2 - Stone of Tears

by Goodkind, Terry

  Big white snowflakes drifted down; not enough to turn the ground white, but enough to bring an icy foreboding of the winter that was coming - the winter that was here. The wet flakes melted instantly as they touched her hot skin. Some caught in her lashes until she blinked them away. A light breeze curled around a corner, swirling into a white curtain. Kahlan flew through it and down a passageway.

  She skidded to a stop and looked around. It was the wrong way. She ran back and took the correct turn. Tears ran down her face with the melted snowflakes. It was too much. It couldn't be.

  Panting and desperate, she broke from the buildings, into the clearing around the spirit house. The Sister's horses were tethered on the other side of the short wall, the wall with the gash through it from when Richard had tried to kill the screeling.

  People were standing around, but she didn't see them. Everything except the door to the spirit house grayed in her vision. She ran desperately for it.

  It took forever, as if she were running in a dream and couldn't make any headway. Her legs ached with the strain. Her hand stretched for the latch. Her heart pounded in her ears.

  'Please, dear spirits,' she begged, 'don't let me be too late.'

  Grunting through gritted teeth, she yanked the door open and threw herself through.

  Kahlan jerked to a halt. She gulped air. Richard stood before Sister Verna, beneath the hole ripped through the roof by the lightning. The two of them stood in a shaft of gray light, in the gently drifting snowflakes floating down. The rest of the room dimmed into darkness around them. At his hip, Richard's sword glinted in the light. He didn't have the tooth, or whistle, or Agiel around his neck. He hadn't had time to call Scarlet yet.

  In one hand, Sister Verna was holding the collar out to him. Her gaze went to Kahlan in silent warning for a moment, and then slid back to Richard. 'You have heard the three reasons for the Rada'Han. This is your last chance to be helped, Richard. Will you accept the offer?'

  Richard left the Sister's steady gaze, and turned slowly toward Kahlan, toward where she stood panting. His bright gray eyes followed down her dress and came back up to her face. His voice was gentle, reverent. 'Kahlan ... that dress ... is beautiful. Beautiful.'

  Kahlan couldn't find her voice. Her heart was pounding, breaking. Sister Verna spoke his name in a tone of serious warning.

  For the first time, Kahlan saw that Sister Verna held something in her other hand. It was the silver knife. But she wasn't pointing it at herself; it was held toward Richard. Kahlan knew: if he didn't accept, she intended to kill him. He didn't even seem to be aware of the knife as it flashed in the dim light. Kahlan wondered if she had used a spell to block it from his vision.

  Richard turned back to the Sister. 'You have done your best. You have tried your best. It is not enough. I told you before, I will not ...'

  'Richard!' Kahlan took another step toward him as he turned to the sound of her shriek. Her eyes locked on his. 'Richard,' she whispered as she took another step. Her voice broke. 'Accept the offer. Take the collar. Please.'

  Sister Verna didn't move. She watched calmly.

  Richard frowned a little. 'What? Kahlan ... you don't understand. I told you, I won't ...'

  'Richard!' He fell silent as he looked at her in puzzlement. She glanced at the Sister standing motionless, the knife still in her hand. She watched as Kahlan stepped closer. Their eyes met. Kahlan knew: the other would wait to see what would happen. There was a hardness in those eyes that spoke of what she was prepared to do if Kahlan didn't change Richard's mind. 'Richard, listen carefully to me. I want you to accept the offer.'

  His frown deepened. 'What ...?'

  Take the collar.'

  His eyes flashed anger. 'I told you before. I will not ...'

  'You said you loved me!'

  'Kahlan, what's the matter with you? You know I love ...'

  She cut him off. Then you will accept the offer. If you really love me, you will take the collar and put it on. For me.'

  He stared at her in disbelief. 'For you ...? Kahlan, I can't ... I won't...'

  'You will!' She was being too gentle, and knew it. It was only confusing him. She had to be stronger. She had to act more like Denna if she was to save him. Dear spirits, she begged in her mind, please give me the strength to do this, to save him.

  'Kahlan, I don't know what's gotten into you. We can talk about it later. You know how much I love you, but I'm not going to ...'

  She clenched her hands into fists and screamed at him. 'If you love me, you will! Don't stand there and tell me you love me if you aren't willing to prove it! You disgust me!'

  He blinked in surprise. The way his voice sounded made her ache. 'Kahlan ...'

  'You aren't worthy of my love if you aren't willing to prove it! How dare you say you love me!'

  His eyes were rilling with tears.

  With madness.

  With the memory of what Denna had done to him.

  He sank slowly to his knees. 'Kahlan ... please.'

  She leaned over him as she held out clenched fists. 'Don't you dare talk back to me!' His arms flinched up, covering his head. He thought she was going to strike him. He really thought she was going to strike him. Her heart felt as if it ripped. Tears streamed down her face as she let the rage loose. 'I told you to take the collar! How dare you talk back to me! If you love me you will take it!'

  'Kahlan, please,' he cried. 'Don't do this. You don't understand. Don't ask me to ...'

