The Good Guys Chronicles Box Set

by Eric Ugland

  “Still okay?” he called out.

  “Yeah, what the fuck?” I replied.

  “We just wanted to check to see if something was going to jump out and get you.”

  “Nothing so far,” I said, wanting to add a bit about them being assholes for sending me into danger by myself. Great hirð.

  The rest of the party jogged in behind, and the maze run began in earnest.

  Chapter 132

  Time held even less meaning inside the labyrinth, certainly not at first. Distance was challenging to gauge, partially because everything looked so similar, but also because there were definitely times wherein we’d come across something that looked so damn familiar, we’d realize we’d gone in a circle. Forget the dead end. The most maddening part of any maze is going around in circles.

  After the first circle, I put my left hand out, and smacked it on the wall to my left.

  “There’s a method to getting out of mazes,” I said, thinking back to some of the fairy tales I’d read as a kid and never thought about again until that moment. “You always keep your left or right hand on the wall, and you will get out eventually. Just might take longer.”

  No one had a better strategy, so we adopted it.

  We kept walking.

  I got thirsty. We stopped for a break. I leaned back against the wall I’d had my hand on, and slid down until I was sitting. We broke out snacks.

  The air felt thicker somehow. Like breathing was, well, easy. Open your mouth, and air would almost force itself in. Breathing out was starting to get challenging though. It was tiring in a very strange way, and while I didn’t feel fatigued at all, things felt off. I felt off.

  We finished eating, drinking, and resting. My left hand was back on the left wall, and we resumed our march. We had yet to see any signs of life. No footprints, no poop, nothing to indicate anything even moved in the labyrinth. There was no real noise there, not beyond our own footfalls. Because of that, I think we were afraid to talk. Or too uncomfortable to talk. I know that I was doing my damndest to keep my listening holes wide open on the off chance I’d hear something before it could pop in and ruin my day.

  Along we went until finally I saw something up ahead. A mark on the wall. A spot where it looked like someone had, perhaps, slid down the wall, knocking off a fair amount of lichen and/or moss in the process. It was on the right hand wall.

  I stopped directly in front of it and stared, my left hand reaching out behind me, keeping contact with the wall.

  “Is that where I—” I started, but I couldn’t finish.

  “The dungeon is beholden by no rules but those it makes,” Nikolai whispered.

  “Doesn’t seem fair,” Ragnar said.

  “This is ridiculous,” Donner roared, throwing his hammer hard against the ground, and walking up to the wall.

  “Dude,” I said, “let’s not be rash.”

  “Be whatever it is you want,” he snapped back, not even looking at me, but making his intense displeasure and disgust for me clear.

  He reached up against the wall, grabbing stones, and he hauled himself up, barely using his legs. For the first time I noticed that he definitely skipped leg day. Like, all the time. His legs were tiny. Skinny. And his feet were too small for his body. He got to the top in a few minutes, and as soon as his head was over, there were distant roars. Something was not happy he was peeking over the walls.

  Very clearly, it was fine for the dungeon to cheat, but we could not.

  “RUN!” screamed Donner, and he slid down the wall.

  Every one braced, but no one moved.

  “RUN!” he screamed again, yelling in our faces.

  “Which direction?” Emeline shouted back at him.

  Long claws came over the wall, huge fingers curling around and grabbing the stone. They were spindly, with deep vermillion claws at the ends of fingers that were a disturbing and unpleasant fleshy-pink. Almost like that layer of the epidermis after the top layers of skin have been ripped off. Four of them, each one longer than I was tall, grabbing on the wall like I might have grabbed a piece of toast.

  “Away from that,” I shouted, pointing at the claws and promptly moving to the center of the path and waiting for whatever was on the other end of the claws to come over into view.

  “That’s not what we are running from,” Donner said, breathless, “the world is collapsing in on itself. The hill is not there any longer, the—”

  “Got it,” I said. “I think. And I agree. Running sounds like a fine idea.”

  The others started hauling ass down the path away from the claws. And, for better or worse, away from the direction we’d last seen the hill in.

  It meant there was a time limit on this level. Whether that was the main danger or not remained to be seen.

  As we reached the first turn, Nikolai went to the left.

  I snuck a glance behind us and saw a bizarre-looking creature setting a leg down in the maze. It was humanoid, an overly large humanoid with legs that were twenty feet long at least, but not super large around. The torso was very skinny and tall, and the arms were nearly long enough to drag on the ground, though the fingers of the creature seemed to make up nearly a third of the arm. It had a huge round head with a perfectly straight mouth, hanging open showing off row after row of pointy teeth. Thick ropes of saliva hanging out. The eyes, or the spot where there should be eyes, was just black. Big black dots, as if they’d been painted on the orb-like head. But the thing could definitely see because it focused on me before roaring and starting the chase.

  I lost sight of the big fucker as we took the corner. Eventually, though, the dude came around the corner with no speed. He needed to take turns slow. However, straightaways were nothing to him. His massive strides practically eating the ground like I used to eat donuts.

  “More turns,” I shouted ahead.

  “Not like I have many choices,” Nikolai snapped back, but he did take the next corner he came to, a right.

