Uncharted Fate

by Racette, Cynthia

  At his apartment, he offered a glass of champagne and a toast. “To you,” he whispered. She blushed and took a sip of the sparkling wine. He leaned back, pulling her against him, and they sipped quietly, not feeling a need to talk.

  When the champagne was gone, he set their glasses on the coffee table and reached into his pocket. “I haven’t given you your birthday present yet.”

  She smiled delightedly at the small box he handed her. “Ohh. I like small presents. They’re always the best.”

  “I hope you still agree after you open it up,” he said, loosening his tie with a nervous look on his face.

  “I will.” She removed the tiny bow and the paper. It was a small, blue velvet jeweler’s box. Her heart beat faster as she opened it up. Inside was a beautiful gold ring with a large sapphire surrounded by small diamonds. The blood was pounding in her ears and she felt faint as she realized what it really was.

  "It’s an engagement ring,” Jeff prompted. "I thought it would be better, since this is the second time around for both of us, to go with something less traditional. Still, I wanted it to have diamonds on it, too."

  She stared at the ring, sparkling in the amber glow of a nearby lamp. She hadn’t expected this, not in her wildest imaginings. Stunned, she had no idea what to say.

  He watched her anxiously. "Will you marry me, Anna? I’ve never felt so alive since I met you. I want to be with you, always. I want to marry you."

  “I don’t know what to say.” She shook her head in confusion, her teeth chewing her lower lip. “You’re a wonderful man, and I enjoy being with you more than I can say. But it’s been only about a year since Mike’s death. I’m not sure I’m ready for this.”

  “I love you, Anna. You know that. We’d make a good couple. I know we would.”

  “Maybe we would—someday. But not now. I’m only just beginning to be really comfortable with you and I don’t want to push things. I’m not ready for marriage. There are still too many painful memories, too many times when five-thirty rolls around and I glance automatically at the clock to see if it’s time for Mike to come home yet.”

  He leaned forward, clasping her shaking fingers. “We’ll make new memories. Life goes on, and the joy of our lives together will erase any pain you feel. You’ll see.”

  Studying his strong, long-fingered hands wrapped around hers, she tried to think about what he was saying. In some ways, it would be nice to be able to rely on his strength, his kindness, his presence. And she did like being with him. However, she'd only begun to learn to stand on her own two feet without someone else to lean on. She'd let herself lean on him too often already and it was for that very reason she knew they must wait.

  After a lifetime of dependence, she was beginning to be her own person. She had a ways to go. She was trying to learn how to do things herself. Being married to him would make it difficult for her to earn her independence. It'd be like her parents or Mike all over again. And she needed to try to stand on her own, for her peace of mind.

  She looked up at Jeff. “I think there are some things you don’t understand about me. You see, as much as I loved Mike, I realize now he dominated me and the whole family. He had a very strong personality and he controlled every one of us." She frowned as she thought of the ways she'd simply given in to things and not stood her ground.

  "He was good and intelligent and charming, and while we weren’t exactly unhappy or downtrodden, the fact remains he was a controlling influence on us. I didn’t even realize how much until after his death. And I let it happen." Her voice was serious and tinged slightly with guilt.

  "Maybe part of the reason I was dominated so easily was because I was a horribly sheltered only child who stayed here to go to college and live with my parents. I went directly from my parents' sheltering to Mike’s protection." She pounded her fist into the palm of her other hand, in emphasis. "Now I understand these things, I’m learning to overcome my handicaps. I’m getting stronger with every passing day, and more independent with every decision I make. Life is good again, and it’s getting better.”

  “I hope I’m part of the goodness.”

  “Oh, yes, you are, a big part. There’s more to it, though. I’m sorry I’m talking your ear off, but I want you to understand, to know why I’m making this decision. I want a career—one I can be proud of and live with for the rest of my life. It's what I went to college to achieve and I let myself be sidetracked by marrying Mike. I have to go back and get my degree and I want a career in social work with the elderly. I need to have that accomplished, or at least within reach, before I make another commitment."

  She looked down at the beautiful velvet box with its gorgeous ring inside with regret. "I’m sorry, Jeff. I can’t marry you. Not yet, anyway.” She frowned, not sure if she'd managed to explain to him something almost too difficult to put into words. Gently, she closed the blue velvet box, and watched his face fall.

  “So you don’t love me like I thought you did.”

  “That’s not it.” Her eyes pleaded with his. “I think maybe I do love you. Or almost do, anyway. But sometimes love isn’t enough. The bottom line, really, is that we’re only beginning to get to know each other, and I’m only beginning to learn to stand alone all by myself. After losing so much when I lost Mike, I need to rebuild my life on a more solid foundation. I can’t let myself be vulnerable and helpless again. If I learn to be independent, I’ll be stronger, and be a better wife for you someday, if we decide later it’s what we both still want.”

  He squeezed her fingers. “You’re right. I was married to one insecure, weak woman, and I saw her turn vindictive and cruel when she couldn’t cope. I don’t think anything like that would ever happen to you, but you mean too much to me to take a chance. I want us to be two equally strong, self-reliant people. If you think you need more time, you’ve got it.” His fingers caressed hers with a feather touch. “You know, I think I love you more right this minute because you refused me. Weird, huh?”

