Beyond Her Words (Corrupt Chaos MC)

by Bink Cummings

  “What’s it look like?” He lifts his chin to the blanket.

  “It looks like a family campout.”

  “Wrong,” he states.

  “Wrong?”

  “It’s a ye and me campout.”

  It’s a what? When did he decide this? How did he decide this?

  “Bridget’s not coming?” I don’t know whether to be flustered or flattered; maybe a little of both?

  Lachlan shakes his head, pulling the metal from the fire and lying it in the grass. “Na; she’s goin’ tae Whisky’s.”

  “But she has school in the morning,” I argue. “And I haven’t gotten a chance to ask her what she needed me to get from the store tomorrow.” I put my hand on my hip. “You should have told me she was going to be gone.”

  “I just did,” he notes, looking at the metal thingy and opening it.

  Crap, he’s got me there.

  “Just text her,” he adds. “Now, sit and eat.”

  “It’s not oatmeal, is it?” I grimace, and he rewards with a throaty laugh. It’s the best sounding laugh I’ve ever heard. And it’s even more special coming from him.

  Sitting on the blanket Indian style, Lachlan joins me and pulls utensils from the basket. Inside the metal contraption, he removes a brown, doughy thing. He sets it on a paper plate and uses his pocket knife to cut four sections before cleaning the blade in the grass and flipping it closed. He’s such a Boy Scout.

  “What’s this?” I tap a section with my finger, not wanting the bubbling cheese to burn me.

  “It’s a pizza pocket.” He divides our halves, placing them on separate plates.

  “What’s in it?”

  “Cheese, pepperoni, and mushrooms.”

  “No olives?” I blurt, panicked.

  He snickers. “Na olives.”

  Exaggeratingly, I wipe my brow and blow a breath. “Shoot, and here I thought I would’ve had two ruined meals for the day,” I tease. What can I say? I hate olives.

  He chuckles and sprawls out on the blanket, lying on his side, his legs extending into the grass. “Ye know, yer sense of humor is much different than I thought it’d be.”

  I dip my finger into the sauce oozing onto my plate and suck it clean. He curses under his breath, eyes raptly watching me.

  “How so?” I raise a curious brow, and dip my finger again, repeating the process.

  “Ye were sad and jumpy at first; I didnae know if ye had one or not.” He bites his pizza, and I follow suit, taking a bite of my own. I moan as cheese, mushrooms, and pepperoni create an exultant food-gasm in my mouth. This is probably one of the best pizzas I’ve ever had. It’s simple, but the smoky flavor in the crispy crust is heavenly.

  I swallow and take a drink of the bottled water Lachlan offers me.

  “Thanks for this,” I say as I lift my plate and set it back down.

  “My pleasure,” he nearly purrs. It comes out thick and husky, forcing me to swallow hard. Damn, his voice is sexy.

  “As for my sense of humor,” I begin, taking pause as he chews with eyes still fixed on me, “you should know that I had just left a man I had dated for a while.” He opens his mouth to ask a question, and I raise my hand for him to let me finish. “I had gotten injured, and then you went and saved my life. I was confused and scared, and so much was going on. I got sad, and then as I started to heal, things were a little less sucky. But, I was still worried about what to do with my life. . .you know. . .after all this.” I gesture to the house and him.

  “Yer not leavin’, right?” I can’t tell if he’s concerned or just interested.

  “No.” I shake my head. “I like it here. And if you ever want me to leave, I promise I won’t cause a fuss. Just tell me, okay?” I hope he understands that I’m being one hundred percent sincere about this. If he doesn’t want me here, I’m gone. I don’t want to ever overstay my welcome. Even though, this feels like home—more home to me than I’ve felt since Kansas living in my grams’s house. It’s a godsend.

  Lachlan swallows his food and sips on a water. “I never want ye tae leave.”

  Bashfully, I blush and absentmindedly rub my cheek at his words. I was hoping he’d say that.

  “What do you want from me?” I blurt, because I can’t contain myself. I know this is the first time I’ve spoken it aloud, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t been waiting to ask this for quite some time.

  Lachlan finishes his food and throws the paper plate into the fire. It crumbles into an orange, flaky ball in seconds. Dropping onto his back, his ankles crossed, he tucks his arms behind his head as he stares at the near dusk sky, sighing. “I want ye around as long as ye wanna be.”