  Then a left.

  And while there was a decided thundering to the creature coming along behind us, I started to pick out another noise. A grating, rumbling, destructive sound, like the world’s largest demolition sight was also moving.

  Emeline, running in a ballgown, was having a tough time of it, and she tripped.

  Donner, for his part, literally ran over her, stepping on her back during his attempts at self-preservation.

  I slid to a half-stop, pulled her into a fireman’s carry, and resumed the sprint. Adding her to my load wasn’t heavy, but she was awkward. Especially because she kept twisting around trying to get a better view of either the thing chasing us or the collapsing maze around us. Or both. That, plus she was wearing a giant silk ballgown which was slippery as fuck during the best-case scenario.

  “What do you see?” I shout-asked.

  “Nothing good,” she replied.

  I heard a sharp twang followed by a roar of anger.

  “You shooting arrows?” I asked.

  “Not like I was doing anything else on your shoulder,” she replied.

  “Can you run again?”

  “Kinda up to the dress, but I can try.”

  As soon as we got around a corner, I set her down. I let her get ahead of me, and once I got a ways down the corridor, I stopped and turned. As soon as the creature made the corner, I launched the axe as hard as I possibly could.

  The axe twirled through the air, a full-on blur. It hit perfectly, right in the creature’s knee, blowing the leg out and destroying the joint.

  Screeching in pain, the creature crashed to the ground, leaving a cloud of dust as it hit. It struggled to get back up, but its leg wasn’t able to support it any longer. It was, for all intents, down. I thought for a very short moment about running back, both to grab the axe and kill the creature, but my party was just about to take a turn, and if they took more than one or two, I’d get separated from them. That couldn’t end well.

  I sprinted after the party.

  D
on’t split the party.

  Chapter 133

  Catching up to the group was the easy part of the day. But it left an awfully large question: we were running, but were we actually getting anywhere?

  Additional roars rang out, occasional punctuations of the ever-present rumble as the maze collapsed in. There were other creatures out there, more of the big dudes with big teeth I supposed, and during some of the longer straightaways, I swore I saw that long fingered motherfucker crawling after us.

  Leading point, Nikolai managed to take us a ways, but his entire stamina bar was drained in minutes. He was panting, slowing down, and finally had to stop and catch his breath. Donner cruised right on by.

  Skeld and Ragnar stopped with Nikolai, and both of them looked to me.

  Emeline stopped too, looking at me with her eyes wide.

  I frowned, and scooped Nikolai up into a fireman’s carry. He rasped out curse words, but I figured if he didn’t have the breath to utter them, I didn’t need to listen.

  Donner was way ahead of us, almost to the point where he was going to disappear into the maze.

  “Get him to stop,” I yelled to Skeld.

  Skeld tossed his spear to Ragnar, then dropped to all fours and sprinted. He moved much faster than I’d seen either of the Lutra go before, catching up to Donner just as Donner turned a corner. I ran along with the group, catching up around the corner, only to see Donner choking Skeld up against the wall.

  I set Nikolai down, and calmly pulled Donner off Skeld.

  He tried to resist. I think maybe he thought he might be stronger than me, but, well, he wasn’t. His eyes went a little wide as I just peeled his fingers off of Skeld, and held the man’s arm at his side.

  “Not the time to get mad at each other,” I said.

  “You are to be the cause of my death,” Donner said, eyes bulging, veins throbbing.

  “You chose to come with us,” I snapped. “You chose danger over slavery.”

  “You told me you would get us out of the prison,” he yelled at me.

  “I did.”

  “To a Dungeon!”

  “It’s not prison, is it. Mere semantics.”

  He glared at me. “I do not know what that is.”

  “It doesn’t matter. You knew we could end up in a dungeon when you came with us. And now we’re here. We’re here working as a group. And I’m pretty sure if we don’t work as a group, we’re not making it out of here alive. So, how about you stop running like a chicken without a head, and focus for a minute?”

  There was more staring, but Donner’s breathing started to slow down ever so much.

  “Okay?” I asked. “You ready to get back on track?”

  He nodded and relaxed, so I released my grip and stepped back, giving him his personal space back.

  There was a guttural sort of roar or moan. Somehow, coming up from the corner was our old friend, the gangly asshole with the weird head with all the fucking teeth. He was crawling along.

  Donner, who’d just been so close to returning to working with us, shrieked. He promptly turned and ran straight into the wall.

  “Keep him from leaving while I finish this,” I said to Ragnar, grabbing the two spears he was holding.

  I started a mild jog towards the motherfucker. He was one tenacious asshole, literally crawling along after us, a trail of pale pink ichor oozing out of his ruined leg. I hauled back, and threw the spear with everything I had.

  It flew through the air in a beautifully straight line, coming down perfectly straight through the creature’s dark circle of an eye.

  There was a mournful sort of noise, but the thing wasn’t quite dead. Its arm still came around, still crawling along. Just a little slower is all.

  I roared out in anger at this thing that was still following us, and pumped my stride into a sprint.

