Truth and Solace

by Jana Richards

  “You couldn’t have known what was going to happen. No one could,” Luke said.

  “I struggled for years before I realized that, before I could forgive myself. I spent nearly ten years trying to ease the pain with booze. I was no fit parent for you, Maggie.”

  “What made you finally get sober?” Despite her anger, she could appreciate what he’d gone through. She could understand, but she didn’t know if she could forgive.

  “Abby. About nine years after Miranda’s death, she talked to my brother Glenn and he told her I was drinking myself to death. I happened to be working in Minneapolis, and she came looking for me. She didn’t pull any punches. She told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and start living again. If I wanted a chance to be in your life, I had to get clean and sober. I had to rebuild my life.

  “She got through to me. I checked myself into a rehab center. Once I got out of there, I joined Alcoholics Anonymous and worked hard on staying sober. It was tough, but I always knew Abby was only a phone call away. She was a friendly shoulder to lean on, someone to listen to my problems. She never wavered in her support, but she wouldn’t let me wallow in self-pity either. Gradually, I fell in love with her.”

  “She told me you were her first love,” Luke said. Maggie turned to look at him in surprise. “She said she’d loved you since she was a girl.”

  “Yeah.” Reese smiled in remembrance, closing his eyes briefly. “She told me the night I asked her to marry me. I had no idea. I’d been so in love with Miranda all those years ago I hadn’t noticed anyone else. While your mother was alive, Abby avoided me, even though Miranda was married to Robert. She was wracked by guilt because she was in love with the man her best friend loved. After Miranda died, she felt even worse, as if she was somehow responsible for her death because of her feelings for me. Abby was completely loyal to the people she loved.

  “She probably wouldn’t have sought me out if Glenn hadn’t told her about my drinking. But she wanted to help. And she continued to help me, right to the end. She insisted on being the one to tell you I’m your father because she thought it would be easier for both of us if she gave you the news.” A smile trembled on his lips. “I’ve been privileged to love, and be loved, by two incredible women. I’m a very lucky man.”

  Maggie swallowed back her tears. But she still had unanswered questions. “Why didn’t you come to see me once you got sober?”

  “I tried. When you were about thirteen, I came to see your grandparents while you were at school. I wanted the two of us to get to know each other, and I wanted you to know I was your father. I didn’t ask for custody or anything like that because I didn’t want to take you away from your sisters and everything you’d known. But your grandparents wouldn’t hear of it. They forbade me from seeing you and threatened to tell you I’d caused your mother’s death if I tried to contact you. I was afraid they’d make you and your sisters hate me, so I backed off. I’m sorry I did that now. I should have fought them. But they were getting old, and they’d already lost so much.”

  “So you had Abby step in to keep tabs on me in your place.” Anger and sorrow and regret for all the wasted years swirled in her head. Maggie didn’t want to be angry with Abby, especially now. But she’d kept the truth from her for years.

  “That was all Abby,” Reese said with a fond smile. “She was your friend because she loved you. Things got very complicated for her when the two of you got together.”

  Maggie glanced at Luke. Abby must have been torn between her love for her son and her desire to care for her. She took a shaky breath. All those times she’d gone to Abby for comfort and solace, all the confidences she’s shared with her. Abby had never judged or been disappointed in her, no matter what she’d done. She’d always tried to be her friend, no matter what. Love for Abby swamped her.

  “If you wanted to see me so badly, why did you and Abby move away when you got married?”

  “By then, I had a construction business established in Minneapolis. And frankly, living so close to you without being allowed to talk to you was hard. I reached out to your grandfather again after your grandmother died, but he was as adamant as ever that I should stay away from you. I thought it would be best to leave things alone until you were an adult and could make up your mind about me for yourself. I’d hoped that through your relationship with Abby, I could maintain a kind of contact with you.”

  Maggie glanced down at her hands. “But then I cut Abby off because I was angry she’d left me. I thought she’d abandoned me, like so many other people abandoned me.”

