Insufferable: A Dark Erotic Romance

by Alaska Angelini

  “From then on out, I didn’t have to ask him to get me anymore. He kept them in the top drawer like a fucking secret candy dispenser. I had complete access to as many as I wanted, whenever I wanted. That’s when it got worse. I took more and more, just so I could chase that high. That … ecstasy. I almost overdosed three times. The third time changed me. I knew it was either die or live. I wasn’t ready to die, then.

  “While he was at work, I packed and I left. Leaving him was easy. The hardest part was separating myself from the drugs. I almost didn’t make it out of the door. I went back to my room a good five times before I made it to the driveway. Once I managed to get in, I drove for eight hours without a destination in mind. I just had to get away. Somewhere where I’d have no access to friends or Phillip. Either one would have given me what I wanted.”

  Lydia’s hands were trembling so hard, as was her jaw. It was chattering through her words.

  “Seven days of hell. The first three I was sure I’d die. Just … remembering makes me feel like I’m going to throw up. It was bad, just as I knew it would be. The heroin, the speed that laced those pills, they’ll haunt me until I die. Do you see, now?”

  Lydia’s attention came to me.

  “You can never give me a pill. Ever. If you do, I’m afraid of what may happen. I can’t take the risk.”

  “The risk?” I reached up, wiping the single tear that escaped. “Lydia, you’re determined to end your life. Or you were. Does it matter how it happens?”

  “It’s more than that,” she rushed out. “If the drugs get me again, I may not want to die anymore. I’ll be dependent. My death will draw out until I either wilt away to nothingness or I overdose. I won’t go out like that. Next time, it’ll be a gun. No more risks. Bang from the barrel—peace for my soul. No more hurting. No more emotion.”

  All I wanted to do was cringe. To shake the ever-living hell out of her. But I couldn’t. I understood her more than anyone ever would. Her sorrow was my own and I knew what I was dealing with. Just because Lydia hadn’t attempted suicide since the time I’d intervened didn’t mean she wouldn’t try again. She wasn’t well. Not even close. And come the morning, we would begin.

  Chapter 10

  Lydia

  “Feels so good, doesn’t it? God, I want you. Let’s go to the back.”

  Phillip’s hands were all over me while the music thumped against my skin. I could feel it tingle its way down my arms and legs. The rhythm quickly combined with my pulse and although I heard my husband’s words, I only cared for the way my clit drew up and wetness took over. Yes, I wanted to fuck. I wanted to do something. Anything. Kiss, touch.

  The crowd was thick around us, dancing to the tunes that rattled through the club. But none of them mattered. I felt good. I felt alive.

  I wedged through, not having to pull Phillip along. He was already walking at a fast pace, taking the lead and heading us toward the VIP area hidden from view. Darkness enveloped us completely before we were shadowed in a red light. I hit the wall hard and the air left me in a gush. He was on me before I could regain my oxygen. His tongue swept into my mouth and the vibrations within intensified until I was clutching to him with everything I had.

  “That’s it, baby. Unzip me. Touch me.”

  He didn’t have to tell me what he wanted. I knew. Our drug induced cravings were the same. When I felt happy, this part followed. Happy. Sex. Happy. Sex. It was never enough when I was high.

  “Oh fuck. Yes, God, yes.”

  Phillip’s moans increased as I took his cock in my hand and began stroking. Pre-cum slid over my palm, making his thrusts smooth.

  “Lydia.”

  I moaned meeting his mouth again. It felt so good to kiss. So right. Humming raced through from my lips to my core, leaving my sensitive body screaming for more.

  “Fuck me. Give it to me.”

  Pressure gripped my hip and I could feel myself leaning in. But it was …keeping me away.

  “Lydia. Wake up.”

  The words registered, but I was already going back for more. My lips connected and I let my heavy lids rise. I froze. Weight rested in my palm, slick, hard … thick. Fuck.

  I ripped my hand free of Jaime’s pajama pants and scrambled backwards. I didn’t make it far before I was jerked to a stop from the one restraint that held me fastened to the bed. He’d lengthened the cuff and undone my legs before I had fallen asleep, but not enough for me to make it off the bed.

