by Anna Scott
The day flew by, and when Trent popped in with Gavin around two, bringing lunch in for both Dawn and me, a wide smile spread across my face. Coming in to see us was something we appreciated and something the guys obviously liked doing. It was the first time I let it sink in, that Dawn and I worked together, Gavin and Trent worked together, but were also best friends. It was strange how closely entwined we’d all become.
Trent and I hadn’t been wrong, all those months ago, realizing that our tight-knit group would be affected if things went bad between us. The group had grown since then and had only grown closer. Unfortunately, it had been Nolan’s suicide that had brought all the guys back together and forced us all to realize the need we had for each other.
We had about twenty-five minutes of no customers in the store, just enough time to eat the burritos the guys brought from El Gallito. It was my favorite hole-in-the-wall Mexican food place. You could go in, order a burrito and a drink and walk out with enough food to feed three people for under seven bucks. My favorite part, aside from the awesome burrito, was the huge bag of chips, three kinds of salsa and the best bean dip in town
Trent, of course, knew my order without asking, and apparently, Gavin knew Dawn’s too, because before they arrived neither of us knew what they’d bring for lunch. I got a chicken and rice burrito with whole beans, wet. It sounded simple, but it was basically an enormous thing with chicken, rice, and beans, obviously, but they added guacamole, tomatoes, lettuce, cheese and salsa, smothered in mole`, lettuce and cheese, my favorite guilty pleasure, aside from Trent, of course.
Standing around the front counter, we ate, talked and joked. It was nice to be ‘out’ at least with one couple in the group, though knowing this crazy lot, the news would be spread wide by dinner.
The one thing I hadn’t shared with Dawn, and I didn’t know if Trent had shared, was about my miscarriage. I certainly wasn’t ready to talk about that, and I didn’t know if I ever would be. How my mother had survived five, I’d never know.
I’d been the miracle baby, the one they’d given up hope of ever having. My parents had married when my mom was just twenty, and they wanted to start their family right away. She’d had her first miscarriage before she turned twenty-one and her fourth before she was thirty. From what I understood, they had been told that she wouldn’t be able to carry a baby to term after her fifth. They’d wanted a family so much. Dad told me that mom had really struggled with the doctor’s opinion.
The determined woman she was, though, she wouldn’t take birth control, as the doctor had suggested, even though they warned her that additional miscarriages could harm her physically and that she may be putting her own life at risk. Dad said he was afraid of losing her, because he loved her so much, but no matter how much he begged, she wouldn’t be swayed, and he couldn’t force her to take birth control and he didn’t have it in himself to take her dream away, even if that meant that he might not have her. I couldn’t imagine how hard that would have been on both of them. When she became pregnant again, for the first time in three years, at the age of thirty-five, they didn’t even have hope anymore.
Mom did, but she kept it from Dad. Mom told me that somehow, she had a feeling about me. She connected with me early on but didn’t want to share that optimism with Dad, because they’d both been hurt so many times. As three months turned into four, then six and seven, they realized that I made it way longer than any of the others. As she approached and surpassed her fortieth week, she was then convinced that I wanted to stay inside her forever, which was probably true. I loved to lay in a cozy bed, and I loved to snuggle, and I always had. Dad teased me that I wanted to keep snuggling with Mom, even before I was born.
They were overly cautious with me growing up. After I was born, they had another couple of pregnancies, and I could remember the devastating sadness of the last one. After that, no more had come. I didn’t know if they prevented it somehow, or if it just didn’t happen, but either way, they knew that I was it. They wanted a large family and had gotten me. They’d lost so many babies and for some reason, I’d survived. They’d been convinced that I was somehow the second coming, the baby who would grow up and change the world. I wasn’t, but they still believed in everything I did, they celebrated every milestone, no matter how small, with me. I knew they were trying to wring out as much happiness from me, from my life as they could.
