Forbidden

by Vanessa Devereaux

  “Oh my, wow, hot stuff,” Katie said.

  “Isn’t it just? I don’t know how that got in there. Maybe someone from the bakery put it in there by mistake.” She’d turned bright red and knew she couldn’t blame the hot flashes this time around. This blush was caused by pure embarrassment.

  “Did you know you’ve turned scarlet? We’ve had a feeling you’re hiding something from us ever since you got back from vacation. Are these really from Julie or did you find yourself a Spanish lover after all?”

  “Don’t be stupid. I wasn’t there long enough for that.” Shit, she’d never lied to her children before. Well, maybe the odd white lie or two, but those had been in their own best interests.

  Katie eyed her. “Maybe you don’t want to tell us but, like you’ve always said, something brings the truth to the surface sooner or later.”

  “Wow, is that the time? I’ve got a doctor’s appointment in less than thirty minutes.” Maggie wasn’t lying, and a change of subject was an easy way to get Katie off the subject of Spanish lovers.

  * * * *

  Maggie shivered.

  She hated the examination robes at the best of times. Today it was snowing and cold outside. She hadn’t been able to warm up since she’d left the house. Rebecca, Dr Varney’s nurse, walked into the room and sat in front of the computer. “We just need to update a few things on your medical history… Okay, here are your test results from two days ago… Are you taking any prescription medications?”

  “No.”

  “Have you experienced hot flashes, mood swings, sleeplessness?”

  “Yes, to all three.”

  “Are you sexually active?”

  She had been and would be again once Jon arrived. “Yes.”

  “Have you experienced any vaginal dryness during sex?”

  “Sometimes, yes.” But not with Jon.

  Dr Varney chose that moment to walk in. He looked like he’d gained a good ten pounds since the last time she’d seen him. His hair was more grey than brown and there was less of it. He’d been Maggie’s doctor for fifteen years and, seeing him now, she realised how time had flown by.

  “Hi, Maggie, how are you doing?”

  “Pretty good.”

  “All ready for the holidays?” he asked, pulling up a stool and squatting on it. A roll of fat oozed over his belt.

  “Just about. My daughter Katie’s in charge of things this year.”

  “She had a baby this past summer, is that right?”

  “Yes, a little girl.”

  Dr Varney turned to face the computer and moved the mouse. “So how’s life as a grandmother treating you?”

  “I didn’t think I’d like it, but it’s kind of fun.” Maggie saw what were probably her medical notes and test results appearing on the screen.

  Dr Varney continued speaking with her as he moved the mouse over them. “I see we have your blood and urine tests back and I think we should chat before I examine you.” He swung around on the stool to face her.

  Something wasn’t right. Maggie sensed it and shivered more. She was sick. That’s what he wanted to talk to her about. It was written all over his face.

  “I know you’ve come here today because you think you’re experiencing symptoms of menopause but that’s not what’s wrong with you, Maggie.”

  “It’s not? I mean, everyone’s been telling me they went through the same thing. Even my mother said she did.”

  He took her hand. Doctors always did that when they had bad news, right? Fuck, she was terminally ill. Just how long did she have left? How would the girls take the news? She’d never see Emily grow up.

  “I know this might come as a shock to you but…you’re pregnant.”

  “No, there’s no way I can be.” Maggie shook her head. He had to be crazy to say such a thing.

  “When was your last period?” he asked.

  “The end of July but that doesn’t mean anything. I’ve been irregular for almost a year now.”

  “Your notes say you’re sexually active,” he said.

  “Yes, but my partner used condoms every single time we made love.”

  “They’re not one hundred per cent foolproof.”

  Maggie knew that. How many times had she lectured her three daughters about that same topic over and over again when they’d gone out on dates? Who would have thought she’d be the one facing the unplanned pregnancy and not her children?

  “But I just can’t be. I’m too…” Maggie burst into tears.

  Dr Varney grabbed the box of tissues and offered her one.

