Remember Me

by Stacey Nash

  “Okay.” I look toward another, normal, door way off at the far end of this foyer-like space.

  “No, really, how are you feeling?”

  I sigh. “Still a little off, but it’s getting better every day.”

  “What sort of off? Are you in pain?”

  “No.” I raise a hand to my now fully healed throat.

  “Emotionally?” she says.

  I gulp. Am I so transparent it’s written on my face?

  “You haven’t fully recovered.”

  I glance into her seemingly kind face, but I can barely make out her expression under the hood. There’s something about her that makes me want to open the flood gates and let my confusion, my loss, every-damn-thing pour right out.

  Head cocked to the side, she reaches out and takes my hand between both of hers. “When you are ready, the sensors are always here. You can trust in our compassion and discretion.” She eyes the door behind me.

  I turn to see what she’s looking at. Nik. He walks over and takes a seat on my other side. The sensor’s eyes narrow on him, and she gives a small nod.

  “Sensor,” he says.

  She takes a deep breath like she wants to pull in as much as she can and savor every in tiny bit of air while it’s still in her lungs. She rises to her feet, looks at me, then back to him, and lets the breath go, long and slow, just like the inhale. She lowers her head as she walks away.

  Nik clears his throat. “You okay?”

  “Yeah,” I say. “It’s just hard. I mean, how much longer can this go on? It’s driving me insane … feeling like a stranger in my own head.”

  He places a hand on my shoulder. “Still the same?”

  I nip my lip. “Exactly the same …” Apart from Joshua. “That’s really weird, right?”

  “Sure is.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Will

  The ride home is anything but easy. I’m not sure where the black Chevy came from, but it’s damn hard to shake. Even winding in and out of suburban streets doesn’t work. It’s not until I run a red light and cut across an open lot that we lose them. Lilly keeps her hands clamped around my waist and I thank God they don’t have a gun. The bike skids around the next corner and Lilly squeals in my ear. The mirrors stay empty.

  Should finally be safe to hit the highway.

  That stretch of the trip feels like it takes forever. My eyes stay on the road ahead, but the image of Mae standing there like she belonged scalds my mind. It doesn’t make any sense. She was too far away to really see, but she didn’t look hurt or restrained in any way. A training stick hung from her hand, and didn’t try to get away from them. She was looking right at the fence, she must have seen me, but she didn’t make a run for it. Nothing about this feels right.

  The image blazes in my mind and when we pull into the safe house, I spin the bike around to the side, spraying dust and rocks into the air. Lilly jumps off without saying a word, but her eyes meet mine and they’re full of concern.

  I break her stare and stalk off toward the barn. I’m so … just so … I can’t put it into words. A cool breeze chaps my lips, its frigidity stinging the tops of my ears. The barn’s only a few steps away now, but I quicken my pace to a jog, going right past it. Then pick up the pace to a run. Grass lashing my legs, wind stinging as it whips my face, I sprint down the hill and past the copse of trees that are The Ring. My feet pound against the hard packed dirt, and up the other side of the hill. I don’t slow. My chest burns, and I don’t know if it’s from the cold air I’m sucking in or from failing Mae.

  My arms pump back and forth in time with my feet. She was there, I saw her and I did fricking nothing. My pulse pounds in my ears.

  Down the far side of the hill, I keep running. When I come to the base of the hills, it hurts so much surely I can’t keep going. My legs ache, my chest stings and my face is incredibly hot but I still run. This pain is good, easy, manageable. Better than the pain of having to think.

  Suddenly, like the snap of a released elastic band, it lessens. I’ve pushed past it, and I’m filled with a new energy. Along the edge of the property a bubble-like something shimmers in the sun. It must be the hide-all. I’ve never seen it, never bothered to come looking. I turn to the left and follow along the fence, slowing to a jog. A short while later I feel like I need to stop again as the pain comes cutting back, but I don’t. This is better; I deserve it. Instead I turn and head back over the hill. By the time the farm house comes into sight, the sun has just slipped below the horizon. The day is shrouded in a quickly fading light. Just like me, wilting from bright to nothing.