  “I’m sorry,” I rushed out. I was dreaming. I …” Heat burned my face from embarrassment and I could still feel Jaime’s lips against mine. And his tongue. God, it had worked magic against my own. His cock, no, I wouldn’t think about that.

  “My fault. You were crying last night in your sleep. I didn’t want to leave you. I must have passed out.”

  I lowered my head, but Jaime was quick to bring me back up to face him. “You have nothing to be ashamed of.” The side of his lips pulled back into a grin. “Hell, you got to second base with me. It’s further than anyone else has in years. Lucky, lucky girl.”

  I laughed, feeling some of the shame leave.

  “I think you need a shower to cool you down. What do you say? Do you think you can shower without fighting me?”

  “A shower would be nice.”

  Jaime leaned over me, pulling the drawer out to grab the key. I glanced down, only to roll my eyes to the side in shock. He was still hard … and big. So big that I replayed the moments of when I gripped around him. My body exploded with lust and I tried to keep from taking in his bare chest. His shoulders were every bit as big as I imagined, and his arms, the muscles couldn’t be mistaken. But his stomach was flat and defined. Every movement had his abs flexing.

  “Here we go.”

  He looked at me, beginning to draw back, but stopped to hover only inches above me. Something flashed behind his eyes and I couldn’t stop my breaths from increasing. My heart was slamming into my chest and all I could do was stare up at him.

  Slowly, he reached forward, lowering more on top of me as he unlocked the cuff. He wasn’t even looking at what he was doing. His gaze burned into me with just as much fire as I held inside. I was so hot and wanting him that I barely recognized when the cuff disappeared from my wrist.

  “Shower. Then, your first lesson.”

  One minute I was sure Jaime was going to kiss me, the next he was lifting from the bed. What was I doing? He had to have known where my thoughts were, but did I know where his lay? He was still hard. And he was watching me with that look. The one I couldn’t quite figure out. It wasn’t just arousal on his end. There was something lurking behind those brown depths.

  “My bag?”

  His head slowly shook back and forth. “Those aren’t your things anymore, slave. You wear what I tell you to. Your clothes are already waiting for you in the bathroom.”

  My eyes narrowed and I wanted to argue, but I saw no point. They were just clothes. Besides, I had bigger things on my mind. Like, this lesson. And, Jaime. The lesson I could do, but what about the man who triggered emotions in me? If he was really intent on keeping me four weeks, how long could I ignore the way I responded to him?

  Jaime opened the main door and I glanced toward the other one. “Where does that one go?”

  He followed my stare. “My room. We have an adjoining door in case I need to get to you.”

  Get to me? Right, because I was suicidal.

  I let out a pent up breath and followed as he led me down a hall. When he opened the door, I couldn’t stop my lips from separating in surprise. This wasn’t a bathroom, it was another fucking room. It was huge. The double sinks went into a huge vanity and the marble shower could have easily fit ten people.

  My eyes cut over to him. “You’re kidding, right? What is this place?”

  Jaime walked forward, pulling back the glass door and turning on the water. “It’s your new bathroom.” He paused and turned toward me. “I’m going to be honest with you from the get-go. Every room in
this place is monitored. I will have cameras on you at all times. And I will be watching every single moment. You seem okay now, but we both know how this works. You’re sick and then you’re not. It comes and then goes. When it comes, I’ll be ready.”

  I glanced around the top of the room, not seeing where any of the cameras could have been. But I believed him. “You watch everything?”

  “Yes.”

  Agitation flared and I tried to ignore the need to escape again. It wasn’t time, and Jaime would be ready. I couldn’t risk losing his trust so soon.

  “This is wrong. You know that, right?”

  “Don’t get mad, slave. This is what’s best for you.”

  “Says who? You?”

  Jaime crossed his arms over his chest. “If you want death, you have to earn it. I have to believe it’s what you want without a shadow of a doubt.”

