Besides, it was Cassie’s turn to talk now. She drew in a long breath and faced the students. Deirdre sat on the edge of the desk and listened. They hadn’t really rehearsed their presentation, they’d just sketched it out beforehand.
“Obviously, I didn’t know anything about Deirdre’s situation. When she was being a, uh, Bitch from Hell to me, I blamed myself. I felt like a failure. I never told my parents what was going on, I never told my brothers. I was so embarrassed, and I didn’t want to feel weak. I thought I could tough it out and handle it myself.
“The other day, I looked back at my journal entries from that time and I felt so sad for the girl I was back then. I took it all on myself. We don’t want you guys to feel that way. So if any of you ever want to talk to the Outcast of Jupiter Point, I’m going to give you my cell phone number. I’m always happy to talk to you, so don’t be afraid to call. We’ll keep it confidential if you need.”
“And if you want to call the Bitch from Hell, I’m available too,” said Deirdre. “Don’t be scared, those days are definitely behind me,” she added dryly. “But I too know how important it is to talk about the things that are eating at you. You are guaranteed a sympathetic ear from me.”
Cassie linked her arm through Deirdre’s. “How about a group rendition of ‘Kumbaya’?” At the kids’ horrified reaction, she laughed. “Fooled ya.”
She pulled away from Deirdre and sat on the desk, relieved to be past the hard part. Cars were easy compared to rehashing the past. “Okay, now let’s move on to the main topic of today. How many of you have a driver’s license or permit yet? How many of you have seen an engine up close?”
A freckle-faced girl in the front row raised her hand. “Can I ask a question?”
Cassie gestured for her to go ahead.
“If someone posts a photo of you on Instagram that you begged them not to, what’s the best way to handle that?”
Cassie exchanged a glance with Deirdre. “Well, I was hoping we could talk about cars now, and how girls should learn the basics just like boys—“
An African-American girl across the room raised her hand.
“Yes?”
“I helped my brother change out a catalytic converter, it was cool, but you know something? Maybe people shouldn’t start trouble by posing with other people’s exes, Dawn.” She aimed a pointed glance at the first girl.
Dawn’s hand shot up again.
“Is this about cars?” Cassie asked warily.
“Yes. We have an electric car so the engine’s totally different.”
Whew. Maybe they could stay on topic after all. “That’s an interesting point—“
Dawn pivoted to glare across the room. “And just because he upgraded doesn’t give you the right to break my confidence, Vanessa.”
Then again, maybe not.
“Upgraded?” Vanessa jumped to her feet. “Maybe you ought to upgrade your morals, thief.”
“My morals are just fine, unlike that outfit you dragged out of your little sister’s closet.”
The classroom erupted as students and teachers surged to their feet.
Cassie and Deirdre exchanged a panicked look. “Would everyone please calm down and take your seats,” Deirdre called. “We have a lot of information for you today. Don’t y’all want to see how a fuse works?”
No one paid any attention. The two girls were busy hurling accusations about everything from SnapChat filters to the last school council election.
“Who’s the bully-er and who’s the bull-ee in this scenario?” Deirdre whispered.
“I think we’re looking at two perfectly-matched alpha chicks here.”
The girls’ argument switched to a fight over who had supported who for president.
“Now that’s different. We just fought over boys. These girls are next level,” said Deirdre in admiration. “You know, I think our legacy is in good hands.”
“We have a legacy?” Cassie watched the two girls spit fire at each other. “Please tell me that’s not our legacy. What happened to ‘Kumbaya’?”
“Well, I guess it’s a work in progress.”
Cassie giggled. So did Deirdre. Then they both burst out into full-blown laughter. They laughed so hard their stomachs hurt. And of all things, that was what broke through to the students. Slowly but surely, they all turned to see what was going on at the head of the class. Cassie tried to wipe the smile from her face, but in the process, wound up scowling like a demented headmistress, which cracked Deirdre up all over again.
Dawn and Vanessa, now side by side, glared at the two of them. “Didn’t you come here to teach us about cars?” Vanessa demanded.
