Miss Lacey's Love Letters

by McQueen, Caylen

  "That doesn't sound like a very good friend."

  "Well... as I said, it was an accident. There was a lot of blood, but no lasting damage." As he studied her face, amusement danced in Noah's eyes. "What of you, Miss Woll? Do you have any scars?"

  "One. On my ankle." She had half a mind to lift up her nightrail and show it to him, but that would have been far too scandalous.

  "Oh? And how did you acquire your badge of pain?"

  "A riding accident when I was fourteen." His burning gaze was making her nervous, so she tucked a black lock of hair behind her ear. "I am prone to riding accidents. I am afraid I might be a bit clumsy."

  "Well, there's nothing wrong with that." He must have known he was making her uncomfortable, because he turned his attention to his book. "A bit of clumsiness can be adorable."

  "A-adorable?!" she sputtered. "Clumsiness is hardly adorable when it ends in pain."

  "Perhaps you are right."

  Valeria hurried away from Noah's table, went to one of the shelves, and scanned the books as quickly as she could. She needed to select something, anything, to bring their strange encounter to an end.

  "Miss Woll?"

  "Hmm?"

  "Miss... Woll..." The compliment was on the tip of his tongue, but he could not bring himself to say it. "If you're looking for a copy of Tom Jones, I would be happy to assist you."

  "I'm not looking for anything in particular." She thought she could feel an invisible hand clamping down on her stomach. It was an uncomfortable situation, to be sure, but she had never been more nervous in her life. What was it about Noah Worthington that made her so ill at ease? "You know, I was not entirely honest when I said I was a hopeless spinster. I was proposed to not long ago."

  Valeria immediately wondered why she felt compelled to tell him that. Did she want him to think she was still a desirable woman?

  "Oh? And what was your answer?"

  "I haven't given him an answer."

  "I see." Noah leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms, and watched her unabashedly. "Well, any man would be lucky to have you."

  "The Duke of Wellington's wife was three and thirty when they were finally married," Valeria said. "I don't think he liked her, but that's really beside the point."

  "You needn't make excuses for your age, Miss Woll. I am a bachelor at nine and forty. To me, you are still quite young."

  When she saw him rise from his chair and move toward her, Valeria's throat constricted, making it impossible to respond. She could see him standing beside her, but she did not dare to look in his direction.

  "You are a lovely woman." His voice was barely more than a whisper. "A lovely, lovely woman." Noah extended a hand, gently touching her hair. For a moment, she thought she might swoon.

  "Th-thank you, Mr. Worthington," Valeria stammered. "I don't think I have ever been complimented in such a way."

  "I did not think I would care for anyone again, but I find that you are very easy to care for." His fingers continued to tug at a lock of her hair. "I am drawn to you. Without a doubt, your presence here has brightened my days."

  She could feel her heartbeat in her throat. More and more, he was starting to sound like the man who wrote the love letters. His words were driving her mad. "I'm glad to hear it. I feared I would be a burden on you."

  "No. You could never be a burden. I want to take care of you, to be close to you. I wish you could stay here forever." Leaning closer to her, Noah whispered. "I wish I could hold you."

  "I... you..." Damnation! He had rendered her speechless.

  "Miss Woll?"

  "I... hmm?"

  "Look at me, Miss Woll."

  Her entire body was trembling when she turned in his direction. When her eyes found his, they looked more intense than ever.

  "I want to kiss you," he whispered. "Will you let me kiss you?"

  At that moment, her senses had abandoned her. He could have asked anything of her. All she could do was nod.

  Noah's thumb drifted along her cheek, tickling her skin. When she saw his head descending, Valeria closed her eyes. His lips brushed against hers, lightly sampling them. Her knees were so weak, it was a miracle she could remain standing.

  "Do you care for me?" He whispered his question. "Even a bit?"

  "I..." Valeria's thoughts briefly wandered to Lydia. Her aunt would surely rejoice. "I should excuse myself."

  Her response wasn't exactly encouraging, so he took a step backward. "Perhaps you should."

