Falling Hard

by Shelly Bell

  “Me too, Lilly. I know how you feel, but who needs hope when they have strength? You definitely have strength.”

  It was hard to believe how easily I shared the most intimate details of my life with him. I supposed pain recognizes pain. It was like two turbulent waves crashing and quieting.

  “I’ve always wondered what the meaning of the Tin Man was.”

  “That’s Colton’s nickname for me.”

  “Why?”

  Hutch took a deep breath. “I have a few ideas, but he won’t tell me for sure.”

  “What is your idea?”

  “Maybe ’cause I’m really rusty with my game.”

  “Your game?”

  He smiles a boyish smile. “Yeah, my swagger is stiff. See that right there? That was a weird sentence.”

  I cupped my mouth, trying not to laugh.

  “It’s okay, you can laugh.”

  “You mean this isn’t the way you usually pick up girls, getting them to sit on your lap?”

  “No. I swear I’m no creepy Santa Claus.”

  “Glad to hear that. The Tin Man just needs oil.”

  “Yep, I need that.”

  I wasn’t sure what to say, but he didn’t expect a response. Everyone clapped and stood. We continued to sit, staring at each other.

  “Want to meet Colton?”

  If he asked before the concert, I would have squealed like a pig, but now I just nodded. I did want to meet Colton Keyes, but more so, I didn’t want to say good-bye to James Hutchinson.

  As everyone headed toward the exit doors, Hutch led me to the backstage entrance, his hand on my lower back. Everyone in Colton’s band seemed to know Hutch, giving him fist bumps and those complicated handshakes guys had. There was an awkward moment when Colton’s drummer let out a low whistle.

  “Did you bring us a groupie? We’re pretty full up, but I’ll make room for this pretty thing.”

  I’d never heard a man growl before, but that’s what Hutch did. “This is a warning, but if you say anything else to her or about her, I’ll make sure it’ll be your last words for a good, long time.”

  “He was joking, Hutch,” I said, pulling his arm.

  “Yeah, just kidding around, man,” the drummer confirmed, holding his hands up.

  “I missed the punch line,” he replied, but thankfully, he took a deep breath and kept walking.

  “Hey bro,” Colton greeted, giving Hutch a huge bear hug. “Did you like the show?” Colton turned toward me, his pierced eyebrow raising. “Or were you too distracted?”

  “It was a good show, man. You didn’t need to share your spotlight with me, but what you said was nice.” His smile brightened as he turned to me, “This is Lilly. We both had the same seat number so we decided to share.”

  Colton shook my hand. “I’m sorry about the mix-up.” He handed me a card. “This is my manager’s information. The next time you want to see a show, call her up, and she’ll make sure you get a good seat.”

  “Thank you, but I might be traveling for the next few years, and it’ll probably be a long time before I make it to another concert.” Colton looked from me to Hutch. “But this seat was just fine,” I added.

  “Lilly’s auditioned for a dance troupe.”

  Colton’s eyes narrowed. “Well, I’m sure we’ll hit a city you’re in.”

  “Are you planning on a European tour?” I asked.

  “Europe, eh?” He shook his head. “It’s not in the works, but you never know. So how long will you be gone exactly?”

  “It’s a three year renewable contract.”

  I caught a glimpse of the sad look Colton exchanged with his brother before Hutch clapped him on the back.

  “That’s great news, isn’t it? I’m sure she’ll get it.”

  “That’s nice of you to say, but you’ve never seen me dance. You don’t even know if I’m good.”

  “I have no doubts.”

  “Well, let me at least give you an autograph,” Colton said.

  “That would be great.”

  He reached for a glossy photo. I fumbled through my purse until I found my digital camera.

  “Wow, I thought everyone just used their phones these days,” Colton said, signing the photo with a sharpie.

  “I’m probably going to have to get a new one in Europe so I started using this for pictures.”

  “That’s smart,” Colton said, gesturing for me to stand in the spot next to him.

  “Um…actually, I was hoping you could snap the picture? If you don’t mind that is.”

