by Mia Kayla
"Beth, just tell me one thing," Jason said, breaking the awkward silence. "Why are you with that douche bag?"
I peered up at him, my face serious. "His money."
Jason’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "Seriously?"
I rolled my eyes. "No, dummy. It's because I love him." A small smile played on my lips, though it did nothing to brighten my mood. The money I'd inherited meant nothing. I'd trade money for happiness in a nanosecond.
"Does he treat you well?"
I gulped. "He does."
He tilted his head, his eyes cautious. "Well, why were you crying then?" His voice leaked concern.
My hand flew to the diamond necklace on my neck, the one that Kent had given me. He had transformed my grandmother’s engagement ring into a necklace that I could wear daily. A pang shot straight to my chest at the thought of him.
I sighed and shook my head. I wasn't going to get into it with Jason. All I wanted to do was complain about my husband, but I needed another outlet. If I vented to Jason, it would be the ultimate betrayal.
"Marriage is not perfect and like any relationship, there will be arguments." I picked up a piece of bread, tore a piece off, and dropped it on my plate. "We kind of hit a patch."
"A patch where he's making you upset almost on a daily basis." He scratched his jaw then cocked his head, his eyes judging me.
"It's not like that." But it was. Jason was perceptive lately. I didn't know if I should be flattered or a little concerned.
He placed his hand on top of mine, drawing circles on the top of my skin. I knew it was meant to be a comforting gesture, but I shifted, feeling uneasy. The touch was too intimate.
"You don't understand. It's more complicated than you think, and I'm not going to get into it." Slowly, I retracted my hand from under his. The conversation had turned from more conversational to uncomfortable, and I knew I had to go. "I need to get back to the office."
He nodded, but his jaw locked. "I still care for you, you know."
I glanced up at Jason. He had been my first love and boyfriend. We had shared so many memories, a history. His heart was deep and his soul was pure. All I wanted for him was to be happy, and I appreciated his concern, but he didn’t have a place in this. "I know. I care for you, too. But really...I'm okay."
He smiled, seeming placated. When the waiter returned, Jason grabbed the check. "My treat."
I shook my head. "No, Jason, I can get it."
He waved a hand at me. "I know you totally can, but I want to."
"Okay, thanks," I said shyly.
I stood after he dropped cash on the table, then I slipped my purse over my shoulder.
"I have an offsite today so I won't be going back to the office." Jason followed me to the street, and I took a deep breath of fresh air.
I turned to face him, a small smile lingering on my face. "Thanks for lunch again, Jason."
He reached for my hand and squeezed it. "I hope he knows what a good catch you are. One day he may wake up and totally realize he made a mistake. That maybe he should’ve looked past what was in front of him and worked for a larger goal."
My brow furrowed. We were no longer talking about Kent. Jason was blaming himself for our failed relationship. But that had been eons ago. I was over it.
I glanced at the bustle of the city workers on the opposite side of the street. The cars whizzing past us. The people hailing a cab. Anywhere but directly into his eyes. "Stop, Jason. What you wanted and what I wanted were two different things and that's okay. There's no need to dwell on the past." The reason we hadn’t worked was because Jason had been content in staying in Bowlesville, working on cars. I had lived my life trying to get out of that small town. But I believed everything happened for a reason.
His voice dropped to above a whisper. "I still think of you, Beth. I still think of us. You’ll always be the one that got away. And he should know, if he messes up, I'm going to be right here to pick up the pieces." He cupped my face, and all the warning bells rang loudly in my ears. So loudly, they screamed for me to run.
But I didn’t. And before I knew it, warm lips met mine. It happened so fast, it shocked me into stillness. In the next second, I reeled back and pushed him off of me.
"Sorry," he said, raising his hands.
I wiped my mouth with the back of my hands. "What the hell, Jason!”
"I thought you cared about me." He flinched and the color drained from his face.
"As a friend!" I said, incredulous.
He jerked back, his eyes bulging as though I had surprised him.
