The Good Guys Chronicles Box Set

by Eric Ugland

  I swung my arms, touching the side of the bath, knocking over a basket, but touching no one.

  Panic rose.

  I could feel the dagger sticking out of my chest, my heart thudding and the dagger moving with each beat. My blood seeped out around the blade, and I could feel more blood waiting to come out if the dagger was pulled. I took several deep breathes, calming myself, then I got out of the bath, and stepped onto the wood.

  Giggles.

  Feet moving, someone running.

  My ears were straining, and they weren’t doing the job I need them to do because I heard someone approaching me, but I couldn’t figure out which way they were coming from until they dragged a blade across my legs, slicing into my hamstrings.

  “Fuck,” I shouted.

  I tested my legs. Still functioning. Painful, but working.

  My assailants giggled again.

  Giggling while they tried to kill me. That made me angry. Really angry. And I relished that rage, because rage had always been my friend in nasty situations.

  I think it might have been rage which forced my brain to finally turn on and remind me that even without dark vision, I had a few things going for me. Notably, tremorsense. A quick mental push, and I could tell exactly where the two little assholes were. One of them was on the other side of the pool, her heart beating fast. Excitement. The other was directly to my right, taking very soft steps. I could also sense someone in the room next to mine, resting in a pool. And an additional someone in another room next to mine. Six people below. The more I just let my sense extend, the more I could feel in the building.

  One of the girls snuck towards me, ready to make another pass with her blade. I could feel more pressure from her steps, so I guessed she was going low.

  Step.

  Step.

  Step.

  Then she sprang, ran two steps, and swiped.

  But I wasn’t there.

  I jumped back, and she sliced the air while I grabbed her head.

  She was small enough that I could palm her, and I grabbed her skull as hard as I could. And, with very little remorse, I picked her up in the air, ignored her screaming, and I slammed her into the wooden floor.

  I cracked the board she hit.

  She wasn’t giggling. She was, in fact, quite still. Her heart still beat, I could feel the tremors from that, but no other movement came from her.

  There was a gasp from the other asshole in the room with me.

  I reached down, and I felt the ground until I found the blade the girl had sliced me with. It was something along the lines of a tanto. Just to be sure, I fired off my little spell and it confirmed it. A straight blade meant for slashing not stabbing.

  “You will regret your actions,” a small voice said.

  “Won’t be the first time,” I replied.

  She was moving. Stepping foot over foot, making a slow circle around the bath.

  I purposefully moved like I was reaching out and around, trying to feel around for where I was going and whomever might be around me.

  The girl seemed to buy it, and I could feel her heart-rate rise. I was impressed with the sensitivity of my abilities, but I wasn’t in the type of position where I could question or experiment. I just had to roll with it and wait for my next chance to strike.

  Of course, I didn’t exactly have that much time to play with, since the dagger in my chest was doing some real solid work dropping my HP. Its bleed damage was out of control. Even though I had some serious HP, I could almost watch the red bar representing my health drop each time I took a breath.

  I felt the girl’s knee brush against the ground.

  Then she leapt.

  I turned, grabbed her, and rolled, kicking out with my feet as my back hit the ground. She soared over the bath and crashed into the ground. I finished the back roll before leaping across the bath, coming to a sliding stop next to her.

  She was picking herself up off the ground when I picked her up by the neck. With my other hand, I squeezed her forearm until I heard a snap. She dropped her dagger.

  “What are you doing?” I asked her.

  “Mistake,” she wheezed out.

  “Yes,” I said. “It was.”

  “No,” she said. “You.”

  “Uh huh.”

  I held her up in the air with one hand while she struggled, and tore the dagger out of my chest with the other like it wasn’t a big deal. I tossed the tanto over my shoulder right into the bath.

  She tried to talk, but I crushed her neck just a little bit. She had both hands around my wrist, one of hers completely ruined, and was trying to pull herself up.

