Almost Twins

by Gail Sattler

  In just a minute, she would open them, and then get up and make a pot of tea.

  In a minute.

  ❧

  Dennis smiled as he watched Adelle’s eyelids flutter shut. It didn’t take long for her breathing to become deep and even. Soon her weight pressed against him as her whole body relaxed.

  He knew he was still smiling as he snuggled her in a little closer. She was exhausted and deserved the chance to rest comfortably, but he didn’t want to move her. He couldn’t remember the last time he exercised or participated in a strenuous activity, so he didn’t dare try to lift her limp body as a deadweight to carry to the bed.

  He leaned his cheek into the top of her head and inhaled the scent of spring flowers from her soft hair. He closed his eyes and tried, unsuccessfully, to remember what shampoo commercial claimed to smell like this.

  If he couldn’t carry her to the bed, then the best he could do to make her more comfortable would be to slide out from under her and let her lie down on the small couch.

  He started to move, but she murmured in her sleep and nestled her head into his chest, immobilizing him.

  Dennis couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. He liked having Adelle lean on him like this. It was probably a chauvinistic thought, but he liked to think that, as the bigger and stronger of the two of them, he could protect her and see to her needs, even though she wasn’t aware of it.

  As he tried to think of a way to slide out without disturbing her, he yawned and thought he could use a nap, too. Again, he rested his cheek on the top of her head and inhaled her shampoo.

  Dennis let his eyes drift shut. As soon as he figured out the commercial for the shampoo, he would wiggle away and give her the couch to herself. It wouldn’t take long for him to remember it.

  Only a minute.

  ❧

  The sound of a baby fussing forced Adelle to open one eye. Through the fog in her head, she remembered she was in the living room. She tried to figure out why she was sitting up, and why the couch was so lumpy.

  The other eye shot open as she realized she was leaning against Dennis. Quickly, she righted herself and stared at him. He was sprawled out in a seated position, his legs fully extended and crossed at the ankles, his head all the way back at what appeared to be a very awkward angle, his mouth was open, and he was snoring.

  He stirred with her movements, groggily righting himself as he rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. “Did I fall asleep? Sorry. What time is it?”

  The whimpers of one baby fussing changed to the sound of two babies fussing.

  Adelle tried to get her brain to function as she checked her wristwatch. “It’s four-thirty. I can’t believe it’s so late. I’ll feed the baby whose turn it is, and you peel the potatoes and get them started, okay?”

  Before he could protest, she picked up the hungry baby and hustled off to the bedroom. She could alternately hear the sounds of Dennis clanking about in the kitchen, interspersed with Raymond squawking, and then a bit of quiet with Dennis trying to convince him to keep his new Christmas pacifier in his mouth and quit spitting it out.

  Upon her arrival in the kitchen, the potatoes were boiling nicely. Dennis had one finger in his mouth and was holding Raymond with the other hand.

  “What happened? Are you okay?”

  “It’s not a big deal,” he mumbled around his finger. He pulled it out, wiped it on his shirt, and inspected it. A few drops of blood seeped through a small cut on his index finger. He yanked off a section of paper towel and wrapped it around his finger. “I cut myself peeling the potatoes. But don’t worry, I didn’t get any blood on them.”

  “You cut yourself peeling potatoes?”

  He unwrapped his finger, examined it, and satisfied it had stopped bleeding, repositioned Raymond to support him with both hands. “What part of my explanation did you miss? I was using that peeling thingie and it slipped and I cut myself. It’s not a big deal, but it is annoying. It stings, too.”

  She wondered if she should have been surprised that he knew what a potato peeler looked like. She tried to figure out how in the world someone could cut themselves with one, but couldn’t.

  Adelle chose not to comment further and busied herself with the rest of the meal preparation and with setting the table while Dennis amused the babies.

  “Hopefully we can eat our Christmas dinner with both hands,” she called over to him.

  “I wouldn’t count on it,” he grumbled barely loud enough for her to hear.

  She amazed herself with the speed at which she had dinner ready. Knowing he was probably right and that they would both only have one hand available, she spooned a bit of mashed potatoes, a slice of ham, and a piece of baked yam onto both plates. She also took the liberty of slicing the meat into bite sized pieces, but left the yam whole, since that was soft enough to cut with a fork. “Supper’s ready!”

  His prayer was short, but still it was so touching with his thanks of Jesus’ love and sacrifice that Adelle nearly had to fight back tears.

  Dennis had barely taken a few bites when he paused. “This is really good, Adelle. And thanks for cutting up the ham. At first I felt silly having my food cut up for me like a little kid, but it turned out to be a great idea.”

  During dinner, their conversation stayed on Christmas related topics. She learned about what the big malls did for decorations, and she told him what the co-op did. They talked about their church Christmas functions which, this year, he’d unfortunately had to miss. She learned that her own church, which she thought was fairly big, was small in comparison to his, which seated five hundred people and ran two services every Sunday morning.

