campfire made Piper have an attack. That didn’t happen all the time, but it had in that instance. Last night, it had been the laughter and all the people in the club.

  She was a total nut job, who had fallen for a not-so-stuffy Brit. She was a grown ass woman and had lost her heart faster than a tween at a boy band concert.

  Piper took extra time to wash the grime, tears, and sleep away in the shower. She added a bit of color to her face, with some bronzer to hide her hollowed out appearance, then a dollop of mascara to her lashes. There, she thought, much better—although her eyes still carried a haunted sheen to them. Even ten hours of sleep hadn’t been enough to wipe away the strain of another episode. When Piper finally emerged from the villa, it was mid-morning. The sun beamed down through leafy green fronds and palm trees. The air was rife with humidity, puffy thick clouds circling the lone island mountain peak. With her camera equipment and computer in tow, she opted to take the golf cart.

  There weren’t merely butterflies fluttering around in her belly but giant bats flapping their leathery wings. And as Theo’s villa came into view, their wings accelerated to hummingbird speeds, along with her heart rate. Would he forgive her for last night? And did he still wish to continue their relationship past the stint on the island? Or did he just want to forget the whole thing and end it now?

  She parked near the elevator and his cart, then rode the lift to the unit. The silver doors slid open with a silent ding. With her heart in her throat, Piper entered.

  “Theo, are you here? Sir? I’d like to apologize.” She g
lanced around the open format of the villa, nearly identical to hers but with some different BDSM equipment in the mini-dungeon area. It was odd how the two of them had automatically gravitated toward her place and not his. He’d spent more nights with her than he had in his room.

  That was the tiny sliver of hope she held on to as she searched the place. The bathroom door was shut. He had to be in there. Perhaps he was in the shower. The distinct sound of running water reached her ears, and she smiled. If all else failed, she could always join him. The man seemed to be putty in her hands once she was naked.

  Probably getting a late start as well, after last night. Unless he was in there with someone else. Oh, god, please don’t let that be the case. She could handle his distance. She couldn’t deal with seeing him with another sub. He’d never promised exclusivity.

  With a whispered prayer that she wouldn’t find him with another woman, she pushed the bathroom door open and said, “Theo?”

  “Ah! Sweet heavens, you scared me,” Jared’s pretty, petite sub, Naomi, said, clutching at her chest. The dark-haired beauty pressed a yellow-gloved fist to her heart, clutching a scrubbing brush in her other hand. She held it like a sword ready to fend off an attack.

  Jared’s submissive was the last person Piper had expected to find in Theo’s villa. Although, perhaps she was just cleaning it for him. It looked like even though the owner had fallen head over heels for Naomi, she wasn’t a gold-digger, and had kept her job. Good for her. As for Theo, most likely he was already in the office. Not a big deal, Piper was the one who had gotten the late start.

  “Sorry about that, I didn’t realize you were here. I was trying to find Theo. Have you seen him?” Piper said.

  “It’s fine. Jared does it to me all the time at home. He thinks it’s a hoot. I can’t believe he didn’t tell you. Theo left the island last night and went back to London,” Naomi said, shutting off the water in the shower.

  “He what? Why? When?” The room began to spin. The sudden, swift agony of abandonment lanced through her. Theo had deserted her. Piper had to keep herself from hyper-ventilating.

  Naomi’s dark gaze studied her as she explained, “I’m really not sure, I’m sorry. Jared helped him leave. We had just finished a session and I tend to be barely conscious afterwards—among other things. So I didn’t hear the majority of their conversation. But it sounded urgent.”

  Dread settled like a lead weight in the pit of her stomach. There was only one reason she could surmise why Theo had left last night. Because of Piper. The last vestiges of hope she’d had for her future were decimated in the blink of an eye. She’d been too much for him. Theo had left her. She had shown him her scars and personal demons, and proved how unlovable she really was. No man wanted a woman like her, and no Dom would ever settle for a submissive who couldn’t perform a scene.

  “Thank you. I will leave you to your work,” she murmured, clearing her throat, fighting tears and an all-consuming grief as her heart ripped into a million pieces.

  “Are you all right, Piper? I know you and I don’t really know each other well, but if you need someone to talk to, I’m here, and I’m a good listener.”

  Piper blinked back her tears and plastered a fake smile on her face at Naomi’s offer. It was very sweet of her. She could see why Jared loved her so much. Except, Piper knew precisely why Theo had vacated the island. After last night, it didn’t come as a surprise. How pathetic was that? She’d expected it, known deep down that no man, no matter how stalwart and steadfast, would stick around when they discovered who she truly was, and realized the fact that her broken pieces couldn’t be mended like a jigsaw puzzle.

  “Thank you. I might take you up on that. Could you tell Jared that I’m not feeling well and that I will meet with him tomorrow morning to go over the brochure?”

  “Certainly. And please don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything.”