  Luke placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed. Whether he was trying to apologize for abandoning her or lend support, she didn’t know. Despite her lingering anger with him, she didn’t push him away.

  “Abby never gave up on me. She continued to write to me all those years, even though I didn’t write back. I was angry with her, but I always looked forward to her letters.”

  “If I had to do it over, I would have stayed here in Minnewasta and tried to get to know you. That was one of the many mistakes I’ve made, Maggie.” Reese sank against the cushions of his chair. “When we found out Abby’s cancer was terminal, she wanted to come home and bring all the secrets out into the light. She wanted you to know the truth.”

  The truth. Lately the truth had been hitting her like a tsunami. First Willy’s confession, then learning Robert Lindquist wasn’t her father, and now discovering that Reese was. But most of all Luke’s bombshell. Truth upon truth piled on her until she couldn’t breathe. She wasn’t sure she could handle much more.

  She got to her feet. “I need to get back to the lodge. I’m sure the kitchen is swamped.”

  Luke also rose. “I should get back, too.”

  Maggie nodded at him, not quite meeting his eyes. Luke’s truth had hit her hardest of all. It hurt so much to know he’d taken her grandfather’s money to leave her. And he said he loved her, had always loved her. She had no idea what to do with that declaration. After so many lies, she didn’t think she could start believing him now.

  Reese walked them to the door. “I hope some day you can forgive me, Maggie. I hope we can forge some kind of relationship from all the pain we’ve been through.”

  She nodded, not certain how to respond. She needed time to process everything she’d learned.

  Reese put his hand on Luke’s shoulder. “It won’t be long now.”

  Maggie swallowed and closed her eyes, knowing he was referring to Abby. Time was a luxury she didn’t have.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  His mother died two days later. In the end, her passing was peaceful and with little pain, for which Luke was grateful. He and Reese and his grandmother had taken turns sitting with her around the clock. Maggie joined them often, spelling them off and bringing them food. Together, they watched his mother’s life force slowly ebb from her body. Her lucid moments gradually became fewer and fewer but at one point, while he was alone in the room with her, she opened her eyes and looked directly at him.

  “Don’t ever forget. Love is worth the risk.”

  They turned out to be her last words to him, words he would never forget.

  Abby had made all the arrangements for her own funeral during her illness. Right until the end, she’d tried to make things easier for the people she’d left behind. But then, that was his mom.

  On the day of the funeral, the clouds cleared and the sun shone brightly, though the temperature was frigid. Luke moved through the day like a sleepwalker. Through the ordeal of the service itself, and the bitter cold of the internment, he watched the proceedings as if from a distance, feeling like his spirit had left his body the way his mother’s had. The only thing that kept him grounded was having Maggie nearby. She stood beside him at the graveside and though she said very little, her presence comforted him.

  He only wished he could feel her love.

  Abby had arranged for a luncheon to take place in the church basement after the internment, and the whole tow
n showed up. Friends, acquaintances, neighbors and former co-workers of his mom’s stopped by his table to pay their respects and offer condolences. He and Reese and his grandmother murmured their thank yous and listened to their reminiscences about Abby. She’d been universally loved by everyone. He appreciated their sympathy, but all Luke wanted was for the day to end.

  Jerry Fields and his wife approached their table, Denise carrying a small bundle in her arms. Jerry said a few words to Reese and his grandmother and then turned to Luke. “I’m so sorry. Abby was a wonderful person and wonderful mother. She was taken from you too soon.”

  “Yes, she was.” His throat closed. He couldn’t believe she was gone.

  Luke cleared his throat. He needed to talk about something, anything, before he broke down in tears. He turned his attention to Denise. “You’ve had your baby. Congratulations. Boy or girl?”

  “Girl. Jerry is getting outnumbered by females in our house.”

  Jerry put his arm around her shoulders. “I couldn’t be happier about it.”