Really? Wow.
"What part of 'I love my husband' didn't you understand?"
"You love a spoiled, entitled asshole that treats you like shit?" His mouth slackened and he reeled back, disbelief crossing his features. We were both upset now, but for totally different reasons.
"Yes!” I defended Kent. “I love a spoiled, entitled asshole, who sometimes treats me like shit...unconsciously." It sounded bad, but Jason wouldn't understand because he wasn't married. "But that's my decision to make, not yours."
Jason reached for my wrist, but I tore away from his grasp, not peering behind me as I stormed down the street and back to work.
That evening, I unbuttoned my suit jacket and keyed into our condo. Goodness gracious, my life felt like it was falling apart at the seams, yet there was nothing I could do to keep it intact. With my hormones running rampant, I didn't have the right equipment to sew my life back together.
I froze when I saw Kent, sitting on the couch, in his suit from earlier, staring at nothing. Normally the television was on, but today he sat in utter silence. He had heard me enter, yet he didn't turn around. I took in his side profile and guilt rushed to the surface. Even though it wasn't my fault, there was no denying that my lips had connected with another man's.
The only noise in our condo was the ice maker in the freezer. I listened to the churning of the ice machine and stood there for what seemed like forever but was probably only a couple of minutes. Anxiety rose in my throat and I swallowed.
"How was your date with Jason?" His voice tore through me like papers through a shredder.
The color drained from my face, and heat rushed behind my eyes. He had caught me off guard. My answer surprised me more. "He kissed me." I needed to be honest and tell him. I wanted this guilty feeling inside of me to subside.
And then Kent answered with a hushed, broken puff. "I...know." By the inflection of his tone, I knew he was hurt. I would’ve said sorry, but I felt like sorry had been said too many times over the last couple of days. It had lost its impact.
Still, I was. I was unbelievably sorry.
My lip quivered as I squeezed my hands together. Every day, every hour, every minute our relationship was edging slowly toward a cliff. I was afraid once it tipped over to the other side, there would be nothing salvageable.
"I swear to God, I didn't know he was going to do that." My voice was on the verge of desperation. Way to add more theatrics to the pot full of drama. A kiss from your ex-boyfriend would do it. "I swear to you. It wasn't what it looked like."
From his side view, I saw his jaw tighten. I shrugged out of my jacket and kicked off my heels. The thing about pregnant women, we were always hot and our emotions were everywhere—up, down, and all around.
"I didn't do it on purpose. I didn't do it to get back at you. I swear, I didn't even lead him on."
The silence was deafening and it killed me. The quiet gutted me from the inside out. It dragged on forever. The only reaction he gave away was the tight movement from his jaw. I curled my fingers in, digging my fingernails into my palm. I needed him to say something...anything.
A sharp pain hit my stomach, and I gasped softly. I glanced down, my hands gripping my belly. I wasn't sure if it was gas or if something was wrong with Em. My brow wrinkled as I stared, unmoving, at my stomach, waiting.
There was no movement from the couch and the only movement from me was the indentation
of my chest from my soft inhales and exhales. I watched my stomach move from my breaths and waited. I didn't care about the silence anymore. The only thing that concerned me was feeling another cramp.
"Do you want to be with him, Beth?" he asked, his voice strained.
"What? No," I said softly without hesitation. The question momentarily distracted me because it was ridiculous. There was no more fight left in me as a different worry took priority.
Caroline's words rang loudly in my ears, and I knew what I had to do. Sudden clarity hit me in the face. I couldn't keep living like this, walking into a room full of tension. What mattered was my health because it affected little Em.
"I'm tired of this." Ice spread through my veins. "I'm tired of everything. Of feeling sick all the time. Of worrying if my baby is okay. Worrying if we'll survive this."
He turned to me, his eyes tight.
Honesty finally seeped out of my mouth. Forget the pride. "I'm sorry Jason kissed me, but I swear I didn't kiss him back. I love you, Kent, but this stuff—all of it—is taking too much out of me. That's not even counting the tightness in my chest whenever I'm anywhere near you because I'm afraid we'll get into another fight."
