A muscle clenched in his jaw. “All right. If that’s what you would prefer. I have two things to say.”
“Then you’d better get started.” Most of the time I kept my snide remarks to myself. Snarky was not a description most people would use when they spoke of me. With Andon all bets were off as to what I would and would not utter aloud.
“Rachel.” Jason spoke through clenched teeth, and I ignored him.
“First, I would like to say that I know you believe I am moving the pack as a means to punish you. That is not true.”
I shook my head. “I don’t require reassurances from you.”
He ignored my words. “I am moving the pack because I sense danger, and it is my duty as Alpha to keep us all safe. You’d be welcome to come with us.”
“See? I told you that.” Jason looked as if he’d been given the best gift on the planet.
“Thanks for the invitation, but as I’m sure you are aware I have no interest in being in your presence.”
“If you and Jason are to stay together, we must find a way to get along.”
“I see what you’re doing.” Part of me wanted to poke him in the chest with my index finger. The other part wanted to run away. So I stood still. “You’re being so kind, so easygoing, and I end up looking like the difficult one. You needn’t bother. Jason already thinks the sun rises and sets with you, whereas he sees all of my flaws. And points them out, too.”
Jason thought me goodness and light, which was part of the problem since he did tend to be confused when I acted in a not nice way. He took a step toward me but I took a step away. I didn’t want him near me right now.
Andon snarled. “I am not your enemy.”
“Yes, you are.” Tears streamed down my face because I knew I had to say what was on my mind. It might tear Jason and me apart for good if I spoke my thoughts, but it was past time. “And you always will be. No matter how much other people wish it were different.”
Silence swept around us on the cool breeze that threatened to become frigid as the sun set on our evening. No one spoke. If I had to guess, it was because I’d shocked Jason and because Andon plotted his next move.
I had enough scheming going on in my life to play games around Jason. Sometimes I wasn’t nice. Sometimes I wasn’t fair. I’m difficult, stubborn, and nasty. He claimed to love me, and I never knew why. I wasn’t even pretty.
Even if I hated all those terrible things about myself, I knew that they were part of me.
I didn’t want Andon Kenwood in my life, which left us all really, really screwed.
Or maybe it just left me that way.
“The second thing I wanted to ask you….”
I threw my hands in the air. “Are you going to pretend I didn’t just say what I did?”
He kept talking. “Is that if you see Jason’s mother in your travels down below, I’d like you to be braver than I was and end her suffering as a vampire. When given the chance, I didn’t.”
My heart may have stopped beating for a second.
He knew what we did in the vampire lairs. I raised my hand to protect my neck, like he’d struck me there. My world whirled. Luna, Autumn, or one of the other wolves that helped us might have told Andon. Anyone, really.
Except that I knew in my core who had told Andon Kenwood. I needed only to look at him to confirm it. My eyes felt as if they wouldn’t work. I couldn’t turn my gaze to him. Because if Jason had done what I knew he had done, then our relationship changed profoundly in a matter of mere seconds.
I’d thought I geared up to fight Andon; I didn’t realize I’d stepped into the moment where everything I believed about Jason changed so profoundly, so fast. Oh well, I should have known. I’d lost Chad this fast, too.
“It’s like a death.”
“Rachel….”
I finally managed to stare at Jason, and I saw there what I expected to—culpability but no guilt. Jason didn’t feel a bit of remorse for what he’d done.
“Why?” Even I felt shocked by the ice contained in my voice.
“He’s our Alpha. He has the right to know what his wolves are doing. We had his permission to help you, and he has not betrayed us.”
I shook my head. How did he believe that nonsense? Right at that second, Jason seemed completely different to me, as if his physical self had changed because of his actions. For the first time, I looked at him and didn’t wonder how someone so physically perfect existed on the earth. His betrayal had placed a gulf between us that I didn’t know I could cross, ever.
