Searching for Pemberley

by Mary Lydon Simonsen

  Last evening, I dined at Rosings Park and was introduced to Lady Sylvia Desmet and her daughter Anne. Lady Sylvia wore an elaborate powdered wig, and her gown was the richly embroidered brocade favoured by the Queen and wide enough to hide a litter of kittens. I much prefer the French-styled dresses, which are so popular in town and are truly elegant in their simplicity. Shall I offer Lady Sylvia some of the muslin I bought in London?

  Charlotte tells me Her Ladyship is very attentive; I say she is nosy. She asked me a dozen questions before the tea was poured. She has an opinion on everything, and I felt as if I was constantly defending myself. Because of nerves, I was so unsure of my French that I professed ignorance of a language I have studied. For the same reason, I chose not to disclose that our grandmother saw to our education, so we had no need of a governess.

  As for the daughter, she is rather pretty but looks as fragile as a porcelain doll and said hardly a word all through dinner. Just as we were leaving, she told me that she liked Charlotte very much and would have said more, but when her mother came near, she stopped talking. Charlotte says we will probably have a visit from Anne tomorrow. She rides by in her phaeton every day when it is warm, so she can get fresh air and get away from her mother, I suspect. I have lost the light and will write more tomorrow.

  Anne Desmet did visit Charlotte today and surprised me greatly by saying she already knew about me from letters from her cousin, Mr. Lacey. He told her I possessed intelligence and great wit, and he was very complimentary of my beauty. I asked her if that was why he had fled Hertfordshire, because he had met an intelligent woman, to which she replied, 'Very possibly.' I do not understand why Mr. Lacey would write to his cousin and tell her I was a beauty, when he had decided at the assembly that I was only tolerable. Anne said he is to come to Kent in a week. At present, he is attending the cricket contests between Oxford and Cambridge. I may meet him in the park on my walks, but other than that, I am sure he will keep to the manor.

  Please write often. Papa gave me money for the post. I want to hear all that is going on in London.

  Love,

  Lizzy

  It was clear from this letter that Anne knew her cousin was already in love with Elizabeth, and because of that, she felt comfortable in telling Lizzy that Will admired her. It must have been Anne who had informed Mr. Darcy that Lizzy was in Kent, and guess who was coming to Desmet Park?

  12 July—Mr. Bingham and Mr. Lacey and his cousin have arrived at Desmet Park, and Mr. Bingham has called on Charlotte at the parsonage. When he asked after Jane, I said she was in good health and was ever as she had been, and he said it was the same with him. I am very surprised the gentlemen have come at all. When I was in London, the season was providing an endless succession of breakfasts, balls, dinners, and concerts. We were unable to obtain tickets to the opera because the crowds were so great. It is possible that the lords and ladies have tired of town and have returned to their country estates. As exciting as it was to be in London, the city did stink because of the heat, horses, and overburdened cesspools.

  14 July—Mr. Bingham, Col. Devereaux, and Mr. Lacey came to the parsonage today to pay their compliments. Although the colonel is not as handsome as his cousin, his personality has great appeal, and he actually enjoys a good conversation. Mr. Lacey said little other than to ask after my family. He has that distracted look again. Before leaving, he said his aunt had invited us to supper on Friday and is to send her carriage for us. Mr. Chatterton just about fell over himself when he heard the news.