  She didn’t know if she would like worshipping God amongst such a large crowd, but at the same time she thought the sound of so many voices joined together in praise of their Lord would be wonderful. Her heart clenched when he said he would like to take her to one of his regular services, but she knew it could never happen. The drive from Blue River to Vancouver took approximately five hours, so it was not a day trip. With her expected raise in expenses and drop in income she couldn’t justify spending the money on travel or two night’s hotels. Neither would she accept his charity to cover her expenses.

  This time, when they were finished eating, Dennis busied himself washing the dishes while Adelle played with both babies. Up until now, she had fed Raymond, bathed him, cuddled him, and put him to bed. She’d even changed him once, but she had not yet found any free time to relax and do nothing in particular with him.

  Just as every other time she’d spent time with Raymond, he was an agreeable baby. He smiled freely, and she knew it wasn’t just gas. He watched the colored objects with obvious interest, and when she picked him up, he responded happily to her touch.

  By the time Raymond and Rachel were settled for the night, Adelle was ready for some relief from the responsibility of parenthood. However, since she had slept for so long in the afternoon, she wasn’t yet ready for bed herself.

  She made a pot of herbal tea, and Dennis begrudgingly agreed to share it, since he wasn’t sleepy yet, either.

  They both cradled the mugs of hot tea in their hands and watched the woodstove.

  The words to “White Christmas” drifted through her head as Adelle looked outside. It was dark and she couldn’t see anything, but she knew it had finally happened. “It finally stopped snowing.”

  “Yes. I guess we’ll be able to see how buried we are in the morning.”

  She secretly wished that morning was more than twelve hours away. “Yes,” she mumbled into her mug.

  Dennis cleared his throat. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but I’ve been wondering why it is you wanted to come here so badly that you ignored the snowstorm. Why was it so important for you to come up here in the middle of nowhere? And what were you thinking so that you didn’t consider the possibility of your family staying home and then wondering where you were?”

  Adelle probably should have felt strange discussing it w
ith him, but she didn’t. So far, she hadn’t talked about her problems with anyone, not even her best friend. Yet in talking about it with Dennis, she knew he would understand. The knowledge gave her solace. “I have some things to think about concerning Rachel’s support. I’ve only got an office job, and it doesn’t pay very well. To make matters worse, I’m going to be making less money when I get back from my maternity leave.”

  She could see him stiffen, but he otherwise didn’t move. “They can’t do that. Legally, your employer has to give you back the same job you left, provided you stay within the guidelines of the time frame for your maternity leave. Which I assume you are.”

  She nodded. “I know that. Technically, I was only working four days a week, but they gave me extra time, sometimes on Saturdays. As a single parent, I won’t be able to do the extra time any more. It will be bad enough having to leave Rachel with someone during regular hours. I couldn’t leave her for extra time. It’s going to be tight, but I figured that I can do it if I count my pennies.”

  “What about the father? I know it’s not a usual situation. Will he be giving you any form of support?”

  Adelle sighed and tightened her grip on her mug. She fixed her gaze on the woodstove, not really seeing it as she spoke. “That’s what I came here to talk about with my Aunt Min and Uncle Bob. Shawn won’t be paying any support because his lawyer says I could have had an abortion, considering the circumstances. He said that if I try to get any support out of him, he’ll drag me through court, and after the nightmare of what I’ve already been through in the rape trial, I just can’t face that again.”

  “I can only imagine how hard it must have been.”

  “It’s his parents who have offered support. Shawn is their only child, and they want a grandchild so bad that, although they are upset at how it happened, they want to be a part of Rachel’s life as grandparents. It doesn’t matter to them that Shawn doesn’t want to ever see Rachel. They do. And they know what my job situation is like. I’ve known them all my life. They’ve offered some child support, but only if I grant them visitation and custody rights.”

  Dennis winced. “And you don’t want to do that?”

  “I don’t know if I do or don’t. I suppose eventually Rachel is going to discover that she’s a product of a rape, and that’s going to be hard on her. I only pray that, by then, she will know how much I love her, and that will make up for it. The hardest part will be spending time with her grandparents, and knowing Shawn is her father. He hates her enough already. I can’t imagine what kind of atmosphere that would be as she grows up. Her second set of grandparents will love her, and their son, whom she will know is her father, hates her. Shawn doesn’t live with his parents, but it’s not realistic to think that, on an ongoing basis, she wouldn’t be in contact with him when she’s with them.”

  “That doesn’t sound like it would be pleasant.”

  “No, I don’t think it would be. The decision I have to make is to weigh the love her grandparents will have for her versus the hate of her father. Believe it or not, just to have a grandchild, they asked if I would consider marrying Shawn sometime in the future, for the sake of the baby. I don’t know what they’re thinking, but it’s never going to happen. For starters, when Shawn gets out of jail, there’s already a restraining order issued.”

  “Do you think he might be a danger to you?”

  “He has threatened me, yes. But even knowing that, I know they will try to use her as a tool in the middle. I can’t expose her to that. The other side is that they will love her very much, and is it fair of me to deny the chance of some good coming out of this when I can’t really be positive of the future? And then again, there’s the money. I know I’m going to struggle, and I know there are times when we’ll have to do without. If we had that support, I’d be able to give her things that I otherwise wouldn’t. Not just extras like nice clothes and dance lessons and stuff like that, but books, a college fund, and a decent place to live.”

