When It Feels So Right

by Celeste O. Norfleet

  “Have you ever written your own book?”

  “Yes, I’ve written four books, but I use a pen name.”

  “Interesting, even your own work is hidden behind another name. You must be the only woman without an ego.”

  “I wouldn’t say that. I guess it’s just not important that my real name be on everything I write.”

  “You’re an interesting case study.”

  “Is that what I am today, a case study? Still trying to find out what makes me tick or are you still trying to get rid of me. Which is it?”

  “I already know what makes you tick,” he answered her question, but as usual, not completely.

  “Really, and what do you think you know about me?”

  “You say you have no ego and having your name, your real name on books or magazine articles isn’t important. I think it is. I think perhaps you want your name there, but a name of your choosing. Jo Butler is ambiguous. You said that you were raised in foster care. You have no roots, no past except one you create. You have no one to care for, no attachments.

  “Therefore your name means little to you, almost like the real you doesn’t exist yet. You don’t have a clear past, and you can’t see a future. That’s why you write anonymous bios of people. You go from experience to experience never taking anything away. You close yourself emotionally and you’ve built a wall around your heart to protect yourself. But someday, Jo, that wall is going to crumble. Your heart will be vulnerable and you’re going to have to decide what you want, a future with love and possibility or a past that’s offered you nothing.

  “You close yourself off and avoid attachments because of your past, yet here you are with me. Do you want to know why?” he asked. She didn’t respond. “The reason is you run and no one follows. No one comes to get you. So you just keep running. You ran away last night, the difference is I followed.”

  She waited a moment before speaking. “That’s pretty good,” she finally said after swallowing hard, her voice thick with emotion as she found herself steeped in thoughts she had long since tucked away. “You should have gone into psychoanalysis. You would have been a great shrink.”

  “Nah, too many crazies out there,” he joked, realizing that she was again blocking her feelings from him.

  “That’s not the real reason.”

  “No?” he questioned.

  “No, the real reason is that you’re afraid.”

  He burst out laughing, almost to tears. “Me, afraid? Okay, I’ll bite, what am I afraid of?”

  “Of being found out.” The joyful levity in his eyes remained consistent. “You run and hide, just like I do. But as I go from place to place avoiding attachments, you hide in plain sight using your psychology degrees as a guise to keep everyone at arm’s length. You’re the PR director of a huge energy company. You’re in the spotlight one hundred percent of the time, yet you remain invisible. I find that curious. I did some research on you last night after dinner.”

  “I thought this bio was about my grandfather.”

  “It is. It’s also about the Buchanan family, centering on your grandfather’s point of view since he connects the past and the present.”

  “What did you find out about me?”

  “Nothing at first. Apparently you’re very good at being invisible.”

  “I’m PR, my job is to put the chairman, CEO and company in the spotlight, not myself. I step into the light only when necessary. So tell me, what else?”

  “I dug deeper and found out that you were married a year ago, and then mysteriously you weren’t. That was right about the time the company was hit with the hostile takeover bid. My guess is that one had something to do with the other since your ex-wife’s family played a sizable role in that takeover strategy. From then on there’s been nothing in the public domain about you personally. I wonder why?” He didn’t respond. “Funny isn’t it, we’re more alike then you thought.”

  He smiled, but said nothing as he looked down at the perfect distraction. “This is Patsy Ann, our very own old faithful. She’s an English pit bull terrier and the official city of Juneau greeter.”

  Jo smiled, leaned down to the statue and touched its head. “Aw, she’s adorable,” she said. “So tell me, what’s the story behind Patsy Ann?”

  “Patsy Ann was deaf from birth, but still she somehow heard ship’s whistles before they approached. She was never wrong. She’d trot to the wharf to meet them. When she headed to the docks everyone in town would follow knowing there’d be a ship approaching soon even if they didn’t see it. They knew to trust Patsy Ann.”

  Just then a small group of school-age kids ran up and began laughing and playing with the statue. They used sign language to communicate with each other. Jo signed to them. They engaged with her instantly. Turning from side to side, she laughed and signed to them with ease. Andre stepped back and observed the interaction with surprise, then smiled broadly. He was amused at seeing her animated expression as each young teen tried to get and keep her attention.

  At one point she signed and the students turned to look at him. It was obvious the current discussion was about him. One of the girls circled her face then brushed her hands together. Another pressed two fingers to her lips then drew her fist to her chest. Some of the other young girls laughed and repeated the two actions. Andre looked at her curiously.

  “I think you have the beginning of a fan club here,” she said, as well as signed.

  “Do I?” he said. She nodded, signing his answer for the others.

  There was more signing as the girls giggled and turned to him shyly. “They think you’re handsome and want to know if you’re my boyfriend.” She signed something to them and they all cheered. She didn’t translate for him. She glanced up at him then smiled and laughed readily. It was a touching, revealing sight. She obviously connected with children. He wondered what their children might be like.

  The stray thought stopped him cold. He realized that he was beginning to feel too much too soon for Jo. He needed to step back and clear his head—fast. The idea was for her to open up to him, not the other way around.

