Love and Decay, Volume Seven (Episodes 5-8, Season Three)

by Higginson, Rachel

  It sucked that it was such a struggle to get other people to believe that too.

  Even with the demise of the latest two warlords, I still had to contend with Diego. And Matthias.

  Once Matthias was dead, would my list of enemies stop growing? There weren’t that many people left for me to kill.

  “She’ll be okay.” Hendrix’s warm hand slid down my spine and came to rest on my lower back. I leaned into him, feeling so completely at peace with his presence that my heart filled up with bliss despite my circumstances, despite last night… despite my uncertain future.

  “It’s hard to wait,” I confessed. “I think you should pretend like you forgot something and go see what’s going on in there.”

  I felt Hendrix’s body stiffen next to me, “I’d rather not see what’s going on in there.”

  I laughed and it felt light and happy in my chest. “How’s Harrison?”

  “He’s being a baby,” Hendrix grumbled. “But he’s alive.”

  I looked over at where Harrison lounged beneath the shade of the woodshed. Before things had gotten serious with Haley this morning, Joy had patched him up and sent him outside to rest. He really looked miserable over there, but then again his brothers hadn’t stopped teasing him about fainting, so that might have had something to do with it.

  “You should rinse off,” Hendrix murmured with his mouth closer to my ear. “I’ll kick everyone to the front yard to give you some privacy.”

  The thought of showering outside in the broad daylight did not sit well with me. I would much rather be cloaked in darkness while trying to scrub Zombie blood and guts off my skin, but I also didn’t want to sit here the rest of the day covered in Zombie blood and guts either.

  Sensing my indecision, Hendrix added, “Then we’ll find somewhere to go. Alone.”

  That was the incentive I needed.

  “Okay,” I agreed. “Kick everyone to the front yard and I’ll get clean.”

  He smiled down at me; even covered in dirt and blood, with black smudges from the fire and ash streaking across all of his exposed skin, he was still the most beautiful man I had ever seen. His blue eyes were bright and wild. But they were also at peace.

  As much as I wanted to avoid having the big heart to heart with him and as much as I wanted to move on to the kissing or cuddling or whatever else that didn’t involve the possibility of more rejection, I wanted to hear his side of the story… of our story.

  I needed to.

  I needed to know if he was in this for real or if I was facing more heartbreak. I needed to know if he wanted the same things that I did.

  “Hurry,” he pleaded.

  “I will.”

  He herded everyone to the front yard like he promised and left me alone in the back. When we’d evacuated the house, everyone had grabbed an extra set of clothes and shower supplies.

  My shower was luxurious compared to the last several hours, but I still hurried through it. I couldn’t bring myself to get completely naked in broad daylight, but since my bra and undies needed to be washed anyway, I called it a win-win.

  I used a razor… just in case and made sure I conditioned my damaged hair. Afterwards I dried off quickly and changed all of my clothes, hanging up my unmentionables on the opposite side of the woodshed to dry in the sun. I realized they would probably smell like smoke because of the fire, but at least they would be clean.

  I grabbed a comb and worked through my hair while Hendrix took his turn. I sat in between Harrison and King; they both watched me with awestruck fascination. I laughed at their confused expressions.

  “Doesn’t it hurt?” Harrison asked after a bit.

  “I don’t really notice anymore.” The comb got stuck on a massive set of tangles. I worked the comb slowly and methodically, picking my way through my substantial hair.

  “Why don’t you cut it?” King asked, as equally intrigued as his brother.

  “Because then it’s even more unmanageable,” I explained. “My hair doesn’t behave short. At least this way I can tie it back.” They just stared at me.

  Hendrix appeared in front of me and I jumped to my feet, thankful to end the discussion on my hair. Those two boys needed more girls around… girls they didn’t think of as their sisters.

  Hendrix held out his hand to me and I took it. He brought me close to his body and smiled down at me. “Hey,” he murmured.

  I loved this softer side of him. My belly fluttered. “Hey.”

  “So you guys are like… together?” King asked from the ground.

  Hendrix’s blue eyes flashed to his younger brother, “Mind your own business.”

  King made a frustrated sound in the back of his throat. “Sure, I’ll mind my own business when you stop parading yours in front of me.”

  “Yeah,” Harrison piped up. “We have a right to know what’s going on. If you two are sucking face again, there needs to be a family meeting.”

  “A family meeting?” The words came out in a strained whisper. Oh, god, I hoped not.

  King nodded enthusiastically, “That’s a good idea. We could set some ground rules. You know, things like, don’t make any more babies or start any more wars.”

  “Let’s go find some place quiet,” Hendrix suggested, ignoring his brothers.

  For a moment I wished they were obsessed with my hair again. “Good idea.”

  Hendrix kept hold of my hand and walked through the tall grasses that bordered Andy’s yard. The soft grass tickled my chin and arms as we made our own path through land that was untamed and vibrant compared to the monotonous dirt and rock of the rest of Mexico that we had seen.

  This part of the world had been untouched by the Zombie Apocalypse. The ground hadn’t been trampled by an army trying to kill us. It wasn’t saturated with blood and death. It had remained uninvolved in the drama of our reality.

