Paradise by the Dashboard Light

by Kathryn R. Biel

  For the first few days, thoughts of her consumed every waking minute, and much of my sleep as well. I haven't had this many wet dreams since I was a teenager. I'd thought getting over Rainne and her deception was hard.

  This is worse. So much worse.

  I just don't understand how she let me touch her. How she let me love her, knowing she was deceiving me. Both then and now.

  Beth comes in, flopping on the couch. "I can't believe how dead it is tonight."

  "Ssssh! Don't say that. It's an automatic way to get slammed later."

  "I might get some sleep. It's the next best thing to meeting Rio for drinks."

  She lets the words hang there, baiting me.

  "Beth, you know I don't want to talk about it."

  "Not it. Her. You don't want me to mention her. I do not understand what could have possibly happened. One minute you're all lovey-dovey. She drops everything to take care of you and take you home to see your family and then you came back and hate her guts. And she's a mess too. From what I've seen of her, that is. She's working crazy hours. Probably more than me at this point." Beth looks at me. "She's not eating much either. There's never any trash or dishes."

  I will not let this bother me. I will not let this bother me. I will not … crap. "You know I don't want to get into it, Beth. Besides, it's between Rio and me."

  "Since I have to live with her and work with you, I need a little background. You know, what subjects to avoid. That sort of thing. Did she cheat on you?"

  "No," I grumble. "And apparently neither did her sister."

  Beth sits up a little straighter. That certainly piques her interest. I pour myself a cup of coffee and sit down in the chair across from her. "I used to date Rio's twin sister, Rainne."

  "Damn, Ian. You dirty bird. Both sisters? Yuck. That'd be a deal breaker for me."

  I ignore that comment. "I was really into Rainne in high school. Looking back, I don't know why. Maybe because I was pretty straight-laced and she was the bad girl? Anyway, she only agreed to go out with me finally for our senior prom. Even then, she strung me along all summer after. The night before I was leaving for college, Rainne promised me we'd do it." I take a deep breath. "So I met up with her and well, yeah. Then later on that night, Rainne was caught having sex with someone else."

  "Oh man, that's screwed up."

  "Yeah, she did a number on me. I decided to focus on my studies and career and worry about relationships after I was all settled."

  "Which is why you dumped Trisha."

  "I dumped Trish because there wasn't anything there, and I didn't really want to have meaningless sex all the time. I've been the person who thinks sex means something when it doesn't." I think about that. "Or, at least I thought I had."

  "Okay so then you run into Rio and you guys hook up. Then what?"

  "Not that I need to explain myself, but we didn't hook up until after I was staying at your place. It was weird. I mean, I saw her every day of my life for the first nineteen years. She was one of my best friends, but until I walked into that bar, I'd never really seen her. I was instantly hooked. My mom said Rio'd been in love with me since we were kids. I wasn't sure what to believe because she was running so hot and cold. And then well, just hot."

  "That's gross. Please tell me you didn't defile anything of mine. I don't want to think about your naked ass on my stuff."

  "As much as I want to tell you differently, there was no defilement." I wink at Beth. "My mobility was limited. If I'd been one hundred percent, there would have been naked asses all over the place."

  "Eww, nasty." Beth throws a wadded up napkin at me.

  "So it was going great. I mean except for the fact that Rio never wants to move back to Ohio, and that's pretty much my whole life plan. Anyway, right as we're about to leave to start back here, the douchebag who Rainne had sex with that night let me in on the not-so-little secret that it wasn't Rainne I'd slept with but Rio."

  "Oh, right. She told us about that."

  "Yeah," I say dryly. The acid from the coffee is starting to burn my stomach. "Trisha said as much."

  "Okay, so what happened between you and Rio then?"

  I look at Beth, dumbfounded. "Um, she lied to me. She pretended to be her sister. She deceived me."

  "Let me get this straight: she was in love with you for all those years, but you ignored her for her sister. Her sister asked her to switch places because she was going to screw someone else. You approached Rio, thinking she was her sister, with the expectation of sex. Did you ask her?"