  Jo looked around for him again. When she spotted him he nodded and motioned that he would be going into the nearby store. She nodded and went back to chatting with the children and now their teacher. The kids surrounded her laughing and signing.

  Andre glanced back before entering the store. He needed to distance himself physically and mentally. This distracting dalliance ploy of his was beginning to backfire. His intent was to get and keep her emotionally off balance, not him. Truth be told, emotion wasn’t a bad thing, it just wasn’t his thing.

  He’d successfully removed emotion from the relationship equation. When it came to women they gave him pleasure and he reciprocated, but on his terms. And his terms were to never allow himself to become emotional or feel anything more than necessary. He reminded himself that this was a strictly physical arrangement. If he could dominate her body, then she would lose control over her emotions. And once her heart betrayed her, she’d have to leave.

  Andre walked around inside the store a few moments, casually glancing at the jeweled trinkets. A salesperson asked if he needed assistance. He noticed a diamond bracelet in one of the glass cases. It looked perfect for Jo and just what he needed to seal this deal. But before making the purchase he noticed a snow globe in another case. It hit him that the diamond bracelet would work on most women, but he needed something different for Jo. He made a purchase, satisfied that he was back in control.

  By the time he exited the store, the children were gone and Jo was sitting on a bench talking with someone else, a man. Tall, tanned and blond, he had the look of player out to play. He said something. Jo tossed her head back laughing happily. An instant hot streak of jealousy shot through him as a muscle pulled tight in his jaw and a slow strained smile touched his lips.

  Andre walked over casually, with a fierce gleam of possessiveness in his eyes. The man looked up and watched him approach. He smiled
and leaned in to Jo to say something. She laughed again. He handed her something, she nodded. He shot one last glance at Andre then quickly stood and walked away.

  “Making new friends?” Andre asked as he watched the man disappear into the surrounding crowd.

  “Of course,” she said standing, “I have a thing for kids. I just can’t say no. Believe it or not I wanted to be a teacher at one time.”

  He was referring to the man, but accepted that she spoke about the kids. “Really? Do you have any children of your own?”

  “No,” she said wistfully, her face sad and joyful at the same time. He walked to stand by her side. She looked around as if it was the last time. “This city is so remarkable and completely impractical.”

  “Impractical?”

  “Totally impractical. It’s almost teetering on the side of a mountain. How is that possible? Why would they build a city here? It makes no sense.”

  “Actually, that would be two mountains.”

  “I stand corrected, still it’s crazy.”

  “Juneau, the city, was built by miners in the throngs of the Klondike gold rush. I don’t think they stopped to assess the land and survey other possible locations. The strategy was simple—find gold, get rich and try not to die.”

  “I guess you have a good point there. It must have been rough in those times, barely livable by our standards. I wonder how they survived and thrived all those years? I wonder how your great-grandfather did it?”

  Taken off guard, Andre turned quickly and stared at her, wondering just how much she really knew about his family. Her expression was placid and gave nothing away.

  She saw the questioning expression and it made her wonder. Apparently the cool, reserved and forever cautious Andre Buchanan had been surprised. By what, she couldn’t even imagine. “Thank you for today. I got a lot of information that will add depth to the biography. I think Jacob will be delighted.”

  “Glad to be of service. It’s getting late, we should get back. I have some things to take care of and I’m sure you want to get some work done before it gets too late.”

  She nodded as they headed back to his car. They got in and drove toward Douglas Island. The drive back to the cabin was nearly silent with only occasional conversation. Jo didn’t mind so much. She was tired and she figured Andre was too. After all he didn’t get nearly as much sleep as she did. Maybe that’s why he wasn’t in the mood to talk. It was okay with her. She was exhausted keeping her guard up all day. She laid her head back against the headrest and mulled over ideas related to the book.

  Andre glanced over and saw her relax against the seat. She looked stunning in the fiery sunlight. He wondered just how close he came to the truth in his assessment of her, because he knew that she was dead-on when it came to her assessment of him.

  Chapter 9

  It was nearing sunset when they got back. As soon as they arrived they each went their separate ways with plans to meet up for a late dinner. Andre watched as Jo quickly hurried up the stairs intent on working. When he heard the door close, he headed to his grandfather’s office to check in.

  He’d canceled his busy schedule for the next few days. Taking care of his grandfather’s project was infinitely more important. He seldom turned off his BlackBerry, but today he needed to focus and that meant no interruptions of any kind. He had missed four meetings, two conference calls, a magazine interview and the company press briefing. His staff was more than proficient and he knew they’d handle any situation flawlessly. He also knew that he’d receive a full report.

  His grandfather had insisted that he clear his schedule, but he refused to just stop everything. As expected, he received a full report on the meetings and conference calls. He proofed the magazine interview and press briefing, making edits and changes then e-mailing them back. His staff was used to his absence and worked diligently. Still this was his family and his responsibility. He took both seriously. As such, he managed his division with expert precision and a work ethic that was unmatched.