  17 July—For the most part, I had a delightful evening. I sat between Col. Devereaux and Mr. Bingham. When I informed Mr. Bingham that Jane was currently in London, visiting with our uncle, he was genuinely pleased to have news of her and said he would call on her when he returned to town. Col. Devereaux is a man of many tastes and is very knowledgeable, especially about events taking place in France, and fears that things will go badly for the king. The only flaw in the evening was when Lady Sylvia insisted, quite emphatically, that I play on the pianoforte. I believe, in an effort to put me at my ease, Mr. Lacey offered to turn the pages and insisted I underestimated my musical talents. Col. Devereaux joined us, and wishing to tease the gentleman from Derbyshire just a little, I asked the colonel if he enjoyed conversation more than his cousin did. Mr. Lacey defended himself by saying he has no talent for talking with people not of his acquaintance. Now, in an effort to put him at his ease, I told him that the people of Hertfordshire were eager to engage in conversation with someone of his education and position in life. Then he said, 'You are quite right. If my behaviour has given offence, I apologize. Hopefully, there will be opportunities to make amends.' I did not know how to respond. Mr. Lacey has the most mercurial temperament of anyone I know. If only he would smile more, for he is very attractive when he does, and did I mention his fine legs?

  After reading this entry, I couldn't understand how Lizzy failed to recognize that Will Lacey was attracted to her. He repeatedly crossed paths with her while she was out walking in Rosings Park, visited with her at the parsonage, and apologized on more than one occasion for the unfavorable impression he had made when they had first met. And what did Lizzy think he meant when he had said he hoped to have opportunities to make amends in the future? If Lizzy was confused, Charles was less so, because on July 22nd, he left Rosings Park to return to London, no doubt to call on Jane.

  23 July—I have met Mr. Lacey three mornings in a row in the park. I am sure he knows when and where I will be walking. I do not understand why he rides just at that time, especially since he does little except to ask after my health and to comment on the weather. Charlotte thinks Mr. Lacey is in love with me. What a ridiculous notion! I assured Charlotte that someone of Mr. Lacey's position in life considers me to be nothing more than a diversion, because he is bored in the country.

  25 July—I have had the privilege today of meeting Mr. Lacey's sister, Miss Lacey. She is eighteen or nineteen years old and greatly resembles her brother with her dark hair and gray eyes. Miss Lacey came to Rosings from London. She said she has been in town since Easter and has attended so many balls and dinner parties that she is glad everyone has returned to their country estates. She spoke with great amusement of all the young men who professed their love for her although she had done no more than dance with them. She is well aware that their attentions had more to do with her fortune than her. A Mr. Oldham, a strong, handsome man of about twenty-five years, accompanied Miss Lacey, and it is my understanding the gentleman is her constant companion. I wonder if something happened to Miss Lacey, making it necessary for her brother to employ a man for her protection.

  26 July—Mr. Lacey and I had an interesting conversation today while walking in the grove. I said I hoped there was nothing wrong in London to require Mr. Bingham to return so quickly. Mr. Lacey replied that 'Bingham is his own man. He does not require my permission to travel about the country.' I doubted that but said nothing. It was such a beautiful day. I wanted everyone to be happy, even the dour Mr. Lacey. 'May I ask, sir, what gives you the most pleasure? Is it the theatre, the opera, riding? Your cousin considers you to be an eager dancer when amongst your acquaintances. I am curious as to what you enjoy most.' He misunderstood and thought I was once again rebuking him for his behaviour in Hertfordshire. He answered: 'Miss Elizabeth, I am aware I made a very bad first impression when I came to Hertfordshire. I was in ill humour that day because, on the way to join Bingham, one of the horses threw a shoe, greatly lengthening my journey.' I said that, if his horse losing a shoe had put him in such ill humour, we were fortunate the beast had not broken its leg. Then Mr. Lacey actually laughed out loud. Oh, how handsome he is when he laughs. We continued to walk in the grove, and he said he preferred smaller, private balls rather than large, public ones, and intimate dinner parties of no more than six or seven couples. He recently had the pleasure of seeing Cambridge soundly defeat Oxford at cricket. I know nothing of that sport, but I must admit I was pleased that Mr. Lacey and I
were able to engage in a conversation of some length. He can be quite charming.