  'I understand perfectly well!' she screamed. 'I understand that you say you love me! But I don't believe you! I don't believe you! You're lying to me! Your love for me is a lie if you won't take the collar! A lie! A filthy lie!'

  He couldn't look up at her, look up at her as she stood over him in the blue dress she was to wed him in. He struggled to get the words out as he fixed his eyes on the ground. 'It's not ... it's not a lie. Please, Kahlan, I love you. You mean more to me than anything in the world. Please believe me. I would do anything for you. But please ...'

  Dying inside, she grabbed a fistful of his hair and jerked his head up, making him look at her. Madness danced in his eyes. He was gone. But only for now, she prayed. Please dear spirits, only for now.

  'Words! That's all you offer me! Not love! Not proof! Just words! Worthless words!'

  As she held him by his hair, she drew her other hand back to slap him. His eyes winced shut. She couldn't make herself do it; she couldn't hit him. It was all she could do just to stay on her feet, not to fall to her knees and throw her arms around him and tell him how much she loved him, that everything was all right.

  But it wasn't all right. If he didn't do this, he would die.

  She was the only one who could save him. Even if it killed her.

  'Don't hit me anymore,' he whispered. 'Please, Denna ... Don't.'

  Kahlan swallowed back the wail that tried to escape her throat and made herself speak. 'Look at me.' He did as she ordered. 'I'm not going to tell you again, Richard. If you love me, you will accept the offer and put on the collar. If you don't, I will make you regret disobeying me more than anything you have ever regretted in your life. Do it now, or it's over. Everything is over.' His eyes faltered. She gritted her teeth. 'I'm not going to tell you again, my pet. Put on the collar. Now!'

  Kahlan knew, knew that 'my pet' was what Denna had called him. Denna had told her with the rest of it. She knew what those two words meant to him. She had hoped she wouldn't have to use them. Whatever link he had to sanity dissolved in that instant. She saw it in his eyes: the thing she feared more than death.

  Betrayal.

  She released her grip on his hair as, on his knees, he turned to Sister Verna. She lifted the collar a little, holding it out to him. It looked dull, gray, dead in the cold light. Richard stared at it. Snowflakes drifted down in the still, quiet light. Expressionless, Sister Verna watched him.

  All right,' he whispered. His shaking hand reached for the collar. His fingers touched it, curled around it. 'I
accept the offer. I accept the collar.'

  'Then put it around your neck,' Sister Verna said in a soft voice, 'and close it.'

  He turned to Kahlan. 'I would do anything for you,' he whispered.

  Kahlan wanted to die.

  His hands shook so much she thought he might drop the collar as he took it from Sister Verna. He held it, staring at it.

  But then his hands stopped shaking. He took a deep breath and put the collar around his neck. It closed with a snap, and the seam disappeared, leaving a smooth ring of metal.

  The shaft of light dimmed as if to twilight even though it was still day. Deep, ominous thunder rumbled in every direction out across the grasslands. It didn't sound like any thunder Kahlan had ever heard before. She could feel it in the ground beneath her feet. She thought that maybe it had something to do with the magic of the collar, something to do with the Sisters.

  She knew, when she glanced at Sister Verna and saw her eyes glide around, that it wasn't.

  Richard smoothly rose to his feet before the Sister. 'You may find, Sister Verna, that holding the leash to this collar is worse than wearing it.' He gritted his teeth. 'Much worse.'

  Sister Verna's voice remained calm. 'We only want to help you, Richard.'

  He nodded slightly. 'I take nothing on faith. You will have to prove it.'

  In a panic, a sudden thought came to Kahlan. 'What is the third reason? What is the third reason for the collar?'

  Richard turned to her with a glare that even his father could not have matched. For a moment, she forgot how to breathe.

  'The first reason is to control the headaches and open my mind so that I may be taught to use the gift. The second reason is to control me.' His hand came up and grabbed her by the throat. His eyes sliced through her. 'The third reason is to give me pain.'

  She closed her eyes with a wail. 'No! Dear spirits, no!'

  He released her throat. His expression went slack, lost. 'I hope I have proven my love for you, Kahlan. I hope you believe me now. I have given you everything. I hope it is enough; I have nothing else to offer. Nothing.'

  'You have. More than you could ever realize. I love you more than anything in the world, Richard.'

  She reached out to touch his cheek. He pushed her hand away. His eyes said it all; she had betrayed him.

  'Do you?' He looked away. 'I would like to believe you.'

  She tried to swallow the painful, burning lump in her throat. 'You promised me you would never doubt my love.'

  He nodded slightly. 'So I did.'

  If she could have called lightning down on herself, she would have done it. 'Richard ... I know you don't understand right now, but I only did what I had to - to help you live. To keep you from being killed by the headaches, the gift. I hope that someday you will understand. I will always wait for you; I love you with all my heart.'

  He nodded tearfully. 'If that's true, then find Zedd. Tell him what you have done. Tell him.'

  Sister Verna's voice broke in. 'Richard, take your things and go wait with the horses.'