  Colton looked confused for a moment until I stood next to Hutch, who pulled me against his chest.

  “I think you just shattered the best part of me, Lilly,” Colton said, taking the camera.

  “Don’t tell me I broke your heart.”

  He winked, his grin widening. “No, something much larger. My ego.”

  “Don’t worry, he’ll be able to put it back together,” Hutch whispered as Colton snapped the picture.

  I looked from one brother to the other. Besides hair and eye coloring, they did have very similar features. Colton had sandy brown hair and green eyes whereas Hutch was blond with brown eyes. They were both striking specimens of male hood, but there was that something in Hutch I recognized in myself. We were loners. We were lonely.

  A few seconds of silence ticked by, and I filled the void before it became too awkward. I hated to say good-bye, but I also didn’t want to keep taking up space with no purpose. I took the camera. “Thank you. I really enjoyed the show. I should go. I’m sure you two have a lot to catch up on.”

  Stop me, Hutch. Don’t let me go. Not yet.

  “Actually, we hung out last night when I got into town,” Colton said. “I need to finish the song I’m working on. I have a room at the Edgerton Hotel, but I think I’ll stay on the tour bus tonight and work.” He looked at his brother. “You want the room, Tin Man?”

  “In case you forgot, I live here now and have an apartment.”

  Colton sighed, rubbing the back of his head. “Yeah with three other guys.”

  “So?”

  Damn…did Hutch not understand what was going on? Even my inexperienced mind could comprehend Colton’s suggestion. “I hear that hotel is gorgeous,” I offered, squeezing his hand while holding my breath. “I’ve always wanted to see the inside.”

  Hutch stared at me for a moment before a beaming smile of comprehension stretched across his face. “I’ll take you up on that, brother.”

  Was I actually contemplating a one-night stand with a man I’d just met? It wasn’t the most reasonable decision of my life. Nevertheless, I wanted it so badly, I could feel the butterflies in my stomach spurring me on. I’d made all the right choices, devoting myself to my studies and training. I took solace in treading the shallow water instead of diving into the deep. Right now, I just wanted to dive into the deep...with him.

  The electricity between us sparked from an intense, undeniable lust so raw and pure that I could not deny my feelings. I certainly would not regret them. In fact, I had a desire to explore them to the fullest extent.

  No man had ever made me feel this way.

  Chapter 5

  Lilly

  The Edgerton hotel was a short walk from the concert venue, but I wasn’t paying much attention. His arms were around me and a gaggle of butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Were they called a gaggle or a flock? Whatever they were, there were a ton of them.

  “Will you call me James?”

  “I thought everyone called you Hutch.”

  “You’re not everyone…to me.”

  I swallowed deeply, wishing I could capture and relive that sentence a million times.

  “Of course, James.”

  I shivered against the snapping fall wind. I hadn’t thought to bring a jacket. Fall in Michigan was a gamble. You could go from sweater weather to jackets to heavy coats all in the same day. Now was definitely the time for a heavy coat.

  James took off his and w
rapped it around me. I leaned against a brick building as the light drizzle of rain fell against us. It did nothing to quench the tingling. He stood before me, blocking the chill.

  “We don’t have to do this, Lilly. We can just have coffee if you’d like. There’s a great place not far from here.”

  “Do you not want to?” I swallowed down the sting of rejection that threatened to spear all the butterflies fluttering in my belly. Don’t be a butterfly killer, James.

  “You have no idea, but I want you to understand that any time we spend together will make me happy.”

  I grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him toward me. He didn’t budge…not an inch. I practically assaulted him with my lips. His scent was like the season—fallen leaves, fresh cedar and sweet pine. I inhaled it. He didn’t kiss me back, though, not at first. He pulled away, his breaths harsh, as he placed a hand against the brick wall on either side of me.

  His eyes widened for a second before he flashed a wry smile. His finger cupped my chin, pulling my face to meet his. “Lilly, if you kiss me like that again, I’m liable to fuck you against this wall.”

