Underestimated

by Jettie Woodruff

  “I didn’t sleep with him today. Did you sleep with Skyler?”

  “Today?” he asked the stupid question.

  “You’re not funny.”

  He laughed anyway. “Yes, I did, but I haven’t seen nor talked to her in almost a year. The last I heard, she was engaged.”

  “Because she got tired of waiting for you to get rid of me?”

  “Exactly that.”

  “Did you do the same things with her that you did with me?” I didn’t know why it mattered, but I wanted to know.

  “I’m not going to lie to you anymore, Morgan. No, I did not. It was just your normal boring sex, and even back then, I fantasized about getting back home to you. What about you? Did you and Dawson?” he asked, not saying any more than that. He knew that I knew what he was talking about.

  “No, but do you want to hear something really messed up?”

  “Probably not, but go ahead.”

  “I used to beg him to do those things to me. How fucked up is that?”

  “Pretty fucked up. Did he?”

  “No. He wouldn’t dare. He cared too much. You never went down on me,” I boldly stated for whatever reason.

  “I know, and God do I wish I would have. Did he?”

  I smiled at his comment. “Yes.” That was all that I was going to say about that. I knew he didn’t want that image.

  “You know that night when you told me to do that. I almost shot my load before I ever touched you.”

  I laughed. “Stop talking about it. You’re making me wet.”

  “Damnit, Morgan did you have to go and say that?”

  “Sorry, let’s stop talking about sex.”

  “What do you want to talk about?”

  “I want to know why you couldn’t love me before I didn’t remember who you were.”

  “Because I am an idiot, and the old saying that money is the root of all evil is very true. That’s what I wanted, and I felt like you were standing in my way.”

  “I was, but I didn’t know at the time that I was.”

  “I know, and you were nothing but an innocent victim who got pulled into a sticky situation.”

  “Why didn’t you just pay me to keep your secret? There are so many other ways that you could have handled it. I would have been more than happy to leave my life in West Virginia.”

  “I was pissed, selfish, irritated as hell that you were screwing everything up. I don’t know how to answer that, Morgan. I looked at you like worthless trash who was going to be handed everything that I worked so hard for.”

  “What about the whole virgin thing? Was that something that Mr. Callaway requested too?”

  “No. That was my own sick way of humiliating you right from the beginning. I wanted you to know what your role was to be.”

  “Wow, Drew.”

  “I know, Morgan. I don’t deserve you anymore than I deserve to breathe, but I can’t get you out of my head. I am so madly in love with you, I can’t stand it.”

  “What about the whole baby thing? Why would you even think about bringing a baby into a mess like that?”

  “Mr. Callaway,” was all that he replied. It was enough. I could see Mr. Callaway demanding that he give him a grandbaby.

  I took a deep breath. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how I felt. I didn’t know where I belonged. I was a fucked up mess, and there was no easier way to put it.

  Drew and I talked until one in the morning. I told him that I wanted to know where my mother was and that I wanted to see her. He didn’t try and talk me out of it and said that he would talk to Mr. Callaway and try to find out where she was for me. He told me that he loved me before saying goodnight, but I couldn’t say it back.

  I lay awake for the longest time. I could hear thunder in a distance and see the flashes from lightning also in the distance. My bed felt good and comforting, and I thought about Dawson. He was always in my bed there. I thought about Drew too, wondering how it would feel to have him in my bed there in Maine. I knew that would never happen, he wouldn’t be welcomed in Misty Bay, and would be lucky to make it out alive had he showed up there. I wondered how much Lauren and Star knew. Did Dawson tell them about my marriage to Drew?

  I woke a couple hours later to an angry summer storm. The rain was beating against my window, and the wind sounded like it was going to rip the roof right off of my house. That wasn’t what woke me though, well it may have helped, but I woke because of Drew. I was bent over his desk, and he was playing with me while he conducted business. He spanked me in between calls and would sensually dip his finger inside of my throbbing core every time he rubbed away the sting from his hands.