  She snatched a random novel from the shelf and hurried to the door. "Good night, Mr. Worthington."

  "Good night..." It was with a heavy heart that he uttered her name. "Valeria..."

  When she was gone, Noah returned to the table and sank into the chair. He thought he could feel the crushing weight of disappointment in every bone of his body. She had curtly dismissed herself, but he was sure she felt something when they kissed. Why did she deny it?

  "You should abandon this pursuit, old man..." he whispered to himself. "Abandon it before you get your heart broken again."

  As much as he liked Valeria Woll, he had to let her go. It was impossible to move on when the ghost of Abigail Lacey continued to haunt him.

  Chapter Nine

  "Lydia." It was a peaceful, soothing, familiar voice that attempted to rouse her from her sleep. "Open your eyes, Lydia."

  She did the next best thing. She opened one eye. As soon as she saw who was standing over her, her other eye flew open.

  "Henry!" Lydia sat up in bed with a gasp. "Henry, what on earth are you doing here?!"

  "I've come to get you, m'dear."

  Seeing Henry was too good to be true, and when she realized she was laying in bed, there was only one logical explanation for it. "I'm having a dream, aren't I?"

  "Not exactly, my love." Henry leaned toward her, brushing a kiss against her cool forehead. "Even better than that."

  "Henry..." Lydia slid out of bed and seized the lapel of his greatcoat. "Are you really here? Are you real? Truly!?"

  "I am as real as I could possibly be."

  "Oh, Henry..." As she stared into his eyes, which were as warm and blue as ever, she gently caressed his cheek. "I've missed you so much."

  "I know. And I assure you, I've missed you just as much. I cannot begin to tell you how much I've longed to hold you again." Henry coiled an arm around her waist, pulling her close. "How is your health?"

  "Oh, it's been terrible!" Lydia wailed. "Simply terrible! I've been in a tremendous amount of pain. Excruciating pain. Endless pain!"

  "And how are you feeling now, my darling?"

  Lydia hadn't taken the time to consider it, but for the first time in three weeks, her pain was gone. "I feel... significantly improved." Even though she was standing in front of her lost love, she felt a sudden sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. When she turned around, her worries were confirmed. Her body was lying on the bed behind her. "The reason being that I am... dead?!"

  "Worry not, Lydia. It isn't as awful as it sounds." Henry kept his arm around her, hoping to give her the comfort she needed. "It's actually quite tolerable!"

  "What about Valeria?!" As Lydia stared at her lifeless body, she tried to envision her niece's face upon discovering it.

  "Valeria will be fine."

  "Really? How do you know? How can you--" When she saw movement behind Henry, Lydia's voice trailed off. For the first time, she noticed there was a young woman standing behind him. "Henry, who might that be?"

  The young woman stepped forward and bobbed a curtsy. She was a conventionally pretty girl of about twenty, with flaxen hair, cherry lips, and large brown eyes. Even before she introduced herself, Lydia knew who she was. "My name is Abigail Lacey. It is a pleasure to meet you, Lydia Langley."

  Lydia was slack-jawed for several seconds, completely incapable of speech. As soon as she regained the use of her tongue, she exclaimed, "I believe the pleasure is all mine! Oh, you're so beautiful! It's no wonder Mr. Worthington was in love wi
th you!"

  "And I was very much in love with him! You should have seen him back then, Lydia. He was truly the handsomest man anyone had ever seen!" Her voice softened a bit. "I still love him to this day."

  Lydia sheepishly turned her attention to the floor. "I am sorry I read your letters."

  "You needn't apologize. I don't mind at all. In fact, it might even be a good thing." The sweet smile on Abigail's lips put Lydia's fears to rest. "Your niece cares for him, does she not?"

  "Does she?!"

  "I believe she might."

  "Oh, Valeria..." Lydia turned her attention back to her dead body. "She is going to be so alone."

  "But she'll never truly be alone," Henry tried to reassure his wife. "You can visit her as often as you would like."