  And when Hendrix picked a spot close enough to the house where we could hear if they called but far enough away that we felt like we had some privacy, I relished the perfect moment and sacred ground.

  Despite the hot sun, a cool breeze drifted through the grass, swaying the soft tops, rustling the stalks together. Hendrix pushed a section of grasses flat against the ground so we could sit down on top of them.

  We were sheltered by the surrounding wall. The voices from the bungalow drifted our way, but we felt isolated in this spot, hidden away from the rest of the world.

  Hendrix sat down and held out his hand. I reached for him and let him pull me down next to him. For a moment everything was awkward and unsure.

  I had put my feelings out to him just days ago and he’d rejected me.

  And now here we were…

  I played with a piece of grass, shredding it to thin pieces. I was too nervous to look at him.

  “Are you avoiding me?” he asked and I could hear how entertained he was by my jumpiness.

  “I’m scared of this conversation,” I told him honestly.

  “Why?”

  I sucked in a shaky breath and made myself meet those penetrating blue eyes that I could see so clearly now. “Because I’m afraid you don’t want what I want.”

  He shook his head slowly at me, “I’m afraid of that same thing.”

  I fidgeted on the ground, but held his gaze. I reached forward, unable to keep from touching him. I grazed the crease in his jeans and let my fingertips slide over his knee. “What is it that you want?”

  “Forever,” he answered immediately.

  “Forever?”

  “Yes.” He leaned forward and planted his weight on his hand. “Reagan, I love you.”

  Our faces were only a few inches apart. I could feel his body heat, I could smell the shampoo we all used, but somehow smelled different on him… better. I could see the edge of black around his blue eyes and I could feel the electricity that buzzed between us- that had always buzzed between us. My belly fluttered and my fingers tingled.

  Hendrix Parker.

  I had missed those words. I had mi
ssed feeling this way and believing he felt like this. I had missed him so profoundly that tears pricked at my eyes now and I had trouble believing this could actually be happening.

  “I love you too.”

  His face lit up like I had never seen before. That emotion, so deep and cataclysmic, settled in his eyes and did not let go. I felt him start to glow, not like physically of course, but from some centered, hidden place inside of him came a light… a light that I had helped create.

  My head swam with the realization that he didn’t just have this kind of influence over me, but that I also had it over him.

  We had fallen slowly for each other, but eternally. And though we had wandered, we had never been complete again without the other.

  He loved me and I loved him and there was not a greater thing in the entire universe.

  We stood together, hands clasped and shoulders brushing, as we took on the world. Zombies, warlords, dictators, all of the obvious evil and the subtle destruction that wanted to tear us apart could come against us and it would not succeed.

  We loved each other.

  Even at the end of the world we had found each other and decided not to let go.

  At once I was vulnerable and protected, I was offering everything, but taking everything too, I was scared as all hell, but I trusted him too. With everything.

  With all that I was.

  And that had been missing the first time around.

  He lifted his hand to cup my face, holding me in place, but also so that I was forced to look at him. “When I say forever, Reagan, I mean it. I mean forever. I don’t want to go slow this time. I don’t want us to take our time or figure it out eventually. I’ve already figured it out. I already know how I feel and how I want to spend the remainder of my days. I am not interested in being careful with you anymore. We tried it your way and it didn’t work. Now I want to try it my way.”

  My mouth dried out while his words sent shivers down my spine. “Your way?”

  He nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. “My way.”

  I shook my head. I didn’t know what that meant. I didn’t even know what to think. “What does that mean?” I whispered.

  He put pressure against my face, holding me more firmly. His head dipped and his chest moved closer to mine. “It means that we are committed to each other, Reagan. No more of this wish-washy bullshit. You are mine. And I am yours. And we plan on this forever. There is not anything that breaks us up or tears us apart. I have been with you and I have been without you and I know which one I prefer. I love you today, but I know with everything that is in me, that I will love you from every day beyond today. We are not perfect. I am overbearing and possessive and you are stubborn as hell and so impetuous. We drive each other crazy. We will continue to drive each other crazy. I’m not expecting anything less. But I also know we make each other the best versions of ourselves. No matter how much I love my family, it’s you that makes this life worth living. It’s you that makes me want to fight, to do whatever it takes to survive. My way means that we apply that same attitude to our relationship. We don’t walk away when it gets a little hard or a lot hard or even impossible. You stay by my side and, Reagan, I will stay by yours too. Forever.”

  Oh, my god.

  “Hendrix,” I whispered because that was all I was capable of.

  “I love you,” he said again, as if he couldn’t stop saying it… as if he had wanted to say it for so long that the words and sentiment just flowed out of him without his permission.

  “I love you too.” This time tears actually fell. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to get a second chance with this incredible man. I leaned forward and placed a kiss to his lips. It was chaste and it was nothing but sweet, but I still shivered from the contact. I still worshipped that small taste of him. “I want your way,” I promised him. “I want forever.”

