“What kept you alive? Tell me.”
“You,” I whispered. “You did.”
Silence stretched out until I heard him come closer.
“What about me? You knew I was fine. You watched me heal. What reason was there to stay after that?”
“I don’t know. I just did.”
Fingers curled around the back of my neck and I turned to take in Jaime’s handsome features. I stopped on his full lips, basking in how kissable they were. I existed in a euphoric state of pain and with him being this close, the need I felt for him only increased.
“You feel it too, don’t you, slave?”
My stare slowly moved up to meet his intense gaze and my chest constricted through the need to confess.
“You do. Admit it. You feel something for me, whether you like it or not.”
“It changes nothing.”
Jaime’s eyes narrowed. “It changes everything.”
Lips crushed into mine and the pressure increased on the back of my neck as he drew me deeper into the kiss. Without hesitation I met his tongue, sliding mine along his. Waves of heat poured from my skin as I tugged against the cuffs impatiently. My body was tingling from the sensitivity of the lashes and I wanted more than just pain. I wanted physical touch. To feel his body on mine as I held to him for reasons I couldn’t even understand. Safety? Perhaps. Or comfort. We’d been through something together that people rarely lived from. He could have died because of me. He took the chance, accepting the outcome because he wanted to keep me alive.
He was right. Something was changing. I just wasn’t sure what to think about that.
“Fuck, I want you.” Teeth tugged at my lip and I moaned, meeting his mouth with hunger I hadn’t felt in as long as I could remember. With hard yanks, I fought the bonds keeping me restrained. Before I could process what I was doing, Jaime was working me loose. My hand fell, and then the other. He broke away, crouching behind me while he began to unbuckle my feet.
Blood rushed through my arms bringing the sensations of pins and needles. I looked down, watching as he worked in quick movements. When his eyes darted up to mine, something flickered over his face. What registered brought a gasp, but it was too late. Fingers gripped into my ass and Jaime’s tongue pushed into my pussy. My hands shot to the cross and I gripped tightly as a moan tore free.
The thrusts were quick, invading me—teasing me. He traced around my opening following along the inside of one of my folds. When he lifted my hips, arching me even more, the connection to my clit nearly had me screaming.
“I knew you’d be wet. I knew you liked this. Needed it.”
Suction against the sensitive nerves had my nails digging into the padding of the cross. I was on fire. I couldn’t stop trying to rock against his tongue. Suck, lick, thrust. He teased my pussy in all the right spots, building me higher with each dose of pleasure.
“Master, take me to the bed.”
The barely existent plea had Jaime freezing. My eyes were so heavy I could barely open them to look down at his stunned gaze. It was enough to sober me almost instantly.
“I can’t do this,” he whispered. “I’m rushing. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“Rushing?”
The question went unanswered as he undid the last cuff and stood.
“You didn’t eat. You should eat. Then you can read.”
The cold tone was like ice water. It left me speechless as he drew the dress over my head with little regard for my tender, welted flesh. As he pulled me up the stairs and toward my room, every inch of my body was demanding I say something. Anything. But I obeyed him, silent, like the puppet I was.
“Go ahead and eat. I’ll be back to get your tray later.”
Jaime wouldn’t even look at me as he headed for the door. Had I done something wrong? Maybe I was the one rushing things. Yes. Hadn’t I always jumped the gun and not worried about the repercussions until they came?
The door locked behind him and flashes of what happened between us was all I could see. The sting was relived over and over as I stared blindly ahead. Memories left me tingling and I couldn’t deny the need that was still there. Regardless of him pulling away, I wanted more of my Master’s brutality. I wanted him. How was I going to block that out for the remaining time?
Chapter 15
Jaime
“I have a problem.”
Sevastian’s voice paused over the phone as my words cut off his greeting.
“What sort of problem? Did Lydia try to kill herself, again? Did she hurt you?”
“No.” I glanced up to the monitors before me, watching her lie on the bed. She was reading. Had been now for hours.
“Well, if she didn’t harm herself or you, what’s the problem? Is she better than you thought?”
“I wish. She’s a cutter. She’d do it in a heartbeat if she could manage to find something. But that isn’t the worst of it. I was right, bringing her here. It would have been soon. She builds and then she explodes. One trigger is all it would take.”
“Dammit. I was hoping she had turned around over the months.”
Lydia rolled to her back, lifting the book over her head. I couldn’t stop my mouth from pursing at Sevastian’s response.
“Me too, but that’s not the case. She says she wants to end it when her time is up. She feels she doesn’t have a choice. She can’t escape the urges when they come and she’s tired of fighting. We both know I’m not going to let that happen. I just have to come up with a game plan.”
Silence.
“A game plan? Jamie, what did I teach you? You were supposed to have one ready before you ever brought her to you in the first place.”
“I had one,” I snapped.
“So what’s the issue? Will it not work for her now?”
“No. Well, yes, but...” I ran my fingers through my hair as I stood and began to pace. “It’s not that simple. She could go through with the plan, but I’m not so sure I can.”
Footsteps paused on the other end of the phone and I waited while guilt ate at me.
“You’re too soft for her, aren’t you?”