He stood, no emotion showed on his face, and I took the deepest breath of my life and let it out. "We need time apart. To think. Caroline offered her place..."
"What?" He blinked a couple of times, shocked out of his daze. He walked toward me and closed the gap between us. "Are you leaving me for him?"
"Of course not!" I threw my hands up. "See, this is what I mean. You're not even listening to what I'm saying. How could you even think that?"
"I don't know.” He rapidly blinked then fisted the top of his head with one hand. “Maybe because I saw you having lunch and lip-locked with your ex-boyfriend!"
I let out an exasperated sigh. "I told you, it wasn't what it looked like."
"And then you come back here, wanting to leave me." Anger oozed from his tone as he clenched his hands at his sides. "You tell me you’re pregnant and punish me because I wasn't automatically ecstatic about it. I haven't even thought it through for five full minutes. How can I think of this baby when all I can think of is everything that's going on between us? When I'm honest with you, you freak out over it and punish me even more. What do you want me to do? Lie? Is that the kind of relationship you want? And when I run after you today...who do I see you having lunch with? Your ex-lover, who's fucking using this situation to his advantage. Does he think I don't know what he's doing? Does he?"
When he continued spitting words at me, my whole body tensed. "This is not about him. This is about us. And maybe you're right. I've been emotionally distraught and haven't been fair to you. I haven't given you enough time to let this news sink in, so this—this break is exactly what we both need.” I fisted my hand and rubbed at the ache in the center of my chest. I swallowed the painful lump in the back of my throat before I slowly said, “I have to take care of myself, and this is not good for the baby...our baby."
His jaw locked as he stared me directly in my eye. "You want a break?"
"Not forever.” My voice cracked, thick with emotion. “Just for a couple of days. Just for us to think things through. For things to calm down. You even said it yourself, you haven't had time to let things soak in."
The stillness of his handsome face frightened me and sent chilling goosebumps down my arms. "You walk out on me, Beth…You do this, and I don't know if I can forgive you." His words cut me like a knife, and my lip quivered. "You leave me...you move out, and I'll take that as a break for good."
His features were unflinching as my insides were tearing apart. His words devastated me. There was no grey for him. There was only black and white.
My face fell as sweat beads formed behind my neck. He stared me down, never breaking. I couldn't believe those words had left his mouth. But for once, I had to think of this baby. I just needed to leave so I could breathe normally.
I peered up at the man that I was utterly in love with and swallowed back a lump in my throat. My mother would’ve stayed. She would’ve picked a man over her own child. She did pick the man over her own child, time and time again. This was where I broke the cycle. This was where I took care of the unborn baby that couldn't take care of itself.
"Okay." My hoarse whisper broke the silence.
His mouth slackened before I turned to leave, and he gripped my wrist, halting me. "Wait!" His eyes widened, going wild. I watched his calm demeanor fade. His expression was like someone had struck him. "Where...where will you go?"
“To Caroline's." I winced. "Kent, you're hurting me."
He gaped at his grip on my wrist, then he dropped my hand as the color drained from his face as though he hadn’t realized he was hurting me. He blinked a couple of times as I turned and walked into my room to pack.
Chapter 8
Kent:
The ringing in my ears intensified as I stared at the door that Beth had just left. Tremors of shock shook me, and a tingling spread to the tips of my fingers. I'd never experienced a panic attack before, but I was pretty sure I was experiencing one now because I couldn't move and my breathing turned erratic.
She was leaving me.
Beth...
My Beth.
In the next second, I dropped to my knees, the air knocked out of me. I blinked a couple of times as my hands trembled against my lap. I don’t know how long I stayed there, but when I came back to my senses, I picked up the phone and began to dial her number. I had to take back everything I’d said. My absolute worst quality was saying whatever I wanted to, even though it hurt, to get what I wanted. What I hadn’t counted on was her calling my bluff.