  "Can I?"

  "Of course." He captured Lydia in a hug. As he held her, he cradled the back of her head in his hand. "Now, we really mustn't linger. I have to take you somewhere."

  "And where might that be?"

  "A better place. I'm sure you'll like it."

  "If I get to be with you, I know I will like it." As she stared into her husband's beautiful blue eyes, she still could not believe it. He looked as handsome as ever, and she loved him as much as she always had. At that moment, she would have followed him anywhere.

  "And we will be together forever." He pressed his lips against her forehead, just over her brow. "Always."

  "Are you coming with us, Miss Lacey?"

  "Not yet." Miss Lacey shook her head. "There is something I must do."

  "But I will see you again? There is so much I would like to say to you! About the letters, about Mr. Worthington..."

  "Of course, Mrs. Langley. I look forward to it."

  And with that, they were gone.

  Abigail knew where she needed to go. She exited the room, turned down the corridor, and passed through a doorway. Her Noah was inside his bedchamber, slumbering peacefully. She went to his bed and sat beside him, and gently combed a hand through his sandy hair.

  "Noah..." Tears filled her eyes as she studied his face. "I loved you so much. There isn't a man in this world I could have loved as much as I loved you." With her thumb, she traced his eyebrow. "And I know you loved me too. I know you will always love me, but you needn't punish yourself in my absence."

  He stirred slightly, so she was silent for a moment. When he settled again, she continued her speech.

  "You have a long, full life to live, and I want you to be happy. I don't want you to be so alone. I would never ask you to forget about me, but I want you to move on." She held onto his hand and gave it a squeeze. "If you found happiness without me, you must think it would be a disgrace to my memory. You couldn't be more wrong. The fact that you keep yourself so alone makes me feel guilty. I want your happiness more than I have ever wanted anything. You are a good man, Noah Worthington, and no one deserves happiness more than you."

  Abigail leaned closer to his ear and whispered softly.

  "I give you permission," she said. "I give you permission to move on. Release yourself from the bonds of your memory, and live your life to the fullest. I love you, Noah." A tear trickled down her cheek as her speech ended. "I love you."

  Abigail hoped it would be enough. She hoped he would find the strength to become the man he was always meant to be.

  * * *

  As she stared at her aunt's body, tears fell silently over Valeria's cheeks. She wondered if they would ever stop falling.

  "I am so sorry, Miss Woll," Noah apologized for the twentieth time. "Terribly, truly sorry."

  "Your condolences are appreciated, Mr. Worthington." She wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, which was a useless maneuver. More tears were bound to fall, leaving her cheeks endlessly moistened.

  "It is more than condolences. I feel that I am at fault. I should have insisted on bringing a doctor."

  "And she kept insisting against it," Valeria reminded him. "If the fault lies with anyone, it should be me. I should have known her health was worse than she claimed." Her chest was collapsed by a sigh. "It makes me wonder how much she was hiding from me. It pains me to think she could not tell me the truth. She was... she was..." Suddenly, Valeria's entire body was wracked by a terrible sob. "She was my very best friend!"

  "I know." He wanted to comfort her, to hold her in his arms, but he was not sure she would welcome it. "My heart breaks for you. Truly."

  "I should have her body moved to London, so I can bury her with the rest of our family. She would want to be beside her husband, I would think."

  "Henry?" He waited for Valeria's nod. "I would have liked to meet him."

  "He was a good man."

  "And she was a good woman."

  "Indeed." Valeria clenched her fist as she fought off another sob. "I should return home and collect my belongings. I should take her to London as soon as possible."

  "Of course. And if there is anything I can do to help you, please let me know."

  Much later, when they were standing beside Lydia's horse-drawn hearse, Noah realized what their parting meant. More than likely, it meant he would never see her again. The thought made his heart ache, almost as much as Lydia's passing. He had been reluctant to let Valeria into his life, but he was devastated to see her leave.

  "Well..." Valeria hesitated in front of the carriage.

