It's a Charmed Life

by Selene Charles

  As Hatter looked around, I spotted a nude man, wearing only his mask and leather sandals that tied high up to his knees, break away from the group of moaning flesh parts and move unerringly in my direction. He stopped once he’d gotten my full attention.

  I was a siren, and not prone to bouts of embarrassment, even less so now that I was a detective. I’d seen far worse than this in my day. The man was all gleaming brown skin with sinewy lines and rippling muscles. His chest was wide, his stomach flat but ridged tight. He stood unashamed before me, almost like one of my male counterparts would, letting me drink my fill of his smooth and graceful musculature.

  He bowed, and I noticed he had dark curls cut tight to his head. He took his time coming up from the bow, but when he was once again erect, he crooked a finger, beckoning me to join him.

  The hunger to do just that came alive like a tiny flame within me. Back in my day, I’d never suffered a shortage of men to meet my needs. As not only a siren, but a princess, I’d had my pick of the very best.

  I sighed. I’d been a different person then. Opening my shirt, I flashed my badge, feeling just the tiniest squelch of disappointment. Shrugging, he turned and sauntered back toward his writhing group, athletic buttocks flexing with each beautiful step.

  There wasn’t much in the realms I liked to look at quite so much as tight male flesh.

  Hatter looked at me with pinched lips.

  I shrugged. “What?”

  Giving his head a slight shake, as if to say, “Sirens,” he turned and headed in the direction of Alice’s office.

  “Are you sure she’ll be back there?”

  “If she’s not in the front, she’s always in her office,” he said, his normally hidden Adam’s apple flexing with his words.

  We walked down the long, sterile white halls, passing door after door, from behind which more carnal sounds emanated.

  “Goddess above,” I muttered. “I’ll be happy when I don’t need to come back to this place.”

  He snorted, keeping his eyes trained ahead. “Be around it long enough, and soon, even it fails to inspire. You can trust me on that, Detective.”

  The sounds of two women and one man crying out made my blood boil, and I shook my head. “Sex must be a chore for you, Constable, if this does nothing to you.”

  He glanced over his shoulder at me. “Screwing is just that, Detective. Screwing. Two bodies, or more, scratching an itch. Once you’ve tried it all, that’s all it is; just an itch, and quickly forgotten. But sex with the right partner... well, there’s nothing quite like it in all the realms, is there? That kind of union can drive even the best of men insane.”

  His words reverberated with a deep-seated knowing that made my flesh run cold. I shivered, thinking of another man and how sex had done just that to me. To us both, really.

  I looked into Hatter’s eyes, but they were guileless, as if he had no idea what his words had done to me. I was pretty sure he knew, though. I thought Hatter knew a lot more about me than he let on.

  I clenched my jaw.

  He stopped in front of Alice’s door, knocked once, and then stepped to the side and gestured that I should enter first.

  “Come in,” she called from behind the door at the same moment I turned the knob and walked in.

  Alice was at her desk. She barely spared us a glance before frowning back down at her open ledgers. I instantly noted a white bandage wrapped around her left hand.

  “I’m sure you did not expect to see us again so soon,” Hatter drawled in his throaty and cultured Wonderlandian accent.

  She waved her hand. “Close the door behind you, and no, I thought you were someone else. Isa,” she said by way of explanation, and Hatter nodded.

  “Ah, she’s here again?” he asked as he kicked the door shut behind us. We both took the available seats.

  “Mmm.” Alice, who looked less polished than normal, was tapping a pen against her open books, staring at us both with an obvious question in her eyes. “Said the pregnancy was ailing her, asked me to... well, you know,” she said, glancing furtively at me before looking away and biting her full bottom lip.

  She wasn’t in a gown tonight. In fact, she was dressed in a sweet-looking baby-blue sweater stitched through with champagne-colored pearls that made her look young and almost innocent. Her hair was still that icy blonde, but pulled back into a high ponytail, only furthering the illusion of youthfulness.

  “I’m sorry.” She shook her head, worry lines scrawling over her smooth forehead. “Why are you both here? I’d assumed my part in this investigation was over. And I’m very busy. If you’ve come to use the rooms, be my guests. On the house.” She sighed.

