The M.R. James Megapack

by M. R. James

  “Come in, gentlemen, come in; don’t be shy.” There was a rustle, and two or three heads disappeared, but nobody said anything.“Come in, if you like,” I said again;“you can hear the bell quite well from here, and I shan’t shut the window.”

  “Promise!” said the one who was sitting on the sill.

  “I promise, honour bright,” I said, whereupon he made the plunge. First he dropped on to the seat of a chair by the window, and from that to the floor. Then he wandered about the room, keeping at a distance from me at first, and, I have no doubt, watching very anxiously to see whether I had any intention of pouncing on him. The others followed, first one by one and then two or three at a time. Some remained sitting on the window-sill, but most plucked up courage to get down on to the floor and explore.

  I had now my first good chance of seeing what they were like. They all wore the same fashion of clothes—a tunic and close-fitting hose and flat caps—seemingly very much what a boy would have worn in Queen Elizabeth’s time. The colours were sober—dark blue, dark red, grey, brown—and each one’s clothes were of one colour all through. They had some white linen underneath; it showed a little at the neck. There were both fair and dark among them: all were clean and passably good-looking, one or two certainly handsome. The firstcomer was ruddy and auburn-haired and evidently a leader. They called him Wag.

  I heard whispers from corners of the room, and appeals to Wag to explain what this and that unfamiliar object was, and noticed that he was never at a loss for an answer of some kind, correct or not. The fireplace, which had its summer dressing, was, it appeared, a rock garden; an old letter lying on the floor was a charm (“Better not touch it”); the waste-paper basket (not unnaturally) a prison; the pattern on the carpet was—“Oh, you wouldn’t understand it if I was to tell you.”

  Soon a voice—Wag’s voice—came from somewhere near my foot.

  “I say, could I get up on the top?” I offered to lift him, but he declined rather hastily and said my leg would be all right if I didn’t mind putting it out a bit sloping: and he then ran up it on all fours—he was quite a perceptible weight—and got on to the table from my knee without any difficulty.

  Once there, there was a great deal to interest him—books, papers, ink, pens, pipes, matches and cards. He was full of questions about them, and his being so much at his ease encouraged the others to follow him, so that before very long the whole lot were perambulating the table and making me very nervous lest they should fall off, while Wag was standing close up to me and putting me through a catechism.

  “What do you have such little spears for?” he wanted to know, brandishing a pen at me. “Is that blood on the end? whose blood? Well then, what do you do with it? Let’s see—only that?” (when I wrote a word or two). “Well, you can tell me about it another time. Now I want to know what these clubs in the chest are.”

  I said, “We make fire with them; if you like I’ll show you—but it makes a little noise.”

  “Go on,” said Wag; and I struck a match, rather expecting a stampede. But no, they were quite unmoved, and Wag said, “Beastly row and smell—why don’t you do the ordinary way?”

  He brushed the palm of his left hand along the tips of the fingers on his right hand, put them to his lips and then to his eyes, and behold! his eyes began to glow from behind with a light which would have been quite bright enough for him to read by. “Quite simple,” he said; “don’t you know it?” Then he did the same thing in reverse order, touching eyes, lips and hand, and the light was gone. I didn’t like to confess that this was beyond me.

  “Yes, that’s all very well,” I said, “but how do you manage about your houses? I am sure I saw lights in the windows.”

  “Course,” he said, “put as many as you want;” and he ran round the table dabbing his hand here and there on the cloth, or on anything that lay on it, and at every place a little round bud or drop of very bright but also soft light came out. “See?” he said, and darted round again, passing his hands over the lights and touching his lips; and they were gone. He came back and said, “It’s a much better way; it is really,” as if it were only my native stupidity that prevented me from using it myself.

  A smaller one, who looked to me rather a quieter sort than Wag, had come up and was standing by him: he now said in a low voice:

  “P’raps they can’t.”

  It seemed a new idea to Wag: he made his eyes very round. “Can’t? Oh, rot! it’s quite simple.”

  The other shook his head and pointed to my hand which rested on the table. Wag looked at it too, and then at my face.

  “Could I see it spread out?” he said.

  “Yes, if you’ll promise not to spoil it.”

  He laughed slightly, and then both he and the other—whom he called Slim—bent over and looked closely at the tips of my fingers. “Other side, please,” he said after a time, and they subjected my nails to a like examination. The others, who had been at the remoter parts of the table, wandered up and looked over their shoulders. After tapping my nails and lifting up one or more fingers, Wag stood upright and said:

  “Well, I s’pose it’s true, and you can’t. I thought your sort could do anything.”

  “I thought much the same about you,” I said in self-defence. “I always thought you could fly, but you——”

  “So we can,” said Wag very sharply, and his face grew red.

  “Oh,” I said, “then why haven’t you been doing it to-night?”

  He kicked one foot with the other and looked quickly at Slim. The rest said nothing and edged away, humming to themselves.

  “Well, we can fly perfectly well, only——”

  “Only not to-night, I suppose,” said I, rather unkindly.