  As soon as he walked into the office he turned on his cell and immediately received a message. It was from his assistant with word that a sealed dossier had been sent to him. Seeing it, he picked it up from the desk and opened it. He assumed there would be no surprises, but still he flipped through with a critical eye. As expected, his team delivered expertly.

  He called and spoke with his secretaries and assistants catching up on the day’s events. As stipulated by him, everything had been handled to his specifications or rescheduled for his personal attention. Afterward he sat at the desk and scanned a barrage of computer e-mails and phone messages received throughout the day. Nothing was particularly earth shattering, so he tabled most. Still others needed his immediate attention. He picked up the phone and went to work.

  Three hours later, the day ended with a conference call with his father, brothers and uncle. They brought him up to speed on what had developed in the meeting earlier that day. The prospects were positive and it seemed that everyone was on board.

  “We don’t anticipate any major obstructions. The briefing was thorough and the principals were extremely impressed.”

  “So it’s a go,” he said.

  “Not necessarily a go, but extremely positive. Your drafts were very impressive. I think they might just go for it.”

  “Excellent,” Andre said with relief, pleased that his idea would possibly see fruition. “Is everything ready for the next stage?”

  “Affirmative,” his brother Quinton answered. “We’re headed out to Prudhoe Bay first thing tomorrow.”

  Andre only half listened after that as his father and brother continued talking about their plans. The idea of reconstructing Titan Energy for the future was a massive undertaking. This critical stage would leave the company exposed to possible takeover attempts. But if their plan worked, they’d be through the vulnerable stage before anyone even got wind of their plans.

  By the standards of the mega oil companies in the country, Titan Energy was small but extremely profitable. No one could deny their persistence or reputation. Through the years, big companies had tried to buy or even force them out, but they survived. Adapt and change was the key. There were no longer easy access fields available. All remaining fields were too hard and too expensive to get to either for geographic or political reasons. Oil was no longer the future fuel source. Titan Energy realized that fact well over a decade ago and had been preparing ever since with biodiesel, wind technology and alternate sources. They were about to announce the company’s new direction leading the way to green energy, a division that had already begun gaining prominent status and recognition in the industry.

  “Any indication this writer might be looking for more than to write dad’s bio?” his uncle asked.

  “No, not at this point,” Andre said, “but I haven’t ruled anything out.”

  “Need I remind you of the precarious position we find ourselves in at this juncture? This can’t get out.”

  “I agree.” Andre didn’t need his family to remind him of his duty and obligation. He knew what he had to do. This was too important. Jo was a possible threat to his family and the future of the Buchanan name. He needed to neutralize her without upsetting or drawing attention to either the company or his grandfather.

  “So what have you decided to do to get rid of her?”

  “I have a few promising ideas,” he said, slightly distracted now as his thoughts instantly turned to Jo. He looked up at the ceiling and smiled, wondering what she was doing. An instant later his body reacted to his wayward thoughts.

  “Good, keep me posted. I want this wrapped up as soon as possible.”

  “What’s the plan?” his uncle asked.

  “Plausible deniability,” Andre said, then heard his father and brothers chuckle. “Just know that I’m taking care of it.”

  “Cautiously I hope, your grandfather is no fool. You need to move with deliberate haste and vigilance.”

  “I understand,” Andre sai
d, knowing that he would tread the narrow line he drew between himself and Jo. He was gaining her trust and opening her heart to him. He just needed a little more time to seal the deal. Once she admitted her feelings for him and her obvious conflict of interest in writing this bio, she’d have no choice but to leave. “It’s being handled,” he assured his family. The conference call ended.

  Andre immediately turned his attention back to work only to realize that his mind was no longer focused on the job. He looked up at the ceiling and considered the day he spent with Jo. He was surprised how easy it was to get to know her. Perhaps he was wrong. Maybe she had no ulterior motive, but he couldn’t take that chance. This was too important to all concerned.

  If she was as she appeared, and his plan progressed, then he’d deal with that if and when it happened. On the other hand, if indeed her intentions were more dubious, then she would deserve exactly what he intended to do, and her reputation would be irreparably damaged. He would do everything within his power to make sure of it. Either way he needed to be cautious.

  He picked up a pen and twirled it between his fingers imagining all the things he would do. A slow seductive smile formed on his lips. Thinking of her, as he found himself doing more and more, prompted his body to react again. He wanted her. But that was nothing unusual. He had wanted her all day long. Even now, just thinking about the possibilities increased his pulse rate and hardened his desire.

  He thought about Jo’s interaction with the kids at the Patsy Ann statue. There was something about the way she joked and played with them then stood back laughing that touched him. He remembered the feeling of pleasure and pride in knowing that she was with him. The stray feeling of belonging warmed him.

  Seconds later his smile slowly faded when his thoughts wandered again to the man talking to her. He’d never been jealous of anyone a single day in his life. It wasn’t in his nature, yet the feelings were unmistakable. He felt his detachment threatened, he wasn’t supposed to feel anything, least of all jealousy.