The Tender Flame

by Anne Saunders

  ‘Did Linda mind having Stephanie dumped on her?’ she asked.

  ‘Linda always likes to have a little grumble at first, just to make sure she isn’t being taken for granted, but she can always be relied on to help out.’

  ‘I’m looking forward to meeting Hugh.’

  ‘I’m afraid you’re not going to. Not this trip, anyway. When I left their house, Hugh was on the point of departing on a lecture tour.’

  ‘How far are we off now?’

  ‘About an hour’s drive.’

  Because of a later start than anticipated, they didn’t arrive until mid-afternoon.

  Stephanie had been having a dressing-up session. She paraded precariously forward to meet them in one of Linda’s dresses, its voluminous skirt extravagantly tucked into a belt at the waist. She wore a picture hat that dipped saucily to eyes of green merriment under a subtle dusting of eye-shadow in Mother Nature’s softest moss green. Her pert little nose nestled under a light toasting of beige foundation. Her normally pink cheeks were a tint pinker with blusher, and fashion’s brightest poppy red lipstick glistened her upward turned little mouth. In Linda’s ankle-breaking spiky heeled sandals, ten little toes, with colour matched poppy red toenails, wriggled importantly to be noticed.

  ‘Who is this exotic creature?’ Jan said in delighted awe that was not made up entirely of pretence. Linda’s hand was behind the transformation and she knew her stuff. ‘Won’t someone introduce us?’

  Stephanie squealed in joy.

  ‘This is Her Serene Highness, the Princess Stephanie, who has crossed many oceans to favour our fair land,’ Linda announced.

  ‘Your Highness,’ said Jan, sweeping to the floor in a deep curtsy.

  Stephanie’s little face was ecstatic; David’s less so.

  ‘Look at my darling David,’ Linda said, drawing attention to his sombre expression. ‘He doesn’t approve.’ She didn’t wag her finger at him, but had she done so the tone of voice she used would have been a fitting accompaniment. ‘Let me tell you this, my lad, it diverted Stephanie, which is more than you achieved. And it preserved my sanity. I was at my wits’ end, having exhausted my repertoire of nursery rhymes. The cow is weary of jumping over the moon, and Polly has lost count of how many times she’s put the kettle on. Which reminds me. Nice cup of tea? And something to eat? How hungry are you?’

  ‘Tatty Bear’s very hungry,’ said Stephanie.

  ‘I’m glad to hear it,’ Linda replied. ‘He’s been on a starvation diet, even though I’ve tempted him with pink blancmange and his favourite orange cream chocolate biscuits. Tatty Bear’s been ever so miserable.’

  ‘Tatty Bear isn’t miswerable now,’ said Stephanie.

  ‘I didn’t think he would be. It will be all smiles now that your beloved Jan is back.’ Linda’s eyes seemed to stretch enquiringly to David, but he was looking the other way.

  Despite what Linda said, Stephanie didn’t fuss round Jan, and even went to the other extreme of practically ignoring her, and Jan knew she was being punished for going away. But it was no coincidence that the plump baby fingers were no longer tied in angry knots, and the roaring unanswerable animal that had filled her and tore at her and crushed everybody around her into a state of distressed inadequacy, was magically appeased.

  ‘Jan was saying she was looking forward to meeting Hugh. Pity he’s away,’ David said.

  ‘I was just thinking the same myself.’ Linda’s face brightened. ‘I know! Hugh will be back on Friday. Why don’t you all stay and keep me company, and then Jan can meet him. I can put you up. No trouble, honestly.’

  ‘Count me out,’ David said. ‘I’ve got an appointment tomorrow with the Planning Officer about the alterations to the cottage.’

  ‘That’s no excuse,’ Linda declared. ‘We don’t live all that far away. You could keep your appointment from here.’

  ‘I could, but I’m not. I don’t have to wait for planning permission to get cracking on the outbuilding. I’m going home to start on that. How about a compromise? Jan and Stephanie could stay on.’

  ‘That’s even better,’ Linda said with a jaunty lift of her chin. ‘We can have an “all girls together”. Will you collect your two to take them back home, or shall I deliver?’

  David not only took the point, he even went as far as to emphasise it. ‘Either way. I can collect my two, or leave you to run them home.’

