Two Dogs Monty: Easy to read, hilarious story of a lad falling in love, two crazy dogs, and a bizarre gang of criminals. (Two Dogs Monty Series Book 1)

by Bill Day

  “You’re line’s over mine!” Flannel Shirt grabs his fishing knife to cut my line. Meanwhile Gail walks up the beach to watch me land my fish. She takes one look at Flannel with a knife in his hand. Without pause she reaches under her Lacoste shirt, sweeps out a small flat blade, and flicks her hand in the direction of Flannel’s rod. Her throwing knife shears the tip off Flannel’s rod and slices through his line. Flannel freezes.

  Gail looks straight into his eyes. “What’s the problem Monty?”

  Flannel backs away and starts grabbing his gear. He scoops up his rod and makes haste back to his car.

  Like mother - like daughter. She’s bloody spectacular.

  I walk up and down the beach trying to subdue my fish. I get it in close. Gail walks into the shallows, grabs the heavy trace line, and drags it up the beach.

  “One each isn’t bad. The seagulls ate our bait.”

  We walk back to where Sonia has her arm around Mary. “Come on Sis, let’s go for a swim.”

  Gail peels off her shirt and shorts to reveal a brief black bikini. She unclips her knives throws them on her shirt and shorts. I watch her as she runs down to the water.

  Mary slaps the back of my head - hard. “Put your bloody tongue back in Monty.”

  26

  Monty Goes Surfing

  We leave Mary and Gail in the shallows and walk up to the van. Sonia has bodyboards. We carry them down and join the others. There’s a three-foot swell close by so we strap on the hand leashes and paddle out. It’s easy to stand where the waves break, which is just as well because I’m not a strong swimmer.

  The water feels fantastic and it is great to wash the fish smell off us. We catch a few waves, get dumped a couple of times, and generally have a great time. It is nice to bob around behind the waves and chat with the girls. Gail has a degree in accounting. Mary has a bachelor of science. She is into cybersecurity. Sonia is a black belt in three martial arts and is studying part-time for a Bachelor of Security Studies. Why are they hanging out with me?

  A bigger wave comes along and we all take off on it. A war breaks out. I am between Gail and Mary. They both turn and slam into me. They make it their job to tip me off my bodyboard. Sonia is late catching the wave and lands flat on top of me. At that point, we all go over and bump along the bottom until the wave spews us onto the shore.

  We sit in the swash, push at our clothing, and laugh. My bathers are full of sand. I turn to paddle back out. Gail, Sonia, and Mary walk the other way and sit on the sand. I decide to get one good wave back in and then sit with them. I have to make it impressive.

  I watch fish swimming in the water. It is quite beautiful alone on the water. I let a set of large dumping waves go by. They are too big for the shallow bank I’m on. The sun is warm on my back and I just relax. I could go to sleep out here.

  After what seems like a few seconds I open my eyes. I am out a bit further than I like. I slide off my bodyboard expecting to feel the hard sand bottom. I go completely underwater. I am out of my depth. I climb back on the bodyboard and paddle like a panicked turtle. This has no effect and I head steadily out to sea on a rip. Those big waves have caused a rush of outgoing water, and I am outgoing with it.

  I remember Celia once saying, “Never bodyboard without flippers.” Always listen to your mother.

  I’m 150 feet offshore now. I look up and the girls chat happily on the beach. I see Mary look up and point. I wave like windmill in a cyclone. Sonia throws off her sunglasses and jogs down to the water. She seems to be taking my plight a bit lightly.

  I watch as she wades out. Her knees kick high to cut through the water. She reaches waist depth and dives under an approaching wave. She is out of sight for a few seconds. Her head breaks the water and she swims freestyle. I drift towards the horizon. She dives under another wave. She breaks the surface outside the break zone and swims butterfly style. Her tanned and muscled shoulders flash in the sun. She gets close and eases into sidestroke. She stops and treads water about a yard away. Her breath is slow and steady.

  Sonia smiles, “You in a spot of bother, Monty?”

  I nod meekly.

  “You need to ditch the bodyboard.”

  I shake my head.

  “No? Okay, we can bob around out here for a while.” We drift slowly towards the large swell that pounds the outer sandbank. My panic accelerates.

  “So Monty, this is a good time to chat.”

  I stare, my eyes popping out in panic.