He thought his father hadn’t told on us? Nothing I said would convince him otherwise. Images of the Turtle swam before my eyes. Well, at least I knew how the Turtle knew. And the problems with Micah’s bomb? Had that been Andon as well?
I needed space to think, a continent’s worth of space. Maybe Andon would take them all to the West Coast.
My feet moved of their own volition, and I was glad for their intervention. I had to leave before I combusted. I knew it would be painful…later.
“Rachel.” The desperation in Jason’s voice stopped me short. I turned around slowly. “I’m not a human, Rachel. I’ll say it as many times as you need to hear it to understand me. I’m a wolf. There are certain truths. Obedience to my Alpha is one of them. I know that once, for a little while, I thought I’d leave the pack. But I can’t. Not yet, maybe never. I need my Alpha if I’m ever to be Alpha.”
I threw my hands in the air. “Why do you need to be Alpha, Jason? Why?”
“My wolf-side needs it. I’m an Alpha.” He looked at me as if I had two heads.
“Two things,” I told Jason, deliberately imitating his father who still watched us with a detached look on his face, as if he didn’t care about the argument we had. “Number one, maybe you should ask yourself why your father—your Alpha—picked now to tell me this big piece of news. I don’t think it was because he wanted me to kill your mother. I think it’s because he wanted to wedge this pain between us right before you left.”
Finally, Andon spoke. “And why would you assume that?”
“Because I wouldn’t know your wife, Jason’s mother, if I fell on her. I’ve never met her. I don’t even know her name. Even if I’d identified her as a human from a picture—which I doubt—as a vampire it’s an impossibility. Your request, as you knew, is ridiculous.”
I’d stunned them speechless. I decided to finish my train of thought before I collapsed on the ground. Minutes earlier I’d been showing Jason my soft underbelly. What had I been thinking? His fault or not, I’d once sobbed in the snow thanks to him, and I’d promised myself I would never do so again. Not over him.
If I broke a million promises, none of them should be to myself.
“I’ll tell you what, though. I’ll kill every vampire I encounter. Maybe one of them will be your wife.” I looked at Jason. I’d wanted his warmth and regretted his leaving. Now, I just wanted him gone. “Don’t hurry back.”
I didn’t walk or run so much as stomp my way back to the Warrior tents. No tears. I wouldn’t waste any more tears on Jason.
“Rachel.” His voice stopped me again. I refused to turn around. “Won’t you look at me, pixie-girl?”
“No.” I shook my head. “When I look at you things get confused, and I want to keep my head about this. You hurt me. You betrayed me. I’m angry, and I’m entitled to be.”
“I can smell your anger. But I can also smell the hurt that you’re pretending you aren’t feeling.”
I had nothing to say. Jason knew everything I felt and sometimes what I was thinking before I did. Still, he had betrayed me on the most basic level. He’d told his father a sacred secret.
“I think it’s a good thing that you’re leaving for a while.” I practically choked on the words. “I think I need time to sit with what happened. Right now I’m too raw.”
I heard him suck in his breath. “I don’t understand why this is such a problem for you. Nothing has changed. My father did nothing to damage your
missions. He was asking you for help.”
“Keep believing that, if you like. I have every reason to think otherwise.”
“Why is that?”
“My reasons are my own. Go away now. I’ll see you when you get back, if you come back. If you don’t….”
“I’m coming back, Rachel.” He grabbed my shoulder and whirled me around. I didn’t try to fight him. “Look at me.”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Rachel.”
I closed my eyes. “No.”
Jason cursed. “When I get back in a week or so, we’re going to talk about this. I really don’t understand.”
It was his last statement that made me lift my lids and regard him. For once, I did not feel like losing myself in him, like drifting into the goodness that always radiated from him like a beacon of hope in my life of grey dilemmas.
“I know you don’t.” It was like we spoke two different languages. “You grew up around humans and you still don’t get it, which tells me you never will.”
“I….”
Placing my hand on his lips, I stopped him. “Don’t interrupt me right now. Say goodbye to Luna, Autumn, and the others for me. Take care of yourself.”