My parents wanted so much and hadn’t gotten it. How could I take the small slice of their joy away? I knew, deep down, that my mom’s trouble, the death of their dreams, was why my own miscarriage had been so difficult. I always wanted children too, a lot of them. The fantasy was probably their vision, carried over, I had no idea, but I lost that dream too. Knowing myself, knowing how difficult all that loss would be on them, I wouldn’t allow myself to get pregnant again. I wouldn’t do that, couldn’t do that to any of us, not to Trent, or to myself.
It was Wednesday before I heard from my parents. As unusual as that was, I’d been so consumed with Trent, that I hadn’t noticed their radio silence.
Trent and I had spent every night together, reveling in the joy of being together again, making love, touching, kissing, and being free to share our love openly. Monday night, after work we ate at a local Italian place, and Tuesday had been the Thai place near the store.
Our relationship was old and new, settled and exciting all at once. We knew each other, had shared so much, and yet, we had a lot to learn. The one thing I didn’t do, was hold back. I lived for months without him, had shut him out completely, and though I didn’t regret the decision to do it, I didn’t have any desire to live through that again.
So, on the drive into work Wednesday morning, I wasn’t surprised to hear from my mom. I was a bit fanatical about not talking on my phone while driving, but my car had the built-in Bluetooth, so I consoled myself that it was at least safer than holding the phone.
“Well, good morning stranger. How are you this morning?” My mom teased, the sound of happy laughter in her voice.
“Hey Mom, good. How are you and Dad?” I had been so caught up in everything Trent over the past several days, and busy with the wedding before that, I hadn’t talked to either of my parents for over a week.
Mom told me about their weekend, and how Dad had been working a lot of hours all week. Mom could drone on and on for an hour if I let her, but mostly, she wanted to know about me, about the wedding and every nuance of my life. I shared it, without the details. I told her that Trent and I were seeing each other, explained about our previous relationship but didn’t tell her why we’d broken up. She squealed when I told her that things were serious between us, and she sounded more excited than I was.
Unsurprisingly, she made me promise to bring him over for dinner soon. Trent was close with his mom and sister as well, if we were going to make a real effort with this relationship, our families would be involved sooner than later. I promised that I would check with Trent and see what was on his schedule, and we’d find a good time for a visit.
Mom accepted that brush-off. She understood my schedule, but she wasn’t happy that we couldn’t have lunch this week. Our weekly lunch had been our special thing for years.
When I came home from the University of Louisiana, after finishing my Bachelor’s, mom had decreed that she was done with only seeing me every month or two. She wanted to see me every week. So, our weekly lunch dates began.
Mom and Dad had driven down to see me in Lafayette about one weekend each month if there wasn’t a holiday scheduled when I’d be home. They’d both struggled when I moved, and I knew I had to give in to their need to see me. They both had so much love, so much to give, they would have been the perfect couple to have had that large family they wanted. Dad was worried about me, though, and I thought that their frequent visits had a lot to do with their need to see that I was okay and to get to know my friends. They wanted to have a clear picture of my safety. Dad had even gotten me a panic button, so worried about me walking to my apartment from campus, or being
out after dark.
Mom had obsessed those four years I was in school, reading every frightening story about girls being attacked on campuses around the country. They enrolled me in every self-defense class they could find, and even wanted to send me a dog, though I wasn’t allowed to have one at school or in the apartment I lived in.
There was no doubt my parents spoiled me, they wanted nothing but my happiness. How could I ever burden them, or tell them about our miscarriage? It would have broken their hearts.
Our lunch this week wasn’t possible, because, with Aurora away, I couldn’t leave the store. Even if Dawn came in early enough for me to go, I didn’t want to leave her alone any longer than I had to. I knew that she could handle it, as she had to do in the evenings all week, but Thursdays at lunch time could be brutal. A lot of women came into the store to find the perfect outfit for their weekend plans. Leaving Dawn alone with that would be unforgivable.