“I think it’s more than that.”
“More than that? What do you mean? Are you saying you…” Sevastian’s voice died out as he seemed to catch his increasing incredulity. “Are you telling me you might have feelings for this girl?”
Again I found myself stopping in front of the monitors. She was still there. Still reading as if the world hadn’t fallen out from under us. Or me. Yes, definitely me. I couldn’t think. I could barely keep myself contained in the room. All I wanted was to go back in and pin her down on that bed and—
“Jaime, you still with me?”
“Yeah. Sorry. I don’t know.”
“Well, you either have romantic feelings for her or you don’t. It’s pretty simple. If you possibly love her, you have to walk away right now. You have to let me finish this out. You are in no condition to do what is best for her.”
Anger surged, causing my teeth to grind into each other. I knew he was right, but I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving.
“I need more time. A few more days to see how things play out.”
“Jaime …”
“A few more days.”
“God dammit.” A door sounded and I knew he was back in his office. “You’re walking a very thin line, you know that, right? You don’t want to leave her, but we both know if you have any feelings for her whatsoever, you have to break away and let her get better first. It’s the only way to know for sure.”
My head shook, but I didn’t speak. I knew what he meant. He had done the same thing for Diane. It was the whole reason I had monitored her. Things could get complicated. And not just with feelings. Lydia could be fine right now if the whole love thing panned out. But what about a year from now? Two years? Five? At some point, a fight or depression would trigger her need of suicide and if she wasn’t taught to care for herself without me, anything could happen. One mista
ke right now could cost her her life in the future.
“You say you need more time. Are you positive you want to do that?”
“Yes. I’ll be okay for now. I just wanted you aware. I’ll call if I need you.”
Sevastian’s deep breath echoed through. “Promise me, Jaime. Not only for her sake, but for yours. I lost my first wife to suicide. That’s not something you want to go through. Play this smart. Do it for both of you.”
My mouth opened and the words were on the tip of my tongue to tell him to come, but something wouldn’t let me. My greed? The protectiveness I felt over her? Maybe it was a combination of everything.
“Speaking of wives. How’s the future Mrs. Tyler?”
“Diane is great. Planning away. We meet with the florist on Friday to look over the arrangements. Nothing that can’t be postponed if it has to.”
“Lydia will be fine,” I stressed.
I threw a glance at the screen, only to find myself coming back to the monitor. Nothing was different, but I couldn’t deny the pull to sit down and continue watching.
“Have you kissed her?”
“What?”
“You heard me perfectly clear. You repeating my question tells me you already have. Son of bitch, Jaime. Really? Did you do more?”
“I have this handled. I’ll call if I need you.”
“Trigger objects, Jaime. Don’t you dare fucking try to protect her by keeping her from the tests.”
“I’ve got this.”
I hung up the phone, cursing as I let it slide against the desk. I shouldn’t have called until I was positive. There was no fooling Sevastian. He could pick up a lie when no one else could. And here I was, putting myself right in his path. He could stop this—stop me from being with her until she was better. And in her case, that could be months. Longer.
Fool.
The word repeated in my head while I leaned back against the chair. Tests. Yes. It was almost time and when that happened, things were going to get bad. If Lydia had feelings for me now, she might not when all of this was over.
I rubbed my eyes, groaning as I let my head rest back, over the top of the chair. I had to get control over this. Over myself. I’d never been this distracted. I felt weak, and I hated that. It wasn’t me.
Movement had me focusing on Lydia again. She was sitting up and placing the book down on the bed beside her. My pulse jumped as she eased from the mattress and walked toward our adjoining door. How she knew I was in here was beyond me, but it wasn’t seconds before knocking sounded.
I stood, pulling the keys from my pocket and unlocking it. I shouldn’t be opening the door, but it was sealed too well and I really didn’t feel like having a yelling match with a barrier between us. Was that an excuse? It sure as hell felt like one.
“I have to go to the restroom.”
“Of course.”
My tone was light as I opened my door wider, gesturing to my bathroom. Lydia’s eyes darted up to mine and then to the monitors as she passed. When she got to the middle of the room, she slowed, pausing, but kept staring forward. I could see her fidgeting at whatever she was thinking.
“Privacy, please.”
At my silence, she continued, again, shutting the doors behind her. Nervousness had my fists clenching. Privacy. I should give it to her, but I suddenly knew what was lying on my counter. Sevastian wanted me to go through with the tests, but this wasn’t a prop like in all the lessons we gave. She wasn’t ready. Not for this. She would fail. I knew it in my gut.
Please be wrong.
I let my stare drift to the monitor long enough to take in her location. So far, so good. She was walking to the toilet. That would buy me some time to get myself ready for whatever was to come.
Quietly, I counted to five and stole another glance.
Still good.
One-two-three-four-five-six-seven—
Still good.
I made it to ten, and then to fifteen seconds. When Lydia stood and started walking to the sink, she jerked to a stop—just like my heart. Was it even beating? The plummet to my toes made my stomach twist in knots. I couldn’t breathe as she walked closer. In slow movements she turned on the facet and began washing her hands … but her eyes never left the razor I’d used to shave my face.