  “It seems to me I am about to save your life. Would you agree?”

  “Sonia, help me.”

  “Well Monty, I could tow you to shore but I think you will just take up with Blondie back there. I wouldn’t like that. Do you like Gail Monty?”

  “Uh, yes. Please take me in Sonia.”

  “What about me, Monty?”

  “Yes, Sonia. You’re great. Take me in!

  “Just great Monty? Am I beautiful?”

  “Yes! Sonia, you’re beautiful. Take me in. I’m scared!”

  “How beautiful Monty?”

  “Very beautiful Sonia. You’re stunning.”

  “So, when I get you to shore, you’ll tell me I’m beautiful?”

  “Yes! Help me, Sonia.” I am going to drown. She is going to let me drown.

  “Will you kiss me on the beach? In front of the others?”

  “Yes, I will. I will. Just get us in, please Sonia.”

  “And say you love me?”

  “Sonia, anything! Please!”

  She pauses, “Anything Monty?”

  “Yes, anything. Anything you want. Just get me to shore before we both drown.”

  “I won’t drown Monty. I could stay out here for hours. You should exercise. We’ll have to fix that.”

  “Yes, yes, Sonia.”

  “So, you’ll do anything Monty?”

  “YES. Oh shit, I don’t want to drown out here. Anything you want Sonia”

  “Okay Monty. When I get you to shore you kiss me and say you love me. You can tell me I’m beautiful if you like. Got that?”

  “Yes, yes, yes. I will. I will.”

  “Hold on Monty. I’m not finished. On the way home you will stop at that jewellers on the corner and buy me a ring. Then call my Dad and ask for my hand. You will have to be very apologetic about not being in person. Tell him you can’t wait another moment.”

  “Sonia… I can’t…” Sonia lets go of my bodyboard and swims backstroke away from me.

  “No! I will. Come back, Sonia!!” A swell surges by and I lose sight of her. “Sonia! Come back!”

  I look about madly but still can’t see her. She has left me here.

  She appears behind me. “Monty, you do all that. We stay engaged for six months. If you want, after six months I’ll cut you loose. But I guarantee you will adore me after six weeks, let alone six months.”

  Despite my complete panic, there is a part of my mind that admires her confidence.

  “Do we have a deal, Monty?”

  “Yes, Sonia. We have a deal. Just rescue me, please.”

  “So, you say it back Monty. Just to make sure you’ve got it.” She lets go of the bodyboard again and backstrokes away gracefully.

  I scream out, “Kiss you, love you, jeweller - ring, call your Dad. Help!”

  She breaststrokes back with a smile on her face. “You got it, Monty! You could propose to me on the beach if you like.”

  Sonia unstraps my bodyboard and tips me off. I fall under the water but her strong hands pull me up. She rolls me over and slides one arm around me. She tows me slowly but steadily towards shore. I just stare up at the blue sky and contemplate my future. Perhaps it’s not too bad.

  Rather than pull me through the waves Sonia swims through the deeper water, sometimes against the outgoing current. It’s an impressive display of strength and stamina.

  We close on the beach. Sonia supports me as we walk through the swash and onto the shore. Gail and Mary wait. A group of onlookers are on the beach. There is
a smattering of applause, which builds to a crescendo of clapping, whistles, and cheers. People record the rescue on their phones.

  Gail throws her arms around me. Mary throws her arms around Sonia. I ease myself clear of Gail’s arms. My feet are wobbly. I stagger over to Sonia. I put my arms around her shoulders.

  “Sonia, you are beautiful. I love you.” She smiles and we kiss. She makes sure it is a long lingering kiss.

  When we part my legs finally give way. I fall to my knees. My vision swims. The beach seems to spin around me.

  I gasp, “Please marry me, Sonia?” Then I fall to the sand; face first and semi-conscious.

  Sonia looks down at my prostrate body. “Of course I will Monty. What took you so long?”

  Mary puts one arm around Sonia. “Well done Sis.”

  Gail puts her arms around both of them. “Congratulations Sonia.”

  And all across the beach people clap in appreciation and upload videos of the perfect engagement.

  27

  The Jewellery Shop on the Corner

  I sit on the sand. The crowd has drifted away. The girls turn and skip away to the car park. Sonia turns, “Come on Monty. Don’t forget to ring Dad.”