  The creature swung at me, but it wasn’t hard to move out of the way. I pushed off the wall, leaping high in the air, spear raised up. Then I slammed it down on the back of the creature’s neck, putting all my weight and momentum behind it.

  There was a momentary pause as my spear met the spine, but steel won, and I rode the spear down as the creature collapsed to the ground.

  A last gasp exited the creature’s foul maw, and then wails rose up in the distance, as if all the other of his kind knew of his death.

  A purple orb swirled up, glowing, and I grabbed it quickly. A veritable shower of coins rained out, followed by a large sword.

  I scooped up what I could of the coins and snatched the sword. Both spears were stuck in the creature’s corpse, so I left them, grabbing new old spears from the ruined castle’s armory out of the bag, re-arming Ragnar and Skeld.

  Donner sat against the wall, looking past me at the monster’s remains on the ground.

  I tossed the sword to Nikolai, and said, “Is this anything?”

  He started to look it over.

  I knelt down next to Donner, waiting until he realized I was there and met my eyes. “We’ll be fine if we work together.”

  He nodded.

  “Okay,” I said, “let’s get back to saving our asses. Donner, I’m going to need you to climb again, see where the middle is, and point us—”

  Donner shook his head, eyes wide open, fear coursing through his veins. I was about to lose him again. This was exhausting.

  The rumbles from around the area were getting louder. I knew that time had to be getting short, and soon the maze would bury us. It did not, however, seem like there was anything happening with the sky or the ground — it was just outside-in. Minor distinction, but an important one. More than anything, though, it was a reminder that I didn’t have time to argue with Donner or blow sunshine and courage up his butt.

  I scurried up the wall, getting just high enough to sneak my eyes over.

  As I did, something massive came at me, and I dropped.

  Huge wings wooshed right past where my head had been, skimming along the top of the wall with millimeters to spare. It came so close to me, it managed to lop off some of my hair.

  I snatched the sword from Nikolai without looking and climbed right back up the wall.

  I peeked again.

  I could see the center of the labyrinth. We weren’t far off, and were heading generally in the right direction. The collapsing line was very close, something we’d missed only by chance because of the way the walls aligned, but as the line of destruction came on, we’d be getting a full view of it shortly. The skies were full of something like a dragon mixed with a dragonfly. One was angling for a run right at me.

  The big beast, somehow flying despite being school bus sized, built speed in a steep dive before rolling onto it backs, wings right at wall height, slicing everything along the way. I noticed the beast closed its eyes while upside down, so as soon as I saw the eyes close, I shifted to the right a few feet with a single jump, grabbed the top of the wall with one hand, and then held the sword up in position with the other.

  “This better not be cursed,” I shouted down to Nikolai.

  “Not cursed,” he shouted back, “but—”

  Whatever he said was lost in the thunderous rushing wind of the creature’s attack.

  But the beast was lined up for my old spot on the wall. My new position was perfectly situated so the beast’s body would be going right where the sword angled forward.

  The creature hit with enormous force, to the point where, even with my strength, I strained to keep myself attached to the wall and my grip on the sword. But the blade did a miraculous job slicing deep into the creature, opening the motherfucker up from teeth to tail releasing a veritable flood of viscera onto the maze down below. Momentum took the beast across until it fell on the far side. But a loot orb showed up right in front of me.

  Purple.

  I tapped it and held my bag up underneath it, letting the coins fall in, but grabbing a heavy pair of gauntlets that appeared at the tail end of the coins.

  It took a moment because I had to get
my bag back on my belt and store the gauntlets, but I climbed up on top of the wall and stood tall, watching the other flying creatures notice me and angle my direction. But that little extra height let me see the exact path we’d need to take to get to the center. You know, unless the dungeon decided to change things on us again. For the moment, though, I had it memorized.

  A quick jump, barely avoiding another winged creature, and I was back with the party.

  They weren’t smiling.

  Mostly because they were dripping in viscera. Blood. Guts. Bile. Bits and bobs of muscle and flesh. It was all gross in a way I’d never get used to. I dug into my bag and held out another ballgown to Emeline, who looked to be the worst hit of the bunch.

  “I think I can wait,” she said through clenched teeth, “until, perhaps, we are not staring death in the eyes.”

  “Good point,” I said. “Follow. I know the way.”

  And I ran.

  Chapter 134

  After 16 sharp turns and more than a few harrowing moments where we got a great view of our impending doom, we hit the center of the labyrinth. Like the outside, the open space inside was circular, and a tall tower soared out of the exact center, somewhere close to 80 feet tall. Unlike the blue-grey walls and floors of the labyrinth, the tower provided a stark contrast being made of white marble with blue streaks. At the top, in a small housing, sat another large gem, a beautiful deep blue in color.

  I skidded to a stop and pulled the sword out, prepared for whatever might be coming. Or worse, whatever might already be there.

  The others fanned out behind me, weapons drawn.

  Except for Donner.

  It seemed that during his cowardly performance about the labyrinth, he’d lost his hammer. Or, more precisely, he lost the warhammer I’d given him. When I noticed that, I gritted my teeth and told myself to ignore it. That it wasn’t the time for anger over losing weapons I really liked.