  "No. I, well, we were drinking."

  "Did she say anything that could have clued you in? Like I mean, are their voices identical?"

  I shrug. "She said she wasn't who I thought she was. I thought maybe Rainne meant she wasn't really the tough girl she acted like all the time."

  Beth's head cocks to the side. "What did you say back to her?"

  "I said, 'I know you.' I meant I knew that Rainne wasn't so bad."

  "Rainne, who was off having sex with someone else?"

  I nod. I don't like the trajectory of this conversation, mostly because of the guilty feeling creeping up my spine.

  "And this was in the backseat of a car, if I'm not mistaken?" Beth continues.

  I nod again.

  "So you showed up and basically just started screwing. This girl has been in love with you for years, and you won't give her the time of day, but will hump her sister like a rabbit."

  "That's not how it was."

  "Okay, Ian. Tell me. Did Rio and Rainne look alike?"

  I shrug. I never thought they did. "Not really. Rainne was taller. Rio's lips are fuller." I'm thinking about her now. "Her chest is definitely bigger. I remember that surprising me. I wondered how they grew."

  "And you knew that there were two of them and sometimes they did this."

  "I guess."

  "And she said, ‘I'm not who you think I am?’”

  Shit.

  "And you don't think you're the least little to blame that you had sex with the wrong person?"

  "I was expecting Rainne to be there," I offer, even though I know it's pointless.

  "And Rio was expecting to break up with you on her behalf."

  I consider what she's saying. I try to defend myself with the best defense I can muster. "I'd been drinking. I was a stupid, horny kid." My words are meaningless, even to me.

  "And can't you say the same for Rio? Maybe you need to think about that. You were there too. You should have known it wasn't Rainne. She told you. It's your fault too."

  I. Am. A. Shit.

  "And there's one other good thing you haven't considered."

  "What's that?" I'm having a hard time finding the bright side in this situation. I lost her because of stupid pride. No, I didn't lose her. I pushed her away.

  Or even worse, I threw her away.

  "You've only slept with Rio, not both her and her twin. That's a lot less icky."

  Before I can ponder it more, our phones start lighting up. "Beth, you totally jinxed us. We're about to get slammed."

  I look at the messages.

  MASS CASUALTY ALERT: Bus versus building.

  Tonight's about to get a body count.

  Chapter 28

  Rio

  This night sucks. I should have listened to my instincts and gone home after work. Nope, instead I'm in a hot, crowded bar, watching Cailynn get sloppy drunk. She's hammered, and I'm irritated. I consider getting drunk too, but we all know how well that worked out the last time. All I can think about is going home so I don't ruin Cailynn's buzz.

  I could be warm and cuddly in my pajamas, wallowing in my misery. Instead I'm crowded and annoyed and not nearly drunk enough to tolerate the man next to me who "accidentally" keeps brushing my thigh with his hand. When I feel his fingers trail up my leg and under the hem of my dress, I'm done.

  I pop up off my bar stool, pushing my way through the crowd. Cailynn squeals as I approach. "Oh my God, Rio. This is the best place!
" Her words are slurred, and she's half propped up on some guy. He's not bad looking, but her faculties are obviously impaired. I turn away, head toward the entrance. Shit. I want to leave, but I can’t. I need to make sure Cailynn gets home.

  Someone opens the door and the cold air hits me as I spin on my heel and head back to my friend…

  I hate being responsible…

  I push my way through the throng to find my inebriated assistant. I reach her in time to see her companion grab a nice handful of ass.

  Pulling them apart I say, "Okay, Cailynn. Time to go. Tell the nice boy goodbye."

  Cailynn stumbles a bit. "Oh but Rio, he's like totally hot." She looks at the guy. "You're hot." She's definitely slurring.

  "Then get his number, and you can talk to the hot boy another time."

  She pulls out her phone and hands it to him to put his number in. I can tell from the glance he gives me that he's making up a number. I raise my eyebrow and he drops his head. "The right number."