  I cocked my head. Did she know? She looked worried enough, which got my feelers up, but she wasn’t exactly acting like someone who was hiding something, or at least, not a murder.

  I glanced at Hatter, wondering how to proceed. He cleared his throat and crossed his legs, but he flicked his fingers at me, a silent gesture that I should be the one to start.

  I squared my shoulders and finally pulled his cravat off my nose, taking a tester sniff of the air just to be sure. It was clean. I sighed.

  “Alice, I’m just going to get to the point here. We don’t have much time, so I’d like you to listen,” I said in a voice that conveyed the seriousness of the situation. I liked to call it “cop voice.” Whenever a perp heard it, they knew we’d gotten to the real deal and generally reacted in one of two ways—either with fear or aggression.

  And regardless of the reaction, I always learned a lot.

  She stilled, becoming alert, eyes looking from me to Hatter and back again. “What?”

  This was pure fear laced with confusion.

  I frowned. “You already know why I’m in Wonderland—to investigate two homicides. You also know your ribbon was found at my crime scene.”

  She snorted, sounding heavily exasperated. “And I also told you that I had nothing to do with it. I cannot cross realms, or have you forgotten that, Detective? It would be impossible for me to do as you’re suggesting.”

  Hatter scrubbed at his jaw, long fingers rubbing at his bottom lip in agitation. I frowned, getting the sense that he knew something she wasn’t saying.

  I shook my head. “I might have been inclined to believe you, Alice, except we’ve just found another one of your ribbons at our latest crime scene. Here. In Wonderland. Now, what have you got to say?”

  Her jaw dropped, and a look of sheer disbelief blanketed her features. “Mad... dox?” She turned to him with a stutter. “What is this? She lies, surely.”

  His nostrils flared, but he shook his head. “She doesn’t lie. It’s laced with blood, Alice. You have to tell me why it was there.”

  She jumped to her feet, causing her chair to tip back on its hind legs precariously. “I didn’t do that. I swear, I didn’t do that!” She shook her head, the shock transforming into vehement denial. “You know who I am, Maddox. You know me.”

  His jaw clenched tight. She was acting exactly like someone who was innocent might. But every perp claimed to be innocent, right up until they weren’t; that moment when they knew we knew, and they could no longer lie their way out of it. Some of them were such incredibly talented liars that, on occasion, even I’d been fooled, which was exceedingly rare indeed.

  My brows drew into a sharp V as I continued to study her.

  “Then if it wasn’t you, Alice, why are your ribbons showing up all over the goddess’s green earths?” I demanded, standing so that I was level to her.

  She shook her head. Reaching down, she pulled open her desk drawer. Inside were what looked to be hundreds of blue ribbons with the same mystic cross-stitch pattern on them.

  “Literally anyone who knows me at all knows where I store these. And when I play in the romp rooms, I routinely lose the ones in my hair. It’s not a big deal, I swear it. My customers pay top dollar to lie with me. If they want a souvenir, I let them have a bloody souvenir.”

  I
thinned my lips. “You’re saying you’ve been framed?”

  “Hells yes, that’s what I’m saying,” she snapped. “I lose my bloody ribbons all the time. Maddox, tell her. You know how scatterbrained I am about them. Tell her.”

  She gestured wildly at him, her look imploring and panicked.

  He looked up at me, shoulders slumping as he quietly murmured, “It’s true. I’d find the bloody things all over the place when we lived together.”

  My nostrils flared, and I shook my head.

  Alice slammed her drawer shut. “I don’t give two damns if you think I’ve done this. The evidence will prove otherwise. I’m innocent. When did this murder happen?”

  I clamped my mouth shut, not sure I should hand her that information. But Hatter leaned forward and said, “Almost three nights hence.”

  I glowered at him, but he sat frozen in his seat, never taking his eyes off her. His nostrils were flared and his brows lowered. He desperately wanted to believe her, wanted to discover something to help exonerate her.