  Noah tried to smile at her, but the gesture was impossible. "Well?"

  "I suppose this is goodbye?" She fidgeted with her lacy black gloves, which were part of the mourning clothes she had donned.

  "I suppose it is." His throat was tight, as if an invisible stone had settled in it. "If you don't mind me asking, what will you do now?"

  "I'm not sure. I will be staying with my brother in London, at least for awhile. He and his second wife have young children... perhaps they will let me look after them?"

  "That doesn't sound so bad."

  "No..." Valeria couldn't bring herself to look at him. "In time, I might find work as a governess."

  "What about the man who proposed to you?"

  "Oh... Harold?! To be honest, I hadn't given him a thought." When she finally forced herself to look at Noah, she could feel her cheeks getting inflamed. "Lydia was the reason for my hesitation. The entire reason. I suppose this changes everything."

  "I...see. Will you be accepting his proposal, then?"

  "Perhaps." She turned toward the carriage. "Then again... perhaps not."

  She looked like she was ready to leave, so he opened the door and handed her into the carriage. "I am glad you came, Miss Woll. It was really lovely meeting you." His stomach churned at the formality of his words.

  "And it was lovely meeting you," she parroted him.

  "Again, I am sorry about your aunt."

  "As am I." The tears returned to her eyes, so she turned away from him. She hoped he did not see them glistening. "Farewell, Mr. Worthington."

  "Farewell..." When he stepped away from the carriage, his body felt numb. As soon as it started moving, he immediately regretted his shortcomings. She needed to go to London, but he should have made her promise to see him again. Why didn't he tell her how he felt? Valeria Woll had carved out his heart and taken it with her, and now he would never see her again. He did not realize how much he needed her until she was gone.

  Valeria turned to the window, trying to steal another glimpse of Noah before he disappeared from view. She had lost everything today. Her aunt. Her hope for the future. How was her heart ever supposed to recover from such a devastating thing?

  "Farewell, Noah Worthington," she repeated the words to an empty carriage. "Farewell, and... I love you."

  Chapter Ten

  Almost a week had passed since Valeria left Steeridge, and Noah's heart still ached at the thought of her. He missed her company, but it was more than that. His feelings were deeper than he cared to admit.

  He sat by the fire, rereading his letters to Miss Lacey. Somehow, the words of a younger Noah Worthington were making
him see the truth.

  Ever since we met, you are all I have been able to think about.

  That was exactly how he felt about Valeria. He tried to forget about her, but she had a permanent residence in his mind. When he finished reading the letter, it tossed it into the fire. The finger-like flames ensnared the old parchment. Within seconds, it was black and charred.

  Your lips were unlike anything I have ever experienced, and it will be a lucky man who gets to kiss them for the rest of your life.

  When he kissed her in the library, it had stirred his deadened heart. Noah thought he was incapable of feeling anything, but Valeria had proven him wrong.

  Again, he finished reading the letter and pitched it into the flames.

  Without you, I will never laugh or smile. You were my joy, and now I have none.

  Those words were too appropriate. Valeria made him laugh and smile for the first time in ages. Now that she was gone, he felt lost. Joyless.

  Before I met you, I had nothing. You have given me a reason to live, a reason to look forward to the days ahead. And I know, without a doubt, you have made me a better man than I was. You have brightened my life in more ways than you know. You are the solitary star in my moonless sky.

  He could have written those words to Valeria, for every bit of it applied to her.

  There was only one explanation for the way he felt. He needed to be honest with her, and more importantly, he needed to be honest with himself. As soon as the last letter was in the fire, he ran to his desk and reached for a quill.

  * * *

  "John!" Valeria sprang from the ground and gave chase. How could a boy of five outrun her? "John, get back here!"

  "Noooo!" John taunted her. "No, no, no, no, no!"

  When she finally caught up to him, she lifted him off his feet and twisted the stick from his hand. "John, you know you should not hit your sister!" She pointed at the wailing three-year-old. "Look! You made her cry!"

  "Baby!"