“Don’t.”
One word from me and my pulse was roaring so loudly in my ears that I could barely hear it. Time was slowing and where each second drew out, her grab for the razor was lightning fast. My mind seemed to stall in panic, but my body was already responding, turning and sprinting for the restroom.
Crack!
Wood shattered from the frame as my shoulder drove into the door. Nothing seem to come into focus, although my eyes saw everything.
Crimson pooled, streaming down Lydia’s arm as she slid the razor sideways and repeatedly over her forearm. I didn’t think as I dove and tackled her down. We hit the ground hard, but it didn’t stop her from fighting. Fear left me scrambling and regret was already sinking in. I knew she would hurt herself, and yet I had waited. Had I learned nothing from the cliff incident? I shouldn’t have even let her continue in the restroom as soon as I realized the possibilities.
“Get off me! Get! Off!”
My grip on her slick wrist nearly slid free as she thrashed to get the razor further away from me.
“You are in so much trouble. Do you think you’ve had it hard so far? Slave, you have no idea the hell that awaits you from here on out.”
The brutal squeeze I gave to her wrist had a scream exploding through the room. The thick metal razor hit the floor but I didn’t see it. I couldn’t see anything but the determination on Lydia’s face. It sparked a hot, red-blooded rage in my gut. I was so much closer to her than the other slaves and that made me emotionally more invested. It made the situation worse. I couldn’t think past wanting to punish her, and I needed to.
“I know you’re mad at me, Master, but you will never understand. I had to do it. I can’t stop.” Her voice cracked and fury pushed into her words at my hesitation to respond. “Flog me again if you want. I don’t care. Every second that goes by is all the same hell anyway.”
The edge of my lips tugged back angrily as I shook my head. “Are you so sure about that? I bet you I could show you things you could never imagine. I’ll show you hell, baby.”
Chapter 17
Lydia
“I didn’t know.” The man shook his head as tears raced down his grief stricken face. “All that time she was harboring those … thoughts. That pain. It never crossed my mind how far gone she was. My Patty. How could I not know? How did I miss the signs that are so clear to me now?”
“Mr. Rogers, my condolences for your wife. I know this interview is hard, but the next question I’m going to ask may upset you even more.”
The husband nodded, wiping his face with a white handkerchief. My own tears had been flowing now for what had to have been hours. Interview after interview, Jaime forced me to sit on the edge of the bed and watch the families of suicide victims. Mothers, spouses, even some of the children of the deceased. It was killing me, and for reasons I didn’t want to face. Since my mother’s death shortly after my marriage to Phillip, I had no one. There would be no tears when the news of my death was released. Sure, some might come across an article in the paper and think, poor Lydia. What a tragedy. But the thought would be gone just as fast as it came. There was nothing left for me anymore. Even my brother didn’t know who I was, or cared to find out. I had tried reaching out to him once. Nothing. The one who might have cared the most was standing silently next to me, and if I went by any indication from his expression, he was over caring the small amount he may have.
“Mr. Rogers, it’s known that you were the one who found Patty. Can you walk me through the first moments of when you went into your bedroom and found her?”
A deep breath shook the man’s chest.
“I got off of work early. It was out of character for me, but I couldn’t get over the arg
ument Patty and I had the night before.” He got quiet, staring down at the ground as he seemed to relive the torment within his mind. “I tried calling a few times. When I never got an answer or a text, I began to worry. I thought maybe a car accident, but she told me she was cancelling her appointments and staying home. I can remember being confused as I left the office. My mind was coming up with so many possibilities and yet I kept dismissing them. I kept thinking she was fine, that it was all in my head. But those words she’d used the night before. They wouldn’t leave me.”
“What did she say, Mr. Rogers?”
Red rimmed eyes rose for only a second before they lowered. The small cry that left his lips had my bottom one quivering.
“We were arguing over our vacation being postponed. She said we never got to spend time together anymore. That she didn’t even know who I was, and … that I didn’t know her. I told her she was being silly. There was plenty of time to go to Jamaica, the resort wasn’t going anywhere. I dismissed the first part of her rant. She was right. It had been months since we got to spend any time together. Between our schedules, we were lucky to have dinner two or three times a week. Even then the conversations were always work-related.” He paused, hunching his shoulders. “She hated when I went on and on about work. How I was always on the phone. I can still see her sitting at the table when we had dinner on Friday. She was staring across the room while I was talking to my assistant. She looked so sad. I remember it caused me to forget what Patrick was saying, and then I got lost in his repeat of the schedule. I didn’t really see her awake again until a few days later—the night of our fight. Patty asked me if I knew what it was like to feel invisible. That’s what wouldn’t leave me. That’s why I took off early. It wasn’t the question that got me. It was the look in her eyes when she had asked it. I remember not being able to speak at first. I knew in my head, then, that something had to change. I tried talking to her about what she meant, but she dismissed it and excused herself. I laid in bed that night for a good hour going over that moment. Somehow I convinced myself I was worrying over nothing. Maybe I knew and I didn’t want to believe it. Maybe that’s why I left work after only a few missed phone calls.”
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