Defaced: A Dark Romance Novel

by Marissa Farrar

  Her breath came hard, and he pushed her toward her bedroom door and into her room. He slammed the door behind him with one hand, the other hand keeping a firm hold on her arm.

  He pushed her back against the wall, pinning her against it.

  His dark eyes bored into hers. “Why did you let me kiss you back there?”

  She stared back. “Because you’re supposed to own me. Doesn’t that mean you can do what you want?”

  “Yes, yes it does. But you’ve never been someone who didn’t put up a fight.”

  “Is that what you want?” she challenged. “Would you prefer it if I fought you?”

  Slowly, he shook his head. “Don’t do this, Flower. I’m already supposed to be punishing you for not doing what you were told.”

  “So do it, then. What are you waiting for?”

  “You’re supposed to hate being touched.”

  “So?”

  Her mind screamed at her. What are you doing? Why are you provoking him? Yet her whole body buzzed with excitement. She wanted to know what he’d do next.

  “You don’t act like you hate it.”

  “Maybe I just got good at pretending.”

  He stared at her and she caught her breath.

  Monster took a step toward her, closing the already small gap between them. His big body pressed against hers, and he reached up with the hand not holding her arm and stroked her cheek, his finger slipping down, across her jaw bone, and down the side of her neck, pushing her hair away from her throat.

  He leaned in even closer, his mouth against her ear. “Tell me you don’t like it when I touch you.”

  His other hand released her arm and stroked down the side of her body, brushing her breast. She trembled in his grasp, her whole body vibrating. Even her breath shook as it left her lips, but she wanted this. Even if it made her crazy, she still wanted him.

  His thumb brushed her nipple, and it crinkled hard in response. He paused, his hand moving to cup the heavy weight of her breast, and then his thumb and forefinger closed over the peak. The brush against her nipple turned into a pinch which sent shock waves of pain and pleasure through her body.

  Lily let out a groan, her body sagging. She wanted to lean against him, to swallow the small amount of space which still remained between their bodies, but he held her away, her back pressed up against the wall behind.

  “I know you like that,” he spoke against her ear, his breath hot. His lips tickled the sensitive spot right behind her earlobe, and then his tongue made contact with her skin, tracing a cool, wet trail down her throat.

  Lily whimpered as the lick turned into a kiss, and the kiss turned into a gentle bite, nipping the skin of her throat between his teeth.

  His hand left her breast and moved lower, down, across her stomach, and to the waistband of her pants.

  He paused. “This is a punishment, remember? Tell me to stop.”

  “No!” she gasped.

  “Do it, Flower. Tell me to stop.”

  She shook her head frantically. “I don’t want you to stop.”

  “Say it, or I will.”

  Was this some kind of game he was playing? “Okay,” she relented, realizing it was the only way she’d get him to continue. “Stop! I want you to stop.”

  “That’s more like it,” he growled, and he yanked at the waistband of the pants she wore, popping the buttons and ripping apart the zipper. And then his hand was plunging down, beneath the elastic of the simple cotton panties she wore, and down between her legs. His hand slipped across the top of her mound, his fingertips trailing through her tight curls. His index finger pressed between her folds, coaxing her open to him, and she stepped her legs apart, trying not to think about how wet she already was.

  Roughly, he pushed a finger inside her, and her legs went weak. She pressed the back of her head against the wall, her eyes rolling. “Oh, God.”

  “Tell me to stop,” he growled again.”

  “Oh, stop, please, Monster.

  He pushed another finger inside her and she gave a cry. How had she gone so long without this kind of pleasure in her life?

  The ball of his hand pressed against the bud of nerves at the apex of her thighs, and she ground against him, wanting to somehow dissolve into him, to clutch to him, hold him tight and never let go. She knew this was wrong—wanting him like this was wrong—but she’d never met anyone like him before, and something about him spoke to her on every level.

  His mouth left her neck and captured her lips, kissing her firmly and forcefully, as he continued to work his fingers inside her. He obviously wasn’t interested in hearing her tell him no anymore.

  One hand still pinned her against the wall, while the other thrust deep inside her. She was trapped between his hard body and the hard wall, his mouth claiming hers, his fingers inside her. She felt utterly helpless, and completely bent to his will, and she wouldn’t have had it any other way.

  Her pleasure began to build, coiling tighter and tighter, ready to spring open and drown her in its waves. She rode the sensation, not wanting to lose it for a second, frightened it might somehow vanish. She knew she was going to orgasm—something she’d only ever done on her own for the past ten years—and while she wanted to reach that peak, the other part of her didn’t want to get there, knowing this bliss would end when she did.

  But Monster was too talented with his touch. He curled his fingers inside her, and she could hold off no more. Lily cried out into his mouth as she came, the rolls of exquisite ecstasy battering her into complete submission.

  Her fingers clutched at the sleeve of his shirt, as the final throes of her orgasm shuddered through her, trying to find something to steady herself on. Her whole body went weak, her mind still hazy from what had just happened.