  By this time, we had come to the road to the parsonage, but I wanted to continue our conversation. I told him how honoured I was to have been introduced to his sister, and he freely confessed he is devoted to her and takes pride in the way she performs in public, showing a maturity beyond her years. He then mentioned that Miss Darcy and his cousins intended to play croquet on the lawn tomorrow morning and invited me to join them. Without hesitation, I accepted. What a change has come over me. I thought him to be so proud and disagreeable, and now I see a different side to the gentleman from Derbyshire.

  27 July—There is yet another side to Mr. Lacey. He is a very serious competitor even when playing croquet with his female relations. Of course, he was the first to strike the final stake, but I finished second. He seemed pleased that I had done so well without actually beating him. I pointed out that the only person I had bested was his sister. Anne is so fragile a creature she provides no competition, and Col. Devereaux deliberately missed, so he would keep pace with her. Mr. Lacey gave me instructions on how to improve my game and insisted we go through the course again. Afterwards, we were enjoying tea on the lawn when Lady Sylvia, with her lady's maid in tow, descended upon the group, and the atmosphere immediately changed. Alas, the conversation turned to me! Lady Sylvia decided I should be introduced to a Mr. Whitman, the local printer, who, according to Her Ladyship, 'will do well enough for you.' Upon hearing this remark, Mr. Lacey walked back to the house, leaving those remaining to amuse his aunt.

  Just when it seemed as if Will and Elizabeth were finally getting along, Elizabeth received Jane's letter recounting George Bingham's visit with her in London. Although she was deeply offended by Mr. Bingham's description of her family, it was nothing compared to her anger with Will Lacey when she found out he had gone to London for the very purpose of ending the romance between Charles and Jane.

  30 July 1792

  Dear Jane,

  There is only one interpretation for George Bingham's visit. Charles (May I call him Charles?) has asked for his brother's blessing and permission to marry, and now that George Bingham has met you, he will have it. I would be very surprised if Charles didn't make you an offer very soon. If he doesn't, he is beyond hope. I would not waste one minute of thought on what Mr. Lacey will think of your engagement. If Mr. Lacey chooses to end his friendship because Charles is in love with you, he is not a true friend. On the other hand, if your conscience dictates that you must refuse Charles on account of his friend, then you should do so. But I must warn you that I will thereafter regard you as the greatest of fools.

  I do not know how you sat through Mr. Bingham's dissection of our family. How embarrassing to have our weaknesses laid bare. But what did he say that was not true? Until at least one of her daughters is well married, Mama will continue to look at every unattached gentleman as a possible match for one of us, and instead of providing guidance and correction, Papa looks at his wife's inappropriate behaviour as theatre. Celia and Lucy are still young enough to make changes for the better. But these alterations must happen immediately, or it will be too late.

  Apparently, Mr. Lacey left the ball at HH and went directly to London. What an arrogant man he is to think he knows what is best for his friend, especially since you now have learnt that Charles has been perfectly miserable since he left Hertfordshire. George Bingham has given Mr. Lacey too much power over Charles. Some guidance is appropriate, but what right does Mr. Lacey have to determine who Charles should or should not marry?

  Mr. Lacey has been meeting me on my walks most mornings. I will now alter my schedule so as not to encounter him. I actually thought I saw improvement in his behaviour and attitude here in Kent, but now I know I was wrong. You must write to me immediately upon hearing from Charles, and I know you will hear from him shortly.

  Love,

  Lizzy

  So much in life is timing, and Will Lacey's timing couldn't have been worse. Clearly, he was making an effort to show Lizzy his good side, only to have all of his efforts thrown to the wind because Lizzy had found out about his visit to George Bingham.

  3 August—Miss Lacey and Anne Desmet visited the parsonage this morning. Despite Miss Lacey's advantages and station in life, she seems to be a sensible girl, and she plays the pianoforte so beautifully. It is a delight to hear her, even on Charlotte's poor instrument. She is to return to London shortly and will be accompanied by Mr. Oldham. There is a story there, but Charlotte and Anne say nothing about Miss Lacey's guardian. I have successfully avoided her brother, but I will see him at dinner this afternoon. It is Thursday, and we must hear Mr. Chatterton's Sunday sermon. I am seriously considering feigning illness. I am tired of listening to Lady Sylvia's soliloquies on every subject, no matter how trivial, and I have no wish to see Mr. Lacey. Uncle Sims has written that he is sending his man, so that I may return home. If I do not leave soon, all benefits of the visit will be lost, and I want to be home when Jane receives her good news.