  My teeth clenched and I grew quiet as I scanned the room once again. The counters were clean of everything but a packaged toothbrush and a small tube of tooth paste. Along the back wall a plain white dress hung from what appeared to be a plastic hook. I shook my head, reaching for the bottom of my shirt. In one swift tug, I ripped it over my head.

  “Let me at least go to the restroom in privacy, then you can feel free to monitor whatever you want. Fuck, come back in and watch if that’s what gets you off. I don’t care.”

  Jaime’s eyebrows drew in, but he took a few steps back until he reached the door. When it shut, I cursed under my breath. Watch. He would see everything.

  I hesitantly removed the rest of my clothes and used the facilities as fast as I could. My skin was crawling and I couldn’t stand it. By the time I brushed my teeth and pulled the shower door open, Jaime was coming back in. I jolted to a stop, frozen that he was actually returning.

  “What are you doing?”

  Panic was laced in my tone, but I couldn’t ignore what I heard within—the lust. How many times had I stalked this man? Dreamed of things I shouldn’t have?

  “What does it look like I’m doing? You’re right. Why watch you from the cameras? I can get to you faster this way if it calls for it.” He glanced down, peeking up at me through thick lashes as he paused. “I could keep tabs on you better in there, though.”

  Brown hair flared around me as I look at the shower he was referring to, and shook my head hard. “No way.”

  “Alright. If that’s what you want. You have ten minutes, not a second more.”

  I nodded, shutting the door behind me. The moment I spotted the baby shampoo, confusion swamped me. I stepped into the spray, dismissing it. Warm water rushed down my back and I tilted back my head, wetting my hair. The pain from the cuts on my thighs flared, but I clenched through the stinging as thoughts consumed me. I took the bottle in my hand, pausing.

  “Do I not get a—” Of course not. I squeeze the shampoo in my palm with all the anger I felt.

  “A razor?” Jaime came forward from my peripheral. “Absolutely not. If you feel the need to shave, either I watch you do it, or I do it for you.”

  “You?” I laughed under my breath, trying to disguise how the thought appealed. “I don’t need to shave that badly.” I lathered my hair, taking peeks over at Jaime. The glass was fogging up slightly, but his shoulders and face were perfectly clear. What could he see of me? Was he looking when I wasn’t paying attention?

  I began rinsing my hair. The thought of what he might see made me self-conscious, but I tried telling myself it didn’t matter. The only reason for his reaction earlier was because I’d touched him. Me, here like this, I doubted he was getting enjoyment from that. It wasn’t like I had the body of a supermodel. My breasts were on the smaller size, and I had curves … everywhere but where they counted.

  “You’re dropping.”

  “Excuse me?” I looked over, catching Jaime’s lips purse before they turned hard.

  “Whatever you’re thinking is upsetting you. What is it?”

  A small laugh came out of my mouth until I realized he wanted me to tell him.

  “Nothing. I’m fine.”

  “You’re lying.” He stepped closer, coming only a few feet from the door. “Tell me. What was it that made your mood change?”

  “It was nothing. Really. I’m okay.”

  In two strides, he swung the door open. The anger that was etched into his face had me moving toward the back wall.

  “You’re going to learn real fast not to lie to me. When I ask you something, you answer honestly. And I’ll know if you’re lying. Last chance.”

  My mouth opened, but nothing came out. I couldn’t tell him that I wondered if he thought my body was attractive. That wasn’t something you asked a stranger. Especially one who was keeping me trapped here.

  Jaime’s foot stepped over the threshold of the shower and my hands shot up. “Okay, okay. I was just thinking about … my hair.”

  Before I could prepare myself, Jaime was in the shower and was spinning me around to face the wall. Fire exploded on my ass and I screamed at the blaze that left me gasping through the next.

  Whack! Whack! Whack!

  “Okay!” I screamed, trying to break his hold, but it was pointless. His arm was wrapped around my waist and it was stuck to me like glue.

  Whack! Whack!

  “Please! It was me. I mean, you!”

  I sobbed at the intense warmth pouring from the tender skin.

  “What do you mean, me?”

  He spun me around, breaking through my walls with a stare so full of darkness that my words got locked in my throat. He liked this. A lot.

