by Anna Scott
"My granddad was the last in the line because the originators set the business up to pass to the male heirs. Each of the children receives a trust fund, but the business was supposed to be run by the men. That all changed with my mom, but that's another story."
Amber's irritated snort was so cute, I had to lean in and kiss her.
"I didn't set it up, sweetness, don't get pissed at me, okay?"
"Whatever, do you know where they're buried?"
"Um, yeah, do you want to go out there and give them a piece of your mind?"
"Maybe, probably wouldn't do any good, but it might make me feel better."
"So, anyway, each of us has a trust fund, I got the first portion at eighteen, then twenty-five and the rest at thirty." I watched as her speculative eyes studied the ceiling, she was thinking, and I had no way of knowing what would come next. One of my favorite things about her was her unpredictability.
"So, you're like a trust fund baby," hesitating, she waited to continue until I nodded. "You have a lot of money?"
Almost no one knew about the trust, about my family history since I wasn't personally involved and didn't flash my cash. Usually, I felt uncomfortable talking about it, but I knew Amber, knew that she wasn't with me for money. Amber had money of her own anyway.
"Yes, I have access to a decent sized fund, though I don't dip into it much."
Nodding her understanding, she went on, "So, you're eighteen, coming from a prosperous family, but the affluent life you grew up in wasn't what you wanted. You are your own man. You don't follow anyone's rules."
Considering her assessment of me, I shrugged. Her beautiful aqua eyes sparkled with an emotion I couldn't yet place.
"Instead of helping to run an empire, to head a family business that must have seemed almost forced upon you, you enlisted two weeks after high school graduation. You left it all behind, knowing that with your father in prison, your mom and sister would be safe. You went off to parts unknown, probably the only person in your squad with that kind of money, and you didn't talk about it."
"Nothing to talk about, it was just money, it didn't help me, didn't do anything for me."
"I get that, but you went because you are a protector, someone who needs to stand up, to fight injustice. To help. Then, you come home, and join the sheriff's department, you live modestly, aside from your little vehicle obsession."
Her comment was followed by a little elbow to the ribs that made me laugh. I had no idea at the onset of all my shit, how she would feel if she'd see me differently. I had been afraid that she would see me as some spoiled rich kid trying to play Captain America, which I had been called in the past. She didn't she saw me - the real me - the true me.
"Why did you buy your condo?"
"I'd just turned twenty-one, was in the Corps, but when I came home on leave, I needed a place to stay. I was tired of staying at mom's when I was home for weeks. So, when I was home for a few weeks, I found it and bought it."
"But why there? Why in Dallas, it's a great area, but why there specifically?"
"I was young, I wanted to live downtown, I wanted someplace that didn't have any upkeep, that was safe when I was away."
Amber seemed to hone in on that. I watched her eyes narrow, and she began to think, to consider the area.
"It's close to the school, right? Just a few minutes from where your sister went to college?"
"Yeah, she lived there until she left school. She needed to live somewhere safe, after what my dad did, I needed to know that she would be okay when I was gone."
"You know, it isn't your fault, right?"
"What?" I asked, unsure of where she was going, but I was starting to feel very uncomfortable.
"None of it. It isn't your fault."
"Amber," I cautioned, the red haze of rage beginning to creep in at the sides of my vision.
"No, Trent. I'm serious. None of the shit that has happened in your life was your fault."
"Fucking shit," I growled, praying she would take it for the warning it was.
"Seriously. You blame yourself for all of it, don't you?"
"Yes," I bit out through clenched teeth.
"Why, you didn't hurt your mother or do - whatever to your sister. You didn't kill Dylan or Nolan. You didn't kill the others you served with, either in the Corps or at the S-O."
Was this woman fucking kidding me? Anger bubbled up so fast and hot - I couldn't stop it. "I'm done, Amber, I've got shit to do."
The fear, the frustration, the feelings of a young and helpless boy. The hopelessness of a grown man. It all consumed me.