  Maybe he shouldn’t be involved in the case anymore. If he couldn’t be unbiased, he could compromise everything. I worried my bottom lip between my teeth, wondering just what in the hells I should do. The constable had proven himself a worthy ally, so I’d ride this out just a little bit longer and hope for the best. But I’d pull the plug on his assistance if he couldn’t keep his wits about him.

  Shaking her head, Alice scooted around her desk and walked toward a section of wall that was jagged and rough, like it had been hewn out of quarry, with a miniature waterfall tumbling down in a hypnotic circle. Her hand passed through the rocks and water, and I recognized the handiwork of a high-level illusion spell as she gently tugged on an invisible item.

  When she pulled her hand back, she held a ledger and was riffling through it quickly.

  “It’s in here. It’s bloody in here,” she mumbled, biting her full bottom lip. “I swear it to the thrice-faced witch, it’s in here.”

  But as she turned the pages, a frantic gleam began to glitter in her bright-blue eyes. She gasped. “No. No.”

  Hatter stood. “What is that, Alice?”

  “It’s my personal ledger. In it, I make all my notations when I’m entertaining. I was with the Deedles. It’s right here!” She smacked her hand down hard and hiccupped. “Except it’s not. It’s not, now.”

  Her eyes were large and shimmering with tears, her chin quivering, and I saw all I needed to see. Hatter took the ledger from her limp hands and, moving over to a bit of light from a wall sconce, traced his finger up and down the pages as he turned them, stopping only a minute later.

  “A page has been ripped out,” he said, glancing up.

  Alice, who’d looked lost not a minute ago, ran over to him. “Let me see that.” She snatched the ledger back and held the book up to her face. “Goddess dammit. What is this? Who’d do this?”

  There was a knock at the door, and it opened a second later. A beautiful woman poked her head inside. She wore a large smile on her face that began to slip as she finally noticed us.

  “Oh, excuse me,” she whispered. “I... this is probably not a good time. I’ll come back.”

  Alice shook her head, flipped the closed ledger at Hatter, and walked back to her desk, slumping onto it.

  “Isa,” she said, “I’m sorry. No, I’ll give you the treatment. Give me a moment.”

  Isa walked into the office. She was a tall, statuesque woman, clearly of nymph heritage, with long seafoam-colored tresses that reached nearly to her ankles. She was dressed in a diaphanous gown of nearly translucent blue silk. Her eyes gleamed like clear amethyst, and her body was ripe with pending child. But even so, as all nymphs were, there was something enticing about her lush form.

  Hatter dipped his head and walked over to her, taking her hand as he guided her toward the chair he’d just vacated.

  “It’s good to see you again, Isa. It’s been a while. How is the family?”

  Her pretty doe eyes widened as she chuckled and rubbed her large belly. “Growing.”

  Hatter chuckled in return. “I can certainly see why. Your husband is a very lucky man.”

  She grinned before glancing over toward me.

  “This is Detective Elle from Grimm,” he said by way of introduction.

  She held out her hand to me, but her skin, which had gleamed like freshly cracked mother-of-pearl just a second ago, suddenly blanched, and she moaned, clutching her belly.

  “Sorry, dear, sorry,” Alice chirped. She yanked a glass vial out of her desk drawer and, with a snap of her fingers, manifested a cup of piping-hot amber-colored tea. Uncorking the vial, she poured a generous dollop of the clear liquid into the tea, stirred it, and pushed it toward Isa.

  I cocked my head as I watched the nymph reach for it with greedy hands and take a large sip. Immediately, the color returned to her cheeks, and she sighed. “Oh goddess, the pains are terrible now.”

  The nymph looked up at me, smiling sweetly, but I didn’t return the smile. There was something about her... I couldn’t place my finger on what, though. It just felt like I’d seen her before, or I knew her somehow.

  Water elementals weren’t often found so deep inland. It was what made me so rare.

  “Just a few more days now, and you’ll feel right as rain,” Alice said soothingly as she rubbed her friend’s back, trying to comfort the nymph, even though I heard the tightness of her words. Her worry was palpable.

  Isa grabbed Alice’s hand and brought her palm to her lips, kissing it intimately as a lover would. In response, Alice leaned over and kissed Isa’s plump lips, telling me all I needed to know about their relationship.