  Denise adjusted the bundle in her arms. “Would you like to meet your new baby sister, Luke?”

  He blinked, taken aback by her words. Of course he knew Jerry’s children were his half-siblings, but somehow hearing it put that way made it real. “Sure.”

  Denise pulled back a blanket so he could get a better look at the sleeping baby. Her features – miniature nose, tiny fingers, rosebud mouth—were perfect and beautiful. He touched her blonde hair with one finger, the texture as soft as down.

  “She’s beautiful,” he murmured. “What’s her name?”

  “Grace Marie, after my mother. Emily was named after Jerry’s Mom.”

  Luke looked up at Jerry, suddenly aware that he knew nothing about his heritage on his father’s side. He hadn’t even known his grandmother’s name.

  “I hope you’ll come for dinner again soon. We so enjoyed having you over, and so did Emily. She’s been asking about her big brother ever since you were at our house. You can bring a friend if you’d like.”

  He immediately thought of Maggie. She’d get a kick out of meeting his baby sisters…

  Maggie didn’t want to go anywhere with him.

  “Thanks, but I don’t know how long I’ll be staying in Minnewasta.”

  Denise’s face fell. “Oh. I thought you were staying to work at the lodge. Jerry was so hoping…” She glanced at her husband and then turned back to Luke with a forced smile. “All the more reason for you to come to dinner soon.”

  She was right. “I’ll call you in a day or two, Denise. I promise.”

  The smile she gave him was more genuine this time. “That’s good. Family needs to stick together in moments like these.”

  Luke nodded, unable to respond.

  Jerry clapped him on the shoulder. “We need to get the baby home. Goodbye, son. We’ll talk to you soon.”

  Luke watched them leave. Family. He had co-workers and a few good friends in California, but no one he could call family. Losing his mother taught him how precious family was. Did he really want to live so far from the family he had left?

  The crowd began to thin out, and Harper and Maggie approached their table. Harper held out her hands to Reese. “We’re going to miss her terribly.”

  Reese nodded, a wan smile on his lips. “We are.”

  “Once everyone leaves, would you all like to come out to the lodge? We’re having a family dinner and we’d like you to join us. We’ve closed the dining room to the public for the evening, so we’ll have privacy.”

  Reese glanced at him and his grandmother. Phyllis gave a tired nod. “That sounds lovely, Harper. I don’t think I’m ready to be alone yet.”

  Luke reached for her hand and squeezed. He wasn’t ready either.

  “Ethan and Maggie and I are heading off now. Come out whenever you’re ready.”

  “Thank you.”

  As Harper said goodbye, Maggie’s gaze met his. Apart from the sadness he saw in her eyes, he couldn’t read her. He wished he knew what her feelings for him were. Had he ruined any chance of a relationship with her? He had no idea.

  After the last mourners left the church basement, he drove his grandmother and Reese to the lodge in his truck. Harper and Scarlet met them at the door with warm hugs. Scarlet looped her arm through his as they headed into the dining room.

  “Where’s Tessa?” he asked.

  “She’s having dinner with Celeste and Hope in their apartment. Celeste thought it might be easier for her than being with us tonight. We’re all in a somber mood.”

  He sighed. “That’s true.”

  “Maggie’s busy in the kitchen preparing dinner, or she would have greeted you herself.”

  Luke wasn’t so sure about that. He didn’t know if she even wanted him here. “Really?”

  “Yes, really. She insisted on cooking dinner herself. She wouldn’t let me or Harper or even Celeste help. I guess it’s her way of working through her grief.” She tightened her hold on his arm. “Give her time, Luke. So much has happened in the last few weeks. It’s shaken all of us, but Maggie got the brunt of it. Her world’s been turned upside down. And then there’s you.”

  “Yeah.” The things he’d told her about the past had delivered her a heavy blow.

  A fire was roaring in the dining room fireplace, lending a welcome warmth to the room. Ethan and Cam were setting the table closest to the fire. Ethan stepped forward to shake his hand. “I’m glad you came, Luke. Do you think we could have a quiet word after dinner?”