“Absolutely.” Cassie finally got control of herself, swiping tears of laughter off her face. “Now where was I? Engines. Who here has ever looked under the hood of a car?”
As she launched into her spiel, she noticed Holly once again, still sitting against the back wall, face hidden behind her hair.
* * *
After the presentation, Cassie and Deirdre sat on the high school’s wide front steps to recover.
“Well hell,” said Deirdre. “I can’t believe we pulled that off.”
“No one’s ever going to forget that little talk.”
They high-fived each other. As their palms touched, Cassie realized that almost all of her twelve-year-old anger had drained away. But not every bit of it.
“There’s something I still need to say.”
“Don’t hold back now.”
“Travis Drake. I really loved him, you know. It was all just a game to you, but my feelings for him were real.”
Deirdre looked away, fixing her gaze on the pavement where the chalk remnants of someone’s hopscotch still lingered. “So were mine,” she said softly. “It may have been a game at first, but I fell for him hard. He’s the one who got me pregnant. Then dumped me, naturally. That’s what he does.”
“Did he do it by a text, like with me?”
“He sent one of his buddies to offer me money for an abortion. The funny thing was, I couldn’t even be too mad at him. I figured I deserved it since I’d stolen him from you. He’s not a bad person, he’s just…well, maybe he is bad.” She pulled out her wallet and showed Cassie a photo of her as homecoming queen. Cassie barely recognized her old nemesis, her face was so thin and her eyes so haunted.
“Prom happened right after I told him I was pregnant and he freaked out. I had my test planned for the next day, and I was hoping he’d come with me. But he blew it off. The thing about Travis is, he can’t handle anything tougher than a game of beer pong. If you’re looking for someone to screw behind the gym, he’s your guy. If you need someone to hold you when you’re terrified you have a degenerative disease…yeah, not so much.” She blotted her eyes, gesturing at the photo. “Some homecoming queen, right?”
“You were still gorgeous. And a lot better off without Travis. He came into my shop recently and hit on me, if you can believe it. I don’t know what I ever saw in him.”
Deirdre put the photo back and looked at Cassie curiously. “But you have a boyfriend now. The hottie you were with at Barstow’s. The one in the photo I took for the brochure.”
“Oh.” Cassie’s face flamed. “Well, he wasn’t…isn’t…”
“You’re not with him? Because if he’s not taken—”
“No, I mean he is. I am with him. Sort of. But no one knows.”
Deirdre frowned in confusion. “Uh…I know. You told me, the first time I ran into you.”
“Right, but…well, it wasn’t true at that point. I’d actually just met him. I wanted you to think I had a hot boyfriend.” Cassie winced at how pathetic that sounded.
“And now you do.”
“Well, it’s complicated.”
“Yeah, I’ll say.” Deirdre blinked at her. “So when you weren’t seeing him, you wanted me to think you were, and now that you are seeing him, you don’t want anyone to know. Do I have that about right?”
“Exactly.”
Deirdre threw up her hands. “I didn’t know it was a secret. I may have mentioned something, sorry about that. And I thought my love life was a mess.”
“No no, see, that’s the thing. We’re not using the term ‘love life.’ It’s not like that.”
“What’s it like, then?’
Images cascaded through her imagination. Kevin braced over her, holding himself back until she’d climaxed. Kevin jogging up Heart Attack Hill, not holding back, giving her the race she wanted. Kevin in the moonlit ocean, Kevin’s husky voice on the phone. Kevin changing the oil in the Cessna, tossing her a wrench. Catching her eye when something amused him, knowing that she’d feel the same. She thought of the time when a customer had insisted on a male mechanic. Kevin had pretended to step in and made a big show of asking Cassie what to do, every step of the way. She thought of his thoughtfulness the night her mother had checked into the ER. His devotion to being a good father. His incredible unselfishness in bed.
Her thoughts must have shown on her face, because Deirdre poked her in the arm. “I’m calling it, girl. I see that expression. I know that look. You might want to rethink your terminology.”