  She took one. Her whole world had fallen apart. “I’m done with being pregnant and having babies. I don’t want another one,” she sobbed into the tissue.

  “Your mind and spirit might think your family’s complete, but your body has a different idea.”

  “Are you sure? I mean, could the test have got mixed up? That happens, right?”

  “It sometimes does, yes, but that’s not the case this time. Maggie, the baby’s father… Is he a permanent fixture in your life or someone you just occasionally have sex with?”

  Jon… How will he take the news? He’d told her over and over again that he disliked children and never wanted to be a father. He’d hit the roof. She’d never see or hear from him again. Shit, she should have been fitted with an IUD before she’d headed to Mallorca. But how could she have guessed she’d have had non-stop sex while she was there? Fuck, what a mess.

  Maggie leant back on the examining table and blew her nose. “I think he’s going to be a long-term partner but he doesn’t want a family. When he hears this he might run miles away.”

  “Not necessarily. I have lots of patients who have told me their partners have often changed their minds about wanting a family when they know they’re actually about to be a father.”

  Jon wouldn’t. Maggie was sure of it. She’d lose him. “And he doesn’t live here. He’s a doctor in Mallorca… He’s also younger than me.”

  Dr Varney offered her the box of tissues again. Had she already soaked one?

  “Our next job is to figure out how far along you are. I know it’s tough when you’ve had irregular periods. When’s the last time you had sex?”

  “Two weeks after Labour Day… That’s when I went to Mallorca.” That wonderful week together with Jon had obviously resulted in a very unplanned and unwanted pregnancy. Maggie blew her nose again.

  Dr Varney pulled out a calendar from the drawer and flipped over the pages.

  “Then you’re probably about fourteen weeks into your pregnancy.”

  “I’m going to look so stupid. A grandma and now I’m having a baby of my own.”

  “It’s not uncommon, Maggie, really it isn’t. And these things happen, especially during peri-menopause. I’d like to examine you, make sure everything’s okay, and then send you for ultrasound as soon as possible. And because of your age, I’d highly recommend an amniocentesis too.”

  Maggie nodded. The world—or at least hers—was coming to an end.

  Chapter Eleven

  Maggie cried when she heard Jon’s voice on her answering machine wishing her a Happy Thanksgiving. She was putting off talking to him as long as she could. He’d sense something was wrong and start asking questions she didn’t feel ready to answer.

  She still couldn’t believe this was happening to her. She knew she’d wake up at any minute and realise she’d had a nightmare. When Maggie had left Dr Varney’s office, she’d still believed they’d made some horrible mistake. She’d stopped by a pharmacy on her way home to buy a pregnancy test kit. She’d peed on the stick half an hour ago. The test would be ready, but she was too afraid to check.

  She couldn’t avoid it forever though, and who knew? Maybe it would say negative and everything would go back to normal. Scare over, and she’d take more precautions next time she had sex with Jon.

  Maggie stood and headed in there, seeing the stick balancing on the edge of the vanity where she’d left it.

&nb
sp; The word pregnant stared back at her.

  She threw it in the bin and went back to the bedroom, taking off her clothes and standing sideways to look at herself.

  How had she been stupid enough to miss all the obvious signs? Okay, her lack of a period hadn’t been a good clue but she should have seen how her body had changed in the last four months. Her boobs were twice as big and her stomach had a distinctive bulge—the baby bump, one she got only when pregnant.

  She flopped onto the bed and looked up at the ceiling. She’d have to go through the pain of labour and delivery, backache, swollen ankles, middle of the night feedings…

  She ran her hand over her stomach. They should have stuck to just touchy feely and not progressed to having full-blown sex. How had this happened? Jon had always worn a condom each time he’d been inside her, but, as Dr Varney pointed out, no birth control was one hundred per cent perfect. You took your chances each time you had sex.

  He’d made an appointment for her to get her ultrasound on December third at the hospital and, if she wanted it, an amniocentesis on December twenty-first. What if the baby had Down’s syndrome or some other birth defect because of her age?

