Fallen Dynasties

by Nick James

  In my eyes she had fucked up, and anytime soon she would have a bullet in her head.

  ‘Is Mike okay? I miss him,’ she said.

  I frowned. ‘What? Don’t you know? He was hit,’ I explained as she caught her breath, ‘but he’s alive, just one in the shoulder.’ I could hear the tears at the other end (way to go, Tiger).

  ‘They never told me that. They said I only got secondary target, and primary’s bodyguard,’ Mai explained before starting to cry anew.

  I saw my eggs going cold; it felt like the death of a loved one. ‘Hit a bloke called Blades as well, your man was taking him out for a drink. My little friend is so sorry for the mistake,’ I said, hoping this trained killer was not the ‘holding a grudge’ type. The bodyguard wasn’t dead, but who cares about him.

  There was a big sigh. ‘Not her fault. I should have had the item with me, but I got lazy and now it might cost me everything,’ she said. Then there was talking in the background. ‘I have to go. If I don’t call again, tell Mike I love him,’ and with that she hung up.

  I ordered another breakfast. Yes, I am heartless; no point two people dying.

  My shift finally ended. Suzie Q was working till nine, so to keep myself out of trouble I thought I’d go and see my buddy Peanut. All those nosey coppers had pissed off and were now in the process of hounding the boss at Peanut’s workplace. I understood that the Blades kid’s missus had had an altercation with another staff member. Those Asian girls sure do have a taste for fighting.

  I entered the hospital and instantly found myself drawn towards all the cleanly scrubbed nurses. The only trouble was that they saw me as a possible stroke victim, not the tub of love I am. Why are people so judgemental? Especially when I have so much time and love to give?

  Finally, the lift made it to Peanut’s floor. After stealing some flowers from a dead or sleeping woman’s bedside table, I walked into old Nut’s room. ‘Hey, hey! Tiger in the house!’ I shouted, which to my satisfaction made Mike jump, cry out in pain and the well-rounded student nurse bounce. ‘Well, hello there. Thank you for looking after my friend,’ I smarmed at the now angry-looking girl.

  ‘Noise! We have very ill people here…sir,’ she answered in very cold tones. So much for a caring manner. Her eyes flickered to the flowers. ‘Shall I put those in some water for you?’

  I checked out her chest. ‘Oh, yes please, Abigail. That would be lovely.’ I watched her walk out, letting my eye linger. It was then I saw her pluck out the greeting card and shoot me a glare. Clearly, she had just found out that my name wasn’t Alison, and Mike’s wasn’t Amanda.

  ‘Why do you bring trouble with you, Tiger?’ Mike chuckled as he pressed the morphine button for a top up.

  I gave him a big grin and sat down. ‘It was already here, my friend, I just stir the pot,’ I said, making him laugh and wince. ‘How you are doing, anyway, mate?’

  ‘Yeah, surviving,’ Mike said, enjoying his time with Mrs Morphine. ‘Shame about Kettering, though. Heard his family’s done a runner.’

  I nodded. ‘Yeah, seems like he’s been a naughty boy for a while, rumours about an affair with a young’un at his last place, hence why he was in the private sector.’

  Mike nodded, but his eyes were closing.

  ‘Mai sends her love from the land of the Dragon,’ I said, which perked him up.

  ‘Cool, how is she? Does she know I’m in here?’

  I didn’t know how or when to broach this. Mike is an open-minded person. Well, he must be to have a partner like he has, but this goes to the extreme. ‘Yes, she knows and says that she loves you.’ Saying that word to another man or woman scared me, but c’mon, Tiger, man up. ‘When you’re out we need a long talk, about things.’

  ‘Like what?’ Mike asked, looking concerned and pale.

  That’s when I realised it was going to be now, otherwise it would drive him mad. ‘Well, you know what kind of work your lovely Mai does, and who for?’ I saw him look around quickly and then give me a curt nod. ‘She had a job the same day you got hit, and maybe the two people in this hospital were by-products of a part failing in a Rifle.’

  Even with his morphine and pain-filled mind he twigged quickly, he was no mug; after all, we grew up in the same area, he just had more money in the house than I did. ‘Did she get the job done?’

  ‘No, not completely, mate,’ I said quietly and had a look around. ‘Let’s say she missed the primary but got lucky with the secondary. You boys were a mistake – wrong place, wrong time.’

