Insatiable

by HELEN HARDT

  “I can’t wait to see the baby,” she said, bringing us both glasses of water.

  “He’s gorgeous,” I said.

  “I was going to go with Talon this morning, but I had a meeting at the boys’ school.”

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah, just a parent-teacher thing. I insisted Talon go see his nephew, that I could handle it.”

  “How are the boys doing?” I asked.

  “Donny’s thriving, of course. Grades are great, and he gets along well with everyone. Dale’s grades aren’t quite as good, but his teacher says he’s doing better, and also he’s finally starting to make a few friends.”

  “Do their teachers know…”

  She shook her head. “They know they’ve been through an abusive situation, but we didn’t fill them in on the details. Talon felt it was important that their teachers not hold their situation against them.”

  “Why would any teacher do that?”

  “They wouldn’t, at least not on purpose. Talon thinks they might subconsciously either be easier or harder on them.”

  “Harder?”

  “I know. It doesn’t make sense to me either, but it does to Talon and to Melanie. And they’re the experts.”

  I took a sip of my water. “I should call Bryce.”

  “He’s not home.”

  I jerked. “Oh?”

  “Talon went to meet him and Ryan somewhere.”

  “Where?”

  “I asked. He didn’t say.”

  “You didn’t insist on knowing?”

  “If Talon wanted to tell me, he’d have told me. I can’t push Talon. I learned that the hard way in the beginning. You push Talon, and he shrinks away.”

  “But he’s come so far.”

  “He has, but every once in a while he’s still that little boy who had his innocence shredded way too early.”

  I nodded, gulping quietly.

  My security blanket was gone.

  My brother’s innocence had been shredded because I’d come into existence. It wasn’t my fault, but still… Knowing my blade was hidden securely in my purse would have helped.

  But it was gone now.

  My friend was gone.

  “Marj?”

  I jerked. “Yeah?”

  “You okay? You seemed lost in space for a minute.”

  I smiled weakly. “I’m okay.”

  “You sure? You’ve been through—”

  “I’ve been through nothing,” I stormed. “Nothing compared to what Talon and Colin have been through.”

  “Marj, I—”

  “I’m sorry, okay? Yeah, I was drugged and taken against my will. But no one hit me. No one raped me. No one starved me. It was nothing, Jade. Fucking nothing.”

  “It wasn’t nothing.”

  Anger seethed through me. “Excuse me, but you weren’t there. I was. It was nothing compared to what happened to my brother, to Dale and Donny, to Juliet and Lisa, to Ruby even. To all of them. It was nothing.”

  Jade regarded me, her lips trembling slightly.

  I’m sorry.

  The words were lodged in my throat.

  She hadn’t deserved to be the target of my outburst, but damn it, I’d been through nothing.

  Where was my fucking friend?

  Just knowing my blade was waiting for me in my purse would help this angst.

  But it wasn’t there.

  It wasn’t there.

  I walked to the kitchen quickly and opened the refrigerator. The cold air chilled my skin.

  Jade didn’t follow me. Why would she? I still lived here. I did a lot of cooking. Opening the refrigerator wouldn’t be an odd thing for me to do.

  She didn’t know why I was doing it, though.

  I breathed in the coldness, let it flow through me, begging it to take away my troubles.

  Because in truth, I didn’t have any troubles. I’d been taken against my will, and yes, I’d been frightened.

  But ultimately, I hadn’t been harmed.

  Not like all those other innocent souls.

  I inhaled, exhaled, inhaled, exhaled…

  But still the need pulsed within me. The scar on my upper thigh burned and itched.

  Burned and itched.

  Burned and itched.

  Until—

  “Marj?”

  Jade’s voice. From behind me.

  “Are you looking for something?”

  I suppressed the urge to snap at her. She was my best friend, and she was pregnant. I was being self-indulgent.

  I’d promised myself I’d stop this ridiculous self-absorption.

  Why wasn’t I strong enough?

  Why?

  I closed the refrigerator door. “I need to talk to you.”

  She nodded. “I know.” She led me down to the family room and sat next to me on the leather couch.

  She didn’t push me, didn’t insist I start talking. She just sat with me, waiting.

  I didn’t owe her any explanation. I didn’t owe anyone, other than Mel and Bryce, both of whom I’d lied to.

  Finally, she said, “The razor blade.”

  I didn’t respond, simply nodded.

  “It was yours.”

  Again, I nodded.

  “It’s okay,” she said. “Anyone would—”

  “I’m not anyone,” I said adamantly. “My brothers would have been stronger. Look at all of them, what they’ve been through.”

  “Talon tried to get himself offed in Iraq,” Jade said. “Ryan nearly drove his car off a cliff when he found out about Wendy being his mother. Joe has the hottest head of all three of them, and he almost took a gun into the police station to shoot Ted Morse. Yeah, they’re strong, but they’re not invincible. They’ve had their own issues, and they’ve all nearly gone off the deep end at one time or another.”

  “But—”

  “I don’t blame you for idolizing them. They’re amazing, all three of them, especially the one I’m married to. I love him more than anything, but even I know when not to push him.”