  “What happened to going for coffee?”

  “Fuck coffee and the pussy who said that.”

  He pulled me back against him, picking me up and wrapping my legs around his waist. He kissed me this time…really kissed me. He sucked my bottom lip and teased me with his tongue. His fingers threaded through my hair as his strapping body covered mine, pushing me against the wall. He made no effort to hide his erection this time, pressing it against me.

  I moaned into his mouth, running my fingers through his damp hair. His kiss demanded and dominated at the same time. I had spent my whole life trying to master control over my body, getting it to yield to the difficult, almost impossible positions I demanded from it. But in his arms, I lost myself. My reactions were not narrated, planned or controlled…they just were.

  “Get a room,” a gruff voice said, passing by us.

  He put me down, not taking his eyes off me. We both started laughing. James winked at me, holding up the key card. “We have one.”

  I would say the hotel was beautiful, but I barely remembered it, except his firm palm pressed against my lower back. Thanks to a crowded elevator, we behaved ourselves. I wasn’t sure if I pulled him or he pushed me into the room, but we got there.

  I flopped on the bed and started unbuttoning my shirt. His expression changed suddenly. The mischievous smirk disappeared, replaced by an anxious frown.

  “Lilly, can we talk for a second?”

  My heart crushed, waiting for the sting of his rejection. “Don’t you want me?” I demanded, embarrassed by the pleading tone of my voice.

  He laughed cynically. “You have no idea.”

  “Then what?”

  He sat on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees and head buried in his hands. I had a desire to crawl onto his lap, but I sat next to him instead.

  “I have to tell you some things. I haven’t been honest with you. I’d be a total jackass versus a partial jackass if I didn’t tell you the whole truth.”

  I sat straighter, feigning confidence, even though the butterflies suddenly had stilled in panic mode. “Then tell me.”

  “If you want to leave after what I say, I completely understand as long as you promise to let me see you home.”

  “Just tell me,” I coaxed, running my fingers through his dirty-blond locks.

  “You have to stop doing that, Lilly. You touching me right now is not the best idea.”

  “Sorry.” I put my hands in my lap, trying to silence the anarchy of the butterflies. “I want you to trust me. I want anything…everything we share to be real, so I need to tell you this.”

  “Then tell me already.”

  “My roommate’s sister was dancing in a recital last week. He dragged me along. I was pretty bored through most of it.” He looked up, his eyes piecing me. “And then I saw you dance. How can I describe this to you, Lilly? It was like I was dreaming. Or better yet, waking up from a horrible dream. Seeing you move…it was so graceful it didn’t seem possible, yet it was the most natural thing in the world, too, like watching the wind. I’ve been comfortably numb for a long time, but in a strange way, you made me feel again.”

  “I don’t understand. You were at my recital? Why didn’t you say so?”

  His smile was weak, but it comforted me just the same. “Because it would have ruined the plan. I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as you dancing on that stage. I told Colton about you. He tried to get me a seat next to yours but they were all taken. So…”

  I put the pieces together before he finished. “So he created a duplicate ticket?”

  James nodded. “It took calling in a few favors and pulling some strings, but he made it happen. I never meant to deceive you.”

  “Was your purpose to get me here?”

  His eyes widened with the accusation. “No, I swear. I just wanted to talk to you. I had no idea Colt was going to bring up the hotel.”

  I stared at his hand, trying to make sense of the jumbled emotions coursing through me. After processing it, I realized I wasn’t mad. Surprisingly, I was flattered—no, excited—perhaps even turned on by the lengths he’d gone through just to meet me. I took the hand he offered and pulled him toward me. He didn’t budge at first, as if he was unsure of my actions, but then he leaned in, brushing my hair to the side, and whispered in my ear, “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. I’m glad you did it.”

  He exhaled a breath so deep, I wondered how long he’d been holding it. “That’s a relief.”

  “Why didn’t you approach me in a normal way?”

  “I’ve been gone a long time. I’ve forgotten how to talk to a lady.”