  My eyes popped open with the loud crack of lightning, followed by the roar of thunder. I lay still for a few minutes, staring out at the blistering storm. I had my own storm going on and could feel the dampness in my panties.

  Stupid vagina, never on my side.

  I rolled to my back and slid my panties off. I figured if I was going to do it, I may as well do it right. I spread my legs and ran my finger through my slippery pussy. It was wet, and it wanted fucked. I moaned as I grinded my hips into my fingers.

  Awe fuck…

  I rolled to my stomach and moved my hips up and down into my fingers until I was calling out in Drew pleasure. Why it had to be him, I didn’t know. It just was. I know that it should have been Dawson. It wasn’t that Dawson wasn’t amazing in bed or that Drew was better. It was more of the chemistry that Drew and I shared that Dawson and I didn’t. I couldn’t explain it if I tried. That’s just how it was.

  ***

  I smiled when my old Honda started right up. I shouldn’t have been surprised. I was sure that Dawson started it, and maybe even drove it to make sure that it was running when I got back.

  “Good morning. Welcome to Reminiscent,” the too chirpy young girl said from behind the counter. I had been replaced. “Would you like to try one of our new lemon muffins,” she asked in an adenoidal voice that already annoyed the hell out of me.

  “No, thanks, I’m here to see Star. Is she here?”

  “Yes, she’s in her office. I’ll go get her for you.”

  “That’s okay. I know the way,” I smiled and walked past her.

  Star was sitting at her desk painting her nails some tropical pineapple color. I smiled when I saw her. “Still hard at it, I see,” I said leaning against the threshold and crossing my arms.

  “Oh my God. It is true,” she exclaimed, jumping up, and frantically blowing on her wet nails so that she could hug me.

  I hugged Star as she put her arms around me, wet fingers, sticking straight up. “I can’t believe you are here. Sit down. I have a million questions to ask you,” she rattled off.

  “How are you, Star?” I asked. It was good to see her. She looked exactly the same, not that she shouldn’t. It hadn’t been that long. It was just different, me being there and all. It just felt, I don’t know, surreal I guess, kind of like I was a different person or something. I left there Riley Murphy, Riley Murphy who hated Drew Kelley. I came back as Morgan Kelley, in love with her husband. What a fucked up situation. Star wore the same thick braid down her back, her free flowing skirt, a patchwork vest, and her customary Jesus shoes.

  “Forget me. How the hell are you? Is it true that you lost your memory?”

  “Yeah, it’s true. It’s so strange, Star. I thought I would gradually start to remember. It didn’t happen that way at all. I saw Dawson, and it was all just there. I knew him, and everything else from the time I was around three.”

  “I can’t even imagine.”

  “You couldn’t. It was crazy. I don’t know any other way to explain it.”

  “Dawson has been beside himself. He spent hours and hours on the phone or on the computer trying to find you.”

  “I feel horrible about that.”

  “It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t even know him let alone that he was looking for you.”

  “How much did he tell you, S
tar?” I wondered if he had told her about my abusive husband and that I had run from him.”

  “You know Dawson. He didn’t say much at all. He would never say anything that you told him in private, but I have a pretty good idea. I have known all along that you were running or hiding from something. I witnessed one of your nightmares in the hotel, remember?”

  “Yeah, I remember, but you never mentioned it.”

  Starlight shrugged her shoulders. “I figured if you wanted me to know, you would tell me. How are you and Dawson?”

  I took a deep breath and slumped in my chair. “Stressed,” I admitted. “I’m not really the same Riley that I left here as.”

  “What does that mean, Ry?”

  I grunted and shook my head. “I’m kind of in love with my husband for the first time in our marriage. I’m so confused, Star. I am still in love with Dawson too, and I know that he is the one that makes the most sense. I just can’t stop thinking about Drew, and it’s really absurd. He wasn’t the most pleasant husband.” Boy was that ever putting it mildly.