  And what was she going to tell everyone? Especially her daughters… Her mother. A pregnancy was one thing you couldn’t hide forever.

  She’d get the girls all together and come clean about everything. Her relationship with Jon, Julie catching them together, Julie and her not speaking…

  Julie. What was she going to think about this latest development?

  Shit, Maggie still felt so embarrassed by the whole damn thing.

  * * * *

  “Mom, is something wrong with the food?”

  Katie’s voice jarred Maggie from her dream-like state. This was her daughter’s first Thanksgiving as host, and Maggie hadn’t touched a thing. And Katie had done such a wonderful job with the decorations and the food. Maggie was so proud of her, but all she could think about was being pregnant.

  “It’s wonderful, honey. Perfect. I’m just under the weather,” she said.

  “You’ve been acting weird for a few days now. I know something’s wrong.” Katie knelt beside Maggie and took her hand.

  She had three wonderful girls.

  Maggie was on the point of tears but held them in because she didn’t want to spoil Katie’s big day. She had to tell her daughters soon because she was starting to show, but today wasn’t that time.

  “Can you and your sisters come over to the house tomorrow?” Maggie couldn’t stop her bottom lip from quivering as she spoke.

  “Sure. Any reason why?” Katie caressed the back of Maggie’s hand.

  “I have something to tell you.”

  * * * *

  Maggie had avoided Jon for two days but couldn’t dodge him any longer. She’d decided to tell him about the baby when he stayed with her but not before. The news had shocked her and wasn’t the sort of thing you told someone over the phone or in an email.

  “How was Thanksgiving?” he asked her.

  “It was wonderful. Katie has become quite the cook. She even made homemade pumpkin pie.”

  “It won’t be long before we see one another again. I’m counting the days.”

  “Me too.”

  Maggie heard Annie calling to her and realised the first of her daughters had arrived for their chat.

  “Jon, that’s Annie. I have to go but I’ll talk to you again soon.”

  “Okay, take care and I love you.”

  Maggie put the phone down. Will he be saying that after he finds out I’m pregnant or will he head back to Mallorca on the first plane home?

  “I brought us some cookies and eggnog,” Annie said, setting them down on the kitchen counter.

  “Great. Katie said she’s on her way and it looks like Sarah’s pulling into the driveway right now,” Maggie said, glancing out of the window.

  Ten minutes later she was sitting on the couch with her three girls, looking at her like she’d suddenly sprouted another head.

  “We know what’s been bothering you,” Sarah said.

  “You do?”

  “Yes, you’re sick and, oh Mom, don’t tell us you’re dying, please.” Annie leaned over and hugged her.

  Maggie stroked her head. “Oh, honey, it’s nothing like that. I’ve not been honest with you since I got back from Mallorca and I have to come clean now.“ She swallowed twice in quick succession. “I know you’ve been wondering why I came home from Mallorca so suddenly. It was because Julie and I had a misunderstanding about something.”

  “Oh, Mom, no, why didn’t you tell us? You’ve been such great friends all these years. It must have been devastating for both of you,” Katie said, squeezing Maggie’s hand.

  “What was it about?” Annie asked.

  “Her son,” Maggie said.

  “Jon, right?” Sarah asked.

  Maggie nodded.

  “The hot hunk.” Annie smiled.

  “I… We… Me and Jon had a relationship while Julie was in Spain visiting her father-in-law.” She’d developed something of a stutter now, knowing what was coming next.

  “As in a sexual relationship?” Annie asked.

  “Yes.” Maggie closed her eyes.

  “Good for you!” Katie slapped Maggie’s knee. “Hey, that makes you officially a cougar, right?”

  “What’s sex like with a young stud? I mean for someone your age. All the magazines say women have their best orgasms with a younger man,” Annie said.

  Oh yeah, they were dead right about that one.

  “Mom’s a cougar.” Sarah laughed. “Wow, who would have thought it? You’ve always had a thing for older guys before.”