  “You’re kidding, right? You’re hotter than Hades on the Fourth of July. Didn’t you see the way the blonde in the seat next to you practically drooled over you, all the while shooting daggers at me?”

  “No…only one girl commanded my attention.” He grinned, shaking his head. “You bring out the sin in me too, Lilly, but I have to tell you something else.”

  “Not now,” I insisted, standing to kiss him again. I tugged on the hem of his shirt, he reached behind him, and took it off with one hand. The sight of James bare-chested, the metallic glint of his dog tags and inked body, was enough to make a girl need to change her panties. You would need an advanced degree in Photoshop to make muscles like these. He had that sexy V-cut angle on his hips that so many men tried and failed to obtain. God, how many hours did that take you, soldier?

  He let me touch him. I traced the ink on his right shoulder—a Marine flag with the Eagle, globe and anchor, and just below that a banner with the words Semper Fidelis written in flourishing script.

  “Semper Fi. It means always faithful.”

  My finger paused when the smooth skin gave way to roughness. The puncture wound had healed, but it would never cure.

  “Is this a bullet wound?”

  “No, it’s from a piece of shrapnel that lodged into my arm.” He expelled a shaky breath.

  I kissed along the line that marked his face. “And this?”

  He sucked in some air. “Same injury.” His voice poured slower, almost husky. I thanked whatever traits I possessed to garner this reaction from him.

  There were other scars on his skin, too, some protruding more than others, most of them on his right side. I kissed each one of them until the stiffness of his body eased.

  “How did it happen?”

  “My convoy hit an IED when we were transporting a prisoner.”

  I bit my lower lip to keep it from trembling. I blinked away the tears, but one escaped anyway. He wiped it away before it descended my cheek. “Oh, my god.”

  “Sit.”

  He backed me to the bed until I fell onto it.

  “I don’t want us to go any further until you see this. I don’t want you to freak out.”

  Freak out?

  He kicked off his s
hoes, put his foot on the bed next to me, and rolled up the right side of his jeans. “This is probably why Colton calls me the Tin Man. I lost the lower part of my right leg in that accident.” His foot was just a curved piece of metal rising up to a metal brace.

  I wondered how I hadn’t felt it sitting on his lap, but I saw the prosthetic started just below the knee. He’d kept his right leg at an angle during the show. I reached out to touch the metal. I stopped myself short, staring up at him for approval.

  “Go ahead.”

  “Does it still hurt?”

  “Yes,” he admitted. “But not as much anymore. I have to keep it maintained. Hence, I carry my own lubricant, a running joke with my roommates. I’ve had a lot of therapy since it happened and not just the physical kind. That’s helped. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I’m fine. It’s a struggle. When I went in, I was a different person. That guy…well, that guy would have had no problems asking you out. But I’m a little more cautious now. Maybe even awkward.”

  “There is nothing awkward about you. When I look at you, all I see is a brave man who’s been through a battle. All I see is a man who I want to spend the night with. One whose body is as beautiful as his soul.”

  I patted the area next to me, indicating he should take a seat. The mattress dipped as he sat beside me. My lust for him traveled through every vein in my body. “Please don’t tell me anything else. Just be with me.”

  I shifted, straddling his lap. He held my arms back. “I don’t exactly know how this will work. I—”

  “We’ll figure it out,” I interrupted.

  I couldn’t take it anymore. I kissed him, shamelessly hoping to scatter away any doubts. I pulled my shirt off, thankful that I had on my lacy, pink Victoria Secret instead of the gray sports bras I usually wore. A lump formed in my throat when he backed away from me. His hands clasped my arms, holding me still. “Shit. Stop.”

  I buried my face in his neck “What? Please don’t tell me you’re playing hard to get.”

  “Nope. I’m just a stupid, fucking idiot sometimes.” He sighed, his hand almost touching my hair before he pulled it away. “I don’t have a condom. I wasn’t thinking. Like I said, I wasn’t planning on ending up here tonight.”