  What kind of answer is that?

  I snort. “That’s a non-answer.”

  He tilts his head to look my way. “What do ye want me tae say, Mags? I cannae promise ye the world, and I sure as hell cannae give ye what ye need and deserve.”

  “What is it that I need and deserve? And who are you to tell me what it is? Isn’t that for me to decide?”

  I hate when people try to make choices for me, thinking they know what’s best. I know what’s best for me most of the time. And up until I moved here, I knew being alone, casually dating, and not getting emotionally invested was best for me. I basked in the darkness—or maybe I drowned. I can’t be sure. Now, I want to bask in the sunshine, or more specifically in the arms of a huge man with an even larger heart. It might be flippin’ scary to hold onto something so good, but it’s even scarier not holding onto it and having to let it go. That frightening possibility messes with my head more than I care to admit.

  “Aye, I suppose it is. But ye deserve a good man who can give ye everythin’,” he remarks.

  He's vague again. I hate that.

  “And what’s everything?” I finish my own meal and toss the paper plate into the fire. It crackles, dissolving the paper in a few moments.

  “For starters. . .Sex.”

  I fire a comeback. “You can’t have sex with me?” There is no way I can believe this. He can’t have sex with me?

  “Na, not when I puke every time I come. I did it again after ye left the shower.”

  “You mean you jacked off? Or you threw up?”

  “Both,” he grumbles, returning his eyes to the sky.

  I was afraid of that.

  “Were you like this before Meredith?”

  “Na. It’s only been aboot ten years that I’ve been dealin’ with this problem.”

  I guess that’s better than a lifetime. Nevertheless, it’s still too long.

  “Have you seen anyone about it?”

  I’m guessing I already know what his reply will be. I just hope that I’m wrong.

  “What? Like a doctor?” he asks.

  “Yeah, like a doctor.”

  “Na fuckin’ way. And tell him what? That I puke when I get off?” he rumbles in disgust, smacking me in the face with the truth, which had been obvious. What’s wrong with men and going to the doctors?

  “It might help,” I offer in a whisper.

  He growls, irritated, shaking his head. “Na, it won’t. I’ve pulled dead, mutilated bodies from car wrecks, Mags. And I’ve seen people burned alive. Sure, that shit bothers the hell outta me, but I get bloody well past it tae do my job. A job I love. But I cannae stop pukin’ when I get off. That’s not somethin’ a shrink’s gonna fix.”

  He doesn’t know that! How could he know if he hasn’t even tried? Why does he have to be so stubborn and resistant? My life would be so much more fricken-frackin’ easy if he’d just relent a tiny bit. Of course, that’s a pipedream. He’s never going to back down. He’s too thickheaded for that. Gah! This beautiful man drives me bonkers in my mind and in my pants.

  “Now tell me aboot this lad ye dated.” He changes the subject to one that I am desperate to stay away from. I don’t want to talk about Johnathan, or anyone else I’ve been with.

  Hunching, I hug my arms around my stomach, as my loose hair falls forward to drape ove
r my shoulders. “I have nothing to say about him.”

  “Sure ye do. Did ye love him?”

  His mouth pronounces the words, but I can’t believe they actually formed the question. Did I love Johnathan? Absolutely not. But Lachlan engaging in a conversation about my past boyfriends is not something I care to speak about. They were inconsequential, anyhow; warm bodies to live out my days—the days when I didn’t care about much other than a hot meal and a decent lay. Those days ceased to exist when I nearly met my maker. I’m a new woman now. And as time slips by, I’m stronger, too. Something I never thought I’d hear myself say.

  “Why would you ask me a question you already know the answer to?” I counter.

  “Did ye or did ye not?” He’s relentless.

  “No,” I huff, then add, “Did you love Meredith?”

  Eyes still cast upon the dusk sky, Lachlan shakes his head. “I loved her as the mother of Pip. I didnae love her as my mate. There wasn’t enough tae love. She’s too selfish, and I cannae give my heart tae a lassie like that.”

  My heart thuds.

  I gulp.

  “Wh—what kind of woman. . .can you give your heart. . .um. . .too?” I inquire meekly, my eyes staring at my arms that are wrapped around me, too afraid to look at him.