  “No, it’s lovely.”

  He took the box from her fingers, and stared at it. “If I got you a chain, would you wear the ring around your neck until you’re ready? Sort of as a promise?”

  She was tempted. It was a beautiful ring, but that didn’t feel right. She shook her head gently.

  “Okay,” he whispered, putting it back in his pocket. “I—ah-suppose you want to go home now.”

  “No, not really.” Anna leaned her head back against the back of the sofa, studying the brown depths of his eyes. “How can I go? You haven’t even kissed me yet.”

  A hesitant smile broke out on his face. “No, I haven’t. I figured if you refused my proposal, you’d want to get the hell out of here.”

  “I don't want to go—at all. I want to stay, so you can make love to me.”

  His smiled widened. “Good, because I don't want you to go.”

  With his arm along the back of her shoulders, he leaned over to kiss her. The burst of passion she’d felt earlier came back twofold, and before long she was pinned by his lean, strong body as his hot kisses pressed her into the black leather.

  “Would you think I was a horrible, depraved sex maniac if I told you I’ve wanted to bring you back here for this ever since the first night we went out on a date?”

  She laughed. “No. In fact, as I recall, you barely had the nerve to run back and give me a peck on the lips that night. You couldn’t have been too depraved.”

  “It was fear. Fear of losing you. Also, if you'll recall, we were going at it hot and heavy that night at your house when Brian burst in."

  “Yes, I remember. And your vast experience almost got us in big trouble with my son.”

  “Not vast. But enough.” His eyes burned into hers.

  She buried her fingers in his hair to pull his head back down to hers. Their lips met with hunger and
craving, each drinking feverishly from the other, unable to get close enough to satisfy.

  He lifted his head. “Do you—ah—”

  “Yeah.”

  He led her into the bedroom at the back of the apartment and then laid her on his bed. He stood for a long time, simply staring at her lying there, and she smiled at him. "Aren't you going to join me?"

  "As soon as I get over the sight of you in my bed, where I've dreamed over and over of having you."

  Her smile became a little tremulous. "I'm here, Jeff. And I think I want you to make love to me now."

  "You think you do?"

  "Why don't you start and I'll stop you if I don't like it?"

  He laughed. Then he slid the drawer of the nightstand open and took out a condom.

  "You don't need a condom, Jeff. I'm on the pill."

  He tossed it onto the stand with a grin and lay down beside her. Within moments their mouths were locked, their tongues seeking and sliding. Jeff leaned over her and her heart jackhammered against her chest. She loved doing this with him, feeling his strength and the warmth of his personality. He made her feel like the most beautiful woman on earth. Heat filled her body and it came alive again after such a long time. Both of them gasped for breath, refusing to stop kissing each other, even to take in desperately needed oxygen.

  Finally, his lips left her mouth to run kisses down the soft column of her throat. His tongue laved the top of her breasts after unbuttoning the three buttons on her bodice. She could hear his murmur of surprise when he encountered no bra. Anna moaned as he pulled the material aside to free one breast and his own moan followed hers as he licked it tenderly. His hand slid up her leg and caressed her before stealing underneath her dress to run his fingers over the soft, warm skin at the top of her stockings.

  "Can we take some of these clothes off, do you think?" Without waiting for an answer, he swept her dress over her head.

  "You do that trick like an expert."

  "I'm lucky I can do anything with all the blood rushing out of my brain," he admitted with a chuckle.

  "Don't you think you should take your clothes off, too? I know it's been a while for you, but if you try hard you'll recall the way it's done."

  He glared at her. "You're gonna pay for that."

  "Promises, promises."

  He stood to pull off his dress shirt and then unzipped and shucked his trousers, taking his briefs with them. She lay there watching him for a moment before he joined her once more. He was a tall man, so he was longer and thicker than Mike had been. Her breath hitched as she thought about accommodating him inside her.

  His body covered hers and his weight felt wonderful. Then he moved to his side next to her so he could kiss her entire body to her toes. Those he licked lightly, making her giggle. After kissing down one side of her, he started back up the other side, ending at her breasts, which he attacked with lips, teeth and tongue. Anna’s back arched helplessly and she cried out at the overload of sensation. His fingers found her sensitive spots and rubbed with light feathery touches. Before she could process what was happening, Anna came quickly with a breathless shudder.

  She was still feeling the ripples of the climax when he slid into her. Buried deep within her, he asked, “Are you all right?”

  “Yes,” she reassured him.

  His greater length and girth made her feel full and taut. Jeff started to move within her and she gripped his waist with her knees, wrapping her arms tight around him as she followed his rhythm. He felt marvelous on her, the incredible feeling of weight and heat making her cry out.

  And then, unbidden tears began to streak down her face. She'd missed this so very much.

  Jeff felt completely different than Mike and Anna loved him for it, hoped he’d never leave her; wanted him inside her every moment of every day, even though she knew that was ridiculous. More tears slid down her cheeks as he came to his own climax and stiffened and shuddered inside her.