  “No, not to-night,” said Wag; “and you needn’t laugh, either—we’ll soon show you.”

  “That will be nice,” I said; “and when will you show me?”

  “Let’s see” (he turned to Slim), “two nights more, isn’t it? All right then (to me), in two nights more you’ll see.”

  Just then a moth which flew in caused a welcome diversion—for I could see that somehow I had touched on a sore subject, and that he was feeling awkward—and he first jumped at it and then ran after it. Slim lingered. I raised my eyebrows and pointed at Wag. Slim nodded.

  “The fact is,” he said in a low voice,“he got us into rather a row yesterday and we’re all stopped flying for three nights.”

  “Oh,” said I. “I see: you must tell him I am very sorry for being so stupid. May I ask who stopped you?”

  “Oh, just the old man, not the owls.”

  “You do go to the owls for something, then?” I asked, trying to appear intelligent.

  “Yes, history and geography.”

  “To be sure,” I said; “of course they’ve seen a lot, haven’t they?”

  “So they say,” said Slim, “but——”

  Just then the low toll of the bell was wafted through the window and there was an instant scurry to the edge of the table, then to the seat of the chair, and up to the window-sill; small arms waved caps at me, the shrubs rustled, and I was left alone.

  DANGER TO THE JARS

  Now my ears and eyes and tongue had been dealt with, and what remained were the forehead and the chest. I could not guess what would come of treating these with the ointment, but I thought I would try the forehead first. There was still a day or two when the moon would be bright enough for the trial. I hoped that perhaps the effect of these two last jars might be to make me able to go on with my experiences—to keep in touch with the new people I had come across—during the time when she—the moon, I mean—was out of sight.

  I had one anxiety. The precious box must be guarded from those who were after it. About this I had a conviction, that if I could keep them off until I had used each of the five jars, the box and I would be safe. Why I felt sure of this I could not say, but my experience had led me to trust these beliefs that came into my head, and I meant to trust this o
ne. It would be best, I thought, if I did not go far from the house—perhaps even if I did not leave it at all till the time of danger was past.

  Several things happened in the course of the morning which confirmed me in my belief. I took up a position at the table by the window of my sitting-room. I had put the box in my suit-case, which I had locked, and I now laid it beside me where I could keep an eye upon it. The view from my window showed me, first, the garden of the cottage, with its lawn and little flower beds, its hedge and back gate, and beyond that a path leading down across a field. More fields, I knew, came after that one, and sloped pretty sharply down to a stream in the valley, which I could not see; but I could see the steep slope of fields, partly pasture, and then clothed with green woods towards the top. There were no other houses in sight: the road was behind me, passing the front of the cottage, and my bedroom looked out that way. I had some writing and reading to do, and I had not long finished breakfast before I settled down to it, and heard the maid “doing out” the bedroom as usual, accompanied every now and then by a slight mew from the cat, who (also as usual) was watching her at work. These mews meant nothing in particular, I may say; they were only intended to be met by an encouraging remark, such as “There you are, then, pussy,” or “Don’t get in my way, now,” or “All in good time.” Finally I heard “Come along then, and let’s see what we’ve got for you downstairs,” and the door was shut. I mention this because of what happened about a quarter of an hour later.

  There was suddenly a fearful crash in the bedroom, a fall, a breaking of glass and crockery and snapping of wood, and then, fainter, sobbings and moans of pain. I started up.

  “Goodness!” I thought, “she must have been dusting that heavy shelf high up on the wall with all the china on it, and the whole thing has given way. She must be badly hurt! But why doesn’t her mistress come rushing upstairs? and what was that rasping noise just beside me?”

  I looked at my suit-case, which lay on the table just inside the open window. Across the new smooth top of it there were three deep scratches running towards the window, which had not been there before. I moved it to the other side of me and sat down. There had been an attempt to decoy me out of the room, and it had failed. Certainly there would be more.

  I waited; but everything was quiet in the house: no more noise from the bedroom and no one moving about, upstairs or downstairs; nothing but the pump clanking in the scullery. I turned to my work again.

  Half an hour must have gone by, and, though on the look-out, I was not fidgety. Then I was aware of a confused noise from the field outside.

  “Help! help! Keep off, you brute! Help, you there!” as well as I could make out, again and again. Towards the far end of the field, which was a pretty large one, a poor old man was trying to get to a gate in the hedge at a staggering run, and striking now and then with his stick at a great deer-hound which was leaping up at him with hollow barks. It seemed as if nothing but the promptest dash to the spot could save him; it seemed, too, as if he had caught sight of me at the window, for he beckoned. How strange the cries sounded! It was as if someone was shouting into an empty jug. My field-glasses were by me on the table, and I thought I would take just one look before I rushed out. I am glad I did; for, do you know, when I had the glasses focused on the dog and the man, all that I could see was a sort of fuzz of dancing vapour, much as if the shimmering air that you see on the heath on a hot day had been gathered up and rolled into a shape.