After opening the store, my cell phone still held to my ear, I finally disengaged with my mom, as Gillian walked in. She looked frazzled, which was not normal for her at all. I did a quick scan and didn’t see anything overtly wrong. she wasn’t carrying a coffee or a pastry bag, though. Usually, when she stopped by for a visit, she would bring something fun, or something new for us to try. Now, she looked upset, possibly even worried.
“Hey, you okay?” I asked, as she closed the front door behind her and leaned against the counter.
“Yeah,” she answered distractedly and shook her head in the negative at the same time.
I waited a few seconds, wanting to see if she would share on her own, or if she needed me to coax her. Before I made the decision, she moved toward me and ran her hand over the top of her head, like she was smoothing back her hair, that was always held tightly in a long ponytail or up in a bun. Her hair was meticulously neat, held firmly back, I knew so that none got into the delectable food she prepared.
“I’m kind of freaked out,” she started, and paused, then looked around the store to make sure we were alone. “I just got a call from my cousin’s neighbor. Something is wrong, and I have no idea what.”
“Missy, my cousin, has always been a mess, but manageable. She had a little girl two years ago and seemed to straighten up after that.”
I nodded in encouragement when she paused, staring up at the ceiling as if trying to figure something out. She waited a few seconds and finished.
“Anyway, Missy seemed to get herself together, she was working and stuff, my aunt was taking care of Kelly, but then my aunt got sick. So, the neighbor was watching her when my cousin went to work. After my Aunt died last winter, the neighbor said that Missy started getting home from work later and later, so late sometimes, that she’d just have Kelly sleep over. She noticed that a few times, Kelly hadn’t had a bath, or seemed like she hadn’t eaten. So, of course, she took care of that, but now, Missy is gone. She left for work yesterday morning, and hasn’t been back.”
“That doesn’t sound good,” I told her inanely, since obviously, she already knew that. “Are they in Oklahoma?” I asked, trying to remember where she’d gone for the funeral several months ago.
Shaking her head, she told me. “No, Shreveport.”
Nodding my understanding, I thought that was at least one good thing, Shreveport was a much faster trip, if she had to run over there and see what was happening with her cousin.
“I’d totally offer to go with you, but with Aurora...” I started, but she cut me off.
“No, no, it’s fine. I’m going to see if I can find my cousin and guess what’s going on with her. If I have to, I’ll go over the weekend, unless something really bad happens. The neighbor said she’s good to watch Kelly. She’s got a little girl about the same age, and keeping one more isn’t a big deal.
“Thank God,” I replied, shaking my head in amazement at how people could be so careless with their children. I knew that my parents were overprotective to the extreme, and if I’d been lucky enough to have one of my own, I probably would have been the same. Maybe, what my parents did and what I would have done wouldn’t have been perfect, but I'd never, not for one second, ever doubted how much my parents loved me, or the fact that they’d do absolutely anything for me. Without a doubt, if I called my mom at two in the morning, and asked for a pack of gum, she’d get up and bring it to me. Of course, I’d never do that, and I’d never take advantage of them that way, but that was the amount of faith I had in them.
After Gillian and I talked a bit longer, she left, and I thought about what Trent had said. Maybe he was right. Maybe we could adopt a couple of children someday, children who didn’t know the love of good parents like I did.
When Dawn walked into the store later that afternoon, I noticed a very rosy glow on her cheeks and had to stifle a laugh. “Well, looks like someone’s man went into work late this morning,” I teased her, a definite smirk on my face.
She blushed and turned away from me, to stow her purse. “He has a night shoot scheduled,” Dawn explained, to my utter amusement.
“I can see that,” knowing that they spent some serious time together that morning. “Have you gotten the entire house Christened yet?”
“Almost, we haven’t done anything in the extra bedrooms, because someday - well, that’s just gross.”
“You don’t want to fuck in the bedrooms that will someday be your kids’ rooms? Is that what you’re telling me?”
“Yes, it seems kind of creepy to me. But otherwise, we’ve gotten about everything else. Happy now?” She asked, with just a hint of attitude in her voice.