I shook my head. Of course she had. She was my wife. Maybe my antics worked on other people because I had some kind of power over them, the people at work, my parents. But not Beth. She held the power. All of it.
I stared at the picture of us together on my phone. Her arms were wrapped around my neck, her eyes closed as she planted a big kiss on my cheek. My smile spanned my whole face, my dimples set deep on both cheeks. I don't think there was another human being that could make me smile so hard.
My eyes fell shut, and I took a deep breath to try and calm my erratic pulse. I couldn’t call her. The most unselfish thing I could do for my wife right now was give her the time she needed.
But what scared me the most was, after this time apart, what if she realized that she was better off without me?
The thought crippled me.
Shaking my head, I grabbed my keys and, even though every part of me wanted to go to Caroline's, I used my last ounce of self-control and decided to drive home to Barrington. I needed to get out of our apartment and the long drive home would do my sanity well.
Without packing anything, I rushed out the door and jumped into my car. As I pulled out into the street, I rolled down all the windows, getting as much air into my lungs as possible.
The past few days raced through my head, playing back like a movie as I drove. I blasted the radio on high, trying to calm my raging thoughts, but when Taylor Swift came on, it only reminded me of Beth. She used to blast Taylor Swift and belt it out like she was at her own concert. When I'd shut the radio off, she'd turn it back on and sing louder.
I turned the volume all the way up. Maybe I wanted to pretend Beth was in the car with me, or maybe I was going crazy. The people around me sure thought so. Windows down, Taylor Swift on high, and riding in a Bentley. I glanced to my right to see two young teenage girls staring at me with this look of wonder in their eyes. In the next second, they started busting out into laughter. The older couple in a top down convertible shared secret glances. I gave them a thumbs up and then stepped on the gas.
Yep. Crazyville. I was already there.
The drive took no more than forty-five minutes. As I pulled into the gated community, I waved to the security guard, feeling my shoulders relax.
Things had been tense at the home front, so I did what any
normal male would do in this situation, I was running home to my mommy. A chuckle escaped me at the absurdity of it all.
I pulled into the long drive way, threw my Bentley in park, and climbed out of the car. As I took in the landscaping, the rose bushes fully in bloom, and the white palatial mansion that I'd spent my whole life in, I realized I needed this. I needed to get away. Beth was in good hands with Caroline, and she needed this time by herself.
I pressed the keypad to open the garage and strolled inside. Frank Sinatra was playing in the background, filling the empty rooms with music while the air was filled with the sweet aroma of dinner. My stomach grumbled in response, knowing my mother was only a few rooms away, cooking up a storm.
I walked straight into the kitchen and sagged with relief as I took in the head of our household slaving away at the stove. "Mother." A huge smile stretched across my features. I loved this woman. There wasn't a day I didn't appreciate her. Any redeeming quality I had was the direct result of her goodness and upbringing.
Her eyes lit up as she flipped around, her gaze searching behind me. "Kent." She dropped her spoon when I approached and went in for one of her all-encompassing bear hugs. "I didn't expect you home. What a nice surprise."
I stepped back and peered over her, noticing she was concocting her famous, and my favorite, stew. "I think you knew I was coming home because how did you know that's exactly what I wanted for dinner?"
She laughed and her eyes peeked behind me again. I knew she was searching for Beth.
"She's in the city,” I told her, my voice steady. I tried to keep the sadness from my tone. “She's been a bit tired lately. Because you know..."
I didn't have the heart to tell her what was truly going on between us or that Beth had left. In the end, it was my job to fix things between me and my wife, so why worry my mother about nothing? Plus, I didn’t need another scolding.
"Oh yes. I do remember the hardships of pregnancy. Well, I have a little surprise for you." She hummed with a sweet joy. She turned to her flavorful stew and picked up the spoon, bringing it to her lips. "Your father is out at the clubhouse with Tom, so it'll just be the two of us for dinner."