  I slow to a walk and immediately regret it as my legs turn to concrete. Forcing myself on, my pace grows ever slower, my legs harder to drag into the next step, but somehow I do it. When I finally reach the enclosed yard, I stumble past the vegetable garden and haul my aching legs up the steps onto the veranda, my sight set on the wooden bench. I slump onto it, my legs collapsing out from under me.

  Sucking air down in fast breaths, its sharp iciness burns my throat and lungs. I swallow against it, dying for a drink, but can’t summon the energy to think about moving, let alone to actually stand. When I crash against the wall the searing heat in my chest slowly lessens, replaced by the pain inside me. Warm tears threaten to trickle down my cold cheeks as my throat continues to burn. She’s gone, she still gone, and today I achieved nothing more than laying my eyes on her.

  At least she’s alive.

  The door squeaks on its rusty hinge, and a damp nose bumps against my hand. Ace pushes himself up underneath my seat, resting his chin on my feet. The poor dog misses them as much as I do.

  “You’ve been gone for ages.” Lilly speaks softly like she’s scared her voice might break me.

  I swipe the back of my hand across my face. Last thing I need is for her to see me crying. Guys aren’t supposed to cry and all that shit.

  “You really love her, don’t you?”

  Yes, but if I tell her it might ruin everything. “It’s complicated.”

  She puts her hand on my leg and squeezes. “We’ll bring her home.”

  More tears build in my eyes, threatening to overflow again. I swallow them, keeping my head propped against the wall.

  “You’re allowed to love her.”

  All the feelings churning around inside me for the past few months threaten to erupt: Jax’s obvious feelings for her, hers for him, and both of them disappearing. A huge pain sears through me, centering itself in my throat. It seems like only yesterday it was just me and her, no one else, and none of this danger. I blow out a long breath and Ace whines.

  “I’m not going to make you talk about it,” Lilly says.

  “I’m thirsty,” I say, but when I try to stand my legs turn to liquid and I have to clutch at the seat to stop myself falling.

  Lilly guides me back onto the bench and disappears inside. She returns moments later with a jug of water and a plate piled high with food. The cool liquid soothes my throat as I take massive gulps. The spaghetti goes down pretty smoothly too. Leaning back with a full belly, I’m suddenly exhausted.

  “Will.” Lilly’s hand on my arm shakes me awake. “Go to bed, you haven’t sleep in two days.”

  I try to speak but the words come out as a groan. She grabs my hands and, leaning her weight back, pulls me to my feet. My legs wobble and threaten to give way, but somehow I manage to walk inside and climb the stairs. Lilly tails me to the small room that has become my sanctuary in this house. Although I often go home, it’s nice to still have a place here.

  She shoves the door open and guides me inside. I’m so tired that I collapse onto the bed and fall right to sleep.

  A rap startles me awake. My pulse jumps like I’m about to hear bad news but slows as soon as I realize it’s just someone knocking on my door. I blink against the morning sun streaming right into my eyes. Stiff, sore muscles howl at me as I rise. That was some run.

  The relentless banging continues. “All right. I’m com
ing,” I yell at the closed door, my voice deep and croaky from sleep. The knocking stops and I reach for it, my legs screaming with each step. I pull the door open and come eye to eye with a stern-faced Garrett.

  “Beau’s office,” he says. “Now.”

  I sigh and run my hands through my hair. Great, just fricking great: a dressing down from Beau. I guess I should have expected this.

  My hands run over my crumpled clothes and I step through the doorway, pulling it closed. Garrett stomps off down the hall, not talking, not looking back. Clearly he’s pissed. I suck in a deep breath, bracing myself for what’s to come. Hopefully I haven’t gotten Lilly and Marcus in trouble too.

  My overused leg muscles protest as I jog down the stairs and turn into the downstairs hall. Garrett is no longer in sight. Another deep breath to prepare and I enter Beau’s office. He looks up and pushes his chair back then walks around the desk, not breaking eye contact. His eyes, like cold sharp amber, threaten to pierce right through me. His steps, calculated and precise, send a shiver across the back of my neck as he moves close, stopping only an inch from my face.