  Moments seem to tick by with no response, my nervousness tripling as each second passes. Then, a rough warmth slides over my arm—his hand. He unlocks me from hugging myself and takes my hand into his, folding our fingers together and squeezing. I think I might pass out; I can’t control my breathing. His skin on mine sends a jolt of electricity through my body, heating my core from the inside out. I have to bite my inner cheek to keep from moaning. God, I hate to love, and love to hate that he evokes these emotions. Cheesy or not, they’re feelings that I’ve never felt before. They’re all-consuming and too much.

  “Mags,” he rasps, and I peek up, caught in his gaze. It’s hot and tender all at the same time. Beautiful.

  “Ye-yes?” I stumble a whisper.

  Languidly, he samples his bottom lip, then jerks my arm forward. With a squeal, I tumble, landing on his massive chest as big arms engulf me in a gentle embrace and I freeze in shock. With surprising ease, he pulls me on top of him. My legs instantly separate, straddling his wide, muscled hips. His excitement prods me between my thighs, and I squirm.

  Cupping his hands on my bottom, he sits up, his fingers deliciously digging in. My chest melds to his chest as my arms loosely drape over his shoulders. He maneuvers my legs so they wrap around him, settling his hardness to my damp core. The urge to thrust and get that friction on my clit is so overpowering that it fogs my brain. I need to get a little bit closer, touch him a little more, smell him, taste him, and curl my arms around him, because I never want to let go. God, I need so much.

  Gripping my butt to near pleasured-pain, Lachlan’s grizzly voice tugs me from my haze. “My leannan,” he calls to me, and I shake my head to clear my naughty thoughts. They don’t go far.

  “Yes?” Shyly, I peer up, meeting his eyes once again.

  His head dips, and he brushes his coarse cheek along mine. It sends a shiver through me, and his dick lurches at the juncture between my thighs. Lips brush the shell of my ear, as his hot, ragged breath bathes my skin, making it tingle. “Ye’re,” he whispers then slowly moves away, his stubble scratching my cheek until he turns his lips to my jaw, peppering soft kisses down to my chin. Then, his attention sweetly moves to my other side, where he kisses up to my ear and mutters, “the,” before making a slow descent back to my jaw, drugging me with his kisses the entire journey.

  He ends on the tip of my chin, and I tilt my head back further, offering myself. I want him to touch me anywhere he wants. He feels so damn good.

  With a possessive growl, Lachlan drags a hand up my spine and cuffs it around the back of my neck, dominating me. My insides quiver when he moves my lips a hair’s breadth from his and lashes out his tongue to taste mine. I whimper a compulsory moan, melting into him as he sweeps over my bottom lip before scooping the top with the tip of his wet tongue. “Mmmmm,” he groans appreciatively.

  Oh my. . .

  My lady parts clench as my nails bite into his shoulders and I rock myself to him, unable to sustain another moment. His hand on my backside grinds me against him, and I gasp with pleasure.

  “That,” he grunts, “is the reason why ye’re the only person I could ever love.”

  Oh. . .

  Without warning, his lips brutally crash upon mine, stealing my breath. I cling to him, taking whatever he wants to offer and reveling in it. He slants, opening his mouth, and forces his tongue into mine. I moan as they collide, tangling in a mess of hot, delirious ecstasy. He groans, battling for more, drinking me in as I drink him in, unable to get enough.

  Thrusting his hips in the maelstrom of our passion, his dick hits my clit and I violently shudder, throwing my head back and breaking our kiss as I belt a heady moan to the sky, locked in his embrace. With his hand on my neck, he forces my lips back to his, swallowing the rest of my pleasure. He thrusts again, hitting his mark, and I cry out, his mouth devouring it all; every whimper, every need—everything.

  Soon, it all becomes too much and I lose my breath. Lachlan slows, his tongue gently swirling with mine, giving me a moment of reprieve as we both pant for air. Softly, sweetly, we bask in each other’s taste. He tastes better than anything I could have imagined.

  Fuck! I need tae claim her. I need tae lay her down and take her right here in the grass. I cannae, but my blood is roarin’ and there is nothin’ I can do tae stop it. Shit! Her taste, her sweet, coconut smell, her soft body wrapped around mine. . .it’s more than I can bloody bear.