“What?”
“Love life. It totally applies, hon. Sorry to break the news.”
Oh crap.
Deirdre was right. The thing she never thought would happen to her, the thing she’d actively avoided…had gone and happened anyway.
She’d fallen in love with Kevin.
22
“Want to go for a bike ride?”
At the kitchen table, Holly shook her head and pushed Fruit Loops around her cereal bowl. Normally, she devoured Fruit Loops as if they were candy in cereal form, which they basically were. Kevin was at the stove, cooking himself some eggs, which she’d also turned down.
“I just found out there’s an ice skating rink in town. Want to check it out?”
“Dad, you don’t have to plan activities for me. I’m not a kid anymore.”
Kevin’s heart twisted at that statement, which was part defiant, part wistful. “You’re still my kid,” he pointed out. “How am I supposed to do kid stuff without you? A grown man going to see Moana alone, yeah, that’s probably not happening.”
At least that got a sort-of smile out of her. “Which is a pretty sad statement about our society, if you think about it. Why are men only allowed to enjoy stupid action movies?”
“Okay, now you’re just trying to pick a fight. What’s up?”
“Nothing’s up. Chri…pes.”
Wow, that was a quick save. Since when did Holly almost use profanity? He gave her a covert inspection under the guise of grabbing a plate for his fried eggs. She looked out of sorts, but then again, he couldn’t get a good look at her face because her hair was in the way. Since when did she wear her hair down?
“I like your new hair style.”
“It’s not a style. Jeez, Dad. Like literally, it’s just hanging off my head. That can’t possibly be considered a hair style.”
His eyebrows lifted in shock. Since when did Holly bite his head off over a compliment? This morning was filled with “since whens.”
Maybe she had her period. But he’d bite his tongue off rather than suggest that.
He brought his plate of eggs and bacon to the table and sat across from her. She glared at him briefly, then returned her gaze to the sodden rings of cereal floating in her bowl of milk. Okay, something was definitely up. But what? They’d barely seen each other lately, between her job at the observatory and her overnights and her debate prep. He hadn’t had the time or opportunity to offend her.
A-ha. Maybe that was it.
“We haven’t spent much time together lately,” he ventured. “It might be nice to have a family day. It is Sunday, after all. The traditional O’Donnell family lazy day. How about a game of Monopoly?”
As soon as he said Monopoly, an image of Cassie stripping off her top seared across his brain.
“Or Clue,” he said quickly. “We haven’t played Parcheesi for a while either. You used to love that one.”
“Dad, for the last time, you don’t need to entertain me. I have homework.” She shoved her chair back and stood up. “It’s not like you care anyway. Everyone says you have a girlfriend.”
“What?” His heart dropped like a runaway elevator.
“And you never even bothered to mention it to me.”
“Hang on. Give me a chance to explain exactly—”
But she took that as confirmation, and clenched her fists. “You’re just like Mom,” she cried passionately. “You promised you’d be different but you aren’t!”
“Holly, please. I don’t have a girlfriend. It’s not like that. There is someone I’ve been spending time with but it’s not serious, and we both know it. She knows you’re my priority and she’s one hundred percent on board with that.”
His stomach twisted…since that wasn’t really true, was it? His feelings for Cassie went so deep, he was afraid to look at them head-on.
“I don’t believe you. Why didn’t you just tell me? It’s like you’re hiding something.”
“Honey, I’m not trying to hide.”
“Then what are you trying to do?”
He had no answer to that. He was trying his best, that was all. And apparently failing.
“It’s Cassie Knight, isn’t it? That’s what I heard at the bookstore when I was picking up my book for debate prep. Mrs. Murphy said it, and she knows everything that goes on in this stupid town. She knows more than I do about my own father!”
“I’m sorry that you heard about it that way, Holly. But Mrs. Murphy isn’t the authority on my life. Cassie and I are being very careful not to take it too far.” A muscle ticked in his jaw. He was holding on to his patience by the thinnest of threads. Holly knew how to push his buttons. He had to step very carefully here.