  Settling his face against her neck with a happy sigh, he must have noticed the wetness on her cheeks. Straightaway, he was on his elbows over her, his eyes widening. "What's the matter, darling? Did I hurt you?"

  "No, you didn't hurt me. I'm fine."

  "You don't look fine," he said, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. "Are you upset we made love? I thought you wanted me the way I wanted you."

  "I did. I do. It's just . . . I don't know."

  "You don't know why you're crying while we’re making love?" He started to withdraw from her and she stopped him with her knees. He sounded distraught and concerned and she had to do something to make him believe her emotional outburst wasn’t about him being a bad or inconsiderate lover.

  "No. Don't go."

  "Honey, I don't understand what's going on. I thought you'd be happy right now, not crying. Help me out here."

  "I am happy, happier than you could know." She wrapped every inch of her body around his and held him tight.

  He snuggled against her again and gave her a squeeze. “Talk to me. I want to understand."

  Her hands cupped his cheeks and she looked into his eyes. "I'm not sure how to explain it, Jeff. After we'd been married fifteen years, sex between Mike and me had gotten to the point where we made love very seldom. Like a lot of other couples, it became sort of perfunctory, to satisfy his need for the sexual act and for the release of tension climax brings. When we made love just now, it felt like the way it used to be with Mike, when we were first married. Only in many ways, better."

  Her eyes had shifted away from his in embarrassment and when she looked back at him, his gaze was intent on her, completely focused on her words. No one had ever looked at her like he did.

  "When you made love to me, it was incredible. I climaxed before you even entered me. I haven't climaxed in years. And then you were there inside me and I felt so full, so much like we were one person, as if we'd left our separateness behind and were now one being. Oh, Jeff. I do think I love you." She started to cry again.

  Jeff kissed her through the tears, his lips tasting the salt of them. He loved her to distraction. What she'd said to him was so beautiful, he wanted to consume her. "Oh, Anna, I love you, too. You have no idea how much."

  She smiled mistily. "I am happy, you know. These are happy tears."

  "I know it. I don't understand it. I've encountered women who cry when they're happy, but I'll never understand it."

  With her snuggled into his neck and shoulder, he idly ran his hands over her soft skin, and marveled at how silky women could be. His fingers played with her ear, then moved around to feel her kiss-swollen lips. He felt himself grow turgid again and pressed against her thigh, happy to find he was hard enough to love her again. "Do you mind?" he asked, looking into her eyes.

  "No. I'd love it." With a self-conscious little smile, she admitted, "I'd have asked, but I wasn't sure you could do it again this soon."

  "Me neither. Then again, I've never felt this way before."

  They made love again, staring into each other's eyes, their hands clasped over her head and moving slowly as they savored this second time together. As he climaxed, he devoured her with a deep, powerful kiss he felt down to his toes.

  His body relaxed immediately and he settled over her with a heartfelt sigh. Feeling a bit playful, he murmured, "Promise me something. If I ever make love to you in a perfunctory manner, you have my permission to take my gun from the drawer beside you and put a bullet through my head."

  Then his kiss was hard and deep again, and not playful at all.

  Chapter 15

  It was after midnight when they got back to her house. Cam was alone in the living room, slouched in a chair. “Hey, sport,” Jeff greeted his son, “everybody else gone to bed?”

  Cam looked up. “Brian has. Mallory may be awake in her room.”
/>   Concerned, Anna sat next to the teenager. “You two didn’t iron out your differences?”

  “We had a long talk,” Cam said, clearly evading the issue. He stood jerkily. “It’s pretty late and I’ve got school tomorrow. We’d better get home, Dad.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. You go on out to the car and I’ll be right there.” Cam nodded and left, his shoulders drooping.

  Jeff reached for Anna, kissing her again. “Good night. Pleasant dreams.” Their lips met for one more long, hard kiss. “If we didn’t have all these kids running around, I’d ask you if I could stay.”

  “If we didn’t have all these kids running around, I’d say yes.”

  Jeff let out an obviously frustrated groan, pressing his forehead to hers. “Don’t say things like that. It’s bad for my willpower.” He backed away slowly. “I’ve got to go. Really.”

  “Yes, you do. Really.”

  He bumped into the door, and, with a roll of his eyes, turned to open it. “Bye.”

  Anna wandered back through the house toward her bedroom, her body still warm and satisfied. It was a good feeling. She glanced at Mallory’s door, but there was no sliver of light beneath it. Before going into her own room, she checked on Brian.

  A hot shower relaxed her, and after drying off, she crawled into bed. At least tomorrow was Friday, and if she could get through it on only five hours of sleep, she’d have the weekend to recover. Closing her eyes, she drifted off.

  In the depths of sleep, Anna heard a strange noise. It came again and she sat up, groggy and disoriented. The doorbell? With bleary eyes, she checked the clock. An hour or so had passed since she’d dropped off. Who would be ringing the doorbell at this hour of the morning?

  Stumbling out of bed, she fumbled for the light and grabbed her pink quilted robe. Pushing her arms into the sleeves as she stumbled down the hall in a daze, she made it to the door and opened it with caution.