  I let her wiggle back and forth, and I, in essence relaxed.

  And the game seemed to think combat was over. At least for the moment. Because my wounds started to heal right back up. While waiting to regenerate enough to feel comfortable, I reached out with my tremorsense to see if anyone had moved. I had no illusions about these girls working on their own. Someone was casting a spell to make the darkness around me complete. And now that I had a moment to concentrate, I could tell that someone was chanting in the room next to mine.

  Head down, I moved along the wall until I was right next to the chanting asshole.

  I punched through the wall, grabbed the asshole by the neck, and ripped him back through.

  As soon as the chanting ended, light returned to the room. It was surprisingly bright, and I could see the girl staring at me, her eyes filled with pain and tears. And the asshole in my other hand was a middle-aged man with an unfortunate hairstyle. Bald on top, long everywhere else. Dude looked like the worst stereotype I could come up with about a wizard.

  “Hi,” I said with a smile.

  The wizard mumbled something at me, which made me a little worried he might be casting a spell of sorts. So I brought the girl and the guy together in a meeting of the minds at high speed.

  There was a solid thonk, and my new friends were in something like sleep.

  I peeked my head through the hole in the wall.

  It was a small room perfectly suited for spying on people. Perhaps there’d been a peephole in the wall. It was possible the room was for voyeurs. Or, it could have been for spell casters to, well, cast illicit spells. Whatever the case, the hole was a little too big for subtlety or secrecy now. I stepped through the hole, and opened the door. Another fucking hallway.

  I made my way back to my changing room and did a little wall jump up to the beam where I snagged my bag before dropping back to the ground. I pulled out clothes and an axe before pausing. I knew there was a very large man standing right next to the door, leaning against the wall. His heart was pounding. I planted my feet, rechecked my grip, and then I swung for the fences.

  The axe cracked right through the wood, and the man’s skull. There was a gurgling noise from the man, and then a gruesome spray of blood when I yanked the axe back.

  A sword clanked as it fell to the floor in the hall.

  I opened the door, and looked down on the death throes of Mason Crogan. I patted the man down quickly, and pulled off his purse and a ring of keys. I chucked his sword into my bag.

  Then, I paused again, trying to figure out where everyone within 200 feet might be or might be going.

  Someone was right beneath me.

  I thought about punching through the floor.

  So, naturally, that’s when the wood beneath me dropped out from under me.

  Chapter 153

  I was tired of falling.

  At least it was a short trip, I smacked into stone pretty damn quick, and I scrambled to my feet as fast as I could, axe out, ready to fight.

  Stone floor, stone walls. Giant wooden beam spanned the space, and I could see all the baths in the bathhouse, or at least the bottoms thereof. There were a few well placed lanterns so it wasn’t completely dark, but it wasn’t easy to see much of anything. Metal pipes darting from baths to what I assume was a firebox, and piles of split wood were everywhere. Water dripped fro
m plenty of the junctions that clearly weren’t quite tight enough, making the floor slick.

  I knew I wasn’t alone, but I couldn’t see anyone.

  “My master wanted to meet you,” came Donner’s voice, echoing out of a plume of steam that seemed to come from nowhere.

  I stepped to the side, keeping the axe in front of me.

  “You mean your uncle?” I asked.

  Laughter.

  From more than one person.

  “You may call him that, should you wish,” Donner replied, this time from my left.

  I spun.

  Steam.

  I ducked under some pipes, moving to where I heard him.

  “So where’s this master of yours?” I asked.

  “Oh,” Donner replied, “he is around.”

  Still hiding in the steam. I was getting irritated. I reached my tremorsense out.

  The whole building was moving now, enough that I was confused. Then I heard wood tumbling into the fireboxes. The fires were getting hotter, driving more water into steam, and the pipes were vibrating.

  “We underestimated your skill set,” Donner said. “Now it excites us.”

  “Pretty sure you should feel afraid,” I replied.