  “You idiot.” It’s more a hiss than a whisper.

  He’s not shouting. This isn’t good. I keep my mouth closed, and although my instincts yell to pull away, break his stare … I don’t.

  “You will not. Put. My daughter. In danger with your stupidity. Again.” His clipped words come through clenched teeth, and his whole body shakes with a slight tremor. Of course he’s madder than usual. I took Lilly. Twice now.

  Holy crap, those agents must have followed us home. It sure seemed like we shook them off, but frick. What if—

  “What did you think you were doing? What did you hope to achieve?” The heat of his breath washes over my face, and I blink, trying my darnedest to ignore the tang of coffee. He glares right into my eyes, and I want to morph into a mouse and scurry away. He’s so damn right. I shouldn’t have taken Lilly, not this time. It was too great a risk to put anyone else in danger. He keeps glaring, waiting for an answer.

  “I was trying to break through the barrier. I knew Mae had to be in their community and I was right. I saw her.” The image of her standing there, not fighting, lances through my mind again.

  Something flicks through his expression. Surprise? He takes a step back, shaking his head. “Do you know how many lives you put at risk?” He pauses. “Not only yours, not only Lilly’s, not only Jax and Mae’s, but the entire God-damned resistance.”

  Guilt and regret threaten to drown over me. He’s right, I’m a fricking idiot. If she lashed out against them and ran for me, they would have killed her.

  He slumps against the desk, scrubbing a hand over his face. “If they caught you …” He pauses, his glare searing mine. “You saw that dungeon, Will.”

  I gulp and pull a hand through my hair.

  “They would have tortured you, and then had every single one of us.”

  I look away, unable to meet his eyes any longer. It’s too much. What was I doing? I always think things through. I’d do anything for Mae and that made me act on pure emotion. Because thinking of her there, in Manvyke’s clutches, drives me absolutely crazy.

  “But you didn’t think of that, did you?” he asks, and he’s right. I didn’t. I thought only of Mae and saving her.

  “I know Anamae is important to you. She is important to us all. We are more than a group, we are a family.” He pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a deep breath. “We are working as hard and fast as we can, Will, but stunts like the one you just pulled will not only get you killed, they will get her killed too.”

  My chest fills with a heavy dullness. He’s right, I can’t risk her. “I didn’t think.”

  “Damn right you didn’t.”

  “It won’t happen again.”

  Thin lips, hard eyes, crossed arms, he levels me with a strong glare. “It sure as hell won’t.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Mae

  “I’ve never seen him so stunned,” Joshua says, reaching for the door.

  “It was pretty funny.” I can’t suppress a smile, even though Nik’s only a few steps behind us. “Putting him on his back wasn’t my objective, but …”

  Joshua holds the door for me, and I cast a quick glance over the extravagant white hulk that is the front entrance.

  “But admit it,” Joshua says, “you enjoyed every second. Flat on his ass.” His lips tip up at the corners, spreading a crazy warmth right to my heart. I walk through the door and chuckle for what must be the first time in weeks. A slam into my shoulder jolts me forward, and Nik storms past and straight up the stairs.

  Josh’s eyes meet mine and this time he laughs.

  “Ahem.” Our laughter stops. It doesn’t peter out but cuts right off as if it were never there. Standing in the center of that strange mosaic, eyes narrowed, is Manvyke.

  “Anamae.” I feel beckoned, so walk toward him. Josh’s arm brushes mine and he’s right there beside me.

  “Don’t you have someplace to be, son?”

  “Hell no, I’m stay—”

  “It’s all right,” I say to Joshua who cuts me a wary glance. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  As he walks up the stairs, I turn to Manvyke. “Councilor?”

  “How have you been feeling? Any progress with your memory?”

  “Well …” I’m not sure what say. I was only thinking about talking to him again a few hours ago, but now that I’m here, standing with him, saying ’I’m still a stupid idiot with no idea where I came from’ doesn’t seem like the best approach. Instead I make my voice strong as I say, “Not really. In fact, nothing has come back at all. You said that it would and it hasn’t. Not a single thing.”