  “Are you staying?”

  “I’m not sure yet. I kind of think I need to step away from both of them to be fair.” That made absolutely no sense at all. Drew didn’t deserve a second chance, let alone being fair to him. Dawson, however did deserve all of my love. He had never been anything but good to me, and I knew that he loved me.

  “What’s fair to you, Riley?” Star asked with a warm expression. It felt good to talk about it with someone. I just didn’t know how much I was willing to disclose.

  “I honestly don’t know.” I didn’t feel like I deserved to be happy. I felt like I cheated on Dawson, but then again, I felt like I cheated on Drew.

  Star and I talked for over an hour until her new annoying help got busy and needed help with the lunch crowd. We talked about the shop, and the new girl, who I was sure, was fine. I guess I just felt a little replaced. I wasn’t sure that I was going to come back anyway, although Star told me that I always had a job there. She really did appreciate all that I had done there, and the business that was established and making a good profit, thanks to me.

  I walked out with her and said hello to a few of the locals. My friend, John, from the beach was there, and I visited with him for a while before heading out.

  I walked across the street and the two blocks to the police department. I hesitated at the door.

  What the hell are you doing, Morgan?

  I quickly pushed open the glass door, before I turned and ran down the sidewalk like the maniac that I was. Matt the deputy was sitting across from Dawson’s desk with his feet propped. He was laughing and telling Dawson a story about his son. Dawson stood up when he saw me. It freaking broke my heart. He looked at me like I was the only thing in his life that mattered.

  “Go write some parking tickets or something, Matt,” Dawson demanded.

  Matt said hi. “It’s good to see you, Riley I’ll just go bug Starlight for a while and eat some doughnuts. I’m too nice of a guy to write tickets,” he teased, dismissing himself.

  “Hi,” Dawson said with a smile.

  “Hey, sheriff, I smiled back.

  “You hungry, want me to order some lunch?” he asked, always thinking about me.

  “No, I had a pastry at Star’s.”

  “Then how about supper?” He asked with that damned grin that melted my heart.

  “You can come for supper, but I’ll cook. I am going to the grocery store before I head back. I couldn’t say home. What the hell?

  “Normally if you showed up here I would kiss you about five times,” Dawson grinned.

  “You can kiss me five times.”

  Dawson did just that. He kissed me with four quick pecks. I counted. His fifth contact to my lips wasn’t just a peck. He rested his lips on mine and ran his tongue around the opening of my closed lips. I parted my lips, and he accepted the invitation. Damn, was he ever a good kisser, of course my lady parts had to agree.

  We kissed for, I don’t know, two maybe three minutes before he left my lips and trailed my jaw line with his lips. His spellbinding hands found their way to the bare skin beneath my shirt as my head dropped back on its own accord. My breathing became shallow, my heart felt full, and my panties dampened.

  “Jesus, Daw.” I finally said pulling away. I was about ready to bend over his desk.

  He snorted and kissed me one more time. “I’m sorry. I just can’t get enough of you.”

  “I’m going to get out of here before I start taking my clothes off,” I teased, stepping away from him. “I’ll see you when you get off.”

  Lauren showed up while I was putting away my groceries. She pulled one of the bananas loose and sat at the table. I sat with her, and we talked about more than I had planned on talking to her about. She too knew that I was in love with two men, maybe I was just fishing for someone to make sense of all of it for me. I needed someone to tell me what to do. Unfortunately, she couldn’t give me the magic answer either.

  “Does Dawson know about Drew?” she asked.

  “Yes, he knows. We don’t really talk about it though. I think he is afraid of me not choosing him.”

  “You can’t keep them both, Ry.”

  “I know, and Dawson makes the most sense, and I do love him.”

  “But?” Lauren said, knowing that there was a but.

  “But, I don’t know, Lauren. Drew and I are just different. It’s so… I don’t even know how to describe what we have.”

  “Intense?”

  My eyebrows rose. “Yeah, that undeniably fits.”