  Looking back at her, he nodded. He went to the far corner and picked up his cloak, bow, and pack. Reaching in, he pulled out the three leather thongs, the one with the Bird Man's whistle, the one with Scarlet's tooth, and the one with Denna's Agiel. As Kahlan watched him hang the three of them around his neck, she wished she had something of her own to give him. She tried desperately to think of something.

  As he went past her, she put a hand to his arm and stopped him. 'Wait.' Kahlan pulled the knife from his belt. She held out a long lock of her hair and severed it with the knife. She didn't even think about what she was doing, what happened when Confessors cut their own hair.

  With a scream of pain, she found herself on the ground. The magic seared through her, burning every nerve in its passing. She fought to remain conscious as she gulped for air. She struggled against the wrenching pain of it.

  She had to remain conscious, or Richard might leave before she could give it to him. She thought of only that, and forced herself to her feet. As she did so, the pain finally abated.

  Still panting, Kahlan pulled a small blue ribbon from the waist of the dress, cut it too, and after wrapping the long strand of hair around two fingers, tied it together in the middle with the ribbon. As he watched, she returned the knife to its sheath at his belt and put the lock of hair in his shirt pocket.

  'To remind you always that my heart is with you ... that I love you.'

  Expressionless, he looked at her a long moment. 'Find Zedd,' was all he said before turning and going through the doorway.

  Kahlan stood, staring at the door after he was gone. She felt numb, empty, lost.

  Sister Verna stopped next to her, watching the door with her. That was probably the most courageous act I have ever witnessed,' she said softly. The people of the Midlands are fortunate to have you as their Mother Confessor.'

  Kahlan continued to stare at the door. 'He thinks I betrayed him.' She turned and looked at the Sister, tears welling up in her eyes. 'He thinks I betrayed him.'

  The Sister studied her face for a time. 'You have not. I promise you that in time I will help him to see the truth of what you have done this day.'

  'Please,' she begged, 'don't hurt him.'

  Sister Verna clasped her hands in front of herself and took a deep breath. 'You have just hurt him to save his life. Would you have me do any less?'

  A tear ran down her cheek. 'I guess not. And I doubt you could do anything as cruel as what I have just done.'

  Sister Verna nodded. 'I fear you are right. But I will give you my promise that I will personally watch over him, and see to it that what is done is only what is necessary. I promise you that I will not let it go one inch beyond that. Not one breath. On my word as a Sister of the Light.'

  Thank you.' She looked down at the knife in the other's hand. The sister pushed it back up her sleeve. 'You would have killed him. If he said no, you would have killed him.'

  She nodded. 'If he had said no, the pain and madness at the end would have been grotesque. I would have spared him that. But it doesn't matter now. You have saved his life. Thank you, Mother Confessor ... Kahlan.'

  Sister Verna stepped toward the door. 'Sister? How long? How long will you have him? How long will I have to wait?'

  The Sister didn't turn. 'I'm sorry, I can't say. It takes as long as it takes. Much of it is up to him. It depends on how fast he learns.'

  Kahlan smiled for the first time. 'I think you will be surprised at how fast Richard learns.'

  Sister Verna nodded. That is what I fear most. Knowledge before wisdom. It frightens me more than anything else.'

  'I think, too, that Richard's wisdom may surprise you.'

  'I pray you are right. Good-bye, Kahlan. Don't try to follow, or he will die.'

  'Sister, one more thing.' The cold danger in her own voice surprised her. 'If you are lying to me about any of it, if you kill him, I will hunt down every Sister of the Light. I will kill every last one. But not before each of you begs endlessly to die.'

  The Sister stood still as stone a moment before nodding and then going on her way.

  Kahlan followed her out and stood with the people outside as she watched the sister mount her horse. Richard already sat tall on a big bay gelding. His back was to her as he waited.

  Kahlan's heart was breaking. She wanted to see his face one more time, but he didn't turn as the two of them started away.

  Kahlan sank to her knees. 'Richard,' she cried. 'I love you.'

  He seemed not to hear her as he and Sister Verna disappeared into the snowy grasslands. Kahlan sat on the ground, in her wedding dress, her head hanging down, crying. Weselan put an arm around her, comforting her.

  Kahlan remembered what he had said: Find Zedd. She forced herself to her feet. The elders were all there. She looked around at them all.

  'I must leave at once. I must get to Aydindril. I need some men to go with me, to help me, to be sure I make it.'

  Savi
dlin came up next to her. 'I go. And as many of my hunters as you wish. All of them, if you wish. We will take a hundred.'

  Kahlan put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a little smile. Wo I do not wish it to be you, my friend, or your hunters. I will take only three men.' Everyone mumbled in confusion. 'More would bring attention, maybe trouble. It will be easier with three to slip unnoticed. It will take less time that way.'

  Kahlan took the hand away and pointed at a man who stood watching, glaring. 'I choose you, Chandalen.' The two brothers were standing to his side. 'And you, Prindin and Tossidin'

  Chandalen stormed forward. 'Me! Why would you want me!'