  He went silent and lay his head back. ‘Fuck, well, this a bit more than using my razor,’ Peanut said and shot me a glare. ‘Any jokes about being shot over, and I will tell Suzie about your mum’s friend giving you a BJ in McDonalds, for “old times’ sake”.’

  Damn it, he knew me too well. ‘How dare you, sir,’ I said mockingly in return, feigning hurt, but he had got me. ‘You okay, buddy? We’ve all had women angry at us at times, but this is the first one to hurt the person they love, in this way…it’s almost romantic in a weird sadistic way.’

  ‘Yeah, a real Hallmark moment. God, you’re full of shit,’ he said with a chuckle. ‘I’m guessing her people aren’t too happy about the primary. Will she make it through the fallout?’

  Just then, the happy-go-lucky Abigail came bouncing in. ‘Visiting time is over…Alison.’ She stood there tapping her Croc on the floor as she waited for me to piss off.

  ‘It’s my middle name, I’ll have you know,’ I exclaimed haughtily. ‘All right, Peanut, I’ll pop over soon, and I’ll let you know about the other thing. It’s touch and go in the land of the Dragon.’ This brought a look of worry to his face and an, ‘Uh?’ from the nurse.

  ‘Cheers, buddy. Give my love to Suzie Q.’

  I stood up, stretched and clearly impressed the nurse, or maybe not. ‘Will do, buddy, and I’m sure she will love it,’ I said and took a tenner out of my wallet and handed it to the nurse.

  ‘Errr, what’s this for, sir?’

  I shrugged and headed out of the door. ‘My boy is down, love, give him a sponge bath with a happy ending.’ I left in high spirits as Mike erupted in laughter and pain while being chided by the loud-voiced nurse. I smiled to myself. I had done good work today. I help wherever I go, just like Jesus.

  I walked past an old, haggard woman and raised my finger and drew a cross in the air. ‘Bless you, my child.’

  She looked up with old, bleary eyes and smiled showing the world her gums and one lonely tooth. ‘Thank you, Father.’

  Yep, I’m going to burn.

  Chapter 4

  Sam Blades

  Personally, I’m not one for drugs, but this morphine rocks. I settled back to dream about things I will take to my death before sharing. Then came a knock on the door. ‘If you’re the stripper I ordered, can you come back later?’ I called out without even looking. I don’t know why I do these things, but I blame the drugs, or the lack of them.

  ‘Mr Blades, my name is Detective Sergeant Ian Stimpson, and this is Detective Constable John Matthews, we are from Special Branch,’ he said in a monotone voice, which almost sent me off to chase Kylie and Danni in the Caribbean surf – silly girls forgot their bikinis.

  I dragged myself from Pleasure Beach. ‘Special Branch, what part of the tree is that, then?’ I gave them my award-winning ‘don’t punch me’ smile.

  ‘Indeed, we are from the police and we have come to ask you some questions about the day you were injured?’ Ian asked. He was a tall, thin man with a funny little moustache, a bit like Boycie from Only Fools and Horses.

  ‘Ask away, Boycie.’ I heard a snort of repressed laughter come from his lackey. ‘You get it, too?’ I asked and saw John stare through the window with a slight tremor flowing over his body.

  The two cops took a seat and put on their game faces. ‘Mr Blades, this is very important. We would like to know what you remember,’ Boycie said with a twitch of his moustache.

  ‘Important, is it really?’ I said, plac
ing my hand to my mouth in shock. I may have a slight problem with people in authority. ‘Well, I’m glad you pointed it out to me, Boycie, otherwise I wouldn’t have known. Well, apart from the fucking holes in my chest.’

  This is when DC Matthews jumped in. ‘Sam. If you could just tell us what you remember. We have spoken to your girlfriend and your boss; we just need your account.’ He noticed my eyes hadn’t left his colleague.

  I yawned and realised I would never catch the bikini-devoid Minogues now. ‘Well, on the day in question, I left home in all my normal fineries: a mixture of cheap and expensive clothing.’ I saw Boycie roll his eyes; I now knew how to proceed. ‘I walked down to the tube station like a politician the day before a vote, but – and I must stress this – I kissed no babies.’ A very impressive vein was throbbing in my new buddy’s forehead. He needed to relax.