  ‘You collect, then,’ Linda said emphatically. ‘That’s the right way. A man should pander to his womenfolk,’ she added mischievously.

  David’s eyes were not without amusement. ‘I pander to you, Linda Liberty Taker.’

  ‘You don’t, you know. I admit to taking the liberty of giving unsought-for advice, but I might as well save my breath because you never take it.’

  ‘Ah, but there’s a very good reason for that. Your advice so rarely coincides with my wishes.’

  ‘In other words you’ll do as you like even though what you like isn’t always good for you. I don’t know why I bother.’ But as she looked at her godson it was plain to see that her exasperation was tempered by her deep affection.

  * * *

  As they walked back up the drive after seeing David off, Linda said: ‘I’ll show you round the house now. You’ll notice the décor is personality-matched to me, which is how it should be. A woman spends more time in the home than a man does. And, anyway, Hugh’s sense of colour isn’t as good as mine. He let me have a completely free hand, and having had a preview of his taste, I took it. Except for his own private sanctum, his study. Go in while you may,’ she said throwing open the door. ‘But do remember that it’s forbidden territory when Hugh is at home.’

  Not only did Jan see what Linda meant, she thought she had been quite kind over the matter of Hugh’s tawdry choice in colours. In fairness, the same colours in muted shades could have looked all right, and time might have the same effect of dulling and blending. But in its newly decorated spanking clean form the bright biscuit ceiling did not go with the shrieking yellow doors. And the tiny square patterned wallpaper did not marry itself to the large cabbage roses spattered on the carpet.

  ‘Hugh only has one claim of good taste to his credit, bless him,’ said Linda, closing the door firmly behind them, ‘and that was in choosing me. If he did,’ she amended wistfully. ‘Sometimes I think life chooses our partners for us. It’s just a question of being in the right place at the right time, and not being too stubborn to see it.’ Jan was rather sorry that Stephanie had run on ahead and was out of earshot, because then Linda wouldn’t have been able to say, ‘Why can’t David see it? Stubborn as he is he must see that to marry you would be the perfect solution all round.’

  ‘Do you mind!’ Jan covered her embarrassment with a lightness she did not feel, and at the same time voiced a truth. ‘I don’t want to be a perfect solution.’

  ‘Oh, lord, no! Of course you wouldn’t be. I worded it awkwardly. I shouldn’t have said anything at all about David marrying you, but wishful-thinking-out-loud has always been my downfall, although it once turned out to be my advantage. It was my saying something much like that to Hugh which prompted him to propose to me.’ She smiled. ‘I can see you don’t believe me, but it’s true. It goes without saying that this is the kitchen,’ she said, opening another door.

  The lounge, where all the shades of green, mixed like Mother Nature does in the woodlands, the ideal backing for the smooth uncluttered lines of the pine furniture, had already been inspected and delighted over. So it was upstairs for bedroom inspection.

  Linda and Hugh’s room was large and elegant. By this time they had caught up with Stephanie who was entranced by the long cheval mirror and had to be dragged to the next room which was hers, with an appropriate ballerina-patterned wallpaper. Next door to that was Jan’s room. Lots of white and cool restful jade, with a warming of pink in the curtains gently wafting at the open window.

  When it was time for Stephanie to be tucked up for the night, she turned her cheek away fr
om Jan’s goodnight kiss, but although she wasn’t quite ready to forgive Jan, she didn’t sob into her pillow and within minutes she had dropped into a contented sleep.

  ‘Peace, perfect peace,’ said Linda.

  It was shattered by the ringing of the telephone.

  It turned out to be Hugh.

  Returning to the lounge, Linda said: ‘He always makes the time to phone me to say goodnight.’ Her features wore a contented glow.

  It prompted Jan to ask: ‘Do you ever regret not meeting him when you were younger?’

  ‘Good heavens no! I don’t feel my age, and I know I don’t look it, and that’s not entirely due to luck, either. A young mind can retard the aging process. The taking years are now behind me. Know what I mean by that? No? Well, the taking years find out what you are really made of. Every day takes something from you, but it’s fair, because it gives it back in knowledge. Life can deliver some hard knocks, but it gives you the resilience to deal with them. Hugh wouldn’t have liked the “before” me as much as he likes the “after” me. He would have detested the ambitious, opinionated person I was; he adores the warm, wise, fulfilled woman I am.’