  His mouth broke into a breathtaking smile that stalled my heart. He had never looked so at peace before, so incredibly happy. He dropped his mouth to mine and took me in a slow, achingly gentle kiss that made my fingers clutch at his t-shirt and my toes curl inside my boots. His lips worked patiently against mine, drawing me deeper into his well, submerging me in this moment I knew would define parts of me for the rest of my life. His tongue swept out and I opened for him, tangling us in a delicious kiss that forced a whimper from me.

  His kisses moved to trail down the side of my face until he reached my jaw and then over to my ear and down the column of my throat. His hands grasped my waist and clutched me tighter. He wobbled off balance and we tipped over, falling backwards to the soft bed of grass he’d made for us.

  But neither of us broke the kiss.

  Sunlight danced behind my closed lids and the breeze wrapped around us with sultry tenderness. His body hovered over mine for an indecisive moment before he settled next to me, his long legs stretching out next to mine.

  I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, sinking my fingers into his thick hair. I sighed into our kiss and let his words sink into me.

  I was his.

  And he was mine.

  We were in this together, but we were in it forever.

  Nothing would get between us this time. Not small things. Not big things. Not stupid things. Not even me.

  I was learning what it meant to be committed to something or someone. First there had been Haley and our trials on the road alone. And then this gorgeous family that had taken us in as if we had always belonged there.

  And now Hendrix.

  I had tried to run. I had tried to make things happen on my own. I had even tried another man. But this was where I belonged, with this man.

  With Hendrix Parker.

  “Can I ask you something?” I found my voice while his kisses trailed over my collarbone.

  He lifted his head, tossing it to the side to fling his hair out of his eyes. “What’s that?”

  “What made you change your mind? About me?”

  His eyes clouded over with a fierce emotion I didn’t understand. His hand rested on my hip lightly, but as I watched him think my question over it gripped me tightly, increasing the pressure and possessiveness.

  “I’ve watched you nearly die more times than I want to remember,” he finally admitted. “And every time something nearly took you from me, the first thing I would think was, ‘She doesn’t even know how I feel about her.’” He closed his eyes for a brief moment as if the memories that swirled in his beautifully complicated head pained him. “That terrified me, Reagan. But so did being with you again. I’m not too proud to admit that the thought of you leaving me again destroys me… it makes me something I do not want to be. Tonight I realized that the fact that you did not know how I felt for you was far worse than the possibility of you leaving me again. And that’s what changed. I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed you to know that I love you. And since I love you and since I feel that you need to know it, I also know that there is nothing left for me but to be with you. Nothing. There is not one thing in this world or this life I want more than I want to be with you.”

  His words forced my heart to pound frantically in my chest. I hated that my actions and decisions caused so much turmoil inside of him, brought so much pain. I wished I could take this from him and carry it myself. At the same time I couldn’t help but acknowledge that it also made us what we were today. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that Kane had been a good thing for us, but maybe, if given the chance to do things over again, I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

  Except for killing Matthias. I would have made sure that bastard was dead.

  “I want that too,” I told him on a sincere whisper. “Hendrix, I can’t be away from you anymore. This thing I feel for you just keeps getting bigger and deeper and so bright that it’s nearly blinding. I’m done running. So done. I just… I just need you.”

  His lips twitched and some humor returned to his intense expression. “This thing?”

  I laughed a little. “This love. Yeah
? This love for you.”

  His lips brushed against mine. “That’s better,” he murmured.

  After all of that, there was only one thing left to do.

  Kiss. Obviously.

  And so we did. He kissed me fiercely, intentionally and so passionately I thought I would burst into flames from the heat of it. Our hands wandered, becoming familiar with each other again and our mouths tasted their fill.

  I could not get enough of him.

  And I had a feeling I never would.

  “Reagan.” My name was a prayer on his lips.

  “Reagan!” Someone shouted in a much less appealing way.

  Hendrix lifted his head and I blinked up at him. The sun was too white after I’d had my eyes closed for so long. I put my forearm over my forehead so I could get used to the light of day again. Hendrix glared at the grass curtain and waited for whoever was stomping through the grass, calling my name to reveal themselves.

  “Reagan!” Page and Miller burst through the grasses, giggling when they found us intertwined on the ground. Luckily we were fully clothed.

  “Sorry,” Miller mumbled, still laughing.

  “Haley had the baby!” Page exclaimed. “Come see! She’s asking for you. She says you’re the worst best friend ever.”

  “The baby?” I sat up and tried to shake off the haze Hendrix’s kisses had created.

  “Baby Lennon,” Page coaxed.

  “Lennon?” Hendrix laughed. “As in John?”

  “Lennon David,” Page finished proudly.

  “David was Haley’s dad’s name,” I told them.

  “And the Beatles were the only band that Haley and Nelson could agree on,” Miller filled in.

  Hendrix’s head tipped back and he let out a bark of laughter that made me smile. He was just so… happy!

  “I bet Harrison just loves that,” Hendrix chuckled. “Come on, Reagan. We can’t let you remain the worst best friend ever. Let’s go see my nephew.”

  I let Hendrix pull me to my feet and we followed Page and Miller back to the bungalow. The atmosphere was so much lighter than it had been recently.