  My hips surge like they belong tae someone else, and she moans against my mouth. My cock throbs, buckin’ at the sound, and my balls tighten, needin’ more. More of anythin’.

  Whirlin’ my tongue inside her perfect mouth once more, I slip out and lick the seam of her bruised, parted lips. I meet her eyes, which are as heavy and glazed as mine. Still needin’ more, I brush my lips across hers, sneakin’ out my tongue tae taste her again. She’s my addiction. I’ll never be able tae get enough. Not after this. There’s na goin’ back.

  Today, in the shower, she saw me. I’d broken her, and I wanted tae fix it. I wanted tae do somethin’ tae make it all better. I couldn’t, so I dropped my shorts tae expose my cock. Tae entrust her with seein’ it was hard; I could barely muster the strength tae stand there long enough for her tae examine it. I wanted tae run. She didnae need tae see how ugly it is. But what she said. . .those words. . .they hit me in the heart so fuckin’ hard that it knocked the breath from my lungs and I almost crumbled tae the shower floor. I wanted tae weep. I wanted tae take her into my arms and tell her how I feel. I wanted tae do so damn much, but I was frozen. I couldn’t stop thinkin’ aboot her tellin’ me it was sexy. That I was sexy. That the birthmark wasn’t bad and it, too, is. . .bloody hell. . .she said it was sexy.

  Once those words came, fillin’ a void I didnae know I had; it was clear she owned me, and would be my salvation. The bonnie lass I saved, saved a part of me, too. I cannae give her what she deserves. I can never give her what she’s given tae me. I will never be worthy of her or her love. I’m a fuckin’ arsehole, and my head and cock are damaged. But she still accepts what I cannae change. She accepts me for me. How terrifyin’, yet, bloody grand is that?

  When I’d finished comin’ in the shower and pukin’ in the toilet, I went tae Pip. I told my daughter shit that I never thought I’d admit tae a soul, like how I felt aboot Mags, and how I kept pushin’ her away. We also talked aboot me needin’ help tae mend what I’d broken so many bloody times. That’s when Pip helped me devise this plan tae show Mags a wee bit more of myself. And so I could give her the gift I found in a store window last week when she had lunch with Bonez.

  “My leannan,” I speak, brushin’ my lips over hers, my fingers caressin’ the back of her neck, my hand still palmin’ her ar
se.

  “Yes?” she whispers, breathlessly.

  Bloody hell. . .that mouth. . .those words. . .her.

  Fuck. . .I really am owned.

  Lachlan rests his forehead on mine as we steady our breathing. His heart’s pounding so hard that I can feel it through my breasts. I wonder if he can feel mine, too.

  “That was the first kiss I’ve had in a long time.”

  And the best I’ve ever had, I admit, even though we shared so much more than just a kiss. There was an explosion and an understanding in the way our lips synced, like we were one. I’m sure I never thought that was possible. I’m not one to believe in fairytales or happily ever afters. There’s never been a reason to. But, he said that thing to me. . .those words. . .their meaning. . .I feel them, too. Didn’t think that was possible either, but I felt it.

  “Me, too.” Lachlan softly presses a lingering kiss to my lips, and I melt. The fluttering in my belly expands to my whole body, making everything gooey and warm, and absolutely perfect. I feel lighter than air.

  Our lips stick like magnets, and as he tries to pry us apart, even our mouths don’t seem to want to let go. “I have a present I need tae give ye, then I have more tae say,” Lachlan whispers, fanning my mouth with his hot, silky breath.

  “Oh. . .okay. . .Yes. . .and um. . .the gift. . .it’s...not. . .ummm. . .” Geeze, I can’t even formulate a proper sentence.

  “Dinnae even try tae argue with me, lassie.” Swiftly and sweetly, he drops an adorable kiss on the tip of my nose, then extends his arm out to the picnic basket and scoots it over.

  Inside, he extracts a square, white box. Okay, it’s nothing huge and it’s not a ring box. All right, so I wasn’t expecting anything, let alone a ring box. But, you know even if I’m feeling a little something or maybe a lot of something, a ring. . .yeah. . .not a good idea. I already have two on my finger, and a third wouldn’t look right. Or that’s what I’m going to keep telling myself. It sounds good, right? Geeze, I’m nervous. And I’m rambling with soaked panties. I’m an utter mess.