“About time,” I muttered since I had been harassing her since they’d moved in and had gotten engaged. During the down time at the store, all of us talked sex, a lot. “You need to get those rooms too, though. It’s for luck. You'll want to Christen them now and not later when the kids are in there, or like when you’re painting one pink and the other one blue.”
Dawn crinkled her nose at me but didn’t get a chance to reply, because two women came in. They were looking for something to wear to a formal baby shower scheduled for the weekend. I didn’t know how formal a baby shower could be, but we helped them find the perfect outfits and from there, the day exploded into craziness. By the time I dragged my tired ass out, it was after six. Though Dawn had told me multiple times just to go, it was insane. There was no way I could leave her with nine women shopping, two in the fitting rooms and three waiting to check out. I got her through and finally drove home.
Walking into the empty house, I remembered that it was Wednesday, the night Trent taught the self-defense class with Christine Gates. Before, I’d wondered if she had a thing for Trent, then found out that she and Jake had dated a while back. After seeing her reaction when anyone mentioned Jake's name, I knew that she’d had a major thing for him. Poor girl, he’d been a hot mess back then. I didn’t know how Hope had pulled his stubborn head from his ass, but she’d done it.
I didn’t know what had happened between him and Christine, but didn't even notice her when she was around, and she had acted almost heartbroken. It didn’t make sense, and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever know the whole story. She certainly wasn’t talking.
Things were slightly less awkward since Christine had been one of the officers involved when Hope had been beaten severely by her ex-boyfriend. Christine had witnessed Jake and Hope together multiple times over the months since and seemed to let go of whatever torch she was holding for him, after all that.
Now I knew her a little better, though not well. She’d been teaching this class for a couple of years with Trent. He’d started to help out after he and Gavin had left the Marine Corps and had gotten their jobs with the Sherriff’s Office. I knew that Trent’s dad had been abusive to both Trent’s mom and his sister, though he didn’t talk about it much. I knew that his dad had gone to jail and now had no relationship with any of them.
One of the things I admired most about Trent was that he was extremely dedicated to empowering women and
giving them the tools they needed to protect themselves. It was one of the million things I loved and admired most about him.
I would be eating alone tonight, so I decided that grilled cheese would fit the bill. Maybe if I was feeling productive, I’d even make myself a bowl of tomato soup to go with it. My plans were simple. I was exhausted already and not even half way through my week. I was seriously looking forward to chilling out with my cat and an entire season of "Vikings."
When I finally fished the phone out of my purse, I was shocked to see the eleven missed texts and two calls. It had only been forty minutes since I last checked it, so I had no idea what could have gone sideways already. A chill crawled down my spine, worry flooding my veins and that the thought that something could have happened to Trent at work.
Opening the missed calls screen, I hit most recent one from Dawn. Her calm voice upon answering soothed my worry. I had braced myself for a frantic, frightened woman.
“What’s wrong?” I asked quickly after she answered.
“Trent called. He was trying to get ahold of you.”
“Is something going on?” I had no idea why him trying to find me would fill my phone with so many missed communications.
“He and Gavin are being called in. Nothing crazy that I know of, not sure, but the sergeant pulled Gavin out of training for it.”
After disconnecting with Dawn, I called Trent and when it went straight to voicemail, sent him a text to let him know I was home safe and that Snowball said hi. I quickly scrolled through the texts he had sent and didn't see anything I needed to worry about. Mostly, he was asking where I was, if I was okay and letting me know he wasn't going to make the self-defense class. Fortunately, I knew that sometimes Dan Dupree, another McKinney officer would help Christine if Trent and Gavin couldn't be there.
Once I read through the final message, my body relaxed and I started to think back. The last time he’d tried that hard to find me had been the night Nolan died. Trent had been a mess, of course, and it was the only time I’d willingly spent time with him after I’d locked him out of my house. By the time Aurora texted me that night, I already knew what was going on, but couldn’t tell her. I didn’t want the focus to be on Trent and me when it needed to be on her and Luke. They had needed every bit of our support and focus during those weeks.