Gripping Amber around the waist, I lifted her and sat her back down as I stood and walked out of the room. She was poking me, pressing in too much, this wasn't something I could talk about.
Logically, I knew that my father's abusive behavior wasn't my fault, but had I been there. Had I seen it, if I had only known, I could have stopped it. Dillon, Nolan, the baby, all of it, so many guys lost their lives over there, good men, good friends, if I had opened my eyes, I could have done something, if only I had noticed, I missed so much, too many things.
Slipping back into my running shoes, I grabbed my wallet and keys and headed to the front door in a fog of grief, anger, and confusion. I had no idea where I was going, but I had to go. I needed a minute, a fucking minute to get my head together, to figure my shit out.
"Trent?" Amber's voice was hesitant - worried. I was sure I looked crazed, but there wasn't a fucking thing I could do about that. It was hard enough to tell her about some of my failings, but to have her delve in, to try and analyze me, to have her look deeper into it all, I couldn't do it, not now. Not now that I brought my dad to her doorstep, now that I put her in danger from the man who'd abused my mom and sister for years.
"I need a minute - yeah?" Maybe she was right all those months ago. Maybe she was better off without me. I caused her pain, possibly the greatest pain of her life. I didn't know how she could even stand to look at me now, let alone love me.
"Okay, be careful." She said, sadness and worry evident in her voice. I didn't look at her, didn't allow myself to. I knew that I'd stop myself, that I would take her into my arms. that I'd love her and promise her everything, just to remove that look from her face. I needed, this time, needed the space to breathe.
Pulling into one of my secured parking spaces at my condo, I climbed out of the truck and thoughtlessly made it to the front door. Out of habit, I'd grabbed the stack of mail waiting for me and dumped it on the table in the entry way.
My blood had turned cold, my heart stilled in my chest. All feeling had fled, and I moved through the empty space without seeing anything. When I bought it, I had a pretty short leave, so Mom had come in and had it furnished and decorated it for me. It was nice. A tasteful and masculine space where I had always felt comforted before. My place was free of clutter. There were no feminine accouterments, all dark blues, beige, and warm wood tones. There was nothing of Amber here, nothing to remind me of her since she only stayed there a few nights over all the time we dated.
Standing in front of the stocked bar, I looked at the bottles of amber liquid and remembered the last time I got seriously drunk. I called Gavin that night to drive my ass home. That was the night I admitted my feelings for Amber, the night I shared so much of my pain with my best friend.
He already knew. I couldn't keep it from him, Gavin was not a stupid man by any means. He had known that I had feelings for Amber, even knew that I had dated her. Thankfully, he hadn't known everything and still didn't.
With arms resting on the gleaming, polished marble top, I lowered my head and closed my eyes. I just left Amber. While I was in the process of escaping her house, of running from her, the way I promised I would never do, I left her, scared and alone - vulnerable.
She was terrible with the security system, which she blamed me for.
"The codes are too long," she'd said, "This system is ridiculous," her voice rang in my ears, remembering her irri
tation at the seven and eight digit codes. She was right, it was ridiculous, but her safety had been my biggest concern. My father was a smart man, and he knew me too well. I had worried that he would be able to figure out whatever codes I came up with, just by sheer coincidence.
I just left her - my sweetness, my Amber, the love of my life. I left her alone and exposed. I wondered if she would remember to set the alarm. No calls had come through to me, so she hadn't set it off, which was something.
I'd just left her. Left her. Left.
Chapter 7
Amber
The press of a damp nose and furry chin onto my cheek roused me from the shocked stupor I'd been existing in since watching Trent walk out. The house was dark and something was beeping from the direction of my bedroom. Out of habit, I glanced at the clock on the cable box, but it was dark.
"Damnit!" Jumping up and down on one foot. I reached down and cradled my stubbed toe, squeezing it, like that would help. Snowball ran over and brushed himself against my leg and sent me falling backward. Bracing myself, I cushioned the fall but twisted my wrist on the way down.