  “Yeah, sure.” He probably wanted advice on how to proceed once he left.

  There was nothing holding him in Minnewasta any longer. He could go back to California whenever he wanted to.

  But did he want to?

  All the reasons he’d stayed away from Minnewasta for so long seemed meaningless. There was nothing left to hide. No secrets to maintain. He was beginning to forge a relationship with his father now, and he’d like to get to know him and his family. And he couldn’t imagine leaving his grandmother or Reese. They needed him.

  Maggie. He definitely needed her, but he didn’t think she had anything left for him.

  As if he’d summoned her, Maggie appeared in the dining room carrying a platter with a roast chicken. Their gazes met and held a moment before she looked away to set the platter on the table. She turned to his grandmother. “Phyllis, I could use a hand. Would you mind carving the chicken?”

  His grandmother’s expression brightened. “I’d love to.”

  Maggie could handle dinner preparations on her own, but she understood Phyllis needed to be useful and busy, especially today. Luke shot Maggie a grateful smile. She simply nodded and headed back to the kitchen. He watched her leave, his heart heavy. He missed the easy relationship they’d established while working together. He missed her, in his bed and in his life.

  Harper touched his arm. “She’ll come around.”

  He nodded, hoping she was right.

  Dinner was somber. Conversation centered on the success of the lodge’s grand opening and events planned for the upcoming months. But, even though no one mentioned it, Abby’s death weighed heavily in their thoughts. Luke felt her loss like a stone pressing against his heart.

  After dinner, everyone pitched in to clean up and put leftovers away. Maggie made hot chocolate and they sat in the lounge to drink it.

  Ethan turned to him. “I’d like to have that word with you now. Can you join me in the office?”

  “Of course.”

  As soon as they reached the office, Ethan quietly closed the door. “I’m not going to beat around the bush. Not today of all days. Harper and I want you to stay on permanently as our manager. I think we all work together well, and we make a hell of a team. We need you.”

  Ethan named a figure that exceeded his salary in California. Luke shook his head. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Maybe we don’t have everything that California has to offer, but we have one thing it can�
��t give you – family.”

  “You’re not playing fair.”

  “Probably not, but that’s because we want you to stay. Is there anything about the job that’s causing you to hesitate? Because if there is, we can work it out.”

  “No, there’s nothing. I’d like to be a part of making the lodge a success, but…” He couldn’t finish.

  “You’re not sure about Maggie.”

  “I can’t stay here if she doesn’t want me to.”

  “Have you talked to her?”

  “No, at least not about us. I don’t even know if there is an us.” Unsure if Maggie had told her brother-in-law, he came clean with Ethan about taking money from Maggie’s grandfather to leave.

  “You were both so young. Maggie’s not unreasonable. Eventually, she’ll understand you did the only thing you could.”

  “Understanding and forgiving are two different things.”

  One was done with the head and the other with the heart. Even if she came to understand, she may never feel the same way about him again. He believed she’d loved him years ago, though she’d never told him. How he wished he could look into her heart and know her feelings now.

  “Do you love her?” Ethan asked.

  There was no point denying it. “Yes.”

  “Have you told her?”

  “No.”

  “What are you waiting for? I almost lost Harper because I waited too long to tell her the truth about my life and my feelings for her. I can’t imagine living without her now.”

  “What if she doesn’t feel the same way?”

  “Then, you’ll know for sure. I think Maggie is worth taking that risk.”

  Luke heard his mother’s voice in his head, encouraging him to step to the edge of the precipice and jump. Love is worth the risk. He would need all of his courage to take that leap of faith.

  Maggie watched Luke follow Ethan out of the dining room. She didn’t need a crystal ball to predict her brother-in-law was trying to convince Luke to stay. He’d be an asset to the lodge, a necessary piece of the puzzle for its success.