  “Sonia, what’s his name?”

  “What!”

  “His name? What is Enrico’s last name?”

  She glowers at me, “Seriously Monty! I am Sonia Vitale. That would make him Enrico Vitale. You should know my name, shit.” The girls glare. They turn, link arms, and head to the car park.

  “Meet us at the jeweller's Monty. Ring Dad!”

  I fumble for my phone. I ring Enrico but it goes to message bank. I elect not to leave a message. I decide to head over to the jewellers and ring Enrico from there.

  I drive the short distance to the jewellers. I see the girl’s cars pulled up outside. They stand with their noses against the front window. I decide there is no real hurry. I try to ring Enrico but it goes to message bank again. I wonder how many missed calls I can leave and not look suspicious. I head over and join the girls. The jewellery shop is not one of the big chain stores. It is a small beautifully decorated shop. Rings, necklaces, and bracelets glitter like stars in the shop window. I look through the window. A small man sits beside the shop counter. He wears a leather apron and examines a diamond broach through a jeweller’s loupe. I think this place has its own workshop out back. I pat the wad of cash in my pocket. Is it going to be enough?

  “What do you think of this one Monty?”

  “It’s nice Sonia. I like it. Do you want to try it on?”

  “Seriously Monty, You would be happy with me wearing that? Wake up.” Gail and Mary look at me as if I’ve killed a kitten.

  “Of course, I was just kidding Sonia. Is there any you like?”

  She casts her eye around. “What about this one?”

  “Um, what do you think?”

  “I think it is a whole lot of diamond chips around a very small diamond. It’s pretty but has no substance. Not me at all.”

  I look at the price tag of $4575 and my heart drops. “Shall we look inside Sonia?”

  “Not yet. I want to look in that window.” She makes her way to where Mary beckons. She looks closely at a ruby necklace. The gold chain suspends a single massive ruby set in gold with diamonds.

  “You think? Monty, will you buy me a necklace as well?”

  “Um.”

  “No, perhaps not. Just a nice ring first. Let's go inside Monty.” We leave Mary and Gail at the window and go inside. It is a bit like Aladdin’s cave. Every case is glittering with diamonds, rubies, and emeralds. Some of the prices are concerning.

  The jeweller looks up, “Sonia! How wonderful to see you.”

  “Ciao Zio Giovanni. This is Monty. Monty, this is my uncle Giovanni De Luca.” She turns back to Giovanni. “Monty just proposed and I accepted.”

  Giovanni leaps to his feet and sweeps me up in a fierce embrace. “Monty! You could not find a finer girl than this one.” A tear trickles down his face. “Sonia, you look so much like my sister. Would she be happy with this one?”

  “I think she would Uncle. He’s not Italiano but he’s solid.”

  “Does Enrico know?”

  Sonia smiles, “Of course Uncle, Monty has spoken to him. Haven’t you Monty.”

  “Ahh yeah sure. He is very happy.”

  “Ah, good, good.”

  Mary saunters in and Giovanni sweeps his arms around her. She introduces Gail then holds up her phone. The rescue and proposal have been uploaded to YouTube. Giovanni watches with yet more tears.

  “So much like your Mother. I am so proud of you Sonia.”

  “Uncle, would you open up the safe and show me something special?”

  “Of course. Of course.” Giovanni retreats to the back room and comes out with three small trays. He put two of them aside and presents one to Sonia. I strain to get a look.

  “Sonia, any of these I will give you for diamond price.” I feel relieved.

  “Can I see that one Uncle?”

  Giovanni hands over a fairly large solitaire diamond set in a simple gold band. Perhaps it won’t be too expensive.

  “This one is a beauty, Sonia. It’s a princess cut, 3.02 carats, colour F, and clarity VVS2. A princess-cut for a princess. You like it?”

  “I love it, Uncle. I’ll take it! Monty, get on your knees.” Sonia hands me the ring. It is beautiful. “Well go on!” I look blankly. “Now you have a ring. Ask me again Monty.”

  I hold up the ring, “Sonia will you marry me.”

  “I will Monty.” I slide the ring on Sonia’s finger. Of course, it fits perfectly. There is no price tag. Sonia hands Giovanni a bankcard. “I know you haven’t your wallet with you Monty. You can pay me when we get back.”

