Scattered Colors

by Jessica Prince

  “That’s an understatement,” I scoffed.

  “But I’m not going anywhere. I’ll do whatever I have to to get you to forgive me.”

  “If I forgive you, will you leave?” I asked, cocking my hip to the side and resting my hand on it, trying my hardest to look unaffected even as my heart beat a million miles in my chest.

  “The diner or Florida?” he asked warily.

  “Preferably both.”

  He shook his head solemnly as his eyes bored into me. “I can’t do that, gorgeous.”

  “You’re determined to make my life miserable, aren’t you?”

  “That’s the last thing in the world I want.” The earnestness in his voice and on his face gave me pause. I didn’t want to believe him, but gut instinct told me it wasn’t a lie.

  With a sigh of defeat, I dropped my hand from my hip and rolled my shoulders back. “Well, can you at least tell me what I have to do to get you out of the diner? I’m too tired to do this with you right now.”

  “A turkey club and glass of water?” he asked hesitantly. “I swear I’ll eat fast. You don’t even have to check back on me.”

  “Fine,” I relented before scribbling his order down and snatching the piece of paper off my pad with more force than necessary. With a sarcastic smile plastered on my face, I said sweetly, “Coming right up.” I spun on my heels and went to the serve through window to drop off Parker’s order before going to pour his drink.

  I tried not to let my gaze wander in his direction, but my eyes just wouldn’t listen to my brain. He really was something to look at. Even the small changes I noticed weren’t enough to detract from his stunning good looks. I knew beautiful wasn’t a word men necessarily liked to be associated with themselves, but that was what Parker Owen was…beautiful. He’d bulked up a bit since the last time I saw him and his hair was shorter than I remembered it being. He wore it styled back in a messy manner that still looked sexy as sin on him. It no longer flopped over his forehead, shielding those knowing eyes. He still dressed casually and I had no doubt that if I were to look, he’d be wearing those ratty Converse sneakers he’d always been so fond of. Looking at him still had the power to take my breath away, and I hated him for having that command over me.

  I made my way back to his table to sit his water down in front of him just as his cell phone began to ring. As he pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the screen, a bright smile washed over his features for whoever was calling, and I felt an irrational sense of jealously take hold of me that it could possibly be another girl calling him. I slammed his drink down a little too hard, causing a little water to slosh over the top and onto the table, but I didn’t stick around long enough to clean it up or listen to whatever he was saying to the person on the other end.

  It was official. I had lost my mind. That was the only logical excuse I could come up with as to why Parker still affected me the way he did, even when every instinct in my body rebelled against his unnatural hold.

  A few minutes later, with his plate in hand, I headed back in his direction. As I stepped up to the table to put his food down in front of him, he looked up at me with the same adoring smile he had when he first answered his phone. I was just about to step away when his words made me freeze in place.

  “Yeah, Mom, I love you, too. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  His mom.

  I hadn’t allowed myself to think too much about Mrs. Owens in the past two years, but I was hit with a sudden wave of curiosity about how she was doing.

  “Thanks,” Parker said as he picked up half of his sandwich, still grinning at me like a fool. “There’s spit in this, isn’t there?” he teased, and damn it, I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Maybe. Looks like you’ll just have to trust me.”

  “I’d trust you with my life,” he stated seriously, causing my stomach to flip.

  “So…uh,” I stuttered, trying to redirect the conversation. “That was your mom?”

  “Yeah,” he grinned. “She’s kind of gotten a little crazy with the phone calls since I moved. I swear, you’d think I picked up and moved to a third world country with the way she worries.”

  I felt a tiny smile kick up the corner of my lips. “How’s she doing?”

  “She’s good,” he answered. “Great, actually. A lot’s happened since you left, Freya.”

  “I’m sure,” I spoke softly as I took a step back from the table. I needed to get away from him. I needed time to regroup and clear the cobwebs that seemed to be forming in my head. “Well, enjoy your meal.”