  “That’s certainly strange.” His tone sounds a little off. “Don’t forget to come to me when it does, and we’ll talk about it. The transition might be confusing.”

  “Sure, I will.” I turn to leave, dropping my voice to a mumble. “Maybe I need to see a hocrei.”

  He catches my arm. “Try thinking about something that was important to you … like …”

  He knows of something that might trigger my memory and he hasn’t mentioned it before now? My back straightens, and paying attention to his every word is suddenly my highest priority.

  “There was some jewelry you wore every day, a necklace with a blue-flower. About this big.” He makes a circle with his finger and thumb about an inch across.

  “What happened to it?” I ask.

  His eyes hold mine. “Do you remember?”

  I slowly shake my head. “Should I?”

  “Come on,” his lips pucker, “try harder. You must remember it … really pretty, on a long chain. It sat right about there.” His bony finger sticks my throat and I flinch away from the sharp jab.

  I take a step back and hit the side table, knocking a vase over. He’s being weird. What’s so important about a damn necklace?

  He doesn’t even flinch when the vase hits the ground. “Come on, girl. It’s there right at the edge of your memory. I know it is.”

  I gather up the spilled flowers. “Ah, no it isn’t.”

  He swallows, his Adam’s apple actually moves, and then his shoulders rise like he’s drawing in a breath. “Okay,” he says, his voice now softer. “I guess you should get some rest, it’s been a big day.”

  Unable to make myself speak, I nod and retreat up the stairs, never looking away from the councilor. That was beyond strange.

  With Cynnie to my right and Nik on my left, we stand with the rest of our elite class in a rough semi-circle. My eyes keep flicking to the weapons, practice and real, lining the wall of the storage shed we’re assembled within.

  “This play training is over.” Socrai’s looks at each of us in turn. “We need to step it up and help out. Every agent is needed on the field to beat back this group.”

  I sneak a glance at Cynnie hoping to catch her eye but hers are wide, almost excited, and zoned in on Socrai as if she’s hanging
on his every word. A quick glance around my classmates tells me she’s not the only one. Although Joshua’s picking at the leather lacing on his sleeve, Nik’s grinning and Xane’s bouncing from foot to foot.

  “We have to take basic missions,” Socrai says. “We’ll be patrolling the areas around the gate and the hole in the fence.”

  An excited murmur runs through our class of six. I can’t help but wonder what that means for me. We’ve been training for this all our lives, but I feel as though I’ve only just started. I hope I’ll be able to pull it off because, surely, it won’t be as easy as training.

  Nik’s grin faded almost as soon as the words were out of Socrai’s mouth. Now his expression is stony, his lips slightly pressed. “That’s all, we’re on fence duty?”

  “It’s an important job, Nikias, and it frees up the agents to put a stop to that blasted group for good.”

  Nik kicks at the ground, muttering under his breath.

  “Sounds fun.” Joshua’s voice is slightly buoyant with an edge of sarcasm like he’s taunting his brother.

  Socrai grins, just a little, at Joshua. “They blew a hole in the wall. We need to smack them down fast and show them they can’t mess with us.” He turns back to Nik with a frown. “Now gather up your weapons. You’ll be in two groups: one on the hole, the other on the gate.”

  Cynnie and I stand back while the guys rush to grab their favorite weapons. I’m not sure I’m ready for this. No one takes a practice weapon; I guess it’s no longer a game. Nik seizes a long sword, and Joshua the medium sized blade which is about as long as his forearm. It looks so natural in his hand like it was made just for him, or he was made for it.

  By the time Cynnie and I reach the stack there’s only small blades left, a few daggers and knives. Cynnie grabs one of the long wooden practice sticks and I take a thick stubby dagger which, despite its solid appearance, is quite light in my hand.

  “Cynisca, Nikias, Joshua, Anamae, you’re on the fence.” Socrai shakes his head as if to expel a bad thought. “Xane and Kalon, gate.”

  Just wonderful. Josh … and Nik.