  Lizzy did not dine at Rosings Park that afternoon. Will, who was probably wondering why he was no longer meeting Lizzy in the park, must have assumed she was unwell and went to call on her at the parsonage. His proposal was so insulting that it must have spilled out of him without any idea of how awful it sounded.

  8 August 1792

  Dear Jane,

  I will return home early next week, but I have news that cannot wait. After reading your letter regarding the role Mr. Lacey played in separating Mr. Bingham from you, I was in a very unpleasant mood, so I told Mr. Chatterton I was unwell and would not attend the dinner with Lady Sylvia, claiming I did not want to put Miss Desmet at risk of also becoming ill.

  I was sitting in the parlour when the servant announced Mr. Lacey. I was not pleased to see him, as I felt I could not forgive him for his interference in his friend's personal matters and the disservice he had done to you. His behaviour was very odd, and finally I asked him if there was something he wished to say to me. To the best of my memory, this is what followed:

  'I have put aside every consideration: your lack of fortune and connections, the inferior position your family holds in society, the criticism that will ensue, but I have lost the struggle. I have been unable to repress my feelings.' The speech continued on in this vein, but all I can remember is that whatever it was he was going on about, it was done against his better judgement. At this point, Mr. Lacey stopped speaking, and I told him I did not understand him, and then he continued:

  'I love you and have almost from the first moment of our acquaintance. I am now asking for your hand in marriage.'

  Jane, you can appreciate the shock I experienced upon hearing his proposal. Mr. Lacey was in love with me! For a second I was quite flattered, but then I thought of the mode of his declaration. I believe this is what I said when I could finally speak.

  'I thank you for the honour of your proposal. I appreciate the difficulty of your struggles, and I am sure with the passage of time you will be successful in overcoming those feelings which you found so distressing, and your initial reservations will prevail.'

  'May I ask why my offer is rejected with so little consideration?'

  'I might ask why you would make an offer of marriage to a woman whom you consider to be unworthy of you. You tell me that in making this offer, you are acting against your better judgement. From your perspective, I would like to know why you would want such a wife, and, more importantly, why would I want a husband who regrets he was unable to overcome his feelings for me? Does such a union have any possibility of success?'

  When he had gone, I found I was shaking. I had no idea he had feelings for me. When Charlotte remarked that Mr. Lacey might be in love with me, I had dismissed it. Just because he had stopped being rude did not mean he was in love. I did notice a change in his demeanor, and I will admit I found him to be very pleasant company on our walks and out on the lawn when we played at croquet, but an offer of marriage never entered my m
ind.

  I am greatly unsettled and look forward to going home. It will be impossible to avoid Mr. Lacey, as he will remain Mr. Bingham's friend. I will need your guidance as how to act when we meet again.

  Love,

  Lizzy

  Before returning to London, Will shared with his cousin the details of what had happened at the parsonage, and because Anne believed Lizzy was perfect for Will, she decided to intervene on his behalf.

  10 August 1792

  My Dearest Will,

  I have visited with Elizabeth and told her I knew of your proposal of marriage. She was much surprised to learn you would tell anyone about the terrible things she had said to you. We went into the garden, and she began to cry. She said she was very flattered by your proposal and would have been more receptive to it but for two things. She had just recently learnt of your visit to George Bingham regarding her sister Jane. There is no one in the world who is closer to her, and she considers this injury to her sister to be an injury to herself. Secondly, she said she could never be sure that your love would remain constant, since you said that you would have been happier if you had been successful in overcoming your feelings for her.