  It was the word fulfilled that played on Jan’s mind. She just stopped short of a great impertinence, realising it could also be a source of great hurt, by not asking Linda if she regretted not having had children.

  As if answering her thoughts, Linda said: ‘Hugh would have made a wonderful father. He dotes on children. But he’s much too intelligent to wallow in that sort of unprofitable “if only it could have been” nonsense. As for me, I honestly don’t know. I’ve never decided whether I’m not maternal enough, or too maternal. I could never have been a part-time mother. I would have had to give up my work and devote myself wholeheartedly to my children, but I would have felt cheated and bitterly denied if I hadn’t had my career. It was a lucky day for me when Hugh came into my life and I swept him off his feet. He thinks it was the other way round and I’m wise enough not to disillusion him and let him go on thinking he did the sweeping.’ Her happy mood restored, she gave Jan a long twinkling look. ‘You could crack it with David, if you wanted to. He wouldn’t know what had hit him. Why don’t you let me do you over, Jan? You’re an incredibly pretty girl. With just a whisper of help, a slightly more sophisticated hairstyle, a smudge of eyeshadow to bring into play the true loveliness of your eyes by deepening the colour of your irises, you could be a ravishing beauty.’

  ‘I don’t want to ravish.’ Pride and humour were gently balanced in Jan’s eyes. ‘It wouldn’t seem honest. If ever I do crack it with David, I’ll do it off my own bat and by being me. But thank you for the offer. It’s appreciated.’

  ‘I’d appreciate it if instead of dismissing it out of hand you’d bear it in mind for possible future reference. Remember, if ever you change your mind, help is at the other end of a telephone.’

  Jan said, ‘Thank you,’ knowing she would never call on Linda for this sort of help. To change the subject she said: ‘Did you know it was in David’s mind to buy the cottage next door?’

  ‘Oh yes. He began negotiating the deal while Annabel was still alive, because he thought that two adjacent cottages would be a better investment than just the one. That, of course, was long before he got the idea of knocking the two cottages into one to make a sumptuous home for himself.’

  Linda had voiced what had never been put into words but which Jan had always felt, that David had never intended to live at Larkspur Cottage with Annabel. But there was a point here that demanded to be queried.

  ‘Investment? Isn’t that an odd term to use?’

  Linda replied unwarily with an inflection of surprise in her voice: ‘What’s odd about that? Why else would he buy a house for Annabel to live in?’

  Jan found herself gasping in disbelief. ‘I should have thought because she was his wife.’

  Linda looked helpless as she attempted to keep a cool head and a low profile.

  Jan leapt into the pause this hesitation created. ‘I’ll grant that they never lived together as man and wife, but she was his wife and so he was surely obligated to house her?’

  Linda lifted her eyes to Jan’s. She spoke very clearly and with a dogged determination that forbad interruption. ‘You’ve achieved the rare distinction of putting me on the spot. I’d dearly love to argue the ethics of the situation with you, Jan, but I can’t. My tongue is tied by my stupid loyalty to David, even though I consider him to be a quixotic fool. I had wondered, but I couldn’t be sure. However, it now seems obvious that he hasn’t been as forthcoming about his affairs as I have been about mine. I’m not ducking the issue, I’m merely saying the decision to talk or not to talk is a very private thing and that it is, and must remain, David’s business.’

  ‘I didn’t mean to pry,’ Jan said in a penitent voice.

  ‘I know you didn’t.’ Linda’s eyes were warm and understanding. ‘Shall we see if there’s anything worth watching on television?’

  * * *

  Linda was the perfect hostess, with an amazing insight into what little girls like to do best. She dreamed up so many interesting, diverting things to do that the time passed with unbelievable speed.

  Tatty Bear managed to be reasonably good. He didn’t fall in the river on the afternoon they went boating. He didn’t get up to any truly naughty pranks, and only committed slight misdemeanours, like spilling Stephanie’s glass of milk all over Linda’s clean tablecloth. It would have been a very relaxing break if Jan could have chased away the ‘accident waiting to happen’ feeling. When the worst happened, it didn’t help that she felt it was her fault because of her lack of vigilance.