Since it was impossible to hold my right toe and left hand, I decided to figure out how to push forward. The beeping sound was intensifying, and it was really annoying.
Of course, my phone had just enough battery life to allow me to read the "Alarm System Power Failure" message flashing in red on my screen and emitting the annoying noise. Disabling the app, I switched over to the text screen, taking note that it was just past midnight.
Mom was a light sleeper and would hear the text notification, but it wouldn't wake Dad.
Amber: Coming over, power is out here. Don't worry.
Not even three minutes later, she replied:
Mom: Ok - be safe.
After grabbing my purse, keys and mostly dead phone, I scooped Snowball up into my arms and slid into flip flops then headed out.
Preparing to turn away from my street, I glanced back in the rearview and noticed something strange. Instead of heading directly to my parents' I circled the block to confirm - my house appeared to be the only one without power.
Initially, I thought that it had come back on, but no, my house was completely dark, no light anywhere, where all the other houses had some kind of light showing through the dark night.
Not wanting to think too long about that, I cranked up Stained on my stereo, tossed my phone into my open bag and worked hard to bury the emotion threatening to cripple me as Snowball curled up on the center console next to me. He was able to read my moods anytime I was upset, he stayed right with me - always.
Trent had left me - my power was out, my alarm disabled - and Trent had left me.
I sat alone for hours after he slammed my front door closed behind his rapidly departing back. I was waiting for him to return and knowing he wouldn't. I asked too much, had probed too deep. He shut me down, shut me out, closed me off from his deepest feelings of guilt and pain.
Trent took everything onto his shoulders. Everything, was his fault, his responsibility and it seemed he'd been that way a long time. I understood that, to an extent. I had felt it important to make him see that the shit that happened in the war, whatever his dad had done, none of it was his fault. He'd internalized all that, but he didn't want me there, not in that deep.
Shaking myself out of my sad thoughts, knowing I needed to appear pulled together for my mother, I hit the button on my steering wheel to change over to Nickelback's, "Rockstar" and pressed down on the pedal.
The thirty-minute drive to my parents' stunningly beautiful home only took twenty, thanks to the lack of traffic and my speed. As my headlights illuminated the front of the house, I noticed the light in the living room was on. I knew that my mom was waiting up for me.
"Amber, sweetheart, are you okay?" She asked in her overly worried tone.
"I'm fine mom, just lost power and the alarm was beeping, which woke me up." I hoped that she wouldn't see any more than fatigue in my eyes.
Taking Snowball from my arms, she snuggled him close as she would a grandbaby, a grandbaby I'd never be able to give her and led me to my old room.
My childhood bedroom had been redecorated since I last lived there. The once pink walls were now a soft yellow. The white lace canopy bed had been replaced with a beautiful mahogany sleigh bed covered by a soft blue duvet decorated with the smallest yellow daisies. The high ceiling, wide windows, and beautiful wood floor were perfectly clean, polished and inviting.
After hugging Mom and promising that all was well, she left me to sleep. Snowball pressed tightly to my side as I lay in the darkness and waited for peace to come. Sadly, it didn't.
Wondering where Trent had gone, what he was doing, if he would come back caused the tears I had been fighting to come back and flood my eyes. As they began to fall, I felt a rough little tongue bathing my arm, trying to bring me comfort.
Keeping my sobs silent was more difficult than it should have been, but each time I began to calm another image, a thought would pop into my head, and the tears would fall again.
As the soft rays of morning began to shine through the cracks in the plantation shutters, I made my way into the adjoining bathroom and showered.
Thankfully, in my haste to leave, I grabbed my favorite lavender wrap dress and silver sandals. I needed something beautiful today. I took special care with my hair and makeup, putting on my bravest face, only showing the world what they wanted to see. I was a happy-go-lucky woman without a care in the world.
Snowball in hand, I walked down the stairs knowing that my mother would already be up and ready for her day. Finding her perfectly primped in the kitchen was no surprise.