  Monster slipped his fingers from her body, and placed them to his lips. “Now I don’t have to imagine what you taste like,” he said, his dark features dangerous and hooded with lust. He parted his lips and slowly inserted his finger, coating his tongue with her cream. He removed his finger from his mouth and took a step back. The corner of his lips turned up in a smirk. “Now, I know.”

  And with that, he turned and left.

  A second later, she heard the lock click into place.

  Eighteen

  Lily slid down the wall and onto the floor. She sat, her knees bent, feet on the floor, her forehead rested in her hands. Her breath still left her body in small gasps, her hands trembling.

  What the hell had just happened?

  Did he want her because he cared about her, or was this a purely ownership thing? One moment, she felt like she was getting through to him, that he opened up to her for a fraction of time, before he shut back down. He put on a hard front, but she saw the cracks of pain inside him.

  That he was hurting was no surprise, considering what he’d been through.

  She imagined Monster as small boy, no more than five years old, how confused and alone he must have been. How could any child thrive, not only hidden away from the world, but also believing he was something horrific? It broke her heart to think of him without a mother, and with a father he both loved and feared. Impotent anger rose up inside her, wishing she could go back in time and save the boy-Monster, and punish the father, but such a thing was impossible.

  You’re the one who needs saving now, the little voice in her head said, but she pushed it away.

  How could she go back to her old life now?

  She had no idea, but surely that was what she still wanted? Lily searched inside herself for an answer. She didn’t want to feel like a prisoner, but at the same time she hated the thought of leaving Monster. Would she condemn him to jail and herself to a life without him if the opportunity arose?

  She didn’t see Monster again for the rest of the day. Marianna brought her a meal of rice and pork, but didn’t mention her leaving the room. Lily didn’t know whether to be pleased or disappointed. Part of her wanted to see Monster again, while the other part of her was mortifie
d by what had happened. He brought out something in her she hadn’t even known existed, but now it had been released, she couldn’t shut it back in again. She replayed the events over and over in her head, remembering the things he’d said to her and had made her say. She brought to mind the feel of his lips on her skin, and the look in his eyes as he’d brought his fingers, covered in her cream, to his mouth and tasted her.

  Her cheeks flared with heat at the memory, but she couldn’t help the erotic thrill that raced down through her stomach and condensed in a pulse between her thighs.

  With a sigh, she tried to push the feeling away.

  She shouldn’t be thinking about sex. Serious things had occurred here today. Business associates of Monster had tried to attack the house. Bullets had been fired, and someone could have gotten hurt.

  Monster wanted his birthmark corrected in order to go and face these men.

  Lily didn’t know how she felt about that. While she wanted Monster to feel confident enough to step outside of this house and let people see him, she didn’t want him to get himself killed.

  She kept herself busy with one of the books from Monster’s shelves, but struggled to concentrate on anything. Eventually, she fell into a deep sleep, and only woke to use the bathroom, before crawling back into bed again. Her dreams were sexual, him pushing his fingers inside her, his face buried between her thighs. She came in her sleep, crying out, though her cries went unheard. The dreams ran into one another, muddled and blurred. She dreamed of Monster, but his face was free of any blemish. He was different in himself; he smiled and laughed with her, reached out to touch her cheek with the backs of his fingers. He was gentle and affectionate, and he seemed happy.

  This is the man he could have been, she thought in her dream.

  An overwhelming sadness filled her. If he’d been allowed to grow up as a normal human being, if he’d not been burdened with the birthmark that had taken up half of his face.

  But no, she’d treated enough people in her life who were well adjusted, despite their birthmarks. It was Monster’s upbringing that had made him the man he was. His father was responsible.

  Or perhaps what he said was true—that he was a monster both on the inside and out. Nature versus nurture. Perhaps his genes were also responsible for who he was.

  What if his cruel streak was simply in his blood?

  ***

  She woke to the door opening.

  Thick-headed with sleep and confused from her dreams, she pushed herself to sitting. Monster walked in, a tray held out in front of him. The rich aroma of coffee filled the room, together with the warm scent of freshly baked bread.

  Lily pushed her hair out of her face. “What did I do to deserve breakfast in bed?”

  He sat down on the edge of the bed and slid the tray onto the mattress beside her. “You need your strength.”

  Instantly, suspicion rose inside her. “Why?”

  “Because we’re going to have a second session with the laser today.”

  She sighed and pushed away the tray. “You haven’t healed enough yet. It’s only been a few weeks.”

  “I’m healed enough. There’s no pain, and even the sensitivity has faded.”

  “Just because it looks healed, doesn’t mean it has completely. There are layers to the skin you can’t feel.”

  “It doesn’t matter, Flower. I’m running out of time. You were here yesterday. You got a glimpse into my world. I need to have the face of a man who can be trusted.”

  She stared at him in earnest and took his hand. He glanced down at their joined hands in surprise, but didn’t pull away.

  “You have a face they can trust,” she said. “Your birthmark doesn’t matter.”

  “I just want people to see me for me, not for what’s on my face.”

  “They will. You just have to give them time.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t have time, Flower. They’re going to take over my business. They want to wipe me out.”