  “I want to tell you about it,” he said quickly before I could make my escape. “I want to tell you about everything. Just give me a chance. Please.”

  I shook my head as a frown formed between my brows. “I don’t…I don’t know, Parker. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “Just think about it,” he said quickly as I took another step away. “That’s all I’m asking.”

  Against my better judgment, I found my head bobbing up and down. “I’ll think about it.” When a smile broke across his face, I knew I had to make myself clear. I wasn’t going to give him false hope. “I’m not promising anything, Parker. I need you to understand that.”

  “I’ll take whatever I can get with you, Freya…happily.”

  With that, I turned and walked away from his table. Heading straight through the kitchen and out the back door, I sucked in some much needed air as I rested against the rough brick wall. It felt like my world had been knocked off its axis and I was spinning around out of control. At one time, I loved that Parker could make me feel that way. At that moment, it scared me half to death.

  Progress!

  I knew I shouldn’t let myself get excited about one simple conversation, but I just couldn’t stop myself.

  “Someone looks like they just got the world’s best blow job,” Caleb said as soon as I walked through the front door of the apartment.

  “Huh?”

  “I just mean that you’re in a surprisingly good mood,” he answered.

  “So you assumed I had my dick sucked?”

  “It’s just an expression, man.”

  “I’m pretty sure it’s not.” I laughed as I plopped down on the couch and kicked my feet up on the coffee table.

  “Well, it should be,” he answered, knocking my feet off the table. I’d only been living with him for a day and it was already obvious Caleb was a serious clean freak. Thank God he was a cool guy or I would have worried about how our living situation was going to work.

  “I talked to Freya tonight,” I admitted, unable to wipe the grin from my face.

  “Yeah? And you’re still alive? That has to be a good thing, right?”

  “Fingers crossed.” I sighed. “I’m not fooling myself into thinking this is going to be easy, but I have to admit, not having her kick me in the balls was kind of a confidence boost.”

  Caleb’s head fell back on a laugh. “So I have to ask, what exactly are you here for? A guy doesn’t just move all the way across the country simply for forgiveness.”

  Leaning my head back against the couch, I let out a deep breath and scrubbed my hands over my face. “If I tell you the truth, you going to try and kick my ass?”

  “Depends,” he answered with a small shrug. “You tell me you’re here to get in her pants, then yeah, probably.”

  “It’s not that, man. Hand to God.” When I looked over at Caleb, one of his brows was quirked up skeptically. “Okay, it’s not just that,” I conceded. “I’m not going to lie to you, I’d give my right arm to get her underneath me again, but it’s so much more than that. I need her. I need all of her. When she left, she took a major part of me with her. I don’t think I’ll ever get that part back if she doesn’t come back to me, you know?”

  I had Caleb’s full attention after that. He muted the TV and turned to face me. “Then why’d you do it? That girl was wrecked when she got here. Hell, she’s still putting herself back together.”

&
nbsp; Hearing how bad off she was killed me. I physically ached when I thought of her being so sad. “I had my reasons,” was all I offered. It wasn’t that I had a problem telling Caleb the truth, but I owed it to Freya to give that truth to her first.

  “Must have been damn good reasons if you care for her as much as you claim to.”

  “I love that girl with everything in me. Don’t doubt that for a second. If I thought I had any other choice back then, I would have jumped at it. But I did what I had to do. It was the only way.”

  “Well,” he started, relaxing back into the couch. “You don’t know me well enough to have figured this out yet, but I’m actually a pretty damn good judge of character.”

  “Uh…okay?” I wasn’t quite sure where he was going with that.

  “I’m just saying, I get the feeling you’re being real with me. I also think you’re a pretty decent dude. But if you tell Piper I said that, I’ll deny it ‘til the day I die.”

  I laughed. Talking to Caleb just proved I was right about my initial judgment. He was a really cool guy. If things worked out like I hoped, hopefully we’d be able to stay friends. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

  “Good. Now, I’ll help you out the best I can to get your girl back, but only to a certain extent. I can’t let it come between me and Pipe. You understand, right?”