  “Could we please be serious for a minute?” Maggie wanted to get this whole thing over and done with before she chickened out about telling them she was pregnant. “Jon will be visiting here in a few weeks and, well… I’m not sure if this relationship has staying power but he’s convinced it does.”

  “So he’ll be our stepdad?” Sarah asked.

  “You’re jumping the gun here, because there’s now a serious complication. I just don’t know how to tell you this.” Maggie was suddenly lost for words as all three girls looked at her, mouths open. Here goes. “Something else happened while I was in Mallorca. I… I got pregnant.”

  There. It was out.

  Her daughters were still looking at her, this time with their mouths open slightly bigger.

  “You’re kidding, right?” Annie asked.

  “Nope, afraid this cougar’s expecting a cub next June.”

  “But you can’t be,” said Sarah. “You’re in the menopause.”

  “I thought I was but obviously I’m not quite there yet,” she said, patting her stomach.

  “So you were stupid enough not to use protection,” Annie said.

  Maggie raised her hand, not wanting her children to think she didn’t practise safe sex after all the lectures she’d put them through. “We did. Jon used condoms but something obviously happened.”

  Nothing else was said for a few minutes. She was hot again but now knew hot flashes weren’t the cause.

  “Please talk to me, tell me what you’re all thinking,” Maggie said on the brink of tears.

  “I think we’re in shock,” Katie said. “Does Julie’s son know?”

  Maggie shook her head. “He hates children.”

  “Oh, Mom, this doesn’t sound very promising,” Katie said. “You think he’ll just walk away when he finds out?”

  That had been in the back of Maggie’s mind too and now she’d heard someone verbalise it she burst into tears.

  All three girls threw their arms around her.

  “I don’t want to lose him over this,” Maggie sobbed.

  “Oh, Mom, if he’s a good man, he’ll know he has to take some of the responsibility for your condition. He made this baby along with you,” Annie said.

  Katie put her hand on her mother’s stomach. “I can’t believe we’re going to have
another half-sibling. Dad’s provided us with plenty of those.”

  “I have to get an ultrasound next week and I’m petrified the baby will be deformed because of my age. How could I possibly deal with a baby with health issues at my age?”

  Katie put her head on her mother’s shoulder and patted her belly again. “I’ll come with you to hold your hand but I know everything’s going to be all right with this little one.”

  * * * *

  “I remember how excited Nick and I were when I had my ultrasound,” said Katie as Maggie lay on the examining table the following week.

  The technician, a young woman in her mid-twenties with bleached blonde hair tied up in a ponytail, walked in and smiled. “Hi, Maggie, I’m Lea. I have to tell you this is my first baby ultrasound so I hope you’ll bear with me.”

  “Sure.”

  “Okay, let’s get started,” Lea said, pulling up Maggie’s examination robe.

  Katie squeezed Maggie’s hand as Lea poured gel onto her belly, then swiped the wand over it a few times.

  “Would you excuse me a minute? I want to get another technician to check this with me.” Lea set the wand back by the monitor.

  Maggie burst into tears as Lea left the room.

  “Did you hear that? It’s the baby, something’s wrong with it,” Maggie said. She rested her head back. Things were getting worse each day.

  “Oh, Mom, it could be anything. You heard what she said. She’s new at this.”

  Lea walked back in with an older woman with grey hair that was haphazardly tied up with an oversized clip. While Lea put the wand back over Maggie’s stomach, the other woman looked intently at the screen.

  “Yes, you’re right about this one.”

  “Someone please tell me what’s wrong with my baby,” sobbed Maggie.

  * * * *

  Something was wrong with Maggie. He knew it. She’d been offhand with him, ending their conversation in less than five minutes each time they’d spoken for the last week. And today she had told him she was too tired for phone sex. He’d asked outright if she’d found someone else, was seeing someone new and, if so, should he forget about visiting her at Christmas? She’d assured him she hadn’t as much as looked at another man since she’d met him and was looking forward to his visit.