  DC John wiped the smile off his face. He looked my age but not as handsome, of course, but taller. Git. ‘What happened when you were at work? We saw on the CCTV that you had an altercation with the victim.’

  Now, that confused me. ‘Don’t you mean the corrupt tosser who’s been going after myself and my girlfriend for things that he was doing?’ I snapped.

  ‘But he was killed, Mr Blades, don’t you feel any compassion for him?’ Boycie asked. It was a very stupid question, and this man was in Special Branch. I wondered if the title had the same meaning as special needs.

  I gave a big morphine yawn. ‘I’m sorry for his family, but not for him. I’m pretty sure he was the one who sent that prick after me the last time.’ I looked at the pair but held up my hand. ‘Listen, all I remember is that the victim was pushing my buttons that day, so my boss, Mike, said he was going to take me out for an early lunch. Now, you’re coppers, you understand. How can I turn down a morning livener?’ I saw the bloke give a begrudging confirmation. ‘And that, I’m afraid, was that – total blank.’

  DI Boycie took out a pad. ‘Why do you think he was after you two?’

  I gave my tired, handsome face a rub. ‘He just kept banging on about wanting to know about my girlfriend and her family. But as I said to him, the paperwork states spouses and not partners, and especially not her parents. It was just because Bunny came from Hong Kong, and I’m guessing he needed to blame someone for his deceit,’ I explained in a very articulate way.

  The cops shared a look and gave a brief nod. ‘Well, Mr Blades, I think that’ll do for now. If you remember anything else, please give us a call,’ Ian Stimpson said as they both stood up.

  ‘Well, if we meet again, hopefully I won’t be lying down bare-arsed,’ I said with my trademark grin, but my audience just nodded and left. You try to do your best for law enforcement yet you get nothing. Just then, I saw the red-headed nurse from earlier. ‘Soapy, soapy!’ But I received a one-digit salute. I’m such a people person.

  Random people came for a visit that day: the peeps from work; strangely, the pierced beer bringer from the pub; and my boss, Mike, came for a chat and told me that the firm would be paying for my and Bunny’s rent for the rest of the year – and that he will be going home tomorrow as he was a lucky bugger. My thought was he was so pumped full of drugs that his body hardly noticed being penetrated by a foreign object. But the rumour mill at work said he likes to be penetrated.

  ‘Sam, you okay?’

  Damn! Who interrupted my thoughts? My Asian doctor was standing by my door. He might have confused my thoughtful pose with a possible stroke. ‘Wotcha, Doc. Yeah, I’m okay, thank you. And how are you on this fine, dreary London day?’

  As ever, the man never broke into a smile. Can’t blame him really: he saw people at their worst, and naked (shiver), plus he supported Tottenham – that was borderline self-harming. ‘I am fine, Sam. The good news is that you will be going home tomorrow,’ he said, flicking through his chart, which I now kept outside the room after somebody was caught drawing penises on it. Some people are just children.

  ‘That’s great, Dr Hamid. I must admit I’m getting a bit stir crazy around here,’ I said, watching a pigeon fighting a rat on the window ledge. Strange really, as we were on the tenth floor.

  ‘Indeed, it has been noted here about your demands for bed baths,’ he said, locking eyes with me. ‘Generally, they’re only given to people who can’t move, Mr Blades.’ The change to my full name meant I was being told off, just like Mum used to. I wonder where she is.

  ‘My apologies to your staff. My girlfriend says I have too much personality for one person, but I will try and behave myself while I’m still in your care,’ I said with the smile of an altar boy, one who has been touched by the hand of God, or maybe another part of me by one of his naughty servants.

  The look he gave me was one of doubt. ‘Your wounds are knitting together nicely and there is no infection, which is amazing after all the debris at the scene I heard about,’ he informed me. Dr Hamid walked up to me and shook my hand. ‘Dr Whom will give you your final check in the morning, then home you go. Just take it easy for the next few weeks.’

  ‘Sure thing, you’re the doc.’ I then bid him farewell. It seemed the rat was victorious, as there were only feathers and Mr Rat was licking his lips. Only in London.