  “Oh, some of us did, but the master set that right.”

  “Who is the master?”

  “Let us not be hasty.”

  It was getting really fucking hot in the basement, and I thought I might start cooking alive.

  A pipe burst, sending boiling water out across the floor, steam rising everywhere until I was practically blind.

  I waved the axe from side to side, keeping some sort of obstacle in front of me.

  “Wrong way,” Donner said, whispering right into my ear.

  I spun, swinging the axe as hard as I could.

  The head sunk deeply into a bath, and water shot out, covering me.

  It wasn’t boiling, but it was close.

  I slipped.

  Strong hands grabbed the axe and ripped it from my fingers, then threw it away. I heard the metal head clang against the stone wall a ways distant from me.

  Then someone fucking punched me in the fucking face.

  Right in the schnoz.

  I heard the nose break.

  “Motherfuck—” I started, but then someone punched me again.

  I rolled to my feet, and took the best defensive posture I could, backing up. One unexpected blessing, I knew exactly where I’d been, so I could find my way back towards the opening in the floor I’d fallen through.

  An arm came at me, and I had just enough time to lean back and feel it whoosh past my face. I got my hand up and grabbed the wrist as it passed. Following the arm back, I punched as hard as I could up into the armpit, and the shoulder popped out of the socket.

  There was a scream of pain, and whomever’s arm it was managed to slip out of my grip. Stupid steam and sweat.

  “The master appreciates your work,” Donner said. “Identifying those who are too weak to be a part of the master’s plan.”

  “Tell him I charge reasonable rates,” I replied. “Like, your head.”

  “Ah, but I am the master’s chosen one. He needs me. But he wants you.”

  “Is he afraid to face me?”

  “Oh no,” Donner said. “You misunderstand. It is you who should be afraid to face him.”

  I was back at the hole. Steam escaped through the hole, and there was a small pocket of visibility.

  Donner appeared there. Smiling. His teeth were different. Longer. More numerous.

  “What are you?” I asked.

  He smiled bigger, past the point where a human mouth would have been able to do that.

  Quick as I could, I struck out, my fist smashing into his jaw.

  There was a cracking noise, followed by the unmistakable tink-tink of a bunch of teeth hitting the ground. Blood poured from his mouth.

  I didn’t pause to figure it out, grabbing Donner’s hair on the back of his head, pulling it back to force his face straight up, and then I jumped up and slammed my elbow in his stupid face, crushing his nose.

  He stumbled back a step.

  I pushed my advantage, slamming punch after punch into his stomach, but his stomach felt like iron. Despite my strength, I felt like I wasn’t doing that much damage to him.

  Donner got both arms up and shoved me.

  And I moved.

  I was stunned.

  This guy was strong. Maybe stronger than me.

  He swung for me, and I jumped back. His fingers seeming to grow in size, his gross finger nails scraping across the chain mail.

  I followed the motion until I had a chance to grab his arm. Pulled his fist to my chest as I threw myself back, getting my legs up and around his shoulder, putting him in a lock. Then, I arched my back as far as it would go, feeling Donner’s flesh tighten as it reached its limit.

  Then I pulled it past the limit, tearing his fucking arm off. Standing up, I spun, smacking Donner upside the head with his own arm. I threw the arm as hard as I could into the steam.

  Donner was down, his legs were sticking out, twitching.

  Jumping up, I grabbed the edge of the floor, and pulled myself out of the basement mess.

  I smelled wood smoke, right before I saw it. Fire licked out from below. I wasn’t sure if we’d caused the fire in the fight or if someone had set fire to the place to stop me from winning, whatever the case, as soon as I got near the curtains, I could see that the whole bathhouse was going up in flames. I gritted my teeth, and pushed through, sparks and ashes flitting up and around me. Without stopping, I plowed right through the front door out onto the street.

  It was dark and cold outside, but I kept running until I got to the end of the alley. At that point I slowed down, walking as if I was just strolling about.