  “Yeah, I understand. I wouldn’t ask for any more than that. I’m just thankful you’re willing to help at all.”

  Caleb stretched his arm out so I could bump his fist with my own. “Here’s to getting your girl back.”

  It was right then that I thanked God for meeting Caleb.

  I sat curled up in one of the small patio chairs Piper and I had bought for our small balcony when we first moved in, staring out at the sky. Since moving to Florida I’d made the effort to watch the sunset as often as I could, but while I still took the time to stop and appreciate it each and every day, I no longer felt the need to sit and watch from start to finish unless time allowed. They were still important to me because they meant something to my mom, but the need to grasp on to anything that made me feel close to her wasn’t weighing me down the way it had in the past. I could look at the sunset and smile, knowing I still carried my mother in my heart with me everywhere I went.

  But for the past week, I found myself curling up on our balcony in the evenings I was home, in need of the sunsets to clear my head ever since Parker’s arrival. He’d been true to his word and given me space to think for the past five days, but as I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, letting the warm breeze kiss my face and play with the ends of my hair, I was still uncertain. I had no clue what he wanted to tell me, and more than that, I didn’t know if it was something I wanted to hear.

  Minutes ticked by as I enjoyed the tranquility around me. It wasn’t often that I had the apartment to myself, and I basked in the silence that surrounded me like a warm blanket. I was so relaxed that I began to doze off in the wicker chair when a deep voice spoke, shaking off the comforting sleepiness.

  “Freya?”

  My eyes popped open and darted around my small surroundings. I was still alone. “Parker?” I asked.

  “Yeah.” I could hear the smile in his voice and realized it was coming from the balcony below me. “Are you, uh… Are you watching the sunset?”

  “Yeah,” I answered just above a whisper, not certain if he’d been able to hear me.

  “I’ve watched almost every single sunset since you left,” he said, pulling at my heart, making that dull ache more prominent. “I thought if I was sitting on that beach watching, maybe you were somewhere doing the same thing.”

  “Parker,” I tried to make his name on my lips sound like a warning, but it just came off sounding as defeated as it felt. “Not now…please.”

  “Then when, Freya?” I could hear his agitation and it fueled my own.

  “I never asked you to come here,” I stated sternly. “I never wanted anything from you after I left, and I sure as hell didn’t promise you I was going to hear whatever excuses you have to throw at me. I told you I’d think about it, that’s it. I’m still thinking.”

  His heavy sigh was loud enough to carry up to where I sat. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I just…I don’t know how to do this.”

  “Do what?”

  He remained silent for several beats before finally answering. “Be so close to you and not touch you or talk to you whenever I want.” My eyes squeezed shut as he spoke against the familiar flood of emotion I used to feel whenever he was around. “It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, gorgeous.”

  “Please stop calling me that,” I spoke in a soft, broken voice as the sound of my nickname rang in my ears.

  “I never stopped loving you, Freya. Not even for a second.”

  “Stop,” I pleaded desperately. He didn’t listen. I should have gotten up and gone inside, cutting off his speech, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave that chair.

  “I know what I did hurt you, and I’ll spend however long I have making it up to you, but I need you to know I’ve loved you every single day that’s passed. I don’t blame you for hating me. I hate myself most of the time. But I’m not leaving. I’m not giving up.” With every sentence his tone grew more confident, more determined. “I’m going to earn your trust back.”

  I couldn’t speak past the lump of tears that had formed in my throat. It felt like an eternity before I was able to get a hold of myself. I couldn’t respond to his impassioned declaration. I didn’t have one. My head screamed at me to tell him there was no chance of that ever happening, that it was too late, but my heart wouldn’t let me. I felt like I was being pulled in two different directions and couldn’t handle it.

  So I did the only thing I could. I stood and walked inside, closing the door on Parker and the words I’d been desperate to hear two years before.

  She walked away.