  “So you’re pushing me instead.” A statement, not a question.

  “I’m not pushing you. I’m sitting here with you, giving you time. But if you think I can’t tell when something’s bothering my best friend, think again. I know you as well as you know yourself, Marj.”

  “Not true,” I said.

  “Bull.”

  I chuckled. “Not true. You actually know me better than I know myself. I was trying to think what I’ve been through doesn’t matter because it was so tame compared to what Talon and the boys have been through. But you’re right. It was traumatic.”

  “I know it was.”

  “What you don’t know is…”

  “What?”

  I shook my head. I couldn’t tell her. Couldn’t.

  “You can tell me.”

  “The blade…”

  She grabbed my arm. “I know.”

  I arched my eyebrows.

  “No one told me, Marj. I just know, okay? I’ve seen the scar when you have your suit on to go hot tubbing.”

  “Only two others know,” I said.

  “Bryce.”

  “Yeah. And Melanie. She’s been helping me.”

  “You can trust me. I haven’t told anyone. Not even Talon.”

  “Please don’t tell Talon. If my brothers knew—”

  “They’d move heaven and earth to help you,” she finished for me.

  I smiled. “That’s not what I was going to say.”

  “I know, but it’s the truth. They’d do anything for you. They adore you.”

  “But—”

  “He doesn’t blame you, Marj. He never did.”

  No, Talon didn’t blame me.

  “In fact,” she continued, “if it weren’t for you, Talon and I wouldn’t have met.”

  I nodded again. That much was true, and Jade had changed Talon’s life. He was happy. He was complete. He was a father.

  “…all because of you,” Jade w
as saying.

  I choked back a sob. Crying was for girls.

  “He’s happy,” Jade continued. “He wants you to be happy too.”

  “I am,” I said. “I have everything, Jade. I have Bryce. I have you, Mel, my brothers. I am happy.”

  “Marjorie”—she looked me straight in the eye—“happy people don’t carry razor blades around in their purse.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Bryce

  “My half brother has been obsessed with the Steels for years,” Dominic said. “He was my mother’s son from her first marriage. He appeared when Alex and I were teens. Our mom had just died. Anyway, he had nowhere else to go, so my dad took him in, and he changed his last name to Booker.”

  “Where had he been, if he wasn’t with your mom?”

  “She never talked about him. She only told us that we had an older brother but he died when he was young.”

  A brick hit my gut.

  “And he’s obsessed with the Steels?” I said.

  “The Steels, yeah, mostly Jonah. And your father. Tom Simpson.”

  “My dad’s dead.”

  “I know.”

  “If he has a beef with a dead man, I don’t know what to tell you.”

  “If he has a beef with a dead man, you know why,” Dominic said. “We all know who your father was.”

  Chills crawled up my spine. Oh, yeah, I knew all right. But damn it, I was not my father.

  “I’m not responsible for what my father did to anyone, and neither are the Steels.”

  “I know that,” Dominic said, “but my brother isn’t quite as logical as I am. He tends to think with his emotions, which are out of whack.”

  “You called him psycho,” I said.

  “Yeah, and I stand by that assessment.”

  “I do too. Only a psycho would arm himself with three guns and booby-trap his office with pepper spray.”

  “Agreed,” Dominic said.

  “Look,” I said. “I don’t know what my father did to your brother, but I know it can’t be pretty. Your brother was far from the only one.”

  Dominic nodded. “I know that, man, but that thought never helped my brother and probably not any of the others.”

  Talon visibly tensed. His story had gone public when all hell broke loose months ago. Dominic probably knew Talon had been among my father’s victims. That wasn’t for me to say, though.

  “You’re saying your brother is a danger to the Steels? And to Colin? That’s why you acted on orders to protect them?”

  “That’s right. But thanks to you all, they’re no longer protected.”

  “You need to look no further than to us to protect our mother and sister,” Talon said through clenched teeth. “You’d better keep your hands off them and every other Steel from now on.”

  I turned to Talon and Ryan. “Did you guys ever find the file of news clippings from the kids who disappeared around the same time as Luke?”

  “Not yet. Joe was going to look for them,” Ryan said.

  “Any chance a little kid named Cade disappeared?” I asked.

  “I was too young to remember,” Ryan said.

  “And I just remember Luke,” Talon said. “And…”

  And…himself. He didn’t finish the sentence.

  “What was Cade’s father’s name?” I asked.

  “I don’t know,” Dominic said. “My mom never talked about him. Like I said, she told us Cade was dead.”

  “And she never mentioned his father?”

  “Not once. It was like he never existed. She wouldn’t talk about it. We always figured he’d been really abusive.”

  “What happened to him?”

  “She never said.”

  “And you never asked?”

  “We were young,” he said. “We didn’t think about it. Then she died.”

  “Of what?” Ryan asked.

  “Drive-by shooting in our little Iowa town. The first and only. No one was ever caught.”

  “Right before Cade showed up,” Talon said. “Seems a little incriminating.”

  I nodded. “And more than a little convenient.”

  “You think Cade shot his own mother?” Dominic asked.