  Soon, the light of the life-giving sun disappeared over the cityscape of good old London, allowing the lights of the city to create shadows for the criminals the world creates to counteract the good, just like me. My eyes fluttered as sleep tried to claim me as its bitch once more.

  I could hear the hum of the electric lighting in the hallway. And the click-clack of high heels impacting the floor tiles; a rarity in a real hospital. My eyes opened and there stood a nurse with her back to me, her long blonde hair trailing down her back. The strange thing was that it wasn’t the typical NHS uniform, unless they had a stripper ward I hadn’t been told about. Then there was the sound of water being squeezed from a sponge.

  Although my heart was one hundred per cent Bunny’s, my eyes had their own traitorous agenda as it danced up the lithe form of this beauty. She turned around, allowing me access to her front. I counted all the buttons on her uniform as my eyes headed north.

  ‘Time for your bed bath, Mr Blades,’ she purred.

  Finally, my eyes landed on her shadow-hidden looks. ‘Soap me up,’ I said and winked as she clicked on the bedside light. My face and heart then fell. ‘Mark… Mark Wayward…is that you…? What the fuck?’

  Fear dragged me out of this nightmare. I shot up in bed screaming a guttural scream, rupturing my vocal cords as I did.

  Within seconds, nurses and doctors filled my room with noises and a crash trolley as they took in my now sobbing form.

  Let’s just say I wasn’t allowed home after that little episode.

  Chapter 5

  Mai Lee

  It had been a week now since the failed hit in England. I was relieved after a call from Suzie Q from the Limping Dragon casino, Tiger’s love interest, but I’m not sure what they get up to can be classed as love. I’ve never read anything like that in the Shakespearean books I read in my downtime.

  The ‘Council of Five’ were still out discussing what they were going to do with me. Normally, it would be a bullet in the head and a visit to the pig farm. But they knew the job hadn’t been a total loss. The primary target was worried and had reached out to discuss some mutual business plans. Although, you couldn’t trust either one with your life, or a stone.

  The Council had allowed me to visit my family in Beijing for a day, which did mean dressing down to blend in and getting ‘my Mikey’s stress relievers’ bound – although uncomfortable, better than Grandfather having a stroke at seeing his grandson with breasts: he’s old-school like that.

  Once again, I was set up in a one-bedroom house in Rizhao City in the Shandong province. It had a nice view of the city, but I wasn’t allowed out on my own until they had decided my fate.

  The man shadowing me was a huge six feet six inches, and about the same wide. He called himself Chow, and that was as much inf
ormation he had given me. Although big, I was pretty sure I could take him down. As soon as I was at my parents’ I put some plans into effect. An old boyfriend of mine was part of the Council’s retinue and had promised to let me know what the decision was. A car was already parked downstairs with a bag of clothes, hair dye, money and passports.

  As I watched the human-mountain, the plan formulated in my mind. Being that big he was overconfident and happily turned his back on me, which would allow me to push my steel hairpin into the base of his skull and make a huge dent in the carpet. Then, in the car to Rizhao Shanzihe Airport where another friend has a MiG-29 two-seater jet that will get me to his private landing strip in Russia. But, as ever, everything waits on the old men to make a decision.

  Once again it was another lonely night. Chow was doing his impression of a sleeping hippo, but I did not let him ruin my enjoyment of Hamlet. Page after page I immersed myself in the literal talent of Master Shakespeare. Just then, the man-mountain woke as his phone rang to the tunes of the ‘Thong Song’ by Sisqo.

  ‘Hello,’ Chow mumbled, still half asleep. Clearly, it was about me as his eyes flicked over to me. Nothing else was said, just a grunt of agreement.

  That’s when my phone vibrated. I quickly flicked it open as my minder finished his call. I checked the screen, it only had one word: 跑步　(run).

  With speed that surprised me, Chow leaned forward and went to grab his gun which he kept stuffed into the back of his waistband. As he did so, I made my lunge over the coffee table that parted our sofas. I had planned to push my thumbnails to his eyes and knee him in the stomach to drive his head forward. This would’ve worked if it wasn’t for his left hand swatting me out of the air.

  ‘Prick!’ I spat and sprang up.

  ‘Freak!’ he growled in his baritone voice. Luckily, he was on the move, so he struggled to get his arse sweat-covered gun out, which allowed me to retrieve my hairpin which glinted in the lamplight.