  “I …” My head went to lower, but that look had me stopping almost instantly. He was so close, and getting closer as he waited. Whether he knew my nipples were grazing his chest with every deep exhale was beyond me, but it was the only thing I was suddenly feeling. The way the brushes signaled to my clit left me rubbing my thighs together for some sort of friction.

  “Continue.”

  “My body. With you looking at it. I couldn’t help but wonder—”

  “If I like it?”

  Jaime’s voice was so husky and deep that I felt myself press my breasts into him.

  “Yes. Not that I think you do. I mean, why would you? I just …”

  “Slave.” He closed his eyes, leaning back just enough to break my contact. “Finish washing up.”

  The one word was hard. Cold, as he spun for the door. The truth was like a slap to the face. It packed more of a sting than his hand on my ass had.

  “‘You’re not my type’ would have been nicer.”

  I pushed off the wall, only to crash into Jaime as he spun back for me.

  “Not my type? What do you know what my type is? You think I’m not attracted to you?”

  Air left me as my back connected with the wall, but I felt nothing but Jaime’s leg wedge between mine and his hard cock push against my stomach. Fingers buried in my hair, pulling back. The pain that followed was everything I wanted and more.

  “Does this feel like I don’t want you? If it wasn’t for why you were here, you wouldn’t have left that bed for hours. Days. Now finish.”

  And just like that, I was alone again. I stood, staring in disbelief as his dripping wet frame stomped from the bathroom. The door slammed loud and I couldn’t stop myself from jumping. What the hell had just happened? That wasn’t a man who harbored newly formed emotions of lust. No. Of course, neither of us had met only yesterday. Not technically. He’d watched me for a good amount of time before he came to that cliff… And me, I had seven months in of pretty much stalking him. With four more weeks to go, together, we were only adding flames to this fire between us. What would happen then? Would the spark ignite over our time together, or would it die out?

  Would I die?

  Chapter 11

  Jaime

  I promised myself that I wouldn’t respond to her. That I wouldn’t react, be tempted, or swayed. First fucking day and I already had pinned her and was ready to take her in the show
er. Me! It wasn’t who I was. Lydia deserved better than that. She deserved someone to help her. To heal the pain she carried inside. Not some scumbag who couldn’t keep his actions under control.

  I knew she liked pain and I had used it to work her up by spanking her ass and pulling her hair. God, this wasn’t right. I wasn’t right. But wasn’t that who I was—a fucking sadist? A lover of inflicting pain?

  How many times had I broken slaves down and rebuilt them? So many. And I had loved every minute of it. So why was guilt making it impossible for me to enjoy any of Lydia’s pain?

  Why?

  Because I had suddenly grown one hell of a conscience. She was different. I cared for her. Horseshit. I fucking loved her. I loved a suicidal stranger that I hardly spent any real time with. Spying and following her around wasn’t supposed to count, but in my case it did.

  “Eat.”

  The rage from the internal battle projected in my voice. Lydia’s eyes shot up to mine, only to fall back to her nearly untouched omelet.

  “What’s wrong? You don’t like it?”

  Again, she glanced up. “I don’t eat eggs. They make me sick. Can I just have a bowl of cereal?”

  “You don’t eat eggs? Why didn’t you say something when you were watching me make it?”

  “Well, at first I thought you were just making it for yourself. But then you handed me the plate and I didn’t want to be rude. You took your time to make me breakfast.”

  Took my time. Didn’t want to be rude.

  “You’re too nice. I bet you let everyone walk all over you.”

  “What?”

  “You do, don’t you? What is it that has you not standing up for yourself? That has you willing to starve rather than to speak up?”

  Lydia’s chair scraped against the floor as she slowly stood. “Do not for one minute think you have me pinned for some push-over. I can tell you stories all day long, but you will never know the soul you bark orders to. You will never understand who I am. Maybe the reason I didn’t speak up was because I wasn’t hungry. Maybe the reason I didn’t tell you I wanted something else was because I have an eating disorder. Perhaps,” she said, raising her voice, “the reason I didn’t demand a bowl of fucking cereal is because it’s not floating in vodka.”