“Whatever. Maybe I should go back to Mom. At least she’s honest about being a crap parent!”
And there it was. Button Number One.
He mentally leafed through the parenting books he’d relied on when he’d first gotten custody of Holly. Don’t take the bait. Find out what’s really upsetting her.
“Honey, what’s going on here? Anything else you want to tell me?”
“I want to tell you that it sucks here and I hate it and I want to leave!” She kicked the chair, sending it crashing to the floor. “Send me back to Mom, whatever. I don’t care. I just want out!”
She whirled around and fled toward her bedroom.
“You lied to me!” was the last thing she said before she slammed her door shut.
Ho-ly Fuck.
Kevin shoved his plate aside and dropped his head into his hands. A full-blown Holly meltdown, the kind that hadn’t happened since she was twelve or so.
Damn it to hell. This was his fault. He shouldn’t have gotten involved with Cassie. He should have told Holly before she heard gossip around town. He shouldn’t have moved to Jupiter Point. He shouldn’t have left the Air Force. He shouldn’t have joined the Air Force. He’d done everything wrong…
No. Skip the trip down guilty-conscience lane. No point in that. He had to deal with the present moment. Holly had never mentioned anything about going back to Sylvie before. It wasn’t really an option, as far as he knew. Sylvie liked spa trips and sending Holly presents, but she’d been very clear that her days of being Mrs. Mom were over.
Unless something had changed?
He dug out his phone and fired off a text to Sylvie. Have you talked to Holly lately? Anything I should know?
Cryptic much? came her response. Phone call last week, all good. She seemed fine at Christmas. What’s up?
He heaved out a breath of relief. As long as Holly wasn’t concocting some plan with Sylvie behind his back, he could handle this.
She’s a teenager now. Proceed with caution.
Sylvie sent back a gif of a cartoon character tiptoeing through a minefield and getting blown up.
Ex
actly.
Figuring that Holly probably needed time to cool off, he returned to his eggs and tried to eat. But he couldn’t stomach a single bite. Holly’s words kept coming back to him like ricocheting bullets. You promised you were different. You lied. You’re a crap parent.
And fuck it all, she had a point. He had to be honest with himself. He hadn’t intended to get so caught up with Cassie. It was supposed to be something light…meaningless. Yet somehow, Holly know that it was more than that. Kids had a way of picking up things about their parents. She knew his feelings for Cassie went deep—deeper than he wanted to admit.
He had to put a stop to this. If he was causing pain for Holly—and obviously something was—he couldn’t live with himself.
Shoving aside the ache in his heart, he tapped out a text message to Cassie. Of course he’d rather call her, but he couldn’t risk Holly overhearing and getting even more upset.
We need to talk asap. Believe we just hit the Teenage Titanic. Sorry.
Cassie would understand. Hopefully, she wouldn’t be hurt because she knew the drill. She knew his limits. Cassie had no problem keeping things light. He was the one who felt more than he should.
So he’d take the hit, just as he’d known he would. Heartbreak, he could handle. Holly in trouble, no.
Cassie didn’t answer his text, probably because she was under Brianna’s truck, which she’d promised to get done in time for Monday’s flower deliveries. He pictured her flat on her back on the creeper, in her coveralls, the sound of occasional swearing drifting from the undercarriage of the red Toyota truck.
The ache in his heart returned, at double the force. Cassie. Could he handle being around her…and not kissing her? Not touching her?
And then another thought struck him like a bolt of lightning. If Holly was serious about wanting to leave Jupiter Point—he might not even get that much of Cassie anymore.
23
Cassie slid the creeper from under Bri’s truck and stood up, stretching to get rid of the kinks in her neck. She wiped her hands on a towel she kept handy for that purpose and reached for her phone. She’d heard the text come in about an hour ago and assumed it was from Kevin. They had plans for a run later on, and he was probably just nailing down the details.
Too Hot to Handle Page 18