  “No, no Sonia. Monty can fix me up tomorrow. I will give you an invoice Monty.” I watch Giovanni complete the transaction and strain to see the price.

  Gail and Mary huddle around Sonia and admire the ring. Giovanni gently pulls me aside. “She is a fine girl Monty. You look after her and the family looks after you. You make her sad and we also look after you. Do you understand?”

  I swallow, “I think I do Giovanni.”

  “Ah Monty, call me uncle. You’ve definitely talked to Enrico?”

  “Of course, Uncle Giovanni. Nothing to worry about!” He hands me the invoice.

  Oh shit, I owe Uncle Giovanni De Luca $37,506. And I still have to talk to Enrico.

  28

  The Rage of Enrico

  My phone rings as I drive away from Uncle Giovanni’s jewellery shop. “Monty, it’s Lucky. Enrico’s here. He wants to see you. He’s in the diner.”

  Oh shit. “Okay Lucky. Tell him I am almost there.”

  “He seems a little agitated Monty. What have you done?”

  “Nothing Lucky. I am just driving in now.”

  This is not how I thought my day would unfold. I walk through the foyer and into the diner. Enrico sits at a table for two over by the window. He has a bottle and two shot glasses. There is nobody else here.

  Before I can speak Enrico’s voice rumbles in low menace. “Sit down Monty.” He fills the shot glasses with clear liquor. “Grappa Monty. I make it myself. Drink.” He shoots the grappa down in one hit.

  I do the same. I fight hard not to show that I’m burning inside. He refills the glass, looks at me, and downs another measure of 80 proof spirit. I do the same.

  Enrico eyes me. He exudes threat. Before he can speak I blurt out, “Mr Vitale, I want to ask you, that is, I want to marry Sonia?”

  “Ah, do you now Monty? And then you will propose, yes?”

  “Ummm.”

  “Yes ummm. Giovanni just called me with the wonderful news. Why didn’t you come to me first you little shit? He holds a finger up to my nose. Have you…. is she….”

  “No Enrico. We kissed, that’s all.”

  Enrico settles back in his chair and stares. I can see he is weighing up his options, which I think range from dis
figurement to dismemberment. He pours another glass. Just one. And drinks it himself. He continues to stare.

  I can’t stand it anymore. “Enrico, it just happened! I was drowning. Sonia saved me. I just blurted it out!”

  Enrico thunders and pounds his fist on the table. “Just blurted it out! Do you want to marry her or not Monty? You better get this next answer right boy.” He leans across the table so we are nearly eye-to-eye.

  “Enrico, I do. I didn’t think I did but now I do. She’s amazing.”

  “I know she’s amazing Monty. But are you? That’s what I need to know. I think you might be an unreliable little shit.”

  Very occasionally there comes a time when begging and blubbering is unfruitful. Now is such a time. I pour a drink from Enrico’s bottle and shoot it down. Unlike many spirits, Enrico’s grappa does not mellow after a few shots. I stand. He stands as well. I can smell his breath we are so close.

  “Look Enrico, I love Sonia and I am going to marry her. I’m not going to sit here and be insulted by you. So, break my arms or whatever but do it now because I am tired of listening to you.”

  I head a distant giggle. I spin around but there is no one there.

  Enrico laughs, “Sit down Monty and relax. Let’s not bust our balls just yet. So, you love my Sonia?”

  “Yes Enrico, I do.”

  “And you can look after her?”

  “Sonia doesn’t need looking after Enrico.”

  He smiles. “Ah, true enough. She is her own woman. So much like her mother. I tell you Monty, I didn’t look at Gianna at all until one day a group of us went on a picnic. I had my eye on this other girl, Marianna. I went for a walk and came to this old quarry. It was a very long drop to the bottom. I got too close and the edge crumbled. I slid halfway down. Gianna looks over the edge and says “You in a spot of bother Enrico?” I call out to her but she won’t help me. She says if she helps me I will only go back to sniffing around Marianna. She says she wouldn’t like that and I have to marry her if she rescues me. I scream at her that I will. I was so scared of falling. She comes back with rope and climbs down like a mountain goat. She ties me up and scrambles back to the top. She hauls me up, hand over hand. So strong. I was terrified. By the time I got to the top, I was in love with her. I love her still. I miss her every day.”