  “Are you staying in Misty Bay?”

  “I don’t know that yet either. I want to find my mom and visit her, maybe just get away from everything for a few days.”

  Lauren was so easy to talk to, and I knew that what I said to her would go no further than that table. I didn’t tell her everything. She knew that Drew was abusive to me before, she knew that my mother left us, and I told her about how I was raised in poverty, but I didn’t tell her about the money. I still didn’t know how to process that one.

  Lauren abruptly had to go when Dawson got there dressed in jeans looking way too fine for someone who hadn’t had sex in almost two weeks. I wasn’t sure about the look the two of them exchanged. Was it pity? Was it relief? I wasn’t sure. I assumed that the two of them had spent a lot of time trying to find me.

  Dawson grilled burgers outside, and I made roasted and garlic potatoes and corn on the cob. We sat on the back deck overlooking the immense ocean. We didn’t talk about anything serious. I think he was avoiding it as much as I was, and we both spoke of nothing but trivial day to day events.

  I wondered all night if he was planning on staying. I wanted him to, and I didn’t want him to. That was the state of my fucked up mind. I wanted him to take me to bed and make slow passionate love to me, just like he would have before. I also wanted him to leave so that he didn’t do just that.

  I didn’t have to worry about it when my cellphone rang, and Dawson looked down seeing Drew’s name displayed on the screen.

  I gave him an apologetic smile when I answered.

  “Hey, can I call you back in a little bit,” I answered.

  “Why, Morgan?” Drew asked cautiously. He already knew why. He was just playing dumb or hoping that his intuitions were wrong.

  “I have company right now.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought. You do know that you are still my wife don’t you?”

  What a dick…

  “Really, Drew?” I asked.

  “I’m sorry, Morgan. Don’t pay any attention to me. I just hate the thought of you in his arms.”

  “I’ll talk to you later,” I said hanging up. I didn’t want him to tell me that he loved me with Dawson sitting there with his head down right in front of me.

  I dropped my phone to the table and shook my head. This whole situation was unbelievable. Dawson stood and took me in his arms.

  “You know that I love you, do
n’t you, Riley?”

  “Yes. Dawson. I do know that, and I love you too.”

  “I’m going to go,” he said, shocking me a little. Was this how he was going to fight for me?

  I looked up to him confused. His eyes looked just as mixed up as mine.

  “I know that you are going through a tough time right now. I also know that it wouldn’t be fair to you for me to beg you to choose me. I am trying my best to give you your space, and let you work through this, just know that I am right here, and I love you.”

  I smiled and kissed him. “Thank you, Dawson.” I was glad that he was giving me my space. I don’t think I could have handled two of them pleading their cases.

  Dawson left me with a kiss, and I dialed Drew back.

  “You know, you’re kind of a dick,” I said as soon as he said hello.

  “Yes. I have been told that a time or two. Did your boyfriend leave?”

  “Shut the hell up.” I demanded. I almost said that he wasn’t my boyfriend, but I really wasn’t sure what he was. I left that part out.

  This became my routine for the next nine days. I would spend my days with Star, and then Lauren when she got home, then Dawson, and Drew would call every night. I did have dinner with Dawson and his parents a couple of times, and once at his house. He never stayed at my house, and I didn’t stay at his. He wasn’t even trying to get past second base. I was sexually frustrated and was tired of taking care of things myself.

  Dawson came over on Friday night, and we barbecued chicken with Lauren and Joel. I knew I had drunk too much beer, and was feeling it. I even sent Drew a text lying to him. I told him that I was going out with friends and would talk to him the next day, not wanting him to call with everyone there. I was getting laid. I needed to get laid, and the evening make out sessions with Dawson wasn’t helping.

  Lauren and Joel left around eleven, leaving Dawson and me alone on the deck. We stared attentively at each other while he sat at the table, and I leaned against the banister facing him.

  “Take me to bed, Dawson,” I said in a low raspy voice.