“You’re my mate.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Am I?”
“What does that mean?”
“Have you ever heard of a wolf being able to leave their mate like you are leaving me?”
“These are extenuating circumstances. Things are bound to be a little bit different.”
“Fine.” I nodded. “Just think about it. Okay?”
“When I come back, all will be well between us again. You’ll see. I love you.”
I smiled but I didn’t say it back. Things would be different. I stepped back.
“Go Jason. Your pack is waiting.”
He nodded, his posture less sure than it had been earlier. Leaning down, he kissed me on my forehead and when he would have moved to caress my mouth, I stopped him. His sigh moved over me until I shivered.
“One week from now you’ll want me to kiss you.”
I wanted him to kiss me now. I just wouldn’t let him. He touched the tip of my nose with his index finger before he took off running.
I stood as the sunlight disappeared around me. I should have been at the Warrior fire waiting for the night’s patrol. I never missed a night, which meant not showing up tonight wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Everyone got to take a break when they needed one.
I rubbed at my burning eyes. I hadn’t cried.
Jason had been right. He would never understand because he believed in his father as only a wolf can to their Alpha.
I bit down on my lip. Did I want to be Jason’s mate? Not at all.
Chapter Seven
Finally, I crawled into my bed, wishing my tent warmer. Everyone else’s homes always felt as if they held more heat than mine did. I had no idea why.
I shoved all thoughts of Jason from my mind. He’d be back in a week, or so he claimed. We’d deal with each other then, even if it meant saying goodbye to what had been the most important relationship I’d ever had.
Exhaustion overtook me and I don’t remember falling asleep, but the jarring vampire alarm blaring through the tent-city made me bound out of bed before my eyes opened. I stared out the tent flap. We had a lot of false alarms, but the way my arms tingled alerted me this was no mistake.
My heart pounded hard against my ribs. I hadn’t slept very long since it still looked dark outside.
I grabbed on to my stake, glad I’d fallen asleep in my clothes. The presence of vamps this close to our camp meant they’d broken through our defenses, which hadn’t happened in a very long time. I tore through the tent flap, nearly breaking it off as I lunged forward into the night.
Panic sounded everywhere. We’d had practice drills for just this scenario but they didn’t seem to be helping now. I heard the roars of wolves in the distances and the shivers up and down my spine told me vamps approached.
I heard a growl up the hill, and I turned to see a vampire slithering around Tiffani and Keith’s tent. Fury surged through my blood. Tiffani had been a Warrior but having Levi had taken her off active duty, and she hadn’t wielded a weapon in well over a year.
My legs moved fast even as fear clouded my vision. I heard Tiffani scream as I burst through her tent flap into her home.
Levi lay in his crib, face red, howling at the top of his lungs. Tiffani stood in front of him, stake in hand, putting herself between her son and a vampire twice her size. Like me, she had the genes that let her fight the creatures but what I saw in her eyes told me she wouldn’t be taking down that vampire, no matter how much she tried. Utter terror. I’d never seen that look in Tiffani’s gaze before. She’d been a fierce fighter, a strong teacher—but not now.
I leaped forward and threw my arm around the vamp’s neck. I wanted his attention on me, not on Tiffani and Levi.
“Run.” I screamed at her and hoped she listened. I had no time to stop and see if she did.
I clung to the creature’s back, hanging on for dear life. I hoped I’d be able to manipulate it out of her tent. We fought. The vampire tried to get me off his back, while I tried to avoid getting scratched by his long claws that swiped backward, searching for me.
A vampire scratch had almost killed me once. I didn’t know if I’d gained immunity to the effects but I had no interest in finding out.
Finally, the vampire and I stumbled out of the tent together. I let go of him, falling backward onto my rear end. The arm I’d injured in our vampire raid burned.
The vampire crouched down. His forked tongue flung out of his mouth, and he hissed at me. His red eyes became huge with the desire to drink my blood.