  “Why does having the birthmark removed make any difference if that’s what they’ve already decided?”

  “Because some things can’t be negotiated via email or phone. I need to meet with these men face to face, reason with them. But if they see me like this they’ll pity me and ridicule me. I don’t want or need their pity, I only want their respect.”

  “If you show them how strong you are, despite everything, they’ll have to respect you.”

  “You’re wrong. These men don’t take time to see beneath the surface. They judge instantly.” His tone softened. “It’s already faded, you know. I’m amazed at what you’ve done, though I know I’ll never be perfect.”

  “None of us are perfect.”

  He twisted on the bed to face her. “What about you, Flower? What is it about you that makes you any less than perfect? You talk to me about keeping myself away from the world, but you’ve done the same. Perhaps you faced your patients, but emotionally and physically you’ve kept everyone at a distance. I saw the files from your therapist, remember?”

  Her stomach churned. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to speak with him about her past.

  “I had my reasons,” she said, eventually.

  His dark eyes searched hers. “What reasons? How is it I was the one to bring you here, and yet now I feel like you know more about me than I do about you?”

  Why couldn’t she bring herself to talk about it? The pain was something she balled up tight inside of her and held deep. By talking about what had happened, she worried the ball of pain would swell as it rose, and swallow her completely. Part of her couldn’t bear to think about the past, but the other part of her couldn’t bear not to.

  Ignoring Monster’s questions, she took a gulp of the now cooling coffee and stood from the bed.

  “Haven’t we got work to do?” she said, lifting her eyebrows enquiringly.

  “We do?”

  “Yes, if we’re going to have another session with the laser.”

  He paused, and then gave a slow nod. “Very well. But don’t think your secrets are hidden from me forever, Flower. I’ll get you to talk eventually.”

  Lily didn’t answer. Instead, she headed into the bathroom to freshen up.

  “Aren’t you going to eat your breakfast?” he called to her.

  She walked out of the bathroom and headed to the door. “I’ll eat when we’re done.”

  Nineteen

  Lily prepped the clinic, switching on the laser and making sure she had gloves and protective goggles ready.

  Monster entered the room and took his place, lying on his back on the surgical bed.

  Lily picked up a tube of the anesthetic cream. “I assume you’re not going to want me to use this?”

  He glanced over at what she held in her hand and shook his head. “You assume correctly.”

  “You’re not proving anything to anyone by suffering, Monster. You’ve already been through enough pain.”

  “I thought you’d gotten to know me well enough by now to realize you’re not going to change my mind.”

  She exhaled a frustrated sigh. “Well, maybe I don’t like hurting you.”

  He narrowed his eyes at her. “You should enjoy hurting me. After everything I’ve put you through, you should take pleasure in it.”

  “Don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind. Now, shall we get on with this?”

  She handed him the protective glasses and he slipped them onto his face, before closing his eyes. The tint on the glasses was enough for her to see through. It gave her a moment to take in the sight of him without him drilling her down with that cool stare of his. His dark lashes lay against his cheek, the thick brows groomed and framing his eyes. His square jaw was tight with tension, and she could make out the shadow of beard growth right beneath the skin. His lips were slightly parted, and she could see the glint of white teeth beyond. Though he was gorgeous, it wasn’t his features that drew her attention the most. Instead, her gaze flicked over the birthmark running down the cent
er of his forehead, skirting the side of his straight, fine nose, and passing by the corner of his lips. He was right when he’d said it had already faded. She could see spots where the almost black purple had been reduced to a dark pink. But she was terrified that he’d set his sights too high. She’d never be able to make him look like a regular guy walking down the street. Even after a full course of eight treatments, there would still be areas of the birthmark that would remain pink and a different texture to the rest of his skin.

  She didn’t want to let him down, but now she discovered her fear of failure had less to do with her concern about what would happen to her, and more to do with how disappointed Monster would be.

  He was expecting miracles she was unable to perform.

  One of his eyes slowly opened and locked on her face. “What are you waiting for, Flower?”

  “Sorry,” she muttered, and turned back to the equipment.

  Knowing what to expect this time, Monster had already cleanly shaven his face, so Lily just applied the conductive gel to the area.

  Holding the laser wand in her right hand, she placed her left hand on Monster’s head, right above his temple. “Hold still,” she told him. “You know this is going to hurt.”

  Lily inhaled slowly and shakily through her nostrils, and began the treatment.

  The laser clicked at a rapid rate as the beam of light penetrated Monster’s skin and destroyed the blood vessels which caused the birthmark. She tried not to focus on how his jaw tightened, his lips pressed together. She tried not to see how his fingers curled white around the arms of the chair.

  A lump formed in her throat, her vision blurred with tears.

  She blinked them away. She couldn’t do her job properly if she couldn’t see what she was doing.

  Monster sucked air in over his teeth and winced.

  Resolute, Lily put down the laser. “Okay, I’m not doing this. I’m not hurting you just because you get some sick thrill out of it.”

  He pushed himself up in the bed. “You think I get a thrill from pain?”