  It was Friday. David had phoned to say he was on the point of leaving and would be with them very soon. Stephanie was playing in the sun-drenched garden, a flitting butterfly in her yellow dress, if lacking its delicacy and lightness as her feet trampled Linda’s vegetable patch. Inside, Linda and Jan were enjoying the quiet of the lounge, and a companionable chat over a cup of coffee, when both their heads shot up.

  Linda identified the noise that had shattered the peace. ‘Breaking glass.’ And they both unfroze and started to run.

  ‘Look what naughty Tatty Bear has done,’ said Stephanie, pointing to the upturned handle of the garden rake, resting at a most peculiar angle in the cold frame.

  ‘Take a deep breath, Jan,’ Linda’s voice urged. ‘It helps. And bear in mind that it could have been worse. It could have been the greenhouse.’

  ‘That’s the trouble, Linda, I bear too many things in mind. It’s a point of contention between me and David that by not punishing Stephanie I’m turning her into a spoilt child. I agree there’s nothing more unlovable than that, but how can you punish a child who has been so punished by life?’

  ‘It does add to the problem,’ a deeper voice than Linda was capable of producing admitted, ‘but the circumstances you are in sympathy with make it imperative not to shelve it. Children, even those as young as Stephanie, soon pick up what tune to play. Sympathise if you must, but don’t let it show. And kindly move out of the way. If you can’t act, I will. I won’t stand by and see a sweet child completely ruined.’

  ‘David!’ As Jan swung round to face him, her chin went up. He’d picked his moment to arrive, she thought dolefully. ‘If you must punish someone, let it be me. I’m the one to blame for leaving Stephanie to her own devices for too long.’

  ‘I might just take you up on that later. For the moment, you will have to wait. To be effective on a child, the medicine’s got to be immediate. Now, out of my way before I put you out.’

  Jan knew she couldn’t block him for ever; she’d thought to stand in front of him to deter him long enough for his temper to subside. Only, as usual, she was the one in a temper. David was cool and enviably calm as he picked her up, put her out of the way, and went charging after Stephanie who hadn’t lingered long enough to hear any of this adult conversation and was hiding somewhere in the tangle of weeds that Linda hadn’t
got round to clearing.

  He came back with his fingers wrapped round Stephanie’s wrist. Little fingers know how to wriggle free, wrists don’t. He looked mountainous beside her diminutive figure.

  ‘Not my fault,’ Stephanie hiccuped mutinously. ‘Tatty Bear did it.’

  ‘You are sticking to that?’

  ‘Tatty Bear did it,’ she repeated tearfully.

  ‘Then Tatty Bear will be punished, not you.’

  Jan had absolutely no idea what was coming. In a moment of wild and stupid relief, she actually thought that David had sought a diplomatic way round the problem. Tatty Bear could take a slapped leg, and Stephanie would be on hand to comfort and kiss the disciplined toy bear better.

  To her horror she heard David say: ‘Garden rakes must not be thrown into cold frames. It’s solitary confinement for Tatty Bear. That will give him time to think about his naughtiness.’

  ‘If you forgive him this time, I’m quite sure Tatty Bear won’t do anything as naughty again,’ Jan interjected.

  Ignoring her, David said: ‘Linda, may I borrow Hugh’s study for the purpose?’

  Looking every bit as anguished as Jan felt, Linda nodded helplessly.

  As she explained to Jan afterwards, what else could she do? Everybody had been too lax with Stephanie and she was getting completely out of hand, and she couldn’t undermine David’s authority as he seemed to be the only one capable of straightening her out. And the punishment did fit the crime. Stephanie couldn’t sail through life getting away with murder by blaming Tatty Bear for her misdeeds. Deprivation of her beloved toy would make her think twice next time.

  But he was more than a toy. He was her comfort and her solace, her confidant and even the sponge for her tears. It was cruel of David to shut him away from her in the forbidden bounds of Hugh’s study.

  And yet she didn’t know why she was surprised. His cavalier treatment of Annabel had told her what an inhuman beast he was. Well, her attitude towards him might have softened for a while, but that was fragile history now. She was on her guard, and she would make sure she didn’t weaken again, not even if he tugged his ear right off in that little-boy habit of his when he was unsure of his ground or embarrassed.