  “You said yourself he was psycho. Do you mean this never occurred to you?”

  “Cade acted all broken up about it,” Dominic said. “So no, I didn’t think about it.”

  “Your father took Cade in, let him take his name.”

  “Yeah. My dad was a good man.”

  “Was?” Talon asked.

  Dominic nodded. “He died last year. Cancer.”

  “Okay.” At least we knew Cade hadn’t offed his stepdad. Even the biggest psycho in the world couldn’t force cancer on someone.

  “Fast-forward,” I said. “How did you start working for Brad Steel?”

  “Cade kind of took Alex and me under his wing. He taught us how to handle guns, and he was good, man. Really good. I didn’t think much about it at the time, but right around the time Alex and I finished high school, he got a little weirder than usual. Like I said, he was obsessed with your father and the Steels. He asked Alex and me to go in with him, help us avenge him. We didn’t know what he was talking about, and he wouldn’t elaborate, but I could tell he was thinking about doing something terrible. Alex and I declined, and a few days later, we got a phone call from someone claiming to represent Brad Steel, asking if we wanted to work for him. He offered us some outrageous money, so we took it.”

  “Was Cade already with the FBI when he showed up?” I asked.

  “He’d left the bureau and was setting up a law practice. Like I said, Alex and I were teens. He offered to teach us how to shoot like the FBI had taught him. Our dad was okay with it. We thought it was great at the time.”

  “So somehow, between the time your mother thought he allegedly died and the time he came back, he worked for the FBI and managed to go to law school and pass the bar?”

  “Apparently,” Dominic said.

  “I smell a rat a mile away,” Ryan said. “I wish Ruby were here to listen to this. She’d have called bullshit a half hour ago.”

  “You can easily check records to see where he went to law school and whether he was with the FBI,” Dominic said.

  “Records can be forged,” Talon said.

  “Federal records?” Dominic shook his head.

  “Kid,” Talon began.

  “Kid?”

  “Yeah, kid. What are you? Twenty-five?”

  “I’m no kid.”

  “Whatever. The right amount of money can buy anything. Trust us. We’ve seen it.”

  “You’re saying my brother never went to law school?”

  “It’s possible.”

  “But he’s been practicing law.”

  “So?”

  “He’s good at it.”

  “Doesn’t mean he didn’t go about it illicitly. I’m not saying he didn’t go to law school, but I’m not saying he did either. We’ve seen people wearing aliases like different color shirts this past year.”

  “True,” I said. “What was Cade’s original last name? Do you know?”

  “I’m not sure he ever told us.”

  “And you didn’t think to ask?” I said.

  “I was sixteen. I didn’t think past tomorrow.”

  “What about your sister?”

  “Same.”

  “Marjorie says she wasn’t as nice as you were.”

  “I told you. Alex comes on strong sometimes. She’s got one big chip on her shoulder.”

  “Why is that? You said your dad was kind.”

  “He was. You think a person has to be abused to have a chip on her shoulder? It doesn’t work that way.”

  I couldn’t fault Dominic’s observation. Joe Steel had one massive chip on his shoulder, and as far as I knew, he hadn’t been abused.

  Who the hell was Cade Booker?

  “Can you find out his original last name?” I asked.

  “I can try. My dad would have
known, but he’s dead.”

  “Check his records. Did he leave any files?”

  “I can look, but wouldn’t it be easier to check the state records? Aren’t name changes a matter of record?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “If your brother actually changed his name legally. Some people just start using aliases.”

  “Why would he choose to use our father’s name as an alias?”

  “Kid”—this time I said it. I felt like I’d aged a generation in the past several months—“if I knew why a psycho did anything, I’d have figured out my father way before now. You can’t use logic to figure this out. Trust me. But we need to know his original name if we have a chance of tracing him.”

  Dominic sighed. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  “Do more than see,” Ryan said. “Don’t forget we can have you arrested for what you did to Marj, Colin, and Daphne Steel.”

  Dominic nodded. He seemed oddly unconcerned about being arrested, seemed to think Alex would be getting off easily. I almost mentioned it, but then thought better of it. Dominic turned.

  “Just a minute,” I said. “I need to speak to him alone for a minute.”

  Talon and Ryan nodded.

  I walked out of the bar with Dominic. “It’s no coincidence that you ended up as Marjorie’s trainer at the gym, is it?”

  “No. My brother’s been watching her, and I’ve been watching him, all while waiting for the order to get her to safety.”

  “I see. And when I came into the gym?”

  “That’s when I realized the situation was dire,” he said.

  I lifted my brow, trying to appear less surprised than I was. “How so?”

  Dominic dug his wallet out of his pocket, opened it, and pulled out a white card. “This.” He handed it to me.

  The card I’d lost, with the account set up for the Spider.

  “It’s my brother’s calling card,” he said.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Marjorie

  Happy people don’t carry razor blades around in their purse.

  Jade’s words rang in my mind as I contemplated how to respond to them.

  Maybe if I just didn’t respond—

  “You going to answer me?” she said.

  “You didn’t ask a question.” True enough.

  “Let me rephrase, then. Why did you have a razor blade in your purse?”