  “I’d say you’ve thought about it a lot, and it sounds like there are good and bad to both choices.”

  “That’s what makes this so difficult. They’re pressing me for a decision, and that’s why I wanted to come here, to get away from everything and be able to think about it from a distance.”

  “Would you like to pray about it? Right now?”

  Adelle turned to see Dennis had repositioned himself on the couch to be ready. If she angled herself the same way, their knees would be touching, and they could face each other at an angle, and hold hands as they prayed together.

  “Yes. I’d like that very much.”

  They set the mugs on the floor, joined hands, bowed their heads, and prayed. Dennis prayed beautifully, his words showing he really understood the situation, her dilemma, and the weight of the future of her decision. He never once interjected his opinion, but always asked God for guidance and wisdom, and for a safe and happy future for both her and Rachel.

  By the time he was done, Adelle was so choked up she didn’t trust herself to speak. She made her prayer very short and very heartfelt, and said “Amen.”

  Dennis didn’t release her hands, nor did he speak. Very softly, he ran his thumb up and down hers, soothing her with the relaxing motion.

  “Thank you,” she ground out, hating the huskiness of her voice.

  He smiled more with his eyes than with his mouth. “Now let’s talk about something else. Tell me about your favorite Christmas movie, and why it’s your favorite.”

  Adelle smiled, grateful for the change in subject matter.

  For the rest of the evening, time passed quickly. They wouldn’t have been aware how much time had gone by if it weren’t for Rachel wanting to be fed, alerting them to the fact that it was past their own bedtime.

  By the time she had finished feeding Rachel, Dennis had pulled the couch into the bed, changed, and had tucked himself in for the night. She tiptoed to settle Rachel into the playpen, blew out the candle, and began her trip back to the bedroom.

  She was about to close the bedroom door behind her when she stopped. With her hand on the doorknob, she stood in the doorway, taking in the scene before her.

  Rachel and Raymond lay asleep in the playpen, Dennis was fast asleep on the hide-a-bed, and the fire in the woodstove cast its glow over all of them.

  It had been the strangest Christmas she’d ever had in her life. Instead of her family, she’d entertained a stranger. For the first time, there had been no turkey. She had to make do with what was available. The lack of electricity alone lent itself to a unique process for the day’s activities. Most of all, she and Dennis had simply enjoyed the day for what it was, a time set aside to remember Christ’s birth.

  The absence of gifts hadn’t made a difference. Perhaps she’d received the most special gift of all, a gift that had no monetary value, the gift of a special friendship. He understood her situation, yet was not judgmental, nor did he offer his opinion. He did what she needed, and that was to listen, and then to pray.

  She hadn’t made a decision, but the sensation of it always hanging over her head, ready to overwhelm her was gone. She now knew that God would guide her when the time was right. The situation was fully in His hands, where it should have been in the first place.

  Dennis made a grunting sound and rolled over, bringing her attention to him. Fully dressed, he lay sprawled across the small mattress tangled in the blankets, snoring softly. Between the presence of the children, a special man, and the cozy surroundings, in a convoluted way, it felt like what should have been home and a typical family.

  Christmas was officially over.

  Adelle sighed. It may have been the strangest Christmas in her life, but it had also been the best.

  Thirteen

  Daylight came too quickly for Dennis. He didn’t want to see that it had stopped snowing. That would mean this part of the world would be starting to dig itself out, and it would be digging closer to them.

  First, he flicked the lig
ht switch.

  Nothing happened.

  He picked up the phone and listened.

  Silence echoed in his ear.

  Adelle appeared with Raymond in her arms. She handed the baby to him and watched him hang up the phone.

  “I guess it’s still dead, huh? Don’t worry. Since it stopped snowing, someone will be working on clearing the roads soon. And when that happens, that will give access to fix the phone lines.”

  He smiled, hoping she thought he found comfort in her words. He didn’t. He wasn’t ready to go home.

  Dennis held Raymond back out to Adelle, encouraging her to take him. “Since you made supper yesterday, how about if I make breakfast?”

  As Adelle accepted Raymond her eyebrows scrunched in the middle. “What do you have in mind?”

  “I’m not sure, but I’ll be able to figure something out.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of. Since there’s no microwave, how about if you watch them, and I’ll make breakfast?” She handed Raymond back. Raymond squealed with glee at all the movement.

  Dennis narrowed one eye. “I have the feeling that I should be insulted.”

  She had the nerve to laugh. “Don’t be insulted. Think of it as realizing your limitations.”

  Although it stung, he couldn’t feel insulted because the sad fact was, she was right. He didn’t have a clue what he could prepare for breakfast, but he had the best of intentions. At home, he either had cold cereal, or he went through the drive-thru window at the local fast food restaurant, and picked up something he could eat in the car on the way to the office.

  He retired to the quilt in front of the woodstove and did his best to amuse the babies, all the while inhaling the fragrance of something very delicious sizzling in the pan. By the time she called him to the table, he worried that his stomach had been growling so loud she would be able to hear it across the room.

  “Wow. French toast.”

  He said a very quick prayer, and dug in, savoring every bite.