  I hate this part of the dating scene.

  Just as he hands the phone back to Cailynn, I hear a loud noise from the front of the bar. Before I can process what it is, there's a crash, and I'm rammed from behind. I pitch forward, slamming into Cailynn's dude. His body breaks my fall as we hit the ground. I try to get up but am unable to move for a minute, other bodies pressing into and against me.

  "What the hell?" I shout, now noticing smoke and haze fill the room as the press of bodies continue in our direction. As much as I try, I can't stand up. I can only look into this guy's face. I see the panic in his eyes and try to turn around. "What happened?"

  "I don't know. Maybe another bomb?"

  It takes a few minutes. I try to look around but I can't see much. The lights in the main room of the bar are out. Above the hissing and screaming, I hear sirens approaching.

  "Are you hurt?" I say to the guy underneath me. His face is filthy with dust and debris.

  "I don't think so. You?"

  I mentally survey everything, wiggling my toes. "I don't think so either. I'm going to try to get up."

  I push off him and get to my knees. My purse, strapped across my body, dangles between us. I'm still clutching Cailynn's phone in my hand. Oh God, where's Cailynn? I stand up and try to make sense of the chaos around me.

  Through the haze I see the front of the bar, where I'd been just a moment before. Where a window and table once were is now the front end of a bus. And bodies. Many bodies. I look away from the blood and mangled parts, both of steel and bone. I swallow back bile. Throwing up right now will only make this worse. I move to the left, to where Cailynn had been. I see her, lying on the floor with her eyes closed. There's blood running down the side of her face. Squatting down next to her, I shake her gently. Her eyes flutter open, mercifully. I probably shouldn't move her because she could have a head or neck injury. Instead, I press my hand to the wound on her head and tell her it will be all right.

  Before I know it, rescue personnel are entering the building, paramedics carrying stretchers and their first aid bags. Cailynn sits up. "I'm fine. I'm okay. What happened?"

  The guy she'd been smooching on, the one who'd broken my fall and probably prevented my own injuries, is nowhere to be seen. I'm no doctor, but I think Cailynn's head was cut by some flying glass or debris. She seems okay, but there's a lot of blood.

  As I fill her in on what appears to be a bus that crashed into the bar, I look toward the front of the building and then quickly away. Limbs are contorted and distorted. There are other disfigurations that I can't bear to see. Wails of pain echo back to where we are. I need to get us out of here and quickly before something else happens.

  "Cailynn, do you think you can stand? Do you think you can walk?" People have been streaming out the back of the bar so there's room for us to move now. Gingerly, I help her to her feet. If I hadn't helped Ian after his surgery, I might not have known how to best assist Cailynn. The blood is still streaming from her head, despite attempting to stanch the flow with my scarf that had been tied on my handbag.

  The cold winter air feels good and for the first time since the crash, I feel like I can take a deep breath. I don't know if it's been twenty minutes or three hours. Time has stopped and warped and twisted. All I know is the winter night feels good against my skin, though the precipitation stings. It's one of those weird rain-snow-ice mixtures that chills you down to the bone. Neither my tights and Mary-Jane heels nor Cailynn's leggings and stiletto boots are any use in this kind of weather. "We've got to get you to the hospital. My roommate works at Boston Center. We can go there."

  Streets are closed with the flashing lights of emergency vehicles illuminating the December sky. Sirens and voices over megaphones pollute the sound, making it hard to discern and process anything. "Can you walk for a block or two? We need to get away from ground zero so an Uber can get through."

  Cailynn nods slightly and we move slowly away from the tragedy. We make it a block or two before Cailynn starts slumping onto me more, our shoes slipping and sliding. We're cold and wet. I pull out my phone, thankful my purse had been around my body in preparation for leaving, and order an Uber.

  As we get in the back, the driver looks nervously at Cailynn. "There's a two-hundred dollar charge if she pukes back there."

  "Seriously? I need to get her to the hospital."

  "I'm not an ambulance, lady."