“Do you still talk?” I jumped to my feet. “Or have you been a blood sucker long enough you’ve lost the ability?”
The hiss of his snake-like mouth was the only answer I got.
Stake in hand, I moved, knowing he would lunge at me as soon as I did. We both leapt, meeting in the middle of the air. I pushed forward with my stake, hoping it would meet its intended target. If not, this would be my end. I’d never been this exposed before in a one-on-one fight with a vamp.
Experience made me strong, even as my hand shook. I plunged my weapon deep into the heart of the vampire, and I had a moment to watch its disbelief before it dissolved into dust around me. I hit the ground hard, nothing to brace myself against my fall since my opponent had dissolved into dust.
I let go of my stake and it rolled away. The boom and cracks I heard had to be my bones smashing against the ground beneath me. I didn’t care. I closed my eyes and let my face stay planted into the cool mud beneath me. Tears swam in my eyes but not from pain. If I had discomfort from the assault, I didn’t care or, in truth, hardly noticed.
The first time I’d faced this scenario I’d been Levi’s age. The adults told me my mother had fought back the vampire that finally killed her, who had wanted to eat me. Then the Warriors, who eventually had gotten to us too late to save my mother, rescued me. Her body had been burned within minutes in the crematorium in Genesis. She’d always been a hero in my eyes. Fought back, saved me. How did I live up to that expectation?
Now I wondered more about that night. Had she been terrified? Had becoming a parent made my assault-ready mother weak and trembling so we’d never stood a chance?
It seemed ridiculous to allow the victimization of our home to continue. Breeding new Warriors for ongoing violence? Levi, whom I had just rescued? Nero, whose own mother hadn’t been able to make it through the fight without having a breakdown, but who carried the genes and who had most assuredly passed them on to her son? When did we get to say enough?
“Rachel.” Tiffani’s voice penetrated my haze, and I opened my eyes before I raised my neck to look up at her. “How badly are you hurt?”
With only the light of the full moon to see her, I could still tell she looked pale. Levi wailed in her arms. She needed
to get the child to safety before they both got eaten.
I pulled myself upward, finally rising to my feet. “I’m not hurt. Much.” I shrugged, feeling the tug of the newly reopened wound on my arm. “You need to go.”
“You saved us.” Her voice shook and, to my utter horror, she sobbed as she spoke.
“Don’t mention it.” I seemed to only be capable of short responses. “You need to go. To safety. Now.”
“What is happening?”
“Took tonight off.” I pointed at the safety zone. The last resort when our defenses were breached. She needed to go below ground. They could be blown up if we hadn’t found all the explosives. But even that risk seemed preferable to what she faced here. “Go.”
“I’m a Warrior, and I couldn’t get it together. All I could see was that thing eating Levi.”
“Go, Tiffani. Please.” Because the siren still sounded, which meant we weren’t out of danger. I could feel the vampires in the distance, and I couldn’t do anything about them if I had to look after her.
“I’ll never forget this.”
“Don’t make a big deal out of this.”
“Rachel.” Her eyes looked wounded as if I’d just struck her. “This is a huge deal.”
“I’m taking your machete.” I’d left mine in my tent, as I’d run out the door. I needed one. There were wolves to be killed.
“Why are you acting so strangely?” She held out her hand, imploring me to give her an answer. I wished I could walk away without speaking. A braver person wouldn’t burden her with my issues. Not when she had to keep her son alive and had to know she’d almost failed.
But I couldn’t seem to stop myself. “All I can think about is how if I had been two seconds later, you’d be dead and Levi would be me. I love your son. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”
Not that I believed Keith would start drinking himself into a nightly stupor as my father had, leaving Levi basically parentless. Still, it had probably come as a shock to the general population when my father had done so. And I couldn’t be exactly certain Keith wasn’t dead right now. I couldn’t believe we’d be in this much trouble if he and Patrick were still okay. My heart clenched at the thought.
The Warrior - Initiation Driven Subversive Redemption Justice Page 47