  A window behind me blew out, and I saw brilliant orange flames reaching to the sky. I figured this could be a very bad night, considering Osterstadt was made out of basically nothing but wood. I needed to get to the hotel in the rich district, where the buildings were made of stone.

  Chapter 154

  By the time I got to the hotel, alarm bells echoed across the city, calls of fire rang out, lots of people were out and running amok.

  I walked inside the hotel, and initially planned on zipping right past the front desk, but the night clerk cleared his throat with such force and verve I stopped completely.

  “Can I help you?” he asked.

  I looked over at him, eyebrow up, genuine surprise on my face. He was a very prim sort, dark hair slathered with whatever passed for gel in Osterstadt into something along the lines of a pompadour.

  “Yeah,” I said, “I’m going up to my room.”

  “Oh?”

  “Uh, yes.”

  “Like that?”

  “Like what?”

  “Have you been busy little butcher?”

  “Uh—” I paused and gave myself the once over. I’d certainly looked better. “Sure. Yeah. That is exactly what I’ve been doing.”

  “Are you a guest here?”

  “My room’s at the top, it’s, uh, Léon’s suite.”

  “Oh, of course, I should have recognized you being related to the Viceroy of Osterstadt and the Emperor of Glaton. How could I have been so foolish? Only royalty would dare traipse into one of the most beautiful hotels in the city covered in blood and mud!”

  “Dude—”

  He raised his eyebrows at me.

  “Sorry, uh, can I have your name?”

  Almost lazily, he gestured to the small nameplate on the desk.

  “Reginald Moonweather,” I said. “It is nice to meet you, I am Montana Coggeshall, Duke of Coggeshall.”

  It did not impress the man in the slightest, he just sighed. He pulled out a ledger, and flipped through it idly until he got to the page he was looking for.

  “Montana Coggeshall,” he repeated. “Someone by that name is indeed staying here—”

  “It’s me, and I kind
of need to get upstairs.”

  “Not like that you aren’t.”

  “Buddy—”

  “I am not your buddy.”

  “Clearly, but here’s the thing. I need to get up there, so, either you tell me what I need to do to go up the stairs and to the room I’m staying in, or I just go up there and you deal with the consequences.”

  “Are you threatening me?” he asked, eyes wide in mock fear.

  “Are you threatening me?” I snapped back at him.

  He sighed at me. Very directly.

  “At least take your boots off. And I am contacting Léon to let him know what a terrible guest you are. Providing you are who you say you are.”

  “You want me to show the indicium?”

  “Leave your rusty armor in place, seeing what is beneath will surely serve to embarrass you and depress me. Off with you.”

  He waved me up the stairs, and before I even got a single boot off, he’d started writing a letter while glaring daggers at me.

  I carried the boots, and ran up the stairs as quickly and quietly as I could up to the room, stepping inside and getting a dagger against my throat.

  Nikolai.

  “Where the fuck were you?” Nikolai asked.

  “Went to a bath.”

  “Why are you covered in blood and why do you smell like smoke?”

  “It was a terrible bath.”

  “What did you do?”

  “Is there, maybe, some way we could discuss this when we aren’t in the city?” I asked.

  He frowned, but nodded, and immediately started packing things into a sack.

  Skeld walked into the room holding a mug of beer and plate of meats, both of which he set on the bed.

  “What’s going on?” Skeld asked.

  “We are leaving,” I said.

  “Go and tell Lee we will meet him tomorrow morning at the tree we slept at outside the city,” Nikolai said. “Bring Ragnar back with you. We exit the city tonight.”

  Skeld nodded, and ran out the door.

  I grabbed the mug of beer, and passed it over to Nikolai. He nodded, and drank deeply. I ate the meat.

  It took barely a minute for Nikolai to be ready to go. We were already down the stairs and out the front door when Ragnar and Skeld caught up with us. And Emeline. And Nathalie.