"Good morning, darling, sleep well?"
"Hey mom, can you keep Snow for me today?"
She agreed and took the squirming ball of fluff from my hands. As any grandma would, she kept spare supplies for him in the laundry room. I heard her talking to him as the box of food was poured into his bowl.
"Why are you up so early?"
"I'm going to go to the store early, I've got a lot to do today," I lied. I was going to work, but I didn't have all that much to do. I knew I could work on paperwork for a while and wanted to move around a couple of displays before the store opened.
Indulgence was Aurora's baby, her brainchild, but as a silent partner, it was my responsibility too. Today, I would use the store to forget my own problems. It was a challenge, but I forced my thoughts away from Trent every time he entered my mind - which was every minute or so. Getting busy would help.
"Hey, early bird, what are you doing here already?" Gillian asked from behind the coffee counter at Cafe Fantasia.
"Lots to do, how are you?"
Since the shop was busy with the morning rush, we exchanged quick pleasantries. Gillian promised that she would be down later. Something had happened in the past few days, and she needed to talk.
Smiling, as I walked back to the store, coffee and muffin in hand, was like second-nature to me. I was the queen of covering pain with a smile.
Working through receipts and receivables for the first hour, I set aside some information on a new line from one of the designers we loved.
Indulgence specialized in mid-high end pieces from somewhat obscure designers. We carried clothes that a multitude of women could wear, quality pieces that had great lines and perfect fit. I loved, to help women feel beautiful. Nothing in our store could easily be found in one of the big box stores around the area. Our clothes were beautifully unique.
Grabbing a couple of armfuls from the back, some stock that had just come in, I walked out front and began to rearrange the racks. Just as I picked up a display of fashion necklaces, a loud pounding came from the back door.
"Shit," I gasped as the shelf slipped from my hand. Thankfully, when it hit the ground, nothing broke, but necklaces were in a tangled heap between my feet.
"Amber!" The pounding on the door started up again.
"Amber, please!" I heard sho
uted again.
Jesus, the neighbors, were going to be terrified at this rate.
Scooping up the mess, I plopped it all on the front counter and walked hesitantly to the stockroom. Though I knew who it was, I peered through the peephole. Staring at him through the small, distorted circle, my breath caught at the sight of him.
Placing a hand on the door, I watched as he rested his head against the steel. It was so like the night I'd locked him out and sent him away, I had to fight the tears again.
Turning the lock, I pulled the door open and looked at him in the clear light of morning. He looked like total shit. His blonde hair was mussed, the skin under his eyes dark, his clothes were rumpled. He looked like he hadn't slept. The black button-down shirt he wore was haphazardly tucked into dark washed jeans over his black boots. His jeans were unusually wrinkled, and one leg seemed to be half tucked into the back of his boot. Trent's black leather belt, which usually held his service weapon and badge was circled around his waist, but missing half the loops.
I rarely saw him so unkempt. His eyes were wild, searching my face and scanning my body frantically, looking for what? I wasn't sure.
"Thank God, thank God, I found you." Lunging forward, he grabbed my shoulders and tugged me hard into his chest, pulling me so quickly I lost balance and collided with him. His hands were everywhere, holding me tight, pressing my face into him, running over my arms and back. His movements were manic.
Trying to step back, to look at him, I struggled against him. Though feeling him again, after a long and arduous night was magnificent, I wasn't about to brush the previous night under the rug so quickly. I worried that the walls he threw up would keep him away from me, that he wouldn't want to come back, but here he was, holding me once again. Could I accept him back with no explanation? I knew what I did, or rather, what he was upset about. The thing was, I hadn't done anything wrong. I cared about him and wanted him to be free of his unrealistic guilt. Was that so bad?
Finally, able to gain enough space, I tilted my head up and looked into his sorrowful blue eyes. Those eyes that were so often full of love, humor and joy were now dull, the mischievous twinkle was absent.