  “Ha! ha!” I said, as I put down the glasses; and something in the air, about four yards off, made a sharp hissing sound. No doubt there were words, but I could not distinguish them. A second attempt had failed; you may be sure I was well on the alert for the next.

  I put away my books now, and sat looking out of the window, and wondering as I watched whether there was anything out of the common to be noticed. For one thing, I thought there were more little birds about than I expected. At first I did not see them, for they were not hopping about on the lawn; but as I stared at the hedge of the garden, and at that of the field, I became aware that these were full of life. On almost every twig that could hold a bird in shelter—not on the top of the hedges—a bird was sitting, quite still, and they were all looking towards the window, as if they were expecting something to happen there. Occasionally one would flutter its wings a little and turn its head towards its neighbour; but this was all they did.

  I picked up my glasses and began to study the bottom of the hedges and the bushes, where there was some quantity of dead leaves, and here, too, I could see that there were spectators. A small bright eye or a bit of a nose was visible almost wherever I looked; in short, the mice, and, I don’t doubt, some of the rats, hedgehogs, and toads as well, were collected there and were as intently on the watch as the birds.“What a chance for the cat, if only she knew!” I put my head cautiously out of the window, and looking down on the sill of the window below, I could see her head, with the ears pushed forward; she was looking earnestly at the hedge, but she did not move. Only, at the slight noise I made, she turned her face upwards and crowed to me in a modest but encouraging manner.

  Time passed on. Luncheon was laid—on another table—and was over, before anything else happened.

  The next thing was that I heard the maid saying sharply:

  “What business ’ave you got going round to the back? We don’t want none of your rubbish here.”

  A hoarse voice answered inaudibly.

  Maid: “No, nor the gentleman don’t want none of your stuff neither; and how do you know there’s a gentleman here at all I should like to know? What? Don’t mean no offence? I dare say. That’s more than I know. Well, that’s the last word I’ve got to say.”

  In a minute more there was a knock at my door, and at the same time a step on the gravel path under my window, and a loud hiss from the cat. As I said “Come in” to the knock, I hastily looked out of the window, but saw nothing. It was the maid who had knocked. She had come to ask if there was anything I should like from the village, or anything I should want before tea-time, because the mistress was going out, and wanted her to go over and fetch something from the shop. I said there was nothing except the letters and perhaps a small parcel from the post office. She lingered a moment before going, and finally said:

  “You’ll excuse me naming it, sir, but there seems to be some funny people about the roads to-day, if you’d please to be what I mean to say a bit on the look-out, if you’re not a-going out yourself.”

  “Certainly,” I said. “No, I don’t mean to go out. By the way, who was it came to the door just now?”

  “Oh, it was one of these ’awking men, not one I’ve seen before, and he must be a stranger in this part, I think, because he began going round to the garden door, only I stopped him. He’d got these cheap rubbishing ’atpins and what not; leastways, if you understand me, what I thought to myself I shouldn’t like to be seen with ’em, whatever others might.”

  “Yes, I see,” I answered; and she went, and I turned to my books once more.

  Within a very few minutes I began to suspect that I was getting sleepy. Yes, it was undoubtedly so. What with the warmth of the day, and lunch, and not having been out.… There was a curious smell in the room, too, not exactly nasty, like something burning. What did it remind me of? Wood smoke from a cottage fire, that one smells on an autumn evening as one comes bicycling down the hill into a village? Not quite so nice as that; something more like a chemist’s shop. I wondered: and as I wondered, my eyes closed and my head went forward.

  A sharp pain on the back of my hand, and a crash of glass! Up I jumped, and which of three or four things I realized first I don’t know now. But I did realize in a second or two that my hand was bleeding from a scratch all down the back of it, that a pane of the window was broken and that the whole window was darkened with little birds that were bumping their chests against it; that the cat was on the table gazing into my face with intense expression, that a little smoke was drifting into the
room, and that my suit-case was on the point of slipping out over the window-sill. A despairing dash at it I made, and managed to clutch it; but for the life of me I could not pull it back. I could see no string or cord, much less any hand that was dragging at it. I hardly dared to take my hand from it to catch up something and hack at the thief I could not see. Besides, there was nothing within reach.

  Then I remembered the knife in my pocket. Could I get it out and open it without losing hold? “They hate steel,” I thought. Somehow—frantically holding on with one hand—I got out the knife, and opened it, goodness knows how, for it was horribly small and stiff, with my teeth, and sheared and stabbed indiscriminately all round the farther end of the suit-case. Thank goodness, the strain relaxed. I got the thing inside the window, dropped it, and stood on it, craning over the garden path and round the corner of the house. Of course there was nothing to be seen. The birds were gone. The cat was still on the table saying “O you owl! O you owl!” The sole and only clue to what had been happening was a small earthenware saucer that lay on the path immediately below the window, with a little heap of ashes in it, from which a thin column of smoke was coming straight up and curling over when it reached the window level. That, I could not doubt, was the cause of my sudden sleepiness. I dropped a large book straight on to it, and had the satisfaction of hearing it crush to bits and of seeing the smoke go four ways along the ground and vanish.