  "I know, but the ambulances are tied up with the people who are really hurt. I think she needs stitches and maybe has a concussion. Can you please take us to Boston Center Hospital?"

  "Mass General is closer."

  "Yes, but I heard a paramedic say they'll be getting the more seriously wounded. Plus, my roommate works at Boston Center, so I'd rather go there. Please?"

  He looks back at Cailynn and then me again. "What happened?"

  "A bus crashed into the bar. The place was pretty packed so I bet there's a lot of people really hurt." Or dead. But I can't bear to say that. I wonder what happened to the friendly bartender who gave me sympathetic smiles as I sat pouting into my martini. Or the guy who was trying to cop a feel.

  Are they whole?

  Are they alive?

  

  Ian

  Covering the E.D. is never my favorite thing. The E.D. on a full moon night when there's a mass casualty event sucks ass. You know people's lives will be changed, and not for the better in most cases. People are going to die. People are going to have permanent and lifelong disabilities following a split second event. Mass General is getting the worst of the traumas, but we're still slammed.

  We've lost one patient so far. She bled out on the way here. I don't know why they brought her here when Mass General was closer. I doubt it would have made a difference in the outcome though. I will never forget the look of utter devastation on her boyfriend's face as we told him. "But we were going to have a life together. We were going to get married. We had plans." He kept repeating these statements in a slow, robotic voice. Telling him "I'm sorry" didn't seem remotely adequate to the significance of his loss. He is a walking broken heart.

  If only there were a surgery to fix that.

  Hell, the first person I'd perform it on is myself.

  "Ian, Ian, come quick!" Mel runs up, out of breath.

  "Where?" I mentally go through my patients, trying to figure out which one could be going south. I try to run, but I can't move that fast.

  "Out to the waiting room."

  Mel sprints ahead, hands grasping the stethoscope around her neck, and I do my best to follow. As I push through the doors, my gaze instantly locks on her. She's soaking wet. Rio's hair has tumbled out of the ponytail and is full of debris. Her skin has a grayish pallor, most likely from the dust. But it's the blood that stops me. Her dress, once white, I'm guessing, is covered in blood. Her hands are solidly red.

  It takes every ounce of restraint I have not to panic, and still, the fear is seeping through. I want to vomit. I think about the man who just lo
st his girlfriend. That could have been Rio. I cannot imagine a world where Rio doesn't exist. I swallow hard, gasping for breath. "Rio, what happened? Where are you hurt?" I'm scanning her up and down, looking for obvious signs of injury.

  "It's not me, it's my assistant." She points to a huddled form on the chair next to her. She's pressing a dark piece of cloth to her temple. She, too, is covered in blood. "Her head is cut, and I'm not sure if she has a concussion. Something hit her in the head."

  I quickly begin assessing Rio's friend. It doesn't look critical, and I ask the head triage nurse if there's a spot for her. She directs us to a plinth in the hall.

  "Sorry, it's the best I can do right now."

  Rio shakes her head. "No, it's fine. We appreciate it. I …" she falters.

  "Are you sure you're okay? Have you been examined?"

  She nods. "I'm fine. It's Cailynn. I mean, compared to the others, she's fine, but I know she still needs to be checked out."

  My phone at my waist is going crazy. I'm needed in other areas. More critical cases. "I've got to go, but I'll check back soon. Mel and Beth are on. Grab them if you need anything."

  "I know. I came here because I knew Beth was working."

  As I hurry away, I pretend it doesn't hurt that she came for Beth and not me. Even though her attitude toward me is my own fault, I don't have time to dwell on it as case after case rolls in. Eventually, hours later, I find myself back at Rio and her friend.

  "Oh, isn't Beth available?" The disappointment in Rio's voice is clear. "We can wait."

  A kick to the gut. "No, you can't. We need to clear the bed. There's many more after you. This isn't just about you." My words are much more harsh than I intended, lashing out in pain. With every patient I've worked on tonight, all I can think is that it could have been Rio. She was there, and every gaping wound, lost limb, and crush injury could have been her body. Her life could have ended tonight.