  The nymph sighed, rubbing her belly.

  I shoved my hands into my pockets, uneasy to my bones.

  “Hatter, I think we need to ta—”

  Suddenly, there was a loud commotion coming from down the hall, shouts of “Stand down,” mingled with cries of alarm from those in the shoppe. Alice ran back over to the illusion wall and tapped out something that I couldn’t see.

  “Go, Maddox. See what it is,” she said quickly. “I’ve turned off the pheromones. Isa, come with me. You need to get out of here now.”

  She wrapped an arm around her lover’s waist, helping her to stand. Isa, looking panicked and worried, clutched at Alice’s elbow.

  “What’s the matter, Alice? What’s happening?”

  But just as Alice was heading toward the door, it was kicked open, and at least ten BS agents, dressed all in black, with weapons out and pointed at Alice, filed into the room like a line of marching ants.

  Without hesitation, I pulled my own Glock. “What in the two hells is this?” I snapped.

  Hatter, who didn’t walk around armed, was sidling closer to Alice and Isa, using his body as best he could to shield them.

  The mood was electric, the air tense.

  “Alice Blue, you’re under arrest and charged with the crimes of conspiracy, murder, and treason. You have the right to remain silent.” The lead agent, who I did not recognize, rambled on in a monotone. “You have the right to council. If you cannot afford council, one will be provided to—”

  “Like bloody hells!” thundered Hatter. His hands were balled into tight fists, and his spine taut with anger. “What evidence have you?”

  He and I knew damned well they didn’t have the ribbon because it was currently burning a hole in my pocket.

  “You cannot just waltz in here and—”

  “Oh, but I can.” That voice, deep and sinister, made my skin crawl and my nails lengthen into claws.

  “Crowley,” I growled just as the Big Bad himself pushed through the men, wearing a smirk as he glanced at us.

  “I should have known you’d be here, Detective. Thought I said you were off the case. You know I could have you both arrested for obstruction—”

  “We were just here visiting Hatter’s ex.” I shrugged, still aiming my weapon dead at his chest. So long as the men had t
heir weapons up, there was no way in two hells I was lowering mine. “No crime against that, as far as I’ve heard.” I smiled venomously.

  Taking off his mirrored sunglasses, he stared at me for several long heartbeats. He was still wearing that pompous smirk, but his eyes burned with fury. He wanted to book us. That I could see. But thanks to Hatter’s connection to Alice, there wasn’t a damned thing he could do to us.

  “I want to see the order,” Hatter demanded, holding out his hand imperiously.

  “Lower your weapons,” Crowley said with a weary sigh.

  As one, the BS agents lowered their guns, forcing me to finally lower mine. But I felt the prickling of my skin and knew that my siren’s markings were glowing bright. Adrenaline made me look like a walking glowworm. I gritted my teeth.

  Reaching into his vest, Crowley pulled out a folded sheet of paper and passed it over to Hatter, who snatched it up and quickly began scanning its contents. As he did so, his face looked more and more crestfallen.

  “What the bloody hells is this?” he snapped and waved the paper.

  “It’s an arrest warrant, as you can see, Constable.” Crowley’s smirk was arrogant. I would have loved to kick the smug prick in the jewels, just once.

  “On superficial evidence at best. Hearsay. Complete and utter tittle tattle. This won’t hold up in court.”

  “Not my concern.” Crowley shrugged and pointed to the agent nearest him. “Place her in cuffs, Agent.”

  Hatter stood still, hands trembling, as the agents marched past him, unable to do a thing to stop them.

  “Maddox?” Alice said with a quiver in her voice. “Maddox!” Her voice rose in pitch when the first agent reached for her elbow. “I didn’t do this! Unhand me at once!” Alice screamed. “Maddox? Maddox!” she screamed again as they manhandled her arms behind her back.

  “Please, Alice,” I managed to say, “don’t fight this. Relax. Right now, you must relax.” I holstered my weapon, feeling as impotent as a baby and wishing like the two hells that I could stop this. But the order had been signed with the royal crest. There wasn’t a damned thing either Hatter or I could do.