  Piper nodded, needing to escape the offered comfort. As it was, she was plugging her fingers in the dam and it was about to blow. Instead of taking more photos, Piper raced back to her villa. She barely reached her bathroom before she lost the contents of her breakfast. Nerves and stress descended upon her form until she was dry heaving into the commode. Tears streamed down her face. She curled on the bathroom floor against the cool tiles and felt her heart bleed out onto the floor. It was over and done.

  Piper cried as she hadn’t in an age. She cried for the potential of what they might have been, for the joy and pleasure he’d brought into her life. Her own defects made it so much worse. She sobbed as the shock of his abandonment sank in. As her tears slowed, a boiling, festering rage built.

  Damn him.

  He didn’t have the balls to tell her in person but had taken the coward’s route. How dare he make her feel for him and then leave the way he had? Was he that unfeeling? What she wouldn’t give to let him have a piece of her mind. This was exactly why she didn’t get involved with Doms. They stripped away your defenses, then let you crash and burn when they deemed you unworthy of their time and effort.

  Piper glanced at her reflection as she brushed her teeth. She looked every inch the crazy lady. Ruddy tear marks, splotchy red cheeks, and her eyes were over bright. She splashed water on her face, to rinse some of the salt of her tears away. When she was certain her stomach had settled enough that she could leave the bathroom, she trudged to the kitchen for some water. On the fridge, she spied Theo’s handwritten note with his phone number on it.

  Anger, shame, and grief all rose up to strangle her airways. She took measured, deep breaths. Piper couldn’t run from the fact that she had hurt him as well by not being honest from the get go. She should have told him the whole truth and not given him an edited version of it. Her mistake: one she had no intention of repeating.

  Before she had time to talk herself out of it, she dialed the number and called him. His voicemail answered, “This is Theodore Brown, lead solicitor with Apex Industries. Leave a brief message, and I will get back to you straight away. Cheerio.”

  “Theo, it’s Piper. I can’t believe you pulled such a dick move and left the island the way you did. I’m sorry about the way I acted last night. I realize you were only trying to help me and I apologize that I took my fear out on you. You didn’t need to leave the island to prove your point. I understand that you never want to hear from me after this, but I needed to apologize for my part in it. I am more sorry than you know that I kept the truth from you. These past few days with you, thank you for those, Sir. Please forgive me, I—” And then his voicemail cut her off.

  Love you.

  She sniffed as a fresh bout of tears threatened to fall. Her cell phone rang and for a brief second, hope stuttered back to life, only to be dashed when she spied her therapist’s name on the screen.

  “Caroline, thank you for calling me back.”

  “It’s what I’m here for. I have an hour. Talk to me, tell me about each of your episodes. Then we can figure out what triggered you and work out an action plan.”

  Piper took a bottle of water she had pulled from the fridge and settled into the living room chaise. Caroline was the only person—well, in addition to Theo now—who knew the whole story about the night she was raped. Caroline knew everything about her. She knew things her mom and siblings didn’t know. They just thought Piper had gotten sick and had a bad trip.

  She had no reservations telling Caroline about Theo. Caroline knew that Piper was a submissive and in the lifestyle. Over the next hour, Piper poured her heart out, detailing the two occurrences, and talking about Theo. She had to tell someone. She wasn’t a cold fish.

  “That’s quite a trip. Okay, I want you to resume your daily mantras. Then I want you in here when you get back from your trip. We might need to discuss upping your medication dosage. And if you have another attack in the meantime, call me. You have my cell for emergencies, okay?”

  “Thanks, Caroline. I’m going to try and wrap up my business here tomorrow and get home.”


  “Great. I’ll leave it with my secretary to fit you in. And Piper, I know things haven’t been easy, but you’ve made huge strides with this Theo guy. So he didn’t work out… but I don’t want you to focus on that. Focus on the positive if you can.”

  “I’ll try,” Piper said, being agreeable but knowing deep down she didn’t want another man, or to get back out into the dating pool.

  After she disconnected the call, Piper did what she did best. She avoided her feelings, burying her head in the sand. If she had a spirit animal, it would be an ostrich. And she threw herself into completing the mock-ups, adding some extra touches, and using work to escape.

  It had dawned on her while speaking with Caroline that Piper couldn’t stay on the island. If she did, she would drown in memories of her time with Theo. As much as she wanted to remember him and their time together, right now she was too raw, too angry, too devastated. So she made plans, called the airline, and booked a flight home. She rescheduled her meeting with Jared for first thing in the morning. It would leave her with enough time to catch the afternoon flight to the west coast.

  Piper stayed in her villa, at the kitchen table with her cameras and computer, working the day away. Any time she caught herself being overly emotional, she would squelch it. As long as she didn’t feel, or think about him, she was fine. The one concession she made was to keep her phone with her. She told herself it was in case she needed to dial Caroline but that was a lie. She was waiting for Theo to call her back, to tell her she was being ridiculous, and that he wanted to apologize.

  But he never called her back.

  Chapter 13

  “Piper, you outdid yourself with these, lass,” Jared said, studying the brochure laid out on the conference table.