  The sound of her door closing quietly above me echoed like a harsh slam, discouragement weighing heavily on my shoulders as I slunk back into my own apartment. I was running out of ideas and growing more and more disheartened with each passing day. The idea of a future without Freya was unimaginable, but as the days passed, I began to worry. I couldn’t go back to that empty shell of a life I’d been living in for the past two years. As I fell back onto my bed with an aggravated sigh, fear clutched at my chest that she might not be able to forgive me.

  “No,” I spoke out loud, shaking my head to clear it of those dismal thoughts. As I sat up and ran my hands through my hair, the sight of my partially open closet door caught my eye and I was suddenly hit with an idea. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it already. As I rushed to the closet and threw the door open the rest of the way, I was reinvigorated.

  I might have been down, but I wasn’t out.

  At least not yet.

  “What’s up, buttercup?” Piper chirped happily as she came bounding through the door, dropping her stuff on the floor and heading for the kitchen. Reaching for the remote, I hit pause on the DVR, stopping The Mindy Project right at one of Mindy’s long-winded rambles I always found so funny.

  “How was the movie?” I called as she reached into the cabinet for a glass.

  “Blood, guts, explosions and a beefed-up dude with a bad accent shooting anything that moved. You know, the typical Caleb pick.”

  “Ah, so you hated it,” I grinned, knowing my friend so well.

  “You got it. That’s okay. I saw a preview for some new Chris Hemsworth movie while we were there. I already locked him down for the next movie night.”

  “What’s it about?”

  She walked back into the living room with a glass of water in hand, giving me a casual shrug. “Don’t know, don’t care. It’s Chris Hemsworth. As long as his shirt comes off at some point, I couldn’t give a shit if there’s a plot line.”

  “Valid point.” I laughed.

  “Ooh, I forgot.” Setting her glass down on the coffee table, she went back to the
front door and picked up the stuff she’d dropped. “This was outside. I guess it was delivered earlier? I thought your dad already sent you your birthday present.”

  I took the wrapped package from her hands and inspected the paper with curiosity. It was faded and torn in places like it had been handled a lot. “He did,” I stated as I lifted the box to my ear and gave it a shake. “I have no idea what this is.”

  Piper bounced up and down as she clapped her hands. “Open it! Open it!”

  Her excitement rubbed off on me as I began tearing at the worn paper like a kid on Christmas. I pulled off the box’s lid and gasped at what sat in front of me. The box contained a small canvas watercolor painting of a sunset. The colors were so vivid and bright it almost looked like the real thing.

  “Oh, that’s beautiful,” Piper breathed, leaning in and lifting the painting from out of the box so she could study it better. Beneath where the canvas sat was a brightly colored piece of sea glass the size of my palm in a shape that resembled a heart. Picking up the glass, I gently placed it aside and reached for the envelope at the bottom of the box. My hands shook as I ripped open the flap and pulled out a sheet of lined paper. My heart beat frantically and my stomach dipped at the sight of the familiar handwriting.

  HAPPY EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY, GORGEOUS.

  I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW LONG I LOOKED FOR A PAINTING THAT WAS AS PERFECT AS EVERY SUNSET I’VE WATCHED WITH YOU. I WANTED TO GIVE YOU THAT SAME BEAUTY SO YOU COULD HANG IT IN YOUR ROOM AND SEE IT EVERY DAY. HOPEFULLY YOU’LL THINK OF ME EACH TIME YOU LOOK AT IT. I FOUND THAT SEA GLASS ON OUR BEACH A FEW MONTHS BACK AND IT MADE ME THINK OF YOU. PRETTY COINCIDENTAL IT’S SHAPED LIKE A HEART, HUH? ;)

  YOU HAVE MY HEART, FREYA. NOW AND ALWAYS. YOU’RE MY WHOLE WORLD, BABY.

  I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU’LL EVER KNOW.

  YOURS FOREVER,

  PARKER

  “Oh, my God,” I breathed as I read the letter a second time, then a third, over and over